


Dream With the Wind

by saintjoy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-14 11:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 94,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert is looking for a frog. A special frog that he saw in a dream, a frog somewhere across the fantastic planet of Skaia. He's not sure why, but he knows that he must find it at all costs. On his journey, he meets many people who may or may not be willing to help him, among them a crabby troll who inadvertently joins him and, in time, becomes more than he could ever imagine. DISCONTINUED WITH GREAT APOLOGIES.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ~Prologue~

"A dream, huh?" A boy aged about 16 nodded excitedly, spinning around on the bar stool he was sitting on. His glasses fell off of his face and onto the counter as he wobbled from dizziness, causing the bartender who was conversing with him to laugh loudly. "What was it about? Do you remember?" The boy thought for a moment as he sipped his morning glass of apple juice, his blue eyes vacantly gazing off to the side.

"It was one of those dreams where you don't exactly know all the details, but there's just one thing about them that stands out to you like nothing else," he said; the man nodded for him to go on. "In the dream, I was staring into the clouds or something... and I saw... well, this is really weird."

"Dreams are usually weird, are they not?" The bartender asked as he absently started to wipe a recently used glass clean.

"Of course, but... in this dream, I saw a frog. It looked like an ordinary frog, but there was just something about it that stood out to me... Like I have to find it and do _something_ with it... or, um...." The boy named John Egbert trailed off as his cheeks turned a faint shade of red from the realization that he probably sounded pretty delusional by talking about his dream. But the man across from him simply nodded with a small smile on his face.

"A frog, you say?" He inquired.

"Yeah, a frog," John confirmed. "I dunno, I probably sound stupid talking about it." He downed the rest of his drink with a nervous laugh and dug out a few coins from his pocket to pay the bartender.

"Not at all," the man said, swiping the payment off the counter and dropping it into the cash register. "You never know. Dreams can be prophetic sometimes, especially in a world such as Skaia. I hear that people in other cities have dreams about finding great fortunes or love or new lands, and then they go out and do it." John scratched the back of his neck hesitantly.

"Yeah, but with me it was just a _frog_ ," he stressed. "What's so important about _that_?"

"Hey, now, don't knock the importance a' frogs!" At the sound of an unknown voice, the blue-eyed boy turned to see another man sitting at a table by the window waving around his drink in a very drunken manner. John wondered if he just got drunk this morning, or if he had been continuously drinking since the previous night. Either possibility was something that he found a bit sad. "Ya know what those loonies say 'bout dem froggies..." the man continued, slurring his words. "That a frog created this whole damn universe, n' that e'ery few thousand years, 'nother comes 'round to make a whole 'nother universe, or some shit like that." He laughed a bit too loudly, but the bar was pretty much empty so no other customers could be disturbed.

"Oh, that's right, the old 'Genesis Frog' fable," the bartender remarked. "I forgot about that." John's blue eyes stared curiously at the two men, his interest piqued by the tale. "According to some people, the universe is basically some sort of frog that was created by a witch of sorts, and, as that drunkard over there stated," he gestured towards the man with his thumb, "every five thousand years or so, another frog appears. And with some magic or doo-dah hocus-pocus stuff, the frog would make another universe with other planets and things such as that. Others think that there's lots of riches or magical powers or a three-wishes kind of deal if you find it." John continued to remain silent as he listened to the story and his imagination ran wild, but the bartender and drunken man simply laughed at the concept that they thought to be ridiculous. "It's all very silly, but if you want to believe in something like that, be my guest." If he had been paying more attention, John would have been crestfallen at the bartender's lack of belief in something that sounded so fantastic and wonderful. But, at this point, the blue-eyed boy was so absorbed into his own freshly cooked up fantasies that he didn't hear a single word past the retelling of the old religious tale. Among those fantasies stood one prominent: his dream must have meant that he was destined to find the fabled universe frog and... and... do _something_ with it.

 

"That sounds really cool!" John exclaimed as he hopped off the stool with a toothy grin spreading across his face. "Thanks so much, Mr. Bartender!" He pulled the exceedingly long blue hood of his coat over his head and waved goodbye without another moment's notice, his sheer optimism leaving a happy air in the bar he left behind.

 

John practically hopped across the blue-bricked streets from excitement, his bright yellow shoes making little clacking sounds with every step. In his haste to get back home, he accidentally bumped into a few passersby who also wore various pieces of yellow clothing. It always made John wonder why almost all fashion in his windy city was composed of yellow, yellow and more yellow. But he didn't think much of it; there were more interesting things to do, such as watch action films (which his buddy from a few cities over told him were ludicrously awful) and practice all the pranks and goodies he learned from his inherited tome of magical frivolity and practical japery (which was really ridiculously heavy). He skirted along the winding paths, passing by tall skyscrapers and crossing bridges that were built over the rivers that reflected the eternally darkened sky. Mr. Egbert, colloquially known as John's dad, tended to hypothesize that it was the smoke and pollution from the city that created a grey haze over the sky; as a child, John adored coming up with his own tales about the billowing fog.

 

The boy quickly navigated the hilly path that led to his large house and knocked on the back door, still vibrating with excitement about his dream and the story that was (supposedly) associated with it. A faint sweet smell emanated from the front of the house, which happened to be the bakery his father owned and ran and was supposedly the business that John would inherit. Except that John didn't like pastries and other baked goods. Which is why he tried his best to avoid the topic with Dad Egbert whenever possible, since making "a thousand fedoras full of boondollars" really didn't matter to John if it meant he had to have anything to do with the evil substance called cake batter.

 

While he waited, he wondered how he would bring up the topic with his father; one didn't just have a massively prophetic dream one night and then go off and fulfill it the next day without permission. Or did they? Before he could answer his own question, Mr. Egbert swung open the door with a smile on his face and a large cake in his hands.

"Good morning again, son," the man welcomed with a voice as pleasant as he looked. 

John grinned, but stayed wary of the hated dessert in his father's hands as he stepped into the house. He had already seen Mr. Egbert a few minutes after he woke up, but John almost immediately flew the coop to 1) avoid any confrontations that would end in him ingesting another ridiculously sweet breakfast pastry and 2) retrieve apple juice that never seemed to be around the house. He had entirely forgotten that he had a dream to discuss until he was at the bar because he was so intent on carrying out the two previous statements. "G'morning!" John greeted nonetheless.

"Slipped out of the house early today, huh, kiddo?" Dad Egbert asked, still holding the cake and pushing the door closed with his foot. John flushed a bit.

"Yeah, I was, um, _really_ craving some apple juice this morning." It was a lame excuse, but the man simply nodded slowly in understanding. "But also, I have to tell you about something sorta important." The man nodded again and finally set the cake down onto a nearby counter, and gestured for his son to sit at the kitchen table.

"Is this about a girl, son? You know you can always talk to me about these things." John flushed into a deeper shade of red as he protested that this was exactly not about that and he wasn't interested in any girls anyways but that didn't mean he was a homosexual because he most certainly wasn't and why would you even think of that because that's a ridiculous thought and has nothing to do with what he was actually about to say. "Then, what is it?" The blue-eyed boy took in a deep breath.

"I'm going on an adventure, Dad." He smiled meekly; Mr. Egbert said nothing for a moment, which told John that he should continue. "I had a prophetic dream, and I think I want to—no, I have to fulfill it!" His father did his slow and thoughtful nod once more. "So... yeah, I guess."

"Well, son, are you planning to make this journey alone?" John gulped, knowing that his dad was implying he wanted to go with him.

"I guess so." Dad Egbert nodded again. "I mean, it's what you do when you have a massively important dream, right? I have to do it." A small tremble crept into John's voice as he finished his sentence, nervousness overtaking excitement.

"Can you tell me what the dream was about?" The boy gulped again, knowing that he was again going to sound ridiculous when he recounted his dream.

"It... it was about a frog."

"A frog?" The man stared with a hint of confusion crossing his usually neutral face.

"Yeah. A frog."

"And is there anything particularly special about this frog?" 

John thought about bringing up the conversation he had with the bartender and the drunkard, but for some silly reason decided against it. "I'm not really sure." Unfortunately, his chosen response sounded much more silly than if he had told Dad Egbert about the Genesis Frog story.

"Do you know where this frog is?" With the more questions his father asked, the more unsure John became of why he thought the dream actually meant anything important in the first place. But he pressed on.

"No, but I just know _something_ has to happen to it! That I have to, uh... do _something_ with it," he mumbled sheepishly. The man nodded once again, folding his hands and setting them on the table in front of him.

"Well, son, I have to say that I'm so proud of you for wanting to go out into the world and making a difference. Very proud of you," Mr. Egbert began. "Yet I'm a bit hesitant to let you leave the nest just yet." He said nothing else, but he didn't really need to; John knew with that last phrase that his father meant, _"You're too young,"_ _"You don't know what the hell you're doing,"_ and, _"I want you to stay here and work in the bakery with me and bake crappy pastries for the rest of your whole goddamn pitiful life."_ Well, maybe not the last one. But John Egbert was still massively disheartened and a bit angry at his father for not understanding that he needed to do this, even though he had to admit he really did have no idea _what_ the hell he was supposed to _do_. But all he said was, "Oh. Okay." His father stood and walked around the table and placed his hands apologetically on his shoulders.

"I don't mean to crush your dreams or anything like that, son," the man tried to mollify. "Really, I don't. Would you like some cake?" Trying his best not to be snappish, John simply shook his head and stood from the table. At full height, he was about as tall as his father, which was something they were both getting used to but John liked all the same. He cast his big blue eyes downward and walked out of the room and up the stairs to his room without another word, leaving Dad Egbert behind to resume his constant baking.

 

John flopped onto his bed and rubbed his eyes of tears that threatened to spill over his cheeks. This couldn't just be it, could it? Doesn't having a prophetic dream mean that he could go on it, no matter what? Or maybe he was wrong: maybe it was just a stupid frog dream that didn't mean anything whatsoever. Who was he kidding. That frog story was a load of... of horseshit. He was stupid in ever thinking he could actually do anything other than inherit a stupid bakery from his dad. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He rolled over in his bed and closed his eyes in an attempt to ward off the negative thoughts that were invading his mind. Soon enough, despite just waking up only a few hours ago, John's glasses toppled off his face and he fell deep asleep.

 

He woke up to find that he wasn't in his bed in his windy and shade-shrouded city, but in a bed he only faintly recognized from an experience he had before. John pulled back the gold-colored blankets and put on a pair of purple slippers that lay on the floor as if someone had set them out specifically for him. The boy shuffled around the bright room, wiping the sleep from his bleary eyes and approaching the single window that let in huge amounts of light from the outside. John pressed his arms against the wall for support and leaned his head outside and looked straight up at the sky as if he remembered exactly what he was supposed to do. A puff of clouds passed by, something unfamiliar yet familiar to the blue-eyed boy. The whitish clouds looked almost like the static snow that appears on an out-of-signal television, which John strained his eyes to try and focus on. Slowly the static gave way to a picture, a picture that rang of deja vu in John's mind like a hammer slamming into a bell.

 

Two pale hands held a glowing frog with starry skin and white pupils, clutching it somewhat tightly as if the amphibian would jump away as fast as it could at any given moment. The face of the captor was cut off by the edge of the cloud, but by the look of the hands and the torso that wore an incredibly familiar jacket it was unmistakably John. This time the boy looking up at the vast sky looked not at what he was doing in the cloud, but where he was. Behind the hands and frog extended a forest with a light frost curling up on the ground and the leaves of the trees; but before John could see any more about the scene, the frog, or the purpose, the cloud turned back to white and the entire world around him faded to black.

 

John jerked up in his bed, suddenly understanding absolutely everything. He looked around his normal room (once he adjusted his glasses), slowly realizing that he had fallen asleep and had dreamed the entire thing. However, he also felt a burning passion from an unknown source that told him he _had_ to find this goddamn frog no matter what _anyone_ said. He would have to sneak out that night.


	2. ~1~

 A strong and warm breeze whisked through the night air, tossing twigs to and fro. The moon was at its highest point in the night, yet it was almost fully shrouded by the permanent grey haze that seemed undisturbed by the brisk wind. Strange for a city, few sounds existed in the night other than the locking up of street shops, the whistling wind, and the quiet digging of nighttime mushroom farmers whose gardens were placed on the outskirts of the small urban area. Other than that, there was dead silence. Which was exactly why John Egbert had to be absolutely silent as he started to pack away some of his things to take with him on his journey. He tossed a couple of shirts and pairs of pants into a bag, not really considering how long his traveling would actually go on for, nor what kind of terrain he would face. Instead he gazed upon his small collection of thrilling films that his father so generously purchased for him as birthday gifts. After a few minutes of sillily deep contemplation, John decided to leave the things behind; films were a bit of a luxury, anyways, so he doubted that many places he would go would actually have the equipment to play said films. Then he started to contemplate if he should bring the Daunting Text that he inherited from a very old relative. Luckily, the boy decided quickly that that would be ridiculous because why would he need to bring such a book when he already knew it inside and out. John instead took a more practical route and grabbed the blanket off of his bed along with a few more soon-to-be incredibly useful things. Finally, he hastily scribbled a note to his dad and tossed it onto his mattress. With that, the blue-eyed boy buttoned up his coat, pulled the hood over his messy black hair, and climbed out his bedroom window. He just as easily could have tip-toed down the stairs and headed out the back door of the house, but where was the fun in that?

 

When John reached the ground, his shoes dug into the moist and bluish dirt. He couldn't help but giggle a bit from excitement; he _was_ going on an adventure, after all. It was a nerve-wracking yet incredibly compelling thing do to. Silently he dashed around the house and down the hill, whispering a sad farewell to his home and father, and an overly enthusiastic "go to hell!" to the bakery. Upon reaching the end of the path, he turned left and headed towards the farmlands that would eventually lead to the next land and thus, the next city. No one was around other than a few workers collecting some mushrooms in the moonlight, who John gladly went up to and consulted for their goods and some advice.

"Hello!" He greeted one man cheerfully. The man looked up and hefted the shovel he was holding over his shoulder, glad to see someone to talk to in the dead of night.

"Hey, boy," he responded. "Where're ya goin' at this time of night? Runnin' away from home, are ya?" John laughed nervously and gave a hasty "no no no," which wasn't a _total_ lie. "Where're ya headed?"

"I was just thinking about that now, actually," John admitted. "I'm going on a journey to find something." He purposefully left out the frog part, for the last thing he wanted now was to be ridiculed. "How do I get to the next town over?" The farmer scratched his head in thought, considering the question and recalling his knowledge.

"I'd say just continue on this road out of this area, and then follow the flow of the rivers until you get somewhere," said the man, pointing along the path that John was already on, then to a few nearby rivers. "That's my best advice to you." The blue-eyed boy was somewhat disappointed at the somewhat vague directions, but nodded graciously all the same.

"Thanks a bunch," he said. The farmer must have felt bad as well for his lack of clarity, for he insisted that John take a sack of freshly picked mushrooms for the road. Again, John nodded graciously, even though raw mushrooms really weren't all that appetizing. Without further ado, he waved goodbye and continued down the blue dirt path that led into the horizon.

 

When dawn broke, John was well away from the windy city and following the flow of the rivers as the farmer suggested. Since then, the air had grown stagnant and sultry and the sun's lurid glare wasn't helping anything; John had to take off his jacket so he wouldn't overheat. As he traveled, the rivers that extended past his city soon connected and emptied out into one lukewarm lake, giving no relief to anyone who wished to cool themselves off by taking a dip. A collection of bridges connected several large islands to each other and the shore; on each island were small clusters of buildings, with the largest island holding what could be considered the "center of town." A hot haze hung in the sky, making the weather all the more unbearable. Rather than crossing the closest bridge first, the blue-eyed boy flopped down on a craggy rock by the shore, sweating bullets and panting from fatigue.

"Holy shit, it's humid," he breathed, trying to shield his eyes from the sun with his arm. If he hadn't been steaming like a pork dumpling, he would have noticed that someone else was walking (or rather, trudging) along the rocky lakefront and was intrigued (or more like annoyed) by his presence. Unknowingly, he began to strip off his blue t-shirt in an effort to cool off, but that certain someone else suddenly barked, "Holy fuck, don't get fucking naked right in front of me, you ignorant dipshit!" John quickly pulled his shirt back down and looked around wildly for the source of the voice. "To your right, prick." The sour speaker wore a thin coat with a hood that cast a dark shadow over their face and stretched down to their feet, which looked to John as if the person hadn't washed them in so long they were grey. 

 

"Aren't you hot in that?" asked John in such a friendly manner that was inappropriate for addressing a stranger.

"Fuck you," the boy (John assumed he was a boy from his voice) growled, not stepping an inch closer. "For the love of fuck, are you trying to melt your think pan so it seeps out of your auricular sponge clots?" John couldn't help but both giggle at and inwardly question the stranger's weird choice of words. "What the fuck are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, nothing." He gathered up his things and hopped off of the ledge to greet the other boy. "What does that mean, anyways?"

"Huh?" Even though his face was almost entirely hidden by the hood over his head, it could be easily seen that the stranger was taken aback by John's question. "What, have you never fucking talked to a troll before?"

"A troll?" John inquired, his curiosity suddenly piqued and his blue eyes gazing at the stranger in great interest. "You're a troll?"

"Yes, I'm a fucking troll. Did you just wriggle out of your slime pod yesterday, you fucking imbecile?" John giggled again at the troll's language. He, in fact, had never even seen a troll before other than a few pictures within a few history books his father bought for him. Other than the fact they had horns and grey skin, John knew absolutely nothing about the troll race or how they acted. Which made this troll all the more intriguing.

"So does that mean you have horns?" asked John in wonder as his hands reached for the stranger's head. In response, the other boy quickly slapped away his hands and shouted, "Don't touch me, you worthless piece of shit!" 

"Alright, alright, I'll back off," John appeased, jokingly putting his hands up in a "don't punch me into next week" gesture. The troll boy growled again and turned on his heels, making his way to the closest bridge and stomping as loudly as he could. John immediately followed after him to his disdain ("Get the fuck away from me, nookstain!"), and the two ended up walking to the center island and into a nearby pub together.

 

"For the last time, you infuriating doltish shithead, stop following me everywhere, stop asking so many goddamn questions, and _leave me the fuck alo—_ "

"What's your name, anyways?" John interrupted, inviting himself to take a seat at the table the troll boy had chosen to place himself. In response, the other boy groaned loudly and executed an excellent double facepalm combo.He wondered why the fuck there weren't any one-person tables in the goddamn pub, why he even bothered to talk to this dumbass in the first place, and why the _fuck_ said dumbass would not shut the _fuck_ up. "Why don't you take off your hood? It's rude to wear it inside." John knew he was irritating the hell out of the troll who he met literally five minutes ago. He knew he was teasing the irate boy across from him. But he didn't try to stop himself. It was _just too funny._ The stranger frustratedly ran his clawed hands through his unseen hair, trying to restrain himself from punching the stupid human in front of him into the next fucking _universe_ over.

"Why the fuck should I tell you my name, bul—"

"KARKAT VANTAS!" A hearty female voice shouted from across the room, startling the two boys to attention. John tried to look for the voice's owner, but the troll boy seemed to cower a bit as he yanked his hood even further over his head. Suddenly, a full grown troll woman clad in an olive green apron and a matching black dress stalked toward their table with her face caught between a wide smile and a motherly pout. John could see her large fangs protrude from under her lips, which surprisingly didn't scare him in the least. But he knew the stranger's name now. "Wearing your dad's old coat again, are you?" She smirked. "You know, it's common human courtesy to take off your hat or pull down your hood when you're inside."

" _Fuck_ human courtesy," Karkat growled. "We're fucking trolls. To hell with that horseshit." The troll woman frowned, and with one quick swipe, she caught Karkat's cloak in her claws and pulled it right off of his body before he even had time to acknowledge she was doing so. He growled loudly and tried to grab the clothing back, but to no avail. John's blue eyes curiously peered at the disgruntled troll and took in what he looked like: messy black hair, grey skin, black irises and whites of the eyes dyed yellow, little fangs, and—this made John chuckle a bit—little horns that could almost be hidden in his hair. In comparison to the fully grown horns of the troll woman next to him, they were positively _nubby_. Noticing the human's chuckling, Karkat wheeled around and stared at John with a predictably angry look in his eyes.

" _What the fuck is it, asshole,_ " he snarled, baring his sharpened teeth threateningly. The blue-eyed boy quickly stifled his laughter in order to both ask more questions and finally cease pestering the troll opposite him (for the moment).

"Nothing, nothing. So trolls have a mom and dad, too?" John asked in wonder, looking from Karkat to the troll woman he assumed to be Karkat's mother.

" _Yes,_ you idiotic shitsponge. Or a mom and mom or a dad and dad or whatever the fuck tickles your motherfucking peach. What, did you think that trolls were made by some weird collection of genetic material via pails or other similar bullshit, and then sent to some mother troll to be born as little shits without any fucking parents, assuming that your microscopic think pan actually has the ability to do something as intricate and advanced as thinking?" Rather than getting offended or being silenced by this ridiculously long and wildly insulting monologue of rage, John no longer stifled his giggles but burst out into peals of them. Even the troll woman, who lightly smacked Karkat on the head for his rage spouting, couldn't help but laugh with John. "Holy _fuck_ , stop laughing you worthless piece of shit!" The troll boy shouted.

"Oh, shut up, Mr. Nubby Horns," the troll woman teased, pulling up an unused chair to the table while Karkat muttered _Oh god please don't sit down please don't sit down please don't sit do—oh fuck you, you sat down._ "So, what's your name, human? You a friend of Karkat here?"

"Well, I wouldn't say _friend_ just yet," said John with a humorous glance towards Karkat, who returned the glance with a triple dose of poison fuck you and a hushed, _Like I would be friends with a moron like you._ "I'm John Egbert. I actually just arrived from back that way," he waved in the general direction of his hometown, "the city and, well, land of Kazge. Karkat led me here and out of the heat!"

"You followed me, asshole," came the grumble of the troll boy.

"Kazge, huh?" The woman repeated. "Never been there before."

"That's because you spend all your fucking time cooped up in our hive, writing out fairy tales that only dumbasses would give two fucks about." Karkat continued to mutter crabbily; his mother gave him another "playful" smack on the head. 

"Don't mind him, he's really such a sourpuss who should loosen the hell up sometime," she laughed loudly and flared out her long mane of black hair. "You want a little something to eat, John? Might as well stick around until the sun sets a bit more. Where're you headed, anyways?" John thought that it was entirely possible that Karkat disliked him so much because he asked about as many questions as his mother did.

"Well, uh…," Suddenly, another voice rose above John's that called for the troll woman's help from behind the pub counter. Responding immediately, the green-clad woman rose from the table and waved a cheerful goodbye to the two boys, and left with Karkat's coat still clutched in her claws. The blue-eyed boy silently thanked his luck that he wouldn't have to go through the same explanation again.

 

John shifted awkwardly in his seat during the momentary silence as Karkat glared after his mother, then at him. 

"So, where the fuck _are_ you going?" asked the troll boy.

"Wh-who says I'm going anywhere?" John responded nervously, now cursing his luck. "I could be just visiting someone here." Karkat rolled his eyes.

"Alright, both you and I know that is possibly one of the biggest pieces of horseshit to ever hit the whirling device," he began. "Not even the biggest of moronic nook whiffers would believe that."

"What makes you say that?"

"What is the name of this place?"

"Huh?"

"What is the fucking name of this city, douchebag." Uh-oh. John scratched the back of his neck nervously, trying to recall the name that he never heard before nor had he seen any signs indicating as such. His blue eyes darted around the pub to try and find a name, but to no avail. Karkat crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at John, seeing exactly what he predicted of the human boy through his confused facial expression. "Oh, for the love of fucking god, if you don't know it just say so."

"Well, um…," John mumbled.

"I think you're drastically overestimating the amount of fucks I give about where you're going or why you're going there; I was just fucking curious of why you'd willingly journey to this hellhole and then follow a complete stranger into a town that you've never fucking been in before and then start asking _him_ all the questions. That's fucking all." The ranting strangely relaxed John into thinking that he could trust the troll opposite him at least not to question his motives because he didn't give a shit, which really wasn't the truth, but he didn't care because Karkat was his friend. Sort of. Not.

"Well, I'm on a journey," he started with a toothy grin. Karkat impatiently waved his hand for him to go on. "To, erm... find something or other."

"And that would fucking be...?" asked Karkat, his slightly pointed ears perking up a bit in minimal interest.

"This is going to sound really stupid," John warned.

"I could not possibly imagine you saying anything that is more stupid than everything you've fucking said so far." John giggled.

"It's a... a frog." Karkat looked at him blankly.

"A frog," he repeated flatly.

"Yeah." He fidgeted nervously under the troll's glare.

"You have officially said something that is more fucking stupid than everything you've fucking said so far. Well fucking done."

"Well, you fucking asked!" John raised his voice in defense and his face turned a bit pink from embarrassment. "I had a dream about it, alright? And I'm looking for it because that's what I feel to be fucking right, numbnuts!" Now, Karkat's blank stare turned into one of modest intrigue at John's outburst.

"A dream," repeated Karkat once again. "Hm."

"Hm?" 

"Yes, fucking hm. I'm thinking, dumbass." John opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it after deciding he should let the troll boy speak. "A frog. Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second and let me process that through my think pan."

"Fine," the human boy mumbled. " _Asshole,_ " he added, whispering to himself so the other boy couldn't hear. A few minutes passed in complete silence as Karkat seemed to consider John's story. Finally, he spoke.

"A dream. Hmm," he repeated for a third time. "A frog. A dream. Hm." His black and yellow eyes looked John up and down as if he was analyzing his every aspect. John shifted uncomfortably.

"Is that all you can sa—"

"I think I'll come with you," Karkat continued, finally taking his gaze off of John and crossing his arms. The blue-eyed boy across from him stared with absolute incredulity.

"Wait, what?"

"I said, I'll come with you on your stupid journey, _fuckass_ ," said the troll boy menacingly. "You obviously are so incompetent that you didn't bother to research a word of information about where the hell you could even find a single frog, nor do you know where you're going or what the fuck you're getting into. You need an incredibly superior and knowledgeable—"

"Crabby asshole like you, go on." John interrupted with a teasing insult.

"Fuck you, Egbert," the troll growled; John smirked jokingly. "As I was fucking saying, you need an incredibly superior and knowledgeable _leader_ such as my fucking self to get your head out of your ass and fucking _help_ you succeed in your stupid human quest that doesn't make any fucking sen—"

"You know what?" John stood from his chair with his blue eyes carrying a glint of both anger and mischief. "Go to hell. I don't need an idiot like you to 'lead' me anywhere. I'm perfectly fine by my own self, so just leave me alone." With that, he stomped out of the pub with his jacket and all, leaving a stunned Karkat behind.

 

He was halfway across the long bridge he came into the center of town on when Karkat came shouting after him.

"Holy fucking shit, Egbert, wait the fuck up!" The troll yelled, taking a few steps out into the heat. John stopped and turned around, but he didn't respond. "Shit, I didn't mean to make you angry or anything like that. Will you just wait up and listen to what I have to say, no matter how much of a load of horseshit it sounds like?" Karkat caught up to him with a look on his face that was heated in more ways than one. John still remained silent. "Holy fuck, Egbert, answer me." Suddenly, John started to laugh. Positively cackling with glee. He was laughing so hard that he probably would have needed stitches from the hypothetical splits in his sides.

"Hehehe, oh man," he gasped, leaning a hand on Karkat's shoulder that was promptly shoved off. "I can't believe you fell for that!"

"Fell for _what,_ exactly?" The troll growled, summoning his most terrifying glare at the blue-clad boy.

"I was just _kidding,_ stupid!" John chuckled, unsuccessfully stifling his laughter. "It was a prank! And I so got you! Hahahahahaha!" Then, Karkat began to tremble. He began to tremble with the sheer amount of rage that was currently stockpiling within his smallish body.

"You... fucking... son of a…," he tried to speak, but his throat was closing up from his intense fury. His eyebrows creased downward and his eyes looked like they were on fire, his nostrils flared and his fanged mouth curled down in displeasure, and his grey cheeks turned a slight red color. Anger quite suited him, John thought. Then he thought why he was thinking that thought because that was a ridiculous thought and he only just met this walking stress ball of troll and oh right he was experiencing the revelation of an excellent prank on said troll at the moment he should get back to that, shouldn't he.

"Heh, your face is turning red from your rage, Karkat," John remarked. Suddenly, Karkat stifled his ire and held his breath as he looked around the area wildly for a reason unknown to the human boy.

"Shit," the troll murmured, covering his face with his clawed hands. "Just... fuck you. I will express my fucking rage and utter hatred for you by way of a certain set of claws and fangs being appropriately matched with that bulgelicking pink blister you call a face later if you just fucking _wait here_ and I'll be _right fucking back._ " Before John could retort with a clever tease, Karkat stormed away in the direction of the pub they were just at minutes ago. He awkwardly shuffled his feet, realized how unbearably hot it was outside, and then purposefully disobeyed Karkat's orders and found a shaded area under a craggy cliff to sit under. Slowly, he shut his eyes and leaned back on the rock, trying sleep as a way to escape the boiling furnace of wherever the hell he was.

 

"...ey. John fucking Egbert, did I not tell you to stay fucking put and wait for me?" An irate voice growled in John's subconscious, prodding him awake. He opened his bleary eyes to see Karkat Vantas sitting in front of him wearing his grey-brown hooded cloak and, to his left, a sack that undoubtedly contained traveling goods. "Holy fuck, I go away for ten minutes and you're dead asleep. God, you're such a useless ass." John chuckled and sat up and pulled his own bag in front of him. He wiped the sweat away from his forehead with his arm.

"Where _did_ you go, by the way?" John questioned. Karkat rolled his eyes.

"To get my _shit_ , nookstain. Did I not say I was fucking coming with you, or did you forget that, too?"

"Didn't _I_ say I wanted nothing to do with you?" joked John.

"Your opinion doesn't matter because I really don't give a flying fuck about it and you were fucking 'kidding' anyways and I know this because I actually pay attention to what other people are saying, unlike you, dipshit. I'm coming with you, you're stuck with me, don't ask any more stupid questions, end of story, goodbye, the fucking end." The blue-eyed boy giggled once again at the troll's rage-ranting, noting that whenever possible he should write them down and remind him how silly he sounded in past conversations. Yes, that would really get his goat. Hehehe.

"Sounds awesome," said John. "Does that mean we're _friends_ , Karkat? Actual _friends_ that you _insisted_ we would never be?" Karkat silently stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder and waved for the blue-eyed boy to do so as well. The two hopped down off of the small cliff and into the pulsing sunlight, and Karkat turned around to face John with an annoyed scowl on his face.

"I would rather jump in a toxic lake and have tentacle beasts gently caress my body until I puked up the gallons of shit I have been forced to swallow by every fucking person around me for the seven and a half sweeps I've existed than ever being friends with an asshole like _you_."

"Ew," said John.

"The sole reason why I'm bothering to have anything to do with you is because you're such a pitiful sack of human that would die somewhere in the middle of the desert without someone to help him." He paused. "But that does _not_ fucking mean I pity you, nor will I _ever_ pity you." John tilted his head in slight confusion of why Karkat would get defensive over pitying someone, which told Karkat that he really was an ignorant human who probably had never even heard of the complex and advanced system of troll romance. So he dropped it. "Now enough with your goddamn questions. Let's get moving."

"Where are w— okay." John nodded after stopping himself from asking yet another question; he could see a small hint of a smile on Karkat's face before he turned around again and began walking in an unknown direction to an unknown place. But, despite his sharp and sour attitude, John was sure that Karkat was helping him and, even though the troll blatantly denied it, was very soon going to be a good friend of his.


	3. ~2~

 

 

"Uuuuuuggghhh…," John groaned, as he trudged his feet through the hot and muddy dirt. Karkat looked back at him with his normally irritated face on, though he looked just as uncomfortable and flushed from the increasing heat as John did. 

"Come on, asshole, the further we get out of Angols and into Mastiaga, the less humid it gets and the more time we have to spend not in this fucking soup called outside."

"Angols? Mastiaga?" said John, giving Karkat a puzzled look in return. The troll boy rolled his eyes.

"Oh, right, you're an idiot who doesn't know his elbow from his asshole," he grumbled. "Angols is where I live, Mastiaga is where we're going."

"Is it a bit cooler than where we are now?" 

Karkat chuckled loudly. "Ha! Like fucking hell it is. It only gets hotter from here until we reach Polchari."

"Uh..."

"It's a long fucking way from here, I can tell you that." 

John sighed from exhaustion and attempted to wipe his face clean from sweat with his shirt. "How do you know all this stuff, anyways?" 

"My dad used to travel around a lot," Karkat mumbled, and took out a folded sheet of paper from inside his coat. "Map. Enough. Let's keep moving." The two continued walking through the muggy weather, with John repeatedly pulling at his shirt in hopes that it would stop sticking to his chest and making everything more and more uncomfortable.

"Are you sure... that we're going in the... right direction? How do you know... this is... the... right way?" said John, his breathing becoming heavier with each successive word.

"Holy fuck, you ask a lot of fucking questions," the troll boy growled. "Look, I know a certain asshole in Mastiaga who _might_ be able to give us a fucking lead as to where the hell your super special frog might be. Now will you just shut up and trust me, because the sound of your stupid grating voice is exactly _not_ making anything better." With that, John clammed up and continued walking in silence next to Karkat.

 

During the time they traveled, they only stopped a few times to eat some of the food Karkat brought (because the blue mushrooms John had were definitely not appetizing to either of them, no matter how hungry they were) and to catch their breath for a few moments. Yet the troll was very insistent that they minimize their stopping time, for the heat only trapped you in place if you didn't constantly move and sweat yourself a shield to protect against it. Soon enough, the air turned from humid and hot to dry and even hotter. The ground around them had been recently farmed, with great ridges of sown dirt forming an almost brain-like pattern; John wondered exactly _what_ the _hell_ could _possibly_ grow in such horrid conditions. He hoped that they would reach a town soon.

 

"Hey, uh, Karkat?" The blue-eyed boy called, noticing something that disturbed him. "Karkat?"

"What is it, John."

"Do you smell smoke?" Karkat sniffed the air; his eyes began to water like John's. They halted their quick pace and looked around the area, only to find a huge wildfire spreading across the horizon and racing across the already scorched landscape.

"Holy _shit_ , get running you nookwhiff!" shouted Karkat as he began to sprint down the road as fast as his troll legs could carry him, which was pretty darn fast compared to John's struggle to get running. When he didn't hear the human's footsteps behind him, the troll boy looked back and saw his endeavor; he sighed heavily, ran back, and grabbed him by the arm and continued his sprint while dragging John behind him.

"Aghh!!" yelped John when the soles of his shoes burned on the arid ground as Karkat pulled him. "Can you sl—"

"Slow down? Do you _want_ to be fucking burned alive?"

"I'm _already_ being burned alive by being scraped across the road by _you_!" All of a sudden, Karkat stopped and John just barely missed crashing into him. He winced at the pain in his wrist from where the troll was clasping and (unknowingly) digging his claws into it.

" _Look_ , shitstain," he snarled. "If you won't hurry the fuck up or let me hurry you up _for_ you, we will both be seared to a crisp until all an asshole could find are my horns and your fucking think _cup_ as proof we actually existed. Now just shut the _fu_ —"

"KARKAT!" John yelled suddenly as he made Karkat's grip on him an advantage and began running down the road with the troll attached to him. In the time that they had come to a halt, the flames had grown and stretched across the land and were about to take hold of Karkat's sleeve if John hadn't shoved him out of the way. "This is exactly _not_ the time for you to begin another one of your rage rants! If you want to run, then _run_ , idiot! I'll be like the fucking wind!"

"Do _not_ tell me what to fucking do, you inferior pink monkey!" The troll growled, now tugging at the human's grip on _his_ wrist, which was actually quite strong, to his surprise. "I can run by my own goddamn self, unlike you, the human wi—"

"Karkat, to use your own phrase against you," the blue-eyed boy interrupted as a lick of fire roared past his ears. "Shut the **fuck** up!" Without another word said, John jumped into the air with Karkat flying behind him, and landed a considerable distance away from the approaching inferno. Through the tears that bubbled up in his blue eyes from the smoke, John saw a town, a source of safety, an actual legit honest-to-god _civilization_. He instantly kicked up his running another notch and felt Karkat's drag lax, for he had regained his legs and was racing alongside him, their hands gripping each other's wrists. John couldn't help but smile a little bit: it was kind of cute. 

 

After a few moments of frantic sprinting, they reached the town and Karkat barked to the closest person he could that there was a fucking wildfire and that they better fucking take care of that unless they wanted their miserable excuse for a civilization to be burned to fucking ashes. The person simply shook their head condescendingly and pointed back towards the fire, which just so happened to be only a few wisps of smoke and a trail of burnt ground. In their frenzy, the two boys failed to notice that several citizens, both human and troll, had emerged from their homes armed with water and bags of dirt to reign in the wildfire and extinguish it.

"Wow!" said John, impressed. "They're really good at this! They must get a lot of fires." Karkat merely grumbled dismissively and yanked his hand away from John's; upon closer inspection, John saw that his wrist was bleeding from the claw marks the troll left in them. He tried to hide his arm behind his back but Karkat instantly noticed and tenderly grabbed it again. His yellow and black eyes scanned the wound up and down and John stood still and watched him do so. It could easily be seen that Karkat recognized what the wounds were from, for guilt flashed across his face for a split second but he quickly returned to a slightly annoyed but stoic expression.

"It'll heal," said Karkat. "It's not that fucking big of a deal. Uh... do you have any bandages or shit like that?" John shook his head silently. "Fine. Once we get to where we're going I'll get Captor to find something." With that, Karkat dropped the boy's wrist and turned in a direction, pointed for John, and began walking. John quickly followed while nursing his wrist, thinking about how Karkat was so kind despite him being a bit of an asshole and him not even apologizing, but that's okay because he is, in reality (meaning, the reality John _thought_ was real), actually nice. He gave a shit if John was hurt. He could have just not given a shit. But he did. Which is nice. 

 

Karkat approached a troll girl and murmured a question in a language John didn't understand that sounded like a lot of clicks, chirps, and buzzes, with the occasional vocalized tone. He found it cool to listen to and took note that he should ask Karkat about it later. Without thanking her (as assumed by John), Karkat gestured in another direction and took off with John in tow.

 

The troll boy approached a normal-looking house at the end of an old-looking alley and slammed his fist on the door; John flinched at the noise. There was silence. Karkat hammered on the aged wood again. More silence. Karkat took in a deep breath and shouted something in the strange language up at the house that most likely was a demand followed by several insults.

"Maybe they're not home?" John suggested.

"The SHITBAG is _always_ home. He's just being a complete NOOKWHIFF," the troll boy yelled his slander up to the house, "and not bothering to answ—"

"Have you ever conthidered that I have thomething better to do than anthwer you, athhole?" A low and heavily lisping voice emanated from the now slightly opened door, its owner barely visible. "What the hell do you want now." Karkat wheeled back around to face the new person.

"Fucking finally," he grumbled, pulling off the hood of his coat. "Will you let us in or leave us to roast like cluckbeasts outside?" John heard an amused snort from the stranger.

He opened the door a bit wider to let them in and they instantly felt a strong, cold breeze from the powerful air conditioner; the door was shut again just barely after they were all inside, slightly snagging the jacket John carried at his side. The blue-eyed boy looked to see that the stranger was another troll wearing a set of red-and-blue sunglasses and (strangely) had not two, but four horns. John brightened up at the sight of something familiar to him: movie-going apparel.

"You're into movies, too? What kind?" John inquired with his signature goofy smile; the lanky troll looked at him with a nonplussed expression.

"KK, who ith thith?" Karkat turned around and scowled.

"The reason why I'm bothering to have anything to do with you, today, Sollux."

"He'th an idiot."

"Hey!" The troll named Sollux turned back towards the human boy and folded his arms over his thin chest.

"I'm imprethed, to be honetht, that thomeone like you could actually move thomeone like KK to bother leaving his mitherable little home and venture here. What'th your name?"

"John," said John a bit defensively. "John Egbert."

"Thollukth Captor," replied the lanky troll. "For your information, I don't watch movieth. My time ith better thpent in other technological areath." He gestured to a nearby couch on which Karkat had already nested himself and chucked off all the tech crap Sollux had piled on top of it. "Thit."

"Thankth—I mean thanks," John unintentionally mimicked Sollux's manner of speech as he sat down, earning him a dirty red-and-blue look. Karkat scooted himself to the far end of the couch dramatically as if to prove he really wanted nothing to do with the blue-eyed human, but Sollux didn't give him the satisfaction of proving his point and ignored him while John just chuckled.

"Tho remind me why you're here?" The lanky troll inquired, pulling up a metal chair and seating himself across from the two travelers. The human boy fidgeted from the nervous embarrassment that came on with repeating his story to about everyone he had encountered so far. Karkat merely growled a bit and shifted back over to a normal sitting position.

"This dipshit," he jabbed a sharp-nailed thumb towards John, "is looking for a certain thing that he would do better by not disclosing at the moment to a condescending bulgelick like you. However, he is absolutely useless and disgustingly vacuous in that he doesn't know shit on where to find it."

"Tho you took it upon yourthelf to take _pity_ on him and be hith 'leader,' tho to thpeak," Sollux teased with an amused smirk on his face.

"That is ex-fucking-actly _not_ what I fucking meant and you know it!" Karkat barked as he slammed his fists down onto the table in front of him, upsetting another pile of seemingly random metal objects. "I do _not_ pity this asshole, nor will I _ever_!" Again with the emphasis on pity, John thought. What was so strange about it? "He's just sponge-bendingly hopeless in every way and practically came begging for my assistance—"

"Meaning, he forced himself upon me," John interrupted; Sollux burst out with a breathy laugh at his unintentional innuendo and Karkat punched John in the arm.

"Will you just _shut the fuck up_ and stop interrupting me?" Karkat snarled. "Getting to the point, do you have a clue where we might find someone who… uh…." He struggled for the correct words. "Fuck this, do you know anyone who might be able to help us out?" The twin-horned troll looked at the two of them with a predictably blank look. A few moments passed without him saying anything at all.

"Tho what you're thaying ith…," he began. "You want me to find you thomebody in thomeplathe to help you find thomething that you won't tell me about and have no idea where the fuck it ith. Damn, KK, your proficienthy in detailth ith abtholutely athtounding."

"I'm thorry, Thollukth, what did you jutht thay?" Karkat responded with an equally sarcastic tone. "I couldn't hear you over your thtupid fucking lithp." Then, Sollux stood up from his chair so suddenly that he sent it flying backwards and crashing to the floor, making John flinch from the loud noise.

"Alright, you fucking athhole, thith ith the latht—oh, fuck it." He began to shout at Karkat in his native language, engaging in a verbal sparring match with the nubby-horned troll. They spit insults back and forth over John's head, making him more and more uncomfortable with every second of fighting. Among one exchanged was something like, "Is this some sort of solicitation of black romance, Sollux?" "Like fucking hell it is, you miserable jackass. I already have that quadrant filled, thank you very much." John wished very much for them to stop fighting for his wrist was continuing to bleed and it hurt quite a bit and as much as the cold air felt good on his skin he really wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. So he entered the fight.

 

"Look, will you both just shut your mouths for one second and talk like normal human beings or troll beings or whatever and deal with what we're actually here for??" John cried, bringing the two trolls to a quiet halt to look at him. "Jeez, you would think that you guys were hard-wired to kill each other."

"Don't get all auspistice with me, fucker," Karkat growled.

"I don't know what that even means!" John said exasperatedly. "Sollux, I'm looking for a frog that I had in a dream and I don't know where it is and Karkat tried his best to save me from the embarrassment of getting looked at funny because of this and could you just," he took a breath and let it out slowly, "calm down and help us?" The lanky troll unclenched the fists he unknowingly made and seated himself on the table, still leaving the toppled chair on the floor. Karkat reflexively looked down at John's injured wrist and saw it was practically dripping blood, and anxiously sat back down on the couch as well.

"A frog, huh?" repeated Sollux. "Thounds like thomething ED would talk about."

"Who's that?" inquired John.

"Forget it," said the lanky troll. "Look, I'll call up thome people I know and thee what they might know. Jutht… wait here. And get thomething on that wound, holy fuck." Apparently Sollux noticed the blood seeping from the wound as well. John held it up and pressed his other hand over it, but Sollux quickly pulled the hand away and pressed a roll of gauze wrap into it that seemed to have appeared from nowhere. He then left the room and left Karkat and John alone.

 

The blue-eyed boy began to unravel the gauze, but the troll next to him snatched it out of his hands and did it himself.

"Um…," John mumbled.

"Don't say anything."

"Okay."

"I'm impressed."

"By what?"

"Did I not just tell you to not say anything?"

"Sorry." A minuscule smile seemed to twitch onto Karkat's face.

"I'm impressed that you handled that so well." John opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again quickly. "That Sollux actually listened to you. Then again, it's probably only because he just wants us out of here as soon as fucking possible. Goddamn son of a bitch." John chuckled, while the troll kept a straight face as he wrapped John's wrist.

"Are you two friends or enemies?"

"'Friend' and 'enemy' is the same word in Alternian, but I _guess_ you could consider us friends."

"Alternian is that weird clicky chirpy language?"

"It's not 'weird,' idiot."

"What's an 'auspistice,' by the way? And a 'bulgelick' and a 'nookwhiff' and 'think pan' an—"

"Holy fuck, take your own advice and _shut_ _up_ ," Karkat groaned. "What do you want, a Troll Slang to English dictionary?"

"It certainly would help!"

"Then remind yourself to get one next time you come upon a fucking bookstore."

"Can't you just tell me?" The troll sighed, annoyed.

"Most of the stuff you hear that you don't understand is just horseshitty insults—"

"I know that, but what _are_ they?"

"Holy shit, I'm not giving you a fucking lesson on troll biology right this second, Egbert!" said Karkat through gritted fangs. "And terms like 'auspistice' and 'kismesis' apply to concepts of the troll system of romance that would take me fucking forever to explain to a simple-minded human like you."

"Well, by how things look right now, we're going to have plenty of time on our hands," John said with a doofy smile. Karkat looked up from his wrist with a slightly taken aback expression, and their eyes met. The human boy noticed that while Karkat's irises seemed black at first, when you examined them closely they were tinged with a reddish color. That's a bit strange, he thought. But kinda cool.

"Uh… yeah, whatever," Karkat grumbled quietly, smothering the light flush that threatened to rise upon his face.

"What do you think Sollux is doing?"

"Probably pissing off some poor asshole that was displeasured with his stupid lisping voice—"

"—that they have to use a translator to try and decipher what the fuck he's saying to them." John chuckled as he completed one of Karkat's rants for him. The troll merely grunted in a tone that hinted towards amusement as he cut the excess gauze free from John's wrist with his claws. "So, umm… how old are you, Karkat?"

"Seven and a half sweeps," replied Karkat.

"Erm…"

"About 16 years old."

"Oh! So about as old as I am, then."

"Yeah." An awkward silence hung over them.

"Um, so… what's your favorite food to eat?" Karkat gave him a look not too different from a look that would be given to someone who just asked what your favorite kind of roadkill was, raccoon or vole?

"What the fuck kind of a question is that?"

"I don't know, I'm just trying to have a conversation!" replied John, grinning. "Is it so wrong to be interested in the person I'm probably going to be traveling with for a long while?" Suddenly, the troll's blood-pusher—meaning, heart, gave one strong pound at his ribcage that caught him by surprise. The phrase 'to be interested in' echoed throughout his head and mixed with thoughts like, "What does he mean by 'interested in'?" and "He can't be so dense that he doesn't realize the connotations that are associated with that phrase?" and especially "Why the fuck am I even dwelling on this horseshit? Respond, respond, you idiot!" Yet somehow, "Yes, it fucking _is_ wrong to want to have anything to do with a pathetic excuse for a troll like me," happened to be the exact thing Karkat didn't want to say out loud and the exact thing that he actually ended up saying out loud. "Wait, no, fuck—"

"Wait, no, fuck what?" asked John. "Did you say something? You were spacing out for a bit there."

"…Forget it," Karkat snarled, restraining himself to the best of his abilities from executing a 2x double facepalm combo in frustration.

"No, what were you gonna s—" As if on cue to Karkat's rescue, Sollux sauntered into the room with an expression of ecstasy and intense chagrin; it was certainly a wonder how the troll face could contort to convey such opposing emotions. 

 

"Tho I talked to my kithmethith—god, I hate that fucking word—and my matethprit, and they theem thomewhat willing to athitht you. Though the latter of the two ith clother to here, tho I thuggetht you go to her firtht," said Sollux, eyeing the two on his couch blankly. "She probably would know more about it, anywayth. Her name'th Aradia."

"And where would that be?" Karkat inquired.

"Kwarlodia, in the mountainth," Sollux admitted; the other troll groaned loudly. "And if she can't help, then go to Reingill—" another loud groan from Karkat—"and find a thertain fish fathe named Eridan."

"So what you're trying to fucking say is that if we want any help at all, we have to go all the way into the mountains?" Karkat exclaimed incredulously. "That's fucking insane, like hell I'm going to bother—"

"Thanks, Sollux," interrupted John with a pleasant smile. "It really helps for us to have somewhat of a lead, and a direction to go in." Sollux merely nodded and pressed his shades further up his nose.

"At leatht thomeone in thith room appreciateth the thingth I do for them," he remarked, aiming his teasing towards the other troll.

"Fuck you," Karkat snarled.

"No thanks, I already got thomeone to do that for me," replied Sollux with a taunting glint in his eyes, ruffling Karkat's feathers further and making him squirm. "Tho are you two done here or what? I have work I've been putting off to get back to."

"Yeah, I think so," John responded before the troll next to him could bark out another harsh insult.

"Alright, then. You can let yourthelveth out." With that, the lanky troll gave a mild wave and crossed back out of the room, surely do to something that was associated with the plethora of crap he had lying around.

 

"So, erm, should we go?" suggested the blue-eyed boy, glancing over at Karkat.

"No, John, we're going to stay here in this pathetic excuse for a living space for the rest of our lives and _not_ actually go to the mountains and get an idea where the fuck we go after that," said the nubby-horned troll sarcastically, rolling his eyes into his head. " _Yes_ , we should go."

"Alright, then let's go!" The two stayed seated on the couch for a few more moments under a veil of silence. "Uh… Karkat?"

"What, Egbert?"

"You can let go of my wrist now." Karkat looked down at the long-been-wrapped hand that still lay in his grasp as if he hadn't noticed it was ever there before. He hastily smacked it away and shot up from the couch with his bag in tow and pulled his hood back over his head. John followed suit and heaved his own bag over his shoulder and ended up stuffing his jacket into it, freeing up the hand that was previously carrying it. The two then stood for a second, glancing at each other, until Karkat quickly made for the door and pulled it open. 

"Holy shitfuck, that's hot," he hissed, crossing an arm over his face as if it could fend off the heat. The troll looked back at John, who was spacing out with his eyes focused on him. "Hello?" Karkat snapped his fingers. "Weren't you the one saying we should go?"

"Huh?" Karkat glared at him. "Oh, right! Let's go." With that, the human and troll stepped out into the blazing sun and shut the door behind them, heading towards wherever they could that would get them to Kwarlodia faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, readers! This is actually my first fanfiction on AO3; before I used Fanfiction.net, and I still continue to do so.  
> Updated chapters may be somewhat erratic, being that I'm trying to catch this story up to the current published chapter.  
> Either way, thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the story! C:


	4. ~Side Story One~

~Side Story One~

 

"Hey Karkat, what does that sign say over there?" inquired John, pointing at a sign written in large Alternian letters. Karkat groaned loudly, for this was the third time that the blue-eyed boy referred to him for translations. If Mastiaga was a bi-species community, he wondered, why the fuck wasn't it bilingual 95% of the time?

"It says 'Go fuck yourself and learn some Alternian if you're so interested in what everything says,'" he grumbled back sarcastically; John simply laughed in response.

"Didn't the last one say, 'Shut up for one goddamn second, you're giving me a headache'?" he remarked in return. "What does it actually say?" The troll boy sighed in exasperation.

"It's a bookstore, nookwhiff," said Karkat, "now can we get the hell out of here or what? My blood is boiling in more fucking ways than you would want to know ab— now where the fuck are you going?" he called as John made a beeline towards the building. "John fucking Egbert!"

"Hold on, I'm getting something!" came the muted response as John went in. Even if he was somewhat of an asshole, and even if he was incredibly annoyed and wanted to get back on the road as quickly as possible, Karkat wouldn't just abandon the irritating human in a town that he wasn't familiar with. So he simply crossed his arms over his chest and tapped (stomped) his foot on the dry ground impatiently and stared daggers at the door that John went through. His mind wandered to pondering what John would even want from a bookstore. Judging from the state of the signs, most of the books in there must be in Alternian, anyways. Did John even bring money with him? Did _he_ bring any money with him? Maybe he should browse for a couple of novels just in case he ended up reading through the five books he brought with him. No, who was he kidding, of _course_ he would read through the five books he brought with him. He stamped over to the bookstore and entered, releasing a small sigh of relief that the place was well air-conditioned. With a quick glance around the area, Karkat immediately headed towards the section of books that were labelled (prominently in his language with English in small print) under, "Romance."

 

As he strode down the aisles, Karkat dared to remove his hood to get a better look at the titles printed on the volumes. He carefully plucked one out of its place on the shelf and hefted it into his hands, examining the extensive amount of text on the front that he recognized as the name.

"In which a timid young brown-blood plays a game with three of his friends that involves copious amounts of extreme roleplaying, in which the brown-blood is spurred by a bitchy cerulean-blood to launch himself off a cliff, resulting in a serious paralyzing injury that sparks a cycle of violent retribution dotted with black solicitation and infidelity, where the rust blood is guilty in that she could not save the brown blood from such a fate and severs ties with the cerulean blood, who in turn sends rust blood's flush crush to kill her; the fourth teal-blooded troll sparks a seemingly caliginous flirtation with cerulean blood involving several courses of vengeance and one truce; in which the cerulean blood engages in black infidelity conjoined with red vacillation with the brown blood, involving several instances of verbal and physical abuse upon the hesitant troll, one forceful kiss, and another cycle of murder and vengeance ending in a…," Karkat read aloud in his native language, glaring down at the book with an eyebrow raised. "Interesting, but way too over the top, too much tragedy, and not very humorous." He replaced it onto the shelf and moved on.

 

After a few more minutes of searching, the troll boy ended up buying three more books with little regret. He would never be caught without a good romance novel to accompany him. But as he was just about to leave the store again, Karkat realized the reason why he thought about coming there in the first place.

Where was John?

He turned on his heels and scanned the area once more for a hint of John's blue jacket among the neutral tones. A small part of him began to panic at the thought that the idiot got himself lost or became subject to ridicule for his illiteracy in the dominant language… he quickly brushed it off and started stomping down the halls created by shelves in search of his traveling companion.

"John?" Karkat called as quietly as he could, since he _was_ in a bookstore. "Goddammit, Egbert, where the fuck are you?" He turned around a corner and looked around once more; and upon turning another, he smacked right into something tall, human, and blue.

"FUCK!" "Aargh!" went Karkat and John as they both went plummeting the floor with the books in their hands flying into the air, John's glasses skittering across the floor. The latter lay sprawled on his back while blindly reaching around for his lenses; the former was flat on top of him, grumbling from pain and scraping his claws against the wood shelves in an attempt to lift himself up.

"Is that you, Karkat?" asked John, dazedly looking down at the boy top of him. "Why're you in the bookstore? Did I not tell you to wait outside?" he added with a slight mocking tone.

"Fuck you; yes, it's me," Karkat growled. "I got sick of waiting in that furnace and decided to come looking for you, _is that a fucking problem?_ " The blue-eyed boy chuckled.

"Hehehe, 'course not." He paused, his vision still blurry from the lack of eyewear. "Um…" As if he could telepathically tell what John needed, the troll boy reached over him and grabbed the glasses that lay behind his head, then took care to place them on his face for him. "Hehe, thanks." Karkat said nothing, but quickly took hold of a shelf and pulled himself off of the human boy. He discreetly gathered up his books and stuffed them into his bag as John stood, adjusting his glasses nervously and (just barely) sneaking a slight glance at the disheveled troll.

"What were you even looking for, anyway?" Karkat questioned; in response, the blue-eyed boy picked up the book he was previously holding and showed it to the troll. "…Is that a…?"

"Troll Slang to English dictionary, of sorts!" John confirmed brightly. "It took a while to find it, being that all of these signs are in your troll language and I had to walk up to each of them to read the little English subtitles!" He edged a bit closer to Karkat, whose face hung low and eyes locked onto what was most likely the most interesting part of the floor at the moment. "Karkat? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine…," he muttered. "Uh… did you open it yet?"

"No, I didn't! But I might as well, just to che—" Suddenly, Karkat snatched the little book out of his hands and tossed it over the shelf he was backed up against, resulting in a loud smack! on the other side. John simply stared in utter confusion, so much so that his head tilted to one side. "Why did you just—"

"It would be in your best fucking interest to _not_ _ever_ open that book."

"Why not? Weren't you the one suggesting I should get one?"

"That was fucking _sarcasm,_ nookwhiff!"

"There's the weird insulting again! I'm getting that book!" Dodging past the troll, John turned around the corner and lunged for the book before Karkat could catch up to him. Although he accidentally tripped over himself in the process, John waved the book around in the air victoriously while sticking his tongue out teasingly at Karkat. "Alright, so… 'n'…,"

"Oh my god…," Karkat groaned, instinctively yanking his hood back over his head so to hide his increasingly reddening face in shadows. He heard the faint sound of paper crinkling as John flipped through it in search of the definition, and practically ripped holes into his coat when he heard the paper come to a halt. He dared to sneak a look at the expression on the human's face, and was met with one equally red to his own.

"Holy shit," John breathed vacantly. "That is… holy _fuck_. That is…," he shivered, "dis _gusting_." Karkat didn't respond. "Just… ugh, my god, Karkat!"

"Just put the goddamn book down," the troll murmured; John promptly chucked the book back over the shelf with another loud smack! making him flinch a bit.

"Gladly," said John. He started to stand up on his own, but Karkat shuffled over quietly and stuck out a grey clawed hand to lift him up. John first shot a slightly puzzled look, but then smiled as he took Karkat's hand. "So, didja buy anything?"

"None of your fucking business," the troll snapped. "Let's just get going, and this time, _no more distractions_."

"Shouldn't we pick up the dictionary…?"

"Do you want to risk another glance at it?"

"…Let's go."


	5. ~3~

The sun turned the sky bright red, bathing everything with light that made things look like they were on fire. It seared through John's bones like a knife and wracked his body with a boiling heat, threatening to break him. He and Karkat were about four hours out of Mastiaga, out of civilization where there were heavenly things like _air conditioning_. A glint of a city skyline just peeked over the horizon, but it would definitely take long past dusk until they reached it. John's breathing became heavy from the intense strain, his walking slowed down from fatigue, and his back ached from carrying his pack, which wasn't all that heavy but felt like a thousand tons in the state he was in. He pressed his glasses into his face, for they had begun to slip off, his blue eyes peered at Karkat in front of him. The troll seemed to have retained a perfect walking pace and straight posture, as opposed to John's tired slouch, and he kept his long cloak on and hood over his head, while the latter had his jacket stuffed into his bag and was about to tear his sticky shirt off from frustration from the inescapable heat. He tried raising his voice to Karkat to stop, but his vocal chords constricted instead and forced him mute. Suddenly, the legs beneath him gave way to air, his blue eyes fluttered shut, and his mind grew from foggy to black.

 

"John!" 

~

Moisture beading up on his skin. Rough hands taking him. Dirt and dust collecting on his clothes. Hair brushed back, dampness spread on his forehead. Heat. Cold. Slight wisps of warm wind crossing his face, tickling his cheek. A hitch of breath. A feeling of tension. Someone's presence, not far from his unconscious lips that released shallow puffs of air. Disappearance, then silence.

 

John Egbert's eyes opened to a blackened sky dotted with white flecks of stars. He tried to sit up, but his body immediately protested and forced him to stay planted on the ground. He looked around, his mind hazily trying to gather where he was; a few particles of dirt flew off his forehead, confusing him further and causing him to reach a fatigued hand up to his head. It came back with a clump of loam.

"What…?" John murmured in befuddlement. Suddenly, he heard a thumping sound of someone sitting down next to him, and he turned his head to see who it was. "Oh, Karkat!" he whispered, for lack of enough energy to speak louder. "What happened?"

"You collapsed like a weak little wiggler and I had to drag you off the path and set up camp," said Karkat with a strangely quiet tone. "What the hell do you _eat_ that makes you so goddamn heavy?"

"Heh, it's because I'm _taller_ than you that you had a hard time," John teased, earning him a half-hearted smack on the head. "How long was I out for?"

"Past dusk. Probably for about three hours."

"Aw, dammit…," the blue-eyed boy groaned, covering his face with his arms in moderate shame. "I messed up. We should've been almost to wherever the hell we're going if I hadn't fainted."

"You shut the fuck up," snapped Karkat. "Don't go all 'should have' or any other similar bullshit because there was no way for you to tell that you were going to get knocked out from fucking heat stroke. It's my fault anyways because we should have taken a break sooner and I should've noticed that you weren't feeling well an—"

"Didn't you _just say_ 'don't go all 'should have' or any other similar bullshit'?" John interrupted with a grin crossing his face. The troll's eyebrows twitched in embarrassment and he cast his eyes downward so that his messy black hair covered his face.

"What-fucking-ever," he grumbled, "just stay still and go back to sleep. We're staying here for the night and we'll get into Rezon tomorrow."

"Wait, what?!" exclaimed John as he instantly shot up and subsequently flung the mud on his forehead onto his pants. "Did you just say Rezon?"

" _Fuck_ , didn't I order you to stay fucking still? Now you've gone and—"

"We're going to _Rezon_?" Karkat sighed in frustration.

"Yes, we are." A wide smile spread across John's face and he chuckled. "What's so funny?"

"Oh man, my best bro lives in Rezon," said John. "Do you think we can go see him? Or maybe run into him somewhere?"

"Fucking doubt it. Rezon is gigantic: the odds of running into one specific person there is the same as the odds of me being a fairy princess with gigantic wings who hands out piles of toys to all the good little troll grubs," the troll stated blatantly. "And for someone who seemed so eager to fulfill his 'prophecy,' you sure are easy to distract with detours and side quests."

"Well, he's my best friend, you know?"

"No, I don't. Do enlighten me."

"What, you don't have any best friends?"

"I was _kidding,_ dumbass. Of course I have friends."

"Well, yeah, there's that Sollux guy, but do you have _best_ friends?" He dipped his head to match eyes with Karkat, his own filled with curiosity and the trolls filled with an emotion that he couldn't identify. "Karkat?"

"Just lie back down, Egbert, I need to put more dirt on your forehead." Before John could protest, Karkat took him by the shoulders and pressed him back down into a lying position. "And before you ask, the dirt plus some water acts as a shitty makeshift cool pack. It'll keep your head from overheating again, because even though the sun's down, the air is still hot as an asshole." Karkat began to dig into the ground with his claws and brought up several handfuls of the soil. He gently dropped it onto John's forehead, reached over behind him and grabbed a water bottle, and emptied its contents over the dirt.

"Wait, you shouldn't waste water like that!" the human boy protested, but the troll simply "shh'd" him and tossed the empty container over his head. He proceeded to mush up the mixture on John's head while gently massaging his temples, coaxing a small sigh of contentment from his lips. "That, uh… actually feels pretty good."

"No, shit."

"It does!" A silence passed over them as Karkat continued to smear the mud over his cheeks and under his eyes as well. "So you don't have at least one best friend?"

"I think a more appropriate word in terms of troll culture would be 'moirail,' which is an aspect of romance that I don't feel like explaining to a half-dead heat-stricken human in the middle of the night at the moment, thank you very much." He paused. "But to answer your question, no, I don't."

"Aww! That's kinda sad, actually."

"Fuck you."

"No, I mean that it kinda sucks you don't have someone who's got your back and all," explained John. "No one to joke around with you or tease you or be kind of a jerk to you but still be a pretty cool dude who gives a shit about you. No one to talk to when you're confused about something or borrow as a shoulder to cry on or, you know… just be with." Karkat was silent.

"So I'm guessing that's how you feel about this best friend of yours in Rezon?" he mumbled.

"Kinda, yeah. He can certainly be a raving douche sometimes, but he's always been around for me and hasn't really ever given me a reason not to trust him." The troll nodded: what John described was basically a dumbed-down textbook definition of moirallegiance, which Karkat knew as a troll quadrant of romance. It was curious that humans had something like that, too. He voiced his thoughts to the blue-eyed boy. "Oh, so having best friends isn't a weird thing, then."

"But you can only have one moirail," Karkat corrected. "Having more than one is considered infidelity."

"Oh, really?" said John, disheartened. "So we could never really be 'moirails,' since I already have someone like that?" The troll put on an involuntary pout at he began to consider the statement. Humans didn't really consider moirallegiance as a quadrant of romance, so he guessed it was alright? But hold the fuck up, why would he—romantically-wise—want anything to do with this nooksucker? If anything, he'd rather develop a more concupiscent relationship first. Wait, no, his concupiscent partner not being John. That's not what he was implying at all. A concupiscent relationship with another troll, he meant. Not John. Like that would ever happen, anyways. Then again, who could he possibly find that would want to fill a quadrant with him, especially concupiscent. Who the fuck was he kissing. KIDDING. He meant kidding. He wasn't kissing anybody, and if he was he would hope to know exactly who that was. And the only "who" around him other than himself was John. He wasn't kissing John. Was not. Nope, no sirree, no lip-locking here. Holy fuck why the hell was he imagining that now. No. Get the fuck out, you stupid fantasy. Wait, no, why did he just call that a fantasy? It's not _good_. Not a fantasy. Fuck this shit. What was he even doing. How did he get to this again? Right, John asked him if they could be moirails. Right. Better answer that.

"Fuck no," he growled. "We're barely even _friends_ , douchemuffin. Like hell we'd ever even come _close_ to moirails."

"Ha!" John suddenly exclaimed, pointing an excited finger towards the troll. "You said 'barely' rather than 'not.' That means you think we're sort of friends!"

"LIke hell I do!" argued Karkat. "You are the most not-friend person I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with. I correct myself. We are _not_ friends." 

"Whatever you say, Karkat. You're totally giving me a head massage in the most unplatonic way possible." Almost instantly, the troll boy jerked his hands to his sides and let out an intimidating growl, but an embarrassed one nonetheless. He fussed with his hair so that it covered as much of his face as he could make it, causing John to realize how his statement could be (and was) interpreted as something that really made him quite uncomfortable, his cheeks becoming stained with red. "Oh, wow, that, um… that did not come out in the way I meant it to be. I did _not_ just make an innuendo like that." He propped himself up by his elbow to try and sneak a glance at Karkat's face, his own wrought with anxiety. "Wow, shit, Karkat? I'm really sorry, I totally did not mean to… well, mean it like that. I meant it as in—"

"Egbert, just shut up," the troll grimaced, his face now buried in his muddied hands. "You are making this at least ten times worse with your incessant blather." A small chuckle escaped from John's throat.

"Hehe, uh, sorry." Karkat simply sighed in response and got up onto his feet.

"Can you stand? I don't feel like pulling your bulky ass all the way to the tent I set up." 

John nodded a bit shakily and tried to prop up another elbow to help himself up, but he began to quake and immediately collapsed back into the dirt with a wince of pain. "Okay, ow." After he failed to become upright again, he looked towards Karkat to see the troll's hand sticking out for him to take. He grinned meekly, his two front teeth subtly nudging forward, and took his hand as a lift up. Karkat's skin, he thought, felt pretty thick and rough for someone who looked so humanoid. Almost like sandpaper. Yet it had a soft touch to it, a very faint one, that was… tender. Warm. Friendly, even. A small chuckle escaped from John's throat. "What are you laughing about?" Karkat's voice snapped the blue-eyed boy back to attention, but he simply shook his head to dismiss the inquiry.

"Nothing, nothing," he quelled, daring to raise a hand to ruffle the troll's pitch-black hair. Karkat immediately flinched away, but he still remained within John's reach. He continued to run his hands through his hair, gently twisting the ends of each lock between his fingers. It was a lot softer than he imagined: fluffy and slightly oily. He meant to stop after the 30-second mark, but somehow he found himself attempting to bury his face into the downy tresses and his fingers edging over with the intention to poke the little horns atop the troll's head. Suddenly realizing exactly what John was doing, Karkat violently jerked away from the taller boy, tripped over the cloak that hung near his feet, and fell flat into the dirt. His yellow and black eyes wheeled around and focused on John, who was laughing his immensely irritating and aggravating little laugh.

 

"Do not say a fucking word." John grinned as he watched the troll wrestle with his cape-like coat, and made a dramatic swiping motion over his lips to show him zipping them closed.

"Not even a whisper," he confirmed. He felt a bit compelled to help Karkat out and untangle him, but the vibes he managed to sense read that he would more than likely be jabbed with more sharp words: he kept his distance.

 

After finally finding himself upright, Karkat huffily walked John over to the famed camp he had set up when the latter was down for the count.

"What the fuck could possibly be causing you to laugh like an idiot _this time_?" the troll growled, shooting a look up to the chuckling boy beside him.

"Hehehe." John stumbled down into the dirt and rolled under the blanket roof Karkat constructed. "It reminds me of the pillow forts I would make sometimes. I would challenge myself each time to make an even bigger and better fort than the last one," he chuckled again, neatly folded up his glasses, and placed them beside him, "It's kind of sweet, that's all." Karkat stared blankly at him for a few moments, as if to question _why the hell do I even know you_ , before shuffling over to the fort and flopping down in the open space of dirt next to John. The human boy glanced at him with a puzzled look, a slight flush rising on his face. "Um, wow, uh, you're going to be sleeping next to me?" Karkat shot him another annoyed look. "Okay, I guess you are, okay, um, yeah." He groaned, yet his grey face remained somewhat calm. "Yeah, um." John awkwardly rolled over on his side to face away from the troll boy and made a desperate attempt to smother all the weird feelings he was getting in his stomach. Feelings that echoed, _what is this that you're doing, this isn't right, what are you doing, abscond, abscond!_ and battled with thoughts that told his feelings to shut the fuck up and go to sleep because this isn't weird at all it's not like he's a girl so it doesn't matter anyways and _holy_ ** _fuck_** _, cardiovascular system,_ _calm the_ ** _fuck_** _down_. Suddenly, he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and he flinched, only making the grip twitch.

"Holy shit, I can hear your heavy breathing from over here. Calm the fuck down or else you're going to overheat again. Just relax and go the fuck to sleep." John released the breath he didn't realize he was holding and grinned.

"My thoughts exactly," the boy responded. "G'night."

"…good night."

~

A burning heat seared through Karkat's bared ankles when he awakened from his restless sleep the next morning. His feet twitched in pain and quickly pulled back under the shade of the blanket-tent, unknowingly kicking something quite hard. A discontented grunt sounded from his left, confusing his half-asleep self further. He tried to move around, but was caught by an unknown force pulling him into something. He opened his eyes and dazedly tried to look around, only to find that directly to his left and right in his face was the sleeping face of John fucking Egbert, who while conscious almost threw a fit about sleeping next to him, but was here, right now, clinging onto him in his sleep. Like a teddy bear. The mere thought made Karkat sick. He tried to pry himself away from the taller boy, but to no avail. A thought flashed through his mind to jab him in the stomach to wake him up, but the little voice of reason inside him piped up and warned that that was probably not a good idea. Then Karkat told the voice of reason to go fuck itself and shoved a sharp knuckle right into John's ribs.

"Ow, fuck…," John grumbled, now slowly surfacing. "Holy shit, what the hell did you do that for?" Karkat's eyes widened at the human's language, taken aback by his current behavior that greatly contrasted his normal demeanor. So taken aback, that he actually forgot everything he was doing at the moment and ended up not following up his rude jab to the ribs and just staring dumbfound at the boy beside him. "Wha… Karkat?" The blue-eyed boy blinked a couple of times, then wriggled his way away from the troll and sat up. The blanket overhead draped over him and caught on his hair, but he didn't seem to notice. He yawned, and then flopped back down to go back to sleep. Karkat quickly regained his sense of self and jabbed him in the side again. This time he got a very Egbertian "OWCH!" in response.

"Wake up, asshole, it's time to get moving. You wanted to go see your asshole friend, right?" Karkat commanded, impatiently getting up and tearing down the tent. He judged from the position of the sun that it was already a bit late: roughly 9 or 10 AM.

"Blah, it's hot…," said John. He blindly fussed around for a moment before finding his glasses and replacing them on his face. He tried to look up at the troll, but he immediately hissed in pain when his eyes were bleached by the blaring sun.

"Yeah, it's hot, it's bright as fuck, it's miserable and you're tired, but the faster we can get moving, the faster we can get the hell out of this fucking wasteland and waste our time in a place that's actually air conditioned," said Karkat. "So get your head out of your ass and get packed up."

"Good morning to you, too, Mr. Rageface," John said sarcastically with a chuckle. "Just gimme a few seconds and let me get changed into something that isn't covered with sweat and dirt." Karkat nodded and continued his deconstruction while John reached over to his bag and dug through it for a clean shirt. He pulled out a blue plaid shirt while peeling off his dirtied one, but when he made a motion to put it on a familiar rough hand clasped his shoulder again. "What?"

"That's a long-sleeved _fleece_ shirt you ignoramus. You'll boil alive and be reduced to a withering pile of skin that could hardly be identified as human within the first hour."

"But _you're_ wearing that heavy cape thingy and long pants! Way to contradict your own advice, dude."

"For the love of god, _this_ is _light!_ It's made to protect against the sun and to allow ventilation. The only thing that's more dangerous than fleece in this weather is your own stupidity and not knowing any better. Pick something else." John sighed heavily, replaced the shirt, and pulled out a blue and yellow tank top. He showed it to Karkat in the same way that a child would show their half-assedly cleaned room to their mother. "Better. Where's that jacket you had before?" He pulled out the jacket and waved it around impatiently. "Put that on. It'll protect your pale as fuck skin from the sun but won't suffocate you."

"Okay, _Dad_ ," said John, reluctantly complying and sliding his arms into the jacket. "What next, are you gonna tell me to brush my teeth?" He grinned to let Karkat know he was kidding around, but he got an irritated glare in return.

"Fuck you, I'm just thinking about," he paused, crossed him arms, "you. So you don't pass out or get fried to a crisp. That's all." He gathered all of his things and shoved them haphazardly back into his pack, then slung it over his shoulder and pulled the hood of his cloak over his head; John did the same with his own bag and jacket. With that, they were off again into the blazing morning sun and hours of walking ahead of them.

~

Within minutes of crossing into the city streets, John Egbert dashed to the nearest street vendor and hastily fished out some coins to pay for a few bottles of ice-cold water. Upon opening it, he first spilled about half of the water over his head and down his shirt, and then practically inhaled the rest of it in a few seconds while Karkat leaned back on a streetlamp and somewhat patiently watched him do so. The blue-eyed boy wiped his mouth of excess water and sighed in relief, for he had long become dehydrated and desperately in need of some sort of cooling off. He tossed a bottle in the troll's general direction (which Karkat somehow caught without letting it slip) and promptly collapsed on a shaded part of the sidewalk. Karkat quickly took a swig, feeling a bit dehydrated himself, and internally thanked fucking god that they were there and were only half-dead. The troll trudged over to where John was lying, contemplated for a bit, and then flopped down next to him on the dirty sidewalk without much of a fuck given to any pedestrians nor safety nor hygiene. The two of them were just tired and needed to rest for a moment before doing anything else.

"There's shade, Karkat. Actual legit shade where the sun is not involved," breathed John. "There are buildings and people. There's cold water that you can drink."

"To state the blatantly obvious, yes," Karkat said. "So how long do you plan on being splayed out in the middle of the sidewalk like an imbecile before we find a place to eat?"

"Pff," said John, looking over at the troll next to him, "I don't see _you_ trying to make any effort to do anything about it."

"I'm _tired_ , douchebag," Karkat said with a half-hearted growl. "Give me some fucking credit, I'm not the one without the self-control to keep himself from almost attacking the vendor for some water."

"I did _not_ 'almost attack the vendor.' I ran up to him and politely asked for a few bottles and gave him his money."

"You grabbed the bottles, tossed a few sweaty coins into the box, and then poured the water all over yourself like a moron and breathed out something that couldn't even remotely be interpreted as a thank you."

"Oh, fuck off." They lay in silence for another few minutes, staring blankly around at the buildings that towered above them. A clanking sound could be heard throughout the city that sounded like the gears of a clock turning, an even and constant ticking. Since it was around noon, the streets were quite busy and alive with people heading out for lunch and cars driving around from place to place. A couple of amateur musicians dotted the corners of blocks, but their discordant arrangement of notes that could hardly be referred to as a melody didn't strike anyone as a good choice for city background music. Karkat's head throbbed from just listening to it, but he resisted the urge to chuck the heaviest thing he could at the musicians and remained still. He turned to face John beside him and found his blue eyes looking right back at him, paired with a familiar goofy smile. His face flushed a bit, but he quickly smothered it with a sharp retort. "What the fuck are you looking at me for?"

"Huh? I wasn't looking at you, dude," said John. "I was spacing out."

"Bullshit."

"It's true!" Karkat rolled his eyes. "Aw, come on!"

"I am more likely to believe that you have the power to not be an idiot than consider you _staring_ at me a result of yOOF!" Suddenly, a heavy weight shoved at Karkat's side, sending him reeling into John. He scrambled to get up and saw the perpetrator's back, striding coolly away from the scene. "Hey, asshole! Get your head out of your ass and watch where the fuck you're walking!" He bared his fangs threateningly as the stranger halted his pace. "Yeah, you! With the red shirt and blonde-as-fuck hair! I'm fucking talking to you!" John, who had recovered from the sudden impact, straightened up to see a figure that struck him as mildly familiar, but still somewhat strange. Then the figure turned around to face him and the troll.

"Look, little fucker, I got better things to do and better places to be than watch out for trolls like you who think they fuckin' rule the world and can take a nap in the middle of the sidewalk. I'm the pedestrian, I have the right of way like a pimp has his hooker," the stranger drawled without making any facial expressions; or maybe he was, those shades he was wearing kind of blocked half his face. "So just motherfucking chill." A deep and vicious growl threatened to escape Karkat's clenched jaws, but John interrupted with an excited, "Dave!? Is that you?" The blonde turned towards John with an eyebrow slightly raised. "Dave Strider?"

"Now, now, calm your shit, don't go all kissing my shoes and begging me for autographs because I'm just that great," he said, causing John to chuckle. "You a fan of my sick beats?"

"No, you dumbfuck, it's me, John!" The blue-eyed boy left the dumbfounded Karkat's side and practically tackled Dave with a brohug. "Don't pretend you don't know me!"

"Oh, hey," said Dave in a flat tone, as if he wasn't overjoyed and excited that his best bro was hugging him, right there. "'Sup?"

"Not much, I actually just got here!" John rambled in excitement. "I was just thinking if I would run into you and then bam! you ran right into us!" He looked back at the wide-eyed troll, suddenly remembering that he was there, too. "Oh, um, this is Karkat. Karkat Vantas. He's a, um…," he struggled for the right words, keeping in mind that Karkat previously made it clear he didn't see them as friends. And yet, when a scratchy "friend of his" came out of the troll's mouth to finish his sentence, John became even more happy than before. "Yeah! He's a friend of mine that I've been traveling with. And Karkat, this is Dave Strider. And, well, I already told you about him before." Dave stared at the disgruntled boy in front of him, his sunglasses keeping Karkat from telling what he was thinking. It seemed like he was judging him, a feeling Karkat hated. But the blonde seemed to accept his existence when he turned back to John.

"So you came all the way from Kazge just to see your best bro? I'm flattered, man."

"Hehehe, like I would ever bother," replied John with sarcasm. "But, uh, we're heading towards Kwarlodia in the mountains, and I thought we could stop by and see you! So, yeah, here I am!"

"Kwarlodia, huh," Dave repeated. "Now that I think about it, my bro lives around there. My actual bro, the one that I'm genetically related to."

"Oh, wow, really? What a coincidence!"

"Sure thing. So do you and Shouty here feel like coming up to my crib?" asked Dave, gesturing towards the short troll. "I got some time on my hands before my gig tonight. Maybe get some food." As if in response, John's stomach growled loudly from the lack of food in it. He laughed loudly and Dave's lips cracked a subtle smirk. "Guess that's a yes." John nodded and started to walk off with his blonde friend, but remembered again that Karkat was with him, too. His blue eyes glanced nervously back at the troll, who had been almost silent the entire time.

"Karkat?" he asked gently, ducking his head down to try and see Karkat's face. "You alright?" The troll simply grumbled and smushed a grey palm into that dopey pink face and walked ahead with his shoulders hunched forward in fatigue. John quickly caught up to him and worriedly asked the same question again.

"I'm fine, now will you just leave me the fuck alone?" snapped Karkat, turning his face away and dismissing him. But John persisted.

"Come on, what's up?" he pushed. "Are you tired or something? Or hungry?" Karkat scowled and bared his sharp teeth at him, but John's determination didn't falter. He knew that the troll wouldn't attack him. He wasn't sure why he knew this, but he did. "Karkat?" He tried to take his grey hand in his own, but Karkat stepped back and snarled again. 

" _No,_ John, I am perfectly nourished after not eating for almost 5 hours straight and I'm perfectly well-rested after an almost sleepless and hot as hell night while trying to make sure you don't fucking die in your sleep because you suffered heat stroke earlier that day. I'm just fucking peachy after getting kicked in the side not ten minutes after I finally found time to lie down and relax for one fucking second. I don't feel any wracking pain in my think pan from that incessant train wreck that can hardly be called music, nor do I feel any aches in my back from carrying both my and, for a couple of hours, your shit, nor do I just want to fucking relax and be left the fuck alone to have a moment of silence without some asshole insulting me or repeatedly pestering me about my feelings. No, John, I'm perfectly fucking fine and I most certainly would like to stay out here in the heat for another few hours." The troll's small body shuddered in a breath and he held his aching forehead. John looked upon him sadly, his blue eyes glazing over and his eyebrows turning upward. All he wanted to do at that moment was give Karkat a big hug and gently pet his hair until he calmed down, but then the more reasonable part of him said that that wasn't a very good idea because Karkat didn't seem like a very huggy person and doing that sort of thing was a bit… you know… ahem. Either way, all he could say at that moment was, "I'm sorry."

"Fuck, don't apologize, nookstain. It's not your goddamn fault. Le—"

"So I don't mind the fucking boiling heat all that much, and I got all day here," a cool voice interrupted from afar, "but maybe you two should be focusing on some food before flirting it up, mmkay? Wrap it up, chop chop." John's cheeks suddenly turned from an overheated pink to an incredibly embarrassed scarlet as he stammered out something about not being a homosexual. What was that, anyways? Is that some sort of weird derogatory human romance term? Whatever it was, Karkat shouldn't give too many fucks about it at the moment. What he _should_ be doing is verbally tearing into this Dave guy for being an asshole.

"Fuck off, asshole," Karkat retorted defensively; Dave smirked.

"Haha, bingo. Looks like at least one of you was flirting with the other," he teased.

"W-W-We were not, numbnuts!" John shouted childishly, his face still bright red. "Uhm… right, Karkat?" Karkat could have laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of even thinking about the notion.

"Of fucking course not. It seems like this douchebag is simply projecting his _own_ wants onto us. Isn't that right?" Fuck yes. This was where his experience in romance (novels) came into play. Karkat 1, Strider 0. Until he realized that the blonde was still smirking.

"Maybe, maybe not," he said nonchalantly, lifting his hands in a "who knows?" pose and spinning on his heels away from them. "Now can we get fucking moving?" 

"Hey, _you're_ the one who had to say we were _flirting_!" John laughed, not realizing that when he started to walk forward he took Karkat's hand in his again. Both he and the troll looked down at their clasped hands for a few moments before John mumbled something like "sorry" and broke away. Karkat followed, and the three of them headed down the city streets towards only Dave knew exactly where, but hopefully it had something good to eat. 


	6. ~4~

When the three of them arrived, Dave almost unironically insisted that the two of them get into the fucking shower before they did anything else, because they honestly looked like they had tunneled through the ground the entire way there. John easily complied; Karkat was a bit more challenged in that respect, arguing that he didn't really give a fuck what he looked like and while he hadn't had a shower since a few days ago he wasn't about to have one in a fucking stranger's house, let alone use any of the so-called "exotic" bath soaps that the Strider offered up to him. It ended in John taking a shower first and pretty much shoving and locking the troll in the bathroom and refusing to let him out unless he was clean, despite all the colorful (to put it nicely) language that Karkat threw his way. A class B prank, in John's opinion, but in the end Karkat came out dirt-free, if very irritated.

 

"Aw, sweet!" John exclaimed upon seeing the huge set of DJ turntables that took up almost an entire wall of the penthouse apartment. "Where did you get the money to buy all of this?"

"My bro. My other bro, the one who raised me into the cool motherfucker I am," Dave responded from the kitchen. "Gotta have some practice tables, you know? Gotta get shit right before you hit the floor."

"Hehe, I'd rather not hear a demonstration. Ever." The blonde looked up and made a fake sad face. 

"My best bro isn't gonna attend my sick gig tonight, then? I'm crushed, dude. My heart is the beer can that was crushed against the redneck's forehead when his favorite football team scored touchdown. 'Woo, woo, Flyers win again!' or some shit like that." He brought out a couple of pots and set them on the stove, then walked over to the refrigerator and carefully wrapped a hand around the handle. John idly toyed around with a couple of buttons and switches on the turntables, oblivious to what kind of destruction he could possibly cause by doing so. "Hey, Karkat, wanna check this out?" He turned around and looked for his troll friend, only to find him sprawled unconscious on the big love seat in the center of the room. His hood was down and the rest of the cape was hitched up from turning in his sleep; John quietly walked over and carefully pulled the cloth off, revealing Karkat's candy red and black tank top and black cargo pants. He found it a bit funny that even after showering off, Karkat went out of his way to put his outdoor clothing on again, as if he was ready to high-tail at a moment's notice. Folding up the cape and setting it down, John was able to finally get a decent look at the troll he was traveling with. Jet black (and fluffy) hair, nubby horns (that he so wanted to touch but feared what would happen), a somewhat rounded jawline, and defined shoulders that led down into a lean body. (Not once did it cross John's mind that this was creepy.) John gently brushed away a lock of hair that seemed to be tickling the troll's nose and heard his steady breathing: he was definitely asleep, and John didn't plan on waking him up until dinner was ready. He was actually kind of cute when he was asleep. His eyes closed, his face unexpressive, even somewhat content, and his black lips tinged with a hint of red just slightly pouting out. (Not creepy at all, no sir, just checking out his totally platonic friend as he sleeps, maybe he should stop now, rig—)

"FUCK!" came an incredibly loud and surprised shout from the kitchen, followed by a crash and a… squeaking noise? that startled John into almost falling off the couch. He quickly scrambled away from Karkat (who, thankfully, was somehow still asleep) and skidded into the kitchen, only to find a certain Strider buried under a pile of… swords(?) and… what the fuck _were_ those?

"Uh… Dave?" called John, hesitant to get any closer. "Are you under there?"

"That dirty son of a bitch," Dave's disembodied voice groaned. "Stuffing the katanas and the smuppets _in with the fucking food…_ not even for ironic purposes, that lousy…" His limbs wildly flailed around, desperately trying to kick and claw their owner out of the pile of shit. Finally his head surfaced with his sunglasses askew, and upon seeing John through unshaded vision, he quickly adjusted them before doing anything else. John had known the reason why his best friend constantly wore shades for a while, and even though he found it silly to be embarrassed about having red eyes when Skaia was inhabited by more than just humans, he didn't say anything to oppose it. However, at the moment, it was incredibly to watch his normally cool and collected bro scrambling around under a pile of swords and… did he say smuppets? That's what those are? "Bro, this is just _disgusting_. He's gone too fucking far this time. I need to take a shower. With bleach instead of water. I don't think I can even go near the food in the fridge anymore."

"Come on, it's not that bad. A pretty great prank, if you ask me!" said John brightly, trying to find optimism for Dave, who glared (glanced blankly) at him once he uncoolly shoved the smuppets away from him with his foot.

"You have not seen where those disgusting smuppets have been. Your innocent virgin eyes have not been brutally and inadvertently molested by the pornographic nature of these felt dongs and plush rumps. God have mercy on your fucking soul, and you didn't see nothing." The blue-eyed boy burst into peals of semi-nervous laughter at Dave's ridiculous metaphors as he assisted him in shoving the pile of swords and smuppets into a nearby closet "for Bro to fucking deal with when he gets back." Now done with the debacle, Dave carefully resumed his removal of various ingredients from their shelves and placing them out on the counter. John examined each of them and took the guess that they were eating spaghetti and meat sauce for dinner. Very spicy meat sauce, judging from the tablespoon Dave (purposefully) placed near the bottle of cayenne powder.

 

"Yo, John, can your little troll buddy eat the same things as humans?" asked Dave as he disappeared into the pantry. The blue-eyed boy thought about this for a moment, and then said, "Not sure. I mean, we both ate the same food when we were traveling, and we're both still alive, so I guess so."

"Wake that fucker up and ask him, 'cause I don't feel like burying any bodies tonight."

"I'm not gonna wake him up! I guess he didn't get a lot of sleep last night so he's tired. I'm letting him sleep."

"Whatever. But if he dies, it's your responsibility to get rid of the body." Before John could respond, Dave came out of the pantry with a bright red and incredibly frilly apron tied around his waist, with the words "So Fucking Sugoi" embroidered in orange on the front. John barely even tried to stifle his raucous laughter and promptly burst into another round of "oh man this is just too funny"s and "hahahahaha"s and "oh my god I'm dying Dave save me"s. All the while, Dave stood there stoically and even struck a few poses in his ruffly monstrosity. After he was reduced to weak shambles of giggles and chuckles, John asked, "Now why, exactly, are you wearing that?"

"It's for a reason that you're not familiar with called irony. A gift from my bro, Dirk. Here I am, cooking a delicious pasta meal for two guys like a deliciously ironic little housewife. I am the housewife. It's me."

"What does 'sugoi' mean?"

"No fucking clue, but that doesn't matter. All shall bow down before the master of irony, which is me. You may as well start throwing roses at me now, because my irony is unmatched. Even iron bows its head in humiliation."

"Pfft. This whole irony thing is still a load of bullshit."

" _That_ is bullshit. Now hush hush, hubby, I gotta get dinner started." He shook the box of pasta for emphasis.

"So, I just stand here in silence until Karkat wakes up or until your spicy as hell dinner is ready?" inquired John with sarcasm seeping into his voice.

"Pretty much," said Dave as he filled a pot with water that was practically boiling out of the tap. "Unless you wanna tell me about that choice ass on the couch over there." Most likely, if John had been drinking anything at the time, he would have performed an excellent spit take at his bro's outrageous description of Karkat. "Whoa, I'm not serious, shrink those eyes back down to size. What's the dude's name again?"

"Uhm… Karkat. Karkat Vantas," said John, calming down his strangely quickened breathing.

"Karkat. Weird name."

"I guess troll names are like that."

"Where'd you meet him? Assuming that you haven't been dating for years and you just happened to leave that detail out of every conversation we've had."

"We're _not_ dating, dude! We're friends. I met him somewhere outside of… um… Angels? Angles…?"

"Angols."

"Yeah."

"And you were there because…?"

"…No real reason." Even though he couldn't see them, John sensed that Dave was "ironically" rolling his eyes. "It was on the way here, and then, uh, stuff happened, and I guess here we are, and we're going to Kwarlodia next." He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck, feeling those unseen eyes bore into him.

"Did you tell your old man you were doing this?" The blue-eyed boy suddenly became very interested in his two thumbs and began twiddling them guiltily, avoiding Dave's face at all costs. "You didn't."

"Dude, you wouldn't understand, and Dad didn't, either! In fact, only Karkat has really gotten what I'm doing and even though he d—"

"Hey, yo, Egderp, calm your tits," Dave interrupted coolly, stirring the contents of the pot in front of him. "I'm not judging you or anything; just curious about what my best bro is doing with his life. There be no judging up in this bitch. None." John nodded. "Tell me more about Kittykat."

"Hehehe, that's actually a funny nickname," he chuckled and glanced back at the sleeping troll, who had rolled over onto his other side in his sleep. "And well, he's kind of… crabby. But he's also kinda funny in the way he rage rants for minutes on end. And even though he curses a lot and spits out a lot of weird insults sometimes, I think he really is a nice guy who, you know, cares if you're okay or not." He paused. "That's what I've gathered for the couple of days I've known him."

"As long as he's not abusive to my man, he's good in my book. Again, I'm too cool to reduce myself to judging by species." 

"What, I'm _your_ man, now?" John joked.

"As far as I know, you're not betrothed to another fucker, so by default you're betrothed to me. You may kiss the bride."

"Hehe, no thanks, I think I can find a more feminine bride on my own," the blue-eyed boy asserted with a slight shake to his voice.

"What, this hot piece of Strider ain't good enough?" Dave wiggled his stirring spoon and did a few suggestive hip rolls towards John, causing a light flush to rise on the black-haired boy's cheeks.

"N-No, I mean…!" John stammered and struggled for words, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with every inch of his skin turning red. Another thing that he knew about Dave for a while was that he was blatantly bisexual. But even though he identified himself to be heterosexual, John didn't always mind the Strider's suggestive and even flirtatious comments aimed at him, and almost always played it off as him being ironic. Yet when confronted with something in person like this, it was a bit unnerving. He absently pulled it his shirt collar. "Geez, Dave, do you _have_ to go this far just for irony?"

"I could go further if you wanted," the blonde deadpanned; John's cheeks turned a few shades redder. "Kidding. I'm kidding. You're," he muttered under his breath, _supposedly_ , "straighter than a fucking ruler, for crap's sake. Please return your flipped shit to an upright position, we're preparing for landing in the International Airport of Calm the Fuck Down, home of the famous Dave Strider and his choice spaghetti and fiery sauce, fuck yes." John started chuckling again now that the awkward moment had passed and Dave turned back towards the stove in front of him. The two continued to idly chat for several minutes as the blonde quickly made a hot pot of practically explosive meat sauce and ladled it out into bowls on top of the stringy pasta. At this point, John made his way over to the couch and gently sat down on the space next to Karkat's head. He considered for a moment what would be the best method to wake the sleeping troll before placing a delicate hand on his forehead and beginning to rub through his hair. It really was pretty fluffy. So soft. Soon those black and yellow eyes fluttered open and turned upward to land on John's warm smile.

"Hey, you. It's time for dinner," he said almost in a whisper. Karkat's blank and dazed expression quickly twisted into a half-scowl and he sat up, yawning and showing his sharp fangs. He looked down at his exposed clothing and whipped his head around to face the human boy, his eyes now filled with a mixture of panic and anger.

"Where the fuck is my coat?" John tilted his head a bit in confusion. "My _coat._ Cape, cloak, hood, whatever the fuck it's called. _Where. Is it._ " The blue-eyed boy suddenly remembered, and gestured to the record-shaped coffee table to Karkat's right where the dirty cloth lay folded up. His clawed hands quickly grabbed it and held it close to his body, his face buried into its greyish-brown folds, much like a child clinging to their prized security blanket. John thought he heard a quiet purring noise rumble through his ears, but he dismissed it as a burble in the air conditioning.

"Um, so…," he mumbled, edging towards the troll. "Are you hungry? Dave made pasta and all. Um, I hope you can eat human food, or, wait, that came out wrong…." Karkat groaned as he removed his face from the coat and (reluctantly) placed it aside.

"We went over this. _Yes_ , I'm fucking hungry, and _yes,_ I can generally eat the same things as humans," said Karkat. "What did you say? Pasta? Sounds great, let's eat." John grinned and the two stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter, and sat down on the red stools. Dave deftly slid a couple of steaming bowls to stop in front of them along with napkins and utensils, and promptly took a seat across from them.

 

"So the beast awakens," said Dave coolly, bringing a growl from Karkat. "Yo, chill, these are the jokes."

"Yeah, don't worry, Dave's just an _asshole_ who doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut," John remarked, nudging Karkat with his elbow and smirking at his best friend. "More than 90% of what he says is not to be taken seriously." The troll merely glowered at the irritating blonde across from him, muttered something that sounded like, "thanks for the food," and took a huge bite of the spicy spaghetti in front of him. Slurping up the noodles, he looked up at the Strider who wore a blank stare but was obviously (to John, at least) disappointed. "The fuck are you looking at?"

"Your head isn't exploding," he deadpanned. "The fuck is your tongue _made_ of, man? That sauce has more than half a container of cayenne in it."

"Half a container!?" exclaimed John. "Are you _trying_ to kill us?"

"I don't get what the shit you're talking about," Karkat said, shrugging. "Just tastes like same old human pasta. Maybe a _bit_ spicier, but not really."

"No way, you're shitting me," Dave argued. "Egderp, you try it." John looked down at the bowl in front of him, looked back at the blonde, and rapidly shook his head "no." "Come on, bro, help me prove a point." He shook his head even more urgently. "It's either this or shitty hot dogs from a street vendor. Eat the goddamn pasta." Caving in, John slowly twisted his fork into the spaghetti and brought the clump to his lips. He squinted his eyes shut and popped the whole thing into his mouth. "Well?" The blue-eyed boy continued to chew, and finally opened his eyes again to face Dave.

 

"It's, uh… not that spicy," John squeaked out.

"I have never seen nor heard a bigger pile of horseshit be harmoniously dropped into a field of more horseshit than that one sentence there," the blonde stated blatantly, causing Karkat to spit out bits of sauce and pasta in disgust. "Dude, you're tearing up. I see little water droplets threatening to spill over your innocent cheeks like a baby spilling his mommy's milk all over her exposed breasts." Karkat again coughed out more of his half-chewed dinner back into his bowl. "Your face is turning redder than the goddamned sun at dusk, bro: just admit that it's spicy as fuck and then you can go drink the whole fucking carton of milk." John's reddened lips pursed in excruciating pain, but he remained silent just to spite the male across from him, and also possibly prove to Karkat that he could take as much spiciness as him. "And Karkles, it would just tickle my peach if you didn't puke up half your meal back onto the counter. I got ladies and gents to please on that."

"Holy _fuck_ , Strider, if you would just shut your goddamn mouth and stop spouting shit for one fucking second, I might actually be able to enjoy this meal without choking on it," Karkat growled. "That's also a fucking retarded nickname and I will personally ensure that your throat gets torn out and fed to rabid nut creatures if you ever call me that again. And dammit, Egbert, you don't have to prove shit or act like a complete imbecile over a stupid bowl of Strider's so-called spicy-as-fuck pasta. Admit that your tongue is at the same temperature as the asphalt outside and get the fuck over yourself." At that moment, poor John lolled his tongue out and tried to scrape the spiciness off with his fork, tears welled up in his eyes. Then he did exactly what Dave told him: admitted it was spicy as fuck and drank the whole fucking carton of milk that was in the refrigerator. Rivulets of the white liquid spilled down to his chin and dripped onto his shirt, but he honestly didn't care and was focused on the relief the drink was bringing to his sore tongue. Dave, satisfied with himself, took John's bowl in his hands, (remorsefully) tossed it into the trashcan, and served up another bowl of spaghetti that wasn't infected with his piquant sauce.

 

"Dude, that was probably the worst experience with food I've ever had," John croaked with a chuckle. "I don't know how you can stomach that fireball, Karkat. It's barely edible."

"Whoa, Egbert, cool it on all the compliments, you're making me blush," said Dave, sarcastic. "You're pouring it on thicker than that head of yours, I'm flattered."

"Oh, shut up, dickweed," the blue-eyed boy teased back, flicking some noodles onto the counter.

"Not a chance, sugar."

" _And you said that_ we _were flirting_ ," muttered Karkat.

"Huh? Did you say something, Karkles?" said Dave.

"Okay, first of all, fuck you," the troll raised his voice. "Second of all, you're an asshole. Third of all, guess what? Fuck you. The fuck and you are conjoined twins, horridly disfigured for the entirety of your miserable lives and fated to live in sorrow, without throats because they were ripped out and fed to rabid nut creatures because— and this is the dramatic plot twist—you're an asshole. Take a fucking hike into hell and stay there because the world would be a much nicer place without your assholian existence, that horrifying red monstrosity that barely passes as a piece of clothing, and those stupid-ass sunglasses you're wearing _inside_ , plaguing the world population."

"Nice imagery you've got there," the Strider commented, licking a bit of sauce off his finger. "Could be goddamn poetry. It makes me weep tears from its sheer beauty and elegance because I'm one sappy fucker for poetry. How did you know it was my one weakness, Vantas?"

"Haha, okay guys, relax," John interrupted. "Anyways, thanks for the food, Dave. And, um…." He shot a nervous glance towards the troll next to him for reassurance, but all he got was a _what the fuck are you looking at me for?_ "Is there room for us to stay the night? Just one night, that's it."

"What's with all the formalities, bro? 'Course you can," said the blonde, stacking all three empty bowls and placing them in the sink. "But on two conditions."

"And they are?" asked John over Karkat's load groans of displeasure. He elbowed the troll and muttered, _C'mon, do you_ want _to sleep outside in the heat and muck again? Dave's cool!_ , to which Karkat responded, _No, he's an asshole. Did I not just state that repeatedly?_

"One, you—both of you— must attend my sick gig tonight as my special guests of honor." Of course, this brought a round of semi-fake groans from John, earning him a rough elbow to the side from Karkat, who he literally just reprimanded about the groaning seconds ago. "Two… I come with you to Kwarlodia."

"What!?" both John and Karkat exclaimed, but with different emotions backing each of them. "Why?" Dave shrugged nonchalantly.

"Like I said, my bro Dirk lives around there. Might as well pay him a visit, and we'd hang out and shit. And, as you may not know but Shouty does, Kwarlodia is a fuckton of walking away from here. A literal fuckton. Weeks of fucktons," he pointed a thumb towards himself, "and I got some bikes. Motorbikes. All up and ready for usage. Reduces the fucktons to mere fuckcups. Do we have a fuckin' deal?"

"Hell yes!" "Fuck no!" John and Karkat shouted simultaneously, and then turned to each other. "What, you would rather _walk_ all that way?" the blue-eyed boy said incredulously.

"If it meant keeping the fuck away from _him_ ," the troll gestured wildly to the stoic blonde, "I'd be fucking _happy_ to."

"Man, why d'you hate him so much?" John asked, a bit hurt that his new friend wasn't getting along with his best bro.

"Because, I state this for the fourth fucking time: he's an _asshole_. The king of spouting shit."

"I'm honored that you would crown me as such, O Lord, but the acclamation should go to you. I step down from my shitty little throne and set that nasty brown hat on your head," said Dave, a smirk crossing his face.

"You can stay on that shitty little throne, douchebag. And you can shove that nasty brown hat right back up your miserable pale ass where it belongs," Karkat snarled in return.

"Ooh, kinky," the blonde purred in his irritatingly ironic way.

"What the fuck does that me—"

" _Guys_!" John piped up, bringing their banter to a halt. "Can we try and reach an agreement?" He stood up and gestured for Karkat to follow him to the living room. The troll hesitated at first, but ended up caving and sitting down on the couch next to the blue-eyed boy.

"Imma get ready while you two make out, 'kay?" Dave called suggestively as he removed the frilly apron and strode off into another room, with John and Karkat both shouting, red-faced, "Fuck _off!_ "

 

The two sat in awkward silence for a few moments while Karkat slowly steamed. Taking a deep breath, John spoke. "Karkat…,"

"No."

"But, come on!" Karkat whipped around and glared at John, but wasn't challenged by an equally threatening look. He sighed heavily.

"I don't like him, and that is all there fucking is to say on the matter. His mere existence grates at my every nerve and he has a shitty sense of humor. He can just. Rrgh…." The troll buried his head in his hands, his intensely negative emotions (but not so negative to be considered black romance) mixed with his faint feelings of guilt and reason that said Dave _was_ John's moirail-best-friend-person and it _was_ a good advantage to have moving vehicles. His clawed hands instinctively went to his head to pull down his hood, but he realized he wore no coat, and thus slowly wrapped his arms around himself lamely. He felt exposed. Naked. There were no shadows cast on his face to block out his expressions. He bet that John could see everything he was thinking just by looking at him. Maybe those shades Strider wore were kind of useful in that respect. Couldn't see a goddamn sliver of what the asshole was thinking.

"Karkat?" a soft voice called the distressed troll back to attention. Karkat slowly turned his head and opened his eyes to find John's face not four inches away from his own. He instantly turned red, as did John, but the latter placed a strong hand on the former's shoulder and looked him straight in the eye, his lips pulled into a straight line, his two front teeth poking out oh-so-subtly. "I… I mean, um… Please? Even if you don't like Dave, and even if his so-called sick gig is basically going to be as insufferable as he can be sometimes," Karkat almost chuckled at how the boy so casually besmirched is best friend, "he's offering us the use of motorcycles. _Motorcycles._ I bet it would get us to the mountains within a few days rather than… weeks?"

"It would," Karkat muttered scratchily.

"And, I don't want to, you know… slow things down even further if I end up passing out again." _Oh. Right. Shit. That's a thing that exists,_ Karkat thought, feeling guiltier by the second and grinding his teeth together. "So, please?" The troll narrowed his eyes and scowled, but on the inside he was contemplating the notion and practically tearing himself apart. He so wanted to just get the fuck out of there and have nothing to do with the sarcastic Strider ever again and make his way to Kwarlodia by his own goddamn means, but he was traveling with a bulge-munching grub who obviously was not accustomed to deserts or mountains or who the fuck knows else. He had to think about said bulge-munching grub, because he _was_ the reason why he was here in the first place. Well. Among other things. But that's shit to be saved for another situation. Right now he needed to work this out.

"…Fine, it's a fucking deal," he spat, rolling his eyes. John could have squealed, but he refrained from doing so and simply said excitedly, "Thanks so much!"

"Don't mention a word about it," Karkat said. "Now since that's decided, are we supposed to dress up like pretentious nookwhiffs for this ridiculous event I'm guessing involved more terrible music?" John laughed, rising from the couch.

"Haha, I'm not so sure about that. The dressing up thing; I'm pretty sure that tonight is going to involve more terrible music," he said, voice hinting of sarcasm. "Either way, I don't think I have anything that would be suitable for one of the great and majestic Dave's DJ concerts."

"Well, look no further, because this sexy Strider has already thought ahead of you once again," an ironic TV-show-announcer's voice emanated from the next room over as Dave Strider coolly strolled into the open, decked out in a bright red tuxedo with a black dress shirt, white bow tie, matching pair of red dress pants, and a pair of small gold hoops in each ear. "They may not fit perfectly, but you'll deal, yeah?" He had his hands behind his back: a warning sign that screamed, "I'm going to make you wear something ridiculous like a candy-colored shirt, shorts and suspenders, and a lollipop headband in your hair." The panic must have shown on John's face, for Dave continued with, "Calm the fuck down, Egderp, I didn't choose something _too_ ironic for you and Karkles to wear; in my own professional opinion, I think it's pretty choice." He drew closer and flipped from behind him two sets of clothes: in his left hand was a matching teal suit jacket and slacks, black short-sleeved shirt with green embellishments, lime green tie and shoes, and several gold accessories that John couldn't see at the current distance; on the right (and this one John almost snickered at) was a black jacket with red lining and white fur around the collar, fitting brown tank top, pair of grey jeans, pair of black and red boots, and yet more accessories that appeared to be thin belts and bangles. It was hilariously obvious to both boys which outfit belonged to who. Of course, that did not mean they both had to be pleased by chosen outfits.

" _FUCK_ NO!" Karkat shouted, shooting up from the couch and curling his hands into fists. "I can deal with staying the night. I can suck it up with going to this stupid fucking show, and hell, I can deal with the fact that this blonde asshat is forcing himself upon us and tagging along to Kwarlodia—"

"Asshat, that's a new one," Dave interrupted.

"—but god _fucking_ dammit, I am drawing the goddamn line over that hideous and absolutely re _volting_ excuse for an outfit that I would choose going ass-naked as a more attractive look. Even someone who gives literally no fucks about fashion can tell that is repulsive to the extreme. An outfit suitable for the king of pricks, the lord of stupid, the earl of I'm-fucking-blind-and-tried-to-dress-myself-today. I don't give a fuck _what_ kind of clothing I'm 'supposed' to wear; I'm wearing my own fucking clothing and there's _nothing_ —I repeat, in case your dense think pan couldn't catch it the first time, **_nothing_** —you could ever possibly even _hope_ to do to stop me. So fuck you and your retarded fashion sense, Dave motherfucking Strider. Fuck. Fucking. You." 

~ 

"It's not all that bad, Karkat," John tried to mollify, but only received a miserable scowl and a middle finger in return.

"Fuck you. You aren't even worth rageshitting to," the troll grumbled, making a slight clacking sound with every step he took down the main staircase. To his dismay, the boots he wore happened to fit perfectly, giving him no allowance to claw through the fronts with his sharp toenails. "I am the king of pricks, the lord of stupid, the earl of I'm-fucking-blind-and-tried-to-dress-myself-today. It's me."

"Aw, don't be like that!" protested the human, ducking his head in front of the troll and stopping him short. "You _don't_ look stupid. You actually look…," he awkwardly shoved his hands into his pocket, "kinda cool, I guess." Karkat rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"What-fucking-ever. Let's just get this bullshit over with so I can drown in my own pool of shame once we get back." John grinned and gently slapped a hand on his shoulder.

"That's the spirit."

"Yo, you two lovely fuckers ready?" called Dave from ahead of them, his hand on the knob to the massive door leading outside. "I _am_ the main event, so it's best we get goin'. Don't want to keep the adoring crowds hanging, now do we?" 

"Let them wait forever, I don't give a fuck," Karkat growled half-heartedly. "They will suffer how I am suffering. Primitive nookstains."

"Sounds great. Let's go, then." He opened the door and a blasting heat immediately struck the three of them with full force, choking them with the clothes they were wearing. Luckily for them, the venue was only a few blocks away, and soon they would be under the cool shield of air conditioning and lowered lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now commencing the irony apocalypse. Hold onto your butts.


	7. ~5~

 As soon as they arrived, Dave jabbed a thumb in the general direction of tables to sit at and then where he would be playing to John and Karkat. It seemed like a meaningless gesture, being that it was pretty obvious where the tables were and that he would be playing where the gigantic set of turntables and DJ equipment occupied the front of the room, but John assumed that Dave was just nervous about the performance, even though he would never admit it. With that, the blonde expertly ducked through the crowd of people standing around with drinks in hand and disappeared into a back room; the other two went off in the opposite direction and sat themselves down at a two-person table. A waiter appeared almost immediately and asked them if they wanted anything to drink.

"Sure, can I get a glass of milk?" John asked innocently. Both the waiter and Karkat snorted in response.

"I'm sorry, sir, I meant alcoholic drinks," said the waiter; the blue-eyed boy flushed.

"O-Oh! Then, um, no thanks." Karkat followed suit (if a bit more rude), and the waiter went away without another bother. "It's pretty dark in here, isn't it?"

"This may be hard to comprehend for such an ignorant and simple human as you, but trolls are, by nature, nocturnal," Karkat replied. "It might as well be bright as the fucking sun to me."

"Oh, cool! So you have night vision or something like that?" 

"No. Trolls just have better eyesight." A silence passed over them for a few moments, barely filled by the low chatter that rumbled throughout the small venue.

"Karkat?" asked John meekly.

"What."

"Are you alright?" The troll eyed him blankly, entirely taken aback by the notion that someone was giving a shit about how he felt. When, in fact, he didn't feel very well at all. He felt like a pretentious nookwhiff, dressed in those repulsive clothes that stupid Strider _made_ him wear. Everything was uncomfortable. The tank top that was supposed to cling hung loosely around his midsection. Not even the belts would keep the fucking jeans around his hips, let alone his waist. And the fur on the jacket made him feel like a recently drenched pawbeast. Meaning, a pawbeast that was pretty fucking pissed off that they were being forced to wear such ridiculous clothing. He didn't have his coat with him, which made him feel even more out of sorts and in the mood to just tear somebody's intestines out of their gut and strangle them with it. Not that he would ever do that if he was given the opportunity to. It's not exactly the kind of thing he needed hanging over him day and night. Nor did he need Egbert going around giving shits about him day and night, because that was fucking uncomfortable, too. 

"I'm just fucking peachy," he responded sourly after his extensive internal monologuing. John frowned. " _What is it now._ "

"Nothing! Geez," the human said defensively. "What am I supposed to say? Sorry?"

"No! Holy fuck, just… shut up…," said Karkat, quickly losing the energy required to rageshit all over John and his stupid tendency to irritate him and make him feel shitty at the same time. "Just try and understand how fucking miserable I feel at the moment right now, _John_. Think about how bad of a mood I'm in. Stretch your _shallow think pan_ just a _few inches_ further and imagine the intense amount of disconsolation I'm experiencing right now. Do you think you could do that? Just for little old me?" He shoved his clawed fingers through his hair and clutched at the locks, and set his forehead depressingly on the table. "Just leave me to suffer." Suddenly, his hands were painfully torn away from his head and grasped in warmth; he looked up to see John's deep blue eyes piercing into him as he held his hands tightly.

"Look, I…," he stammered. "I'm sorry, alright? I just thought—"

"Just thought _what._ "

"Let me fucking finish!" exclaimed John, making Karkat flinch from surprise. "I just thought that this could turn out to being something enjoyable. That we could relax for tonight before heading out again, you know? Even if we're wearing outrageously superficial duds that don't fit very well, all this is worth getting motorcycles to take us to the mountains." He paused. "And, well, I did want to hang out with my bro, but I guess that doesn't have much of a positive effect on you, since it's obvious you have a thing against him." Karkat sighed and opened his mouth to reply, but before he could the venue went silent as Dave Strider presented himself at his tables. The stage lights brightened into a whole rainbow of colors, flashing around the room before focusing on the blonde. He had a set of headphones around his neck and a mini microphone attached to his collar. John awkwardly let go of Karkat's hands and looked away; the troll thought, even with the weird lighting, he saw a flush appear on the human's cheeks.

"Alright, motherfuckers," Dave drawled, keeping his voice low and cool. "Let's get this show on the fuckin' road." His pale hands pressed a button, swerved a set of records and discs into place, and brought out a symphony of artificial techno sound. It blasted through the air in powerful waves, clashing with the excited "woo!"s of the crowd, both male and female. A couple of glasses clinked together and another few ended up in pieces, judging from the breaking sound that John faintly picked up over the loud music. Said music wasn't all that bad, actually. Danceable, even. Just listen to that epic imitation saxophone trill, that awesome warp-y sound effect that could never be made by an actual instrument. Hell, there was even some piano thrown in there. As a somewhat experienced pianist himself, John couldn't help but notice how it was virtually impossible for those sounds to ever come out of a piano: not even an electronic one. 

 

Then the music lowered into a throbbing bass line, and Dave's mouth opened to rap.

"Oh dear god," John joked, putting his fingers into his ears and laughing. Karkat pressed his index and middle fingers to his forehead as he closed his eyes and his eyebrows turned down slightly. "You alright, Karkat?"

"Yes, just a headache," he grumbled. What was that immutable buzzing noise vibrating into his skull? The troll tried to shake it away, but the noise— along with the headache it caused—remained. "How long is this torture going to go on for?" 

"Hey, it's not torture, so far!" said John, chuckling. "Maybe an hour or so? Dave always bragged how he would have at least three hours of music stockpiled, but only played about a third of it to 'keep the ladies and gents wanting more' or something."

"Ugh…," Karkat groaned. "Does this place at least sell auricular sponge clot plugs so I don't have to listen to this shit at a 120% volume?" He himself had to raise his voice as the low music gave way to more wild beats and squealing notes that exploded into the room.

"You mean earplugs? I don't think so!" John replied. "But come on, it's not all that bad. Before I was just joking about it sucking." He jabbed a thumb to the expanded floor in front of them that was packed with people dancing. "Maybe, uh… you wanna dance?" Karkat glared at him incredulously, as if John kidnapped several virgins and asked if he wanted to help him out with the sacrificial ceremony, complete with blood rituals and scented candles.

"What the _fuck_ have I ever done that would remotely hint that I like to dance, let alone that I'm any good at it?" he spat. "Ignoring the fact that this music hardly has a danceable beat, and that we would look even more like pretentious nookwhiffs if we joined their embarrassing ranks on the dance floor. I'd rather only be dressed like one, thank you very fucking much. No fucking thanks."

"Wow, you really are self-conscious sometimes, aren't you?" John remarked, for some reason taking Karkat's hands in his again. "Just try to enjoy yourself! Everybody else is dancing!"

"Yeah, and if everybody else was jumping off a cliff into a tar pit filled with horrifying human and troll-feasting tentacle beasts while covered in each other's genetic material, would you go for it as we—FUCK!" Suddenly, the blue-eyed boy yanked the troll out of his seat, stumbled down the couple of steps and onto the dance floor, and pulled the disheveled Karkat in front of him.

"Sorry, what did you say? It sounded a lot like, 'sure, John, I would love to dance with you and have fun!'" teased John, a mischievous smirk crossing his face. "Come on, dude."

"I'm starting to think that you somehow inhaled ten bottles of intoxication without my noticing," Karkat grumbled; the human boy cupped a hand to his ear and leaned in.

"Huh? I can't hear you!" he yelled emphatically, laughing again. 

"I _said_ —HOLY FUCK!" Once again suddenly, John whipped the poor troll around in a move that somewhat resembled a dance turn. He brought himself and Karkat deeper in the crowd, still holding onto his hands so as not to lose him. Then he decided to weave back and forth, goofily rolling his hips in time with the music. Karkat flushed (and failed to cover his face being that his hands were held captive) not because he was overwhelmed by John's incredible suaveness and sexiness as he pulled off such a move, but because he was mortified to be seen with such an incredible dipshit who was fully absorbed in his love for dancing but was just so horribly _bad_ at it. It was almost pitiful. Disgustingly close to being almost pitiful. But not quite.

"Let go of me. Now."

"No way, dude. Not until you start getting your groove on."

"Fine, here I am. The groove is on. The groove is more on than a leech is to an unsuspecting human child's ankle as he ignorantly wades into the mud pool in the back of his house, feeling only tickles as the goddamn thing sucks all his blood out of him. The groove is more fucking on that than, John. Are you even fucking listening?"

"Hey, you actually called me by my first name!" said John, grinning. "Now we're actually getting somewhere in this friendship! Not that it wasn't already there in the first place, of course."

"I called you by your first name before, moron."

"Doubt it!"

"You sponge-numb dingbat, let go of me!" He suddenly yanked his hands away from John and, by way of the laws of physics, ended up stumbling backwards and crashing into several other people, who then stumbled over into other people, thus creating a gigantic domino effect of angry and drunk people falling over onto their asses.

 

Or, he would have, if John hadn't not-so-smoothly swerved in and grabbed Karkat before such a thing could take place. By not-so-smoothly, his hand just so accidentally slipped and landed where it was certainly not welcome. 

"Aghhh!" Karkat garbled along with several nonsense words that hardly expressed the amount of protest and frustration he wanted to express. "Get your hands off of me!"

"Geez, the least you could say is thanks!" said John, who was ignorant to exactly where his hand was.

"Yeah, sure, thanks for copping a feel to my fucking ass, you douche!" At that, the blue-eyed boy glanced down at the troll in his arms, and sure enough, his hand was right on Karkat's butt, having a grand ole time down there, exploring caverns that John never wanted to ever think about.

"Sh-shit! Fuck, I, shit! Sorry!" he stuttered. Before he realized what he was doing, John snapped his hands back to his sides and left Karkat to inelegantly fall to the floor as was inevitable, only this time avoiding to cause a domino effect. "Agh, oh, fuck, I…!" He awkwardly stuck out a hand for Karkat, but it was slapped away as the troll got up on his own.

"I most certainly do _not_ need your sleazy hands touching me any more than what is absolutely necessary, thank you very fucking much," Karkat snarled. 

"I-I said I was sorry!" John stammered, his face turning redder and redder by the second. "I'm not a homosexual, I swear!"  Karkat opened his mouth to release another snarky comment, but close it again in puzzlement over that strange word again. He'd been meaning to ask about that, hadn't he.

"The fuck is that?" he sputtered.

"Huh?" The troll rolled his eyes, begrudgingly grabbed the boy's wrist, and dragged him back to the table they were sitting at only minutes ago. 

"Can't hear a fucking thing over there. Again, I ask, what the fuck is a homosexual?" Karkat pressed, glaring at John with those yellow scleras and blackened pupils.

"What do you mean, what is it?" inquired John, his confusion thankfully overtaking his embarrassment. "You don't know what that is?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be fucking asking, now would I? Think sometimes, dumbass."

"Alright! Geez!" said John exasperatedly. "Well, um, it's when a guy likes another guy. Normally guys like girls, which is called heterosexual, which is what I am. Meaning, I'm not a homosexual, which if I was, it would mean I didn't like girls in _that_ way. Um." He scratched the back of his neck nervously under Karkat's blank look. "Yeah."

"How is that even a fucking thing?" the troll spat. "I know that humans have a different system of romance and all, but they have a problem with males being in romantic relationships with other males? That's fucking stupid."

"No, it's not a problem! At least, not with most people. That's just the term for it," said John. "You mean that trolls don't have a thing like that?"

"We don't have that term, I can tell you that. It doesn't really matter what a troll identifies themselves by or who they pity or hate, so who cares? Male-male, male-female, female-female, it's all the same. Which is why it's doltish to differentiate things like that. And I honestly fail spectacularly to give a fuck about what gender anyone, including myself, has their fancies for."

"Pity? Hate?" John looked utterly confused, but also a bit uncomfortable.

"Guess what this isn't a good time for? Discussing the obviously superior and more complex system of troll romance, since we can barely fucking hear each other over this goddamn music," said Karkat dismissively. "Either way, I'll make a point now for you not to say that stupid phrase again. It doesn't make any fucking sense and it doesn't concern me in any way of what gender you are or aren't attracted to, so please do refrain yourself from clogging up my think pan with that particular idiotic notion. Am I fucking clear or did that not get through your dense-as-fuck head?" It was now John's turn to stare blankly for a few moments, before his face erupted into another goofy buck-toothed smile.

"Hehehe, I guess so," he replied. In the background, the loud music eased into another round of drumming low bass beats, vibrating through the air and resonating in John's ribcage. Suddenly, Karkat's head hit the table again and he clutched at his hair again, doubled over in pain with an unknown source. John's smile fell into a look wrought with worry. "Karkat!? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Fuck, my head…," he groaned. "God, what the fuck is going on?" It was at that moment that Karkat noticed, with one look around the room, that he was the only troll in the place. He was sure that he saw a couple of other trolls walking around outside before he came here, so surely some would show up? Unless, of course, they all were smart and agreed that this music was unbearable. But as much as he would like to think that all of his race were as intelligent as him, he doubted that was the reason. Fuck, that hurts. The troll turned his head onto its side and shut his eyes in pain.

"Karkat?" he heard John's gentle voice call. A warm hand reached over to him and, before he could flick it away, began rubbing his head in soothing circles. His shoulders reflexively relaxed, but his grey clawed hands remained tangled in his black hair. A second warm hand appeared and rubbed the back of his ears and his jawline, provoking Karkat to start, as humans onomatopoetically referred to it, purring. The troll hoped that John wouldn't hear it, but with his luck it was probably louder than the music that painfully thrusted itself into his ears. Okay, so that music wasn't _all_ that bad, Karkat had to admit. As much as he hated Strider is the most unromantic way possible, he could hold a fucking beat. But dammit, something about it just _hurt_ like no pain he ever felt before. Suddenly, he became very aware that John's fingertips brushed against his horns, a realization that came with a wave of both pleasure and a twinge of discomfort that rolled down his spine.

"Fuck!" Karkat shouted as he snapped his head upright and out of John's reached. Before saying anything more, he looked at John to find that his mouth was O-shaped in surprise.

"Karkat," he began, "are your horns supposed to vibrate like that?" Karkat raised an eyebrow, but then raised a hand to one of his horns and felt that the human was telling the truth. Of course, that's why his head was hurting so much. He looked over to the front of the room to Dave and his turntables, and focused on the intense bass line that rocked back and forth. Ouch. Yes, that fucking hurt. 

"Egbert, I need to get the fuck out of here," Karkat said urgently, now looking back into John's eyes. "Now."

"Why? We still have another thir—"

" _Now._ " The pained look in the troll's eyes spurred the blue-eyed boy to rise from his seat, gently lift Karkat up by his armpits and sling an arm around his chest (since he was a bit too tall for Karkat to comfortably hang onto his shoulder)—all without protest from Karkat—and lead him out the door they came in from.

 

The two walked down a few buildings before sitting down on the curb. It was now nighttime in Rezon, but the city lights still shone bright in an attempt to ward off the darkness. Several cabs rolled down the streets, honking once in a while, and the music from Dave's club still sounded through the air, but the atmosphere was mostly quiet. The air was still almost unbearably hot, but for the sake of his troll buddy John could deal with it. Unknowingly, said troll buddy leaned on his shoulder, slowly calming down and lessening the vibrations his horns were making.

"You feeling better?" asked John softly. He felt the troll shake his head yes.

"A bit," he said scratchily.

"So, what exactly happened back there? What was up with your horns?" Karkat raised his head and looked at John tiredly.

"As much as I don't feel like talking about it, I might as well explain now to save my future self the effort," Karkat began. "Okay, background information for dumbasses, troll horns are extrasensory organs that sense vibrations that are a part of Alternian. It's a language thing." He purposefully left out the fact that horns were also sensitive to the touch, because the last thing he wanted was for John to start tickling or fondling them as some sort of twisted prank. "I'm guessing that Strider's annoying music with its shitty bass line had thick sound vibrations that overwhelmed my senses, hence the gigantic fucking headache that I was and still am experiencing."

"Oh, wow, that's actually really cool!" said John. "So they're like a second set of ears, sorta. What about if you touch them?"

" _Don't,_ " Karkat interjected bluntly. "Just. No."

"Hehe, alright then," the blue-eyed boy said. "Do you think you could stand, or maybe go back inside?"

"Fuck no," the troll growled. "Even if I could, I wouldn't. Strider never said we had to stay the entire time. We went. We left early. He can suck it." John chuckled, subtly circling an arm behind Karkat's waist. 

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked.

"Yes, John, I'm the kind of person that carries a watch on him at all times so he can always be aware of what time it is, at any given time, all the fucking time. And it's not like we're in a city that is known for its clockwork and clockmaking factories. It's not like almost every building has a time display in bright-as-fuck neon lights. And it's most certainly not like you can simply turn your head a couple of degrees and find that there is a goddamn clock _right fucking there,_ rather than asking me what the time is, when it's obvious that I don't fucking know at the moment because I probably already would have told you if I did. Or maybe I wouldn't, just to be a jackass and get you to do something for your fucking self for once." He paused and sighed, for the grin on John's face only widened as he talked on and on. "I'm rambling. It's 8:53."

"I'm glad to hear that you're feeling well enough to rant at me again," John remarked. "So Dave should be out soon."

"Can't we just head back to his apartment ourselves, I'd appreciate getting into a comfortable sleeping place as fast as possible." The blue-eyed boy looked at him incredulously. "What?"

"I'm a bit surprised, that's all," said John. "I would've thought that you would want to take this chance to just bail or something." Karkat promptly flicked the back of his hand onto the human's shoulder out of irritation. "Heheh, what, you wouldn't?"

"You may think I'm a raving asshole, and maybe I am, but I wouldn't go back on my word." He absently fingered the silver dangly crab-shaped accessory that hung from his neck, making a small jingling sound. "Egbert."

"Yeah, Vantas?"

"Okay, don't call me that. It sounds fucking stupid."

"Sorry, just thought since you call me by my last name, I could call you by yours," said John, chuckling. Karkat sighed once again.

"John," he said.

"Yeah, Karkat?"

"When you said before that you thought I looked cool… Was that just another one of your stupid pranks that you use to spite me and mislead me into thinking that you could be a decent person for once before reminding me that you're a hopeless bulgelicker, or were you actually being serious and paying me a compliment?"

"Huh? Why would I joke about that, dude?" asked John. "I mean, yeah, I would say something silly like that to Dave when he's in something horrendously uncool like that frilly apron, but I wouldn't say it to spite you." He paused for a moment and subtly looked the troll—and his clothing—up and down. "You do look cool. Those clothes suit you." A twinge of warmth ran through Karkat's body, but he merely grunted in response and mumbled more to himself than to John, "You look good, too." 

 

A few minutes later, the club emptied into the streets with Dave Strider being the last to leave. With his shades still on, he spotted the two of them sitting on the curb and walked over to them.

"What's up with Shouty? Had to take a dump or something?" he asked, noticing that the troll was leaning on John for a reason he assume to be illness.

"Go to hell," Karkat growled.

"I'll take you with me," the blonde smirked.

"Well, um, he started having a headache…," John began; he felt Karkat tense up against him. "So I thought he should get some fresh air. Sorry we couldn't stay for the whole thing, bro." Dave simply shrugged in that cool fashion he always had and shifted his weight to his other leg.

"Not a problem, gotta keep people feeling good, yeah, yeah. How about we head back, hm? Get some sleep, pack whatever shit we need to, so on so forth." John nodded and gently nudged the troll off his shoulder, and stood up next to him. "…Did you at least get a peek at my sick flashstepping?"

"Sure, Dave," John responded. "Sure we did."

 

As soon as the door clicked behind them, John and Karkat rid themselves of the clothes that Dave made them wear. Well, John started taking off his shirt and jacket in the middle of the room and Karkat hurriedly grabbed his bag and dressed himself in the bathroom while the third of them smirked at their mishaps. When he emerged, the troll was back in the tank top and cargo pants he wore earlier that day. Or maybe it was just a different set of the same clothes, John thought, since this set looked less dirty that the one from before.

"Alright, so where're we sleeping?" asked John as he flopped down onto the couch. Dave hesitated before he responded.

"Now, don't get me wrong, I would love to treat you two fine pieces of ass to the best of Strider hospitality," he drawled, "but I'm going to have to make the both of you sleep on the couch."

"Whoa, what?" John exclaimed. "Come on, dude. I _know_ you have at least two extra beds. What about your two bros' beds?" In an instant, Dave was standing in front of the blue-eyed boy and staring him down through his sunglasses with a look of pure intensity. Meaning, an utterly blank stare that was paired with a slightly turned down mouth. But it was like a look of pure intensity, for a Strider.

"I duly remind you of what happened before dinner today," he stated. "Remember the smuppets, John. They're everywhere. Treading into my bro's room is like stepping into smuppet hell. I'm saving your virgin eyes. And as for Dirk's room… it's never to be spoken of." They stared at each other, frozen, with Dave trying to get his point across and John trying to decode if he was being ironic or being serious. In the end, he decided to go with serious.

"Okay, okay, we'll sleep on the sofa," John resigned. "Is that fine for you, Karkat?"

"I honestly don't give a fuck where I sleep. No fucks given. None." 

"Alright, make yourselves a nice little home right there, I'll serve as your housemaid for the night and get you two some pillows and shit," the blonde said as he walked out of the living room in search of bed linens. The troll promptly flopped down on the couch a considerable distance from John, as far as distances on couches go, and crossed his arms and shut his eyes. 

"Hey, don't fall asleep yet!" said John, nudging Karkat's shoulder; he deftly smacked his hand away and continued to doze. "I never would've thought that someone as vivacious as you would so readily go to sleep." At this, Karkat opened his eyes and stared at John.

"Vivacious? Ha! That's fucking hilarious. Either way, my sleep schedules and my readiness for sleep is really none of your business, but if you must know I am not normally so ready for sleep and I've been at least ten times more tired than I am now, but for some unknown reason I feel compelled to become unconscious on the spot, as we speak, so is there any more that needs to be said? No? I didn't think so." He closed his eyes again and turned away from the blue-eyed boy. "You should go to sleep soon, too. I don't want you to pass out again and fall off the bike in a stupendously ridiculous and fucking dangerous manner."

"Aw, what? No way, dude, it's only about 9:30! I haven't gone to bed that early since I was 10," he paused, "okay, 13. Still, I'm not even tired."

"For once, I'm gonna have to agree with our Lord and Savior of the religion of Spouting Shittism on this one, Egderp," came Strider's voice as he strode back into the room armed with several blankets and pillows. "Check it, even the Almighty Dave Strider, king of the night, is shutting his beautiful eyes to the world within a few moments." He tossed the blankets and pillows onto John, who scrambled to catch them in his arms. "Now go the fuck to sleep before I whip out the rap CDs."

"Oh, no, not the shitty rap CDs!" exclaimed John as he held up his hands in surrender. "Hehe, fine, you both got me. I'll go to sleep. You better not pull something as lame and predictable as the shaving cream and tickling the nose trick on me!"

"Calm down, we're not you," quipped Dave.

"Hey, my pranks are _way_ better than the likes of that." He paused. "Though I wouldn't put it beneath me to do that in a cinch." He separated two blankets and a pillow from the pile he previously set next to him and stood up. Then he walked exactly 3 paces west of the couch and sat back down again while unfolding the blankets; Dave looked on with a look of both confusion and curiosity (i.e. a blank stare).

"Dude. The fuck are you doing?" The troll opened his eyes again to find the blue-eyed boy was no longer next to him, and he looked over to where he relocated to. He added, "I second that statement. What the fuck are you doing, Egbert?"

"Well, uh," said John. "I thought I'd sleep here and Karkat would get the couch…? Or I just, you know." He fidgeted under the now two blank stares he was getting. "Yeah. G'night."

"Egbert, out of all the foolish and senseless things I have seen you done, this is not even near the top of the list. However, that is not to say that this is still incredibly stupid and you should stop and get your pale ass back here."

"Hey, I'm not all that fair-skinned," John argued. "I'd say I'm a golden tan color."

"Guess what this conversation is about? Not your goddamn skin tone. Get the fuck over here."

"No, it's fine, really. You get the sofa, and I'll just sleep… here. Not on the sofa." He patted his pillow before resting his head on it and awkwardly pulling the blankets over his body. "Can you turn out the lights, Dave?" The blonde and the troll both stared at him for another few moments in complete confusion. Then Dave shook his head and walked over to the light switches on the wall behind him.

"Yeah, sure. Night, lovebirds."

"Fuck off," came John's voice with a laugh. Dave smirked before snapping all the switches off and striding out of the room; when he heard the door from afar click shut, John spoke again. "Hey, Karkat?"

Karkat grumbled before responding. "What could it possibly be now?"

"Can you explain your pity-hate troll romance thing to me? Now, maybe?" The troll first executed an excellent facepalm, then rolled his eyes, only catching himself when he realized that John couldn't actually see him.

"Later, alright? In the morning, or whatever. I don't even understand why you want to know about it so fucking much."

"I'm curious about my troll bro! And his weird foreign romance system. Do you guys really hate each other instead of love? Or pity instead of love?"

Karkat sighed. He obviously was not getting out of it that easily. "There are four quadrants. Which is pretty fucking redundant since if there were five, it would be quintants, not quadrants. The four quadrants are split in two different ways, redrom and blackrom, and concupiscent and conciliatory. Redrom is based on pity: the concupiscent is called matespritship, and the conciliatory is called moirallegiance. Of course, we went o—" He stopped his explanation upon noticing the unusual silence that was caused by Egbert not talking for once. He crawled over to the other end of the couch and peered over the back to find that the blue-eyed boy had fallen asleep, despite him insisting not minutes ago that he didn't want to go to sleep at "only about 9:30." Karkat snorted before pulling the remaining blankets and pillows from the pile next to him and setting up his bed. He pulled the covers over his shoulders and nestled his head into the pillows.

"Goodnight, you bulgemunching doofus."

~ 

Karkat's eyes suddenly snapped open, launching him into full awareness and consciousness. Unfortunately for him, it was only 3 in the morning, or, the exact time that he didn't want to be aware or conscious at all. He groaned in annoyance before sitting up and looking around. He felt his stomach grumble from its lack of food, since half a bowl of bland pasta barely lasted until he first went to sleep, let alone through a night where his nocturnal body decided to throw a bitchfit. The troll swung his legs over the edge of the couch, made his way to the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator door to reveal… the contents of a refrigerator. Some cheese, carton of milk, couple of microwaveable burritos in the freezer compartment, nope, nothing out of the ordinary there. Karkat opted for a simple sandwich using a few ingredients he pilfered from other kitchen sources and half a loaf of stale-ish bread he found crammed into the back of the cabinet under the sink. He absently wondered if Strider and his (assumedly, based on what he observed throughout his visit) dysfunctional family ever ate properly in their own home or if they ate shitty hot dogs and microwaveable burritos all their lives. Maybe he should cook something edible for breakfast tomorrow. He could do with something edible, being that for the past few days he'd mainly ingested some bread rolls and dried fruit. Not the blue mushrooms, though. Those blue mushrooms were possibly the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen. What ever made that idiot John think that those were even remotely edible? Maybe the mushrooms were the reason he was so soft in the think sponge. They were probably filled with a natural neurotoxin or some other shit like that that obstructed the development of— okay, now he was being ridiculous. The mushrooms probably would taste pretty damn good if they were _cooked_. In an _omelet._ With some peppers and onions. Did Strider have omelet ingredients? Yeah, he saw a couple of eggs in there. Except he didn't know how old they were. Who fucking knows, they could be so old that little cluckbeasts were growing inside of them and ready to hatch. Though an omelet would make a great breakfast in the morning. 

 

Right. About that sandwich he was making. It was pretty much finished and eaten at that point. He quietly replaced the things he used back in their respective spots (he even shoved the bread back under the sink) and shuffled back over to the living room. John was sprawled on the floor, head half-off the pillow and blankets flung down to his ankles. He was snoring a little bit. Forgot to take off his glasses. Karkat rolled his eyes and muttered, "What an idiot," and flopped back down onto the couch again. He lay there for a few minutes with his eyes wide open, listening to the human's quiet snoring. Inevitably, the troll got up again, knelt beside John, and gently nudged him awake.

"Wake up, assmaggot," he whispered scratchily. John's blue eyes blearily opened, but it could easily be seen that he was half-asleep.

"Kar…kat?" he mumbled. "Wha… 're ya… doin'?" Karkat wrapped his arms under each of John's armpits and hefted him up, dragged him over to the couch, and nudged him with his foot.

"Get up for a moment," Karkat ordered; John sleepily complied and got to his feet, only to be led down to the couch by a clawed hand. Karkat quickly retrieved his bed linens, placing the pillow under his head and covering his body with the blankets. Luckily, the love seat was big enough to accommodate both of them, but the troll still fidgeted around for a moment before finding a comfortable position next to the now entirely unconscious boy. Right before he forgot, he reached over John's body and removed his glasses, then tossed them onto the coffee table a couple of feet away. A small hint of a smile appeared on Karkat's face as he retreated back into his warm pillow with hopes that he would sleep at least until the dawn broke. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand chapter five, everybody! C:


	8. ~6~

Slowly did John's mind waft into the realms of consciousness, clearing away the night's dreams and memories to make room for reality. His eyes opened to find that he wasn't in the same place he was when he fell asleep, or maybe he was? He couldn't remember at the moment: everything just seemed to be one gigantic blur. Suddenly, a figure passed in front of his vision, a familiar figure that took the form of a tall fair-haired boy wearing dark aviators.

"Rise and shine, it's the asscrack of dawn and none of us want to be awake, but hey, Karkles is making breakfast," Dave Strider announced, bending his neck to get more in John's face.

"It is most certainly not the 'asscrack of dawn.' It's almost 8:00, shithead," came another familiarity from further away. "And how many fucking times do I have to order you to quit calling me that?"

"You could order me a thousand times and I'd _still_ call you that. Oy, Egderp, don't fall back asleep; you're suffering with us, being that you're the only reason this fucker's bothering to wake up any earlier than 10." Without another moment's notice, John felt the pillow underneath him disappear and then reappear in the form of a club whacking him over the head in an attempt to wake him up fully. An attempt that soon worked.

"Geez, gimme a second!" John exclaimed as he rubbed his eyes of sleep and sat up. "Say, didn't I fall asleep on the floor last night?" Dave shrugged and nodded, then looked over to Karkat who (to his own convenience) had his back turned to them. "Erm… never mind. When're we leaving?" 

"As soon as you get your shit together and your troll buddy serves up breakfast. Who knew the little shit could cook?"

"Hehe, it smells good!" said John, jumping up to his feet and making his way over to the kitchen with Dave following. "What is it?" Karkat held the pan up to him to reveal a large omelet with various ingredients mixed in with the egg, among them being the blue mushrooms that John had brought from Kazge. "Oh, hey, you found a use for those things!"

"No use in carrying around shit that won't be used anywhere else. Let's hope they don't taste like shit," said the troll. He swiftly grabbed a salt shaker from his left and dashed it over the omelet, then flipped it with a jerk of the pan. "I had to make do with the little amount of edible ingredients that Strider had in his food-barren wasteland of a living space, so if the mushrooms aren't half-bad then blame _him_ for its shittiness."

"Keep making excuses, bro, all you're doing is lowering the bar further," Dave commented.

"So fucking what? It's not like the goddamn thing will taste different if I make it sound better or worse than it probably is." As he spoke, Karkat flipped the omelet one last time, whipped out a knife and cut it into three (sort of) equal chunks and dished each chunk out onto a separate plate. The three of them sat down at the counter, with Karkat across from Dave and John, and readied their forks and knives to eat the egg in front of them.

"I dunno, Vantas, I'm scared to eat this. What if it starts coming alive and shit? What if I start to eat it and when it reaches my stomach it starts to eat me from the inside out? What if I have to go to the hospital, and they ask, 'Well, what happened,' and I have to say, 'Well, doc, I ate an omelet and it's eating me for revenge. Can you do something?' and they end up saying, 'We'll have to operate,' and now I got this weird metal stomach that runs on Doritos and orange soda, or some other tomfuckery bullshit. What if, Karkles? What if?"

"Shut the fuck up and eat your goddamn omelet," said Karkat, unfazed by the blonde's hypotheticals. John responded immediately and didn't hesitate to take a huge bite. His face lit up almost instantly and he looked at Karkat in utter wonder.

"Whoa. Dude!" John blurted out. "This is really… succulent! Flavorful! I dunno, just really good! Sure beats bread and dried fruit," he laughed, "Why didn't you say you could cook sooner or something? We could've had something _edible_ for dinner last night."

"Okay, I am not believing for one fuckin' second that this damn omelet is better than my pasta. You just have a feeble little tongue that cannot handle the overwhelming shitfucktastical flavorsplosion that is the badass Strider Spaghetti. Lemme have a taste of this," said Dave. He dipped his fork into the egg, bringing out a small chunk of it with a mushroom slice and pepper, and popped it into his mouth. He chewed for a few moments, his face still pensive and stoic. "…Okay, so it isn't total shit. I'm still pretty sure it's going to eat me from the inside, though."

"You're only jealous because Karkat's the superior chef," John quipped. "Seriously, though, it's really tasty, Karkat."

"Quit kissing my ass, shitstain," the troll barked, a bit overwhelmed by the compliments. "It's not that good." He also took a bite, but his facial expressions remained normal as ever. "See?"

"I'm not kissing your ass, dude; just speaking the truth!"

"You are so kissing his ass," Dave added in.

" _Thank_ you, Strider," Karkat dared to chuckle a bit.

"Man, a guy can't give a guy a compliment without getting verbally maimed and being accused of ass-kissing?"

"No, sir Egderp. Especially when more than one compliment is given over the course of less than 2 minutes for one fucking omelet. That is a textbook example of ass-kissing. Your lips are firmly planted on the Karkat ass, making out with the cheeks in the name of his omelet, eagerly attending to every dimple and crease. You are so obviously kissing ass so hard it's not even funny."

"Ugh, dude, gross!" the blue-eyed boy said, waving his fork and knife around. "Can't you hold off your sick rants until I'm done with this omelet I'm apparently kissing ass over? Can we possibly _stop_ talking about ass kissing? I would kind of appreciate it!"

"We never stop talking about ass kissing, bro."

"Holy fuck, you talk a lot," Karkat grumbled to Dave. "So Egbert asks too many fucking questions and Strider says too many fucking things. Do you have a third friend who extensively answers questions and explains things to the point where I'd want to rip my ocular spheres out as punishment for instigating a conversation in the first place?"

"Nah, man, but with your luck I'd bet you'll meet one," said the blonde as he finished up his omelet. John and Karkat finished up as well and took their plates to the sink. "Just leave 'em here, if Bro has a problem, which he never does, he'll deal with it. Now are you two fuckers ready to get on the road?"

"Hold on, let me get dressed and get my stuff together," said John. Karkat simply nodded in response to Dave's question. 

 

About an hour later, the three of them were all packed with clothes, water, food, and other miscellaneous items they chose to bring along with them. By Karkat's orders (meaning, his own will to act as the ironic housewife), Dave had gone out and purchased a load of nonperishable provisions and taken some extra money out of his (brother's) account. John quietly counted out the amount of money he had left, which amounted up to around 300 boonies. Not a lot of money, but it would do when pooled with Strider's and Karkat's money. John flipped up the blue hood of his jacket, Karkat clasped his cape together, and Dave donned a red jacket with an oversized hood to cover his incredibly pale skin. John tried to get his fellow friends to do a heroic team pose like the bosses they were, but it was ruled to be a "stupid as fuck idea." With that, they exited the penthouse apartment and made their way down to the parking lot in the back of the building, where the famed motorbikes were located.

 

"Dave," John more stated than called. "Uh, Dave."

"Yes, my bro motherfucker?" asked the blonde as he whipped out the keys he snatched from the apartment earlier.

"There's only two bikes here."

"Well, no shit."

"There are three of us here."

"No way, I totally thought there were three hundred of us here. My bad."

"Dude! Shouldn't you have three, being that there's you and your two brothers?"

"What if we couldn't afford three bikes, John? What if we have no fucking money for a bike for each head, and we just have to make do with the measly two bikes instead?" he said sarcastically. "We do have three, but as I said, my bro Dirk is up around Kwarlodia, along with his bike. Big fucking deal." He tossed a set of keys to the blue-eyed boy and hopped onto one of the cycles. "You and Shouty share one, simple as that."

"Huh!?" John exclaimed, his face burning. Karkat crossed his arms and sighed loudly to assert his presence.

"For the love of fucking god, John, deal with it. You're the one who suggested we do this anyways. No backing out now." 

"Well, uhm," John stuttered. "Uh, is it okay with you?" Karkat raised his eyebrows at him in annoyance. "Okay, you're right, why would you be telling me not to back out if you weren't okay with it, or maybe you're just being a douche and not responding, okay." The troll rolled his eyes, remaining silent. "Yep, totally being a douche at this point."

"John, get on the damn bike!"

"Okay, geez!" The human boy climbed onto the leather seat and instantly scorched his hands on the hot metal handle when he tried to touch it; the morning sun was already powerful enough to heat up every unshaded surface. Dave tossed him a pair of red gloves, which were a bit too big but saved John from getting third-degree burns in his palms. Karkat promptly walked over and sat behind him, his legs dangling over the sides. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around John's waist as an anchor to keep him from flying off the thing once they got moving. John flushed again. "What about helmets?" The blonde shook his head.

"Don't need that shit. We're driving on a goddamn straight as fuck road, I doubt there'll be a problem." John's mouth turned into a thin line for a moment before reluctantly agreeing.

"What about tires, like for terrain and such?"

"Strapped to the back of the thing, but most of where we're going is probably paved. Probably."

"And, uh, are you sure it's okay for us to just take your bro's bike like this?"

"Fuckin' nope. Who gives a flying fuck, though? I'll tell you: not me. Fucking payback for those goddamn smuppets." John chuckled, and craned his neck slightly to the troll behind him. He blushed again when he felt Karkat's grip on his waist reflexively tighten.

"Um, you alright?"

"Just fine, bulgelicker."

"Fantastic." He turned back towards the blonde, who had since flipped up the kickstand and started the ignition. "So, one more little thing…"

"Preach your needs, young Egderp."

"Erm…," he struggled for the right words, and quieted his voice, "how do you drive one of these things?" Simultaneously, Dave beat his head against the handles of his bike and Karkat growled a moan of utter discontent.

"After all this fucking time, you don't know how to ride a fucking motorcycle. You've got to be fucking with me," Dave stated. 

"No, I mean, I've ridden one before, just a couple of times a while ago, but, um, maybe a refresher?" Dave thunked his head against the handlebar again.

"God fucking dammit, fine. Let me give you a one-time run-through." He then proceeded to run the basics of motorcycle riding to the blue-eyed boy, pointing out the kickstand, turn signals, throttles, brakes, clutches, among other things, and describing how to get started, how to get to warp speed and how to slow the fuck down, how to do a bunch of stupid tricks that John would never try to do, all while Karkat simply waited quietly. Not once did he entertain the thought of letting go of the human's waist. When all was said and done, John nodded in understanding and readied his bike in the same way Dave did. "Alright, are we motherfucking ready now?"

"Sure thing!" said John brightly.

"I've been ready for two fucking hours," Karkat added.

"Great. Let's go." With that, John and Dave revved up and sped out of the parking lot, with the latter in front until they made it out of the city. Karkat squeezed close to the blue-eyed boy as if the cape he wore, whipping in the wind, would catch on something and violently jerk him off the motorized two-wheeled device. Wait, he meant motorcycle. And he meant _pull_ him off. Not jerk him off. Nothing was jerking him off. No fucking sir. 

 

~

 

The next time they stopped, the three of them just crossed the border between dusty wasteland and full-on desert. The sun was high in the sky, and certainly burning its brightest, but the heat simply sat on the air without kicking up any sand or building up humidity. Karkat preferred desert weather over what he'd gone through the past few days, hands down, but he knew that as they traveled further the wind would pick up again. Pangin was known for its violent sandstorms, and he could only hope they made it into shelter before getting caught in one.

"Yo, Shouty, want some?" Karkat turned to see Dave wiggling around a biscuit in front of his face. He snatched it out of his hand and promptly chomped into it without giving much of a thank you.

"How far is it until we reach a town?" asked John. The troll unfolded the map he kept inside his shirt and examined it, approximating what their current location was.

"A long fucking way from here," he said. "Meaning, about another 3 or 4 hours. If we were walking, we'd still be back in Rezon, so we're making okay time." He folded up the map again. "Strider, do you have an idea of how much longer your 'sick wheels' can go for?"

"We got enough fuel," the blonde drawled. "And if we happen to run out, I have a couple of emergency bottles that would get us at least a bit closer."

"Alright then, we're not failing like the miserable sacks of organic tissue we were made to be, fantastic," said Karkat. "Let's get back on the road, then."

"Wait, I'm still eating!" John piped up. "And you should drink something, too. Right?" Karkat paused for a moment as he glared at the blue-eyed boy from under his hood. John held out a water bottle to him.

"…Yeah, sure," he muttered, taking the bottle and cracking it open. "How are you doing on driving, Egbert?"

"Me?" 

"No, the other idiotic fucknugget that I've been clinging onto for the past 2 hours. Yes, you." John blushed a bit and scratched the back of his neck nervously. 

"I've been alright, my hands are a bit cramped, though," he said. "I've kinda been clutching onto the handles for dear life, but I'm okay." Karkat narrowed his eyes for a moment before deeming that the human wasn't engaging in martyrdom for the sake of absolutely nothing. "Um, and you?" He remained silent while he took another gulp of the lukewarm water.

"Same, I guess," the troll replied. "Not entirely shitty. Actually somewhat well-rested. You know." John and Dave exchanged perplexed glances and then stared blankly at Karkat. "What? The fuck did I say?"

"My Lord, did you open your worshipful eyes to the day on the wrong side of the love seat?" Dave quipped. "You aren't preaching your fucktons of shit as often as you normally do."

"Okay, first, fuck you," Karkat growled. "Second, contrary to popular belief, with the 'popular' being exactly you and Egfuck, I don't always feel the need to rageshit all over your prized possession called your ego in order to satisfy the metaphorical quota that you expect of me." Dave covered his mouth with his hands and raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.

"No shit? This is like, the greatest revelation of the fucking century, and you are the revelation-finder. It's you." Rather than engaging in a verbal strife, Karkat simply stuck up his two middle fingers and stomped back to the motorcycle. He awkwardly straddled over the thing, sat himself in the back, and not-so-patiently waited for the other two travelers to do so as well. While Dave shoved the remains of his meager lunch back into his bag and mounted his motorcycle immediately, John meandered around and awkwardly shuffled his feet through the sane before nearing Karkat.

"John, you have three seconds to get on the goddamn two-wheeled device before I pick you up and glue your ass to the seat, now get a fucking move on!" Karkat barked, his thin patience stripping down to a mere thread. John flinched and practically jumped on the bike, unsettling Karkat's position. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" The troll frantically flailed around in an attempt to stay balanced and upright, and ended up clinging to John's chest with a vice-like grip.

"Agh, K-Karkat!" John stammered as he wiggled under Karkat's arms. "What are you doing!?"

"I'm crocheting a matching scarf and hat, what the fuck do you think I'm doing, bulgemuncher?" shouted the troll.

"Let go of me!" 

"What, do you _want_ me to go flying off the fucking seat once you turn on the ignition?" John opened his mouth to respond, but a faint snicker interrupted him. Dave was staring at the two of them with a huge grin (slight smirk) on his face, and was practically laughing his head off (coolly chuckling). "What the fuck do you find so amusing, you douchebag?"

"You two. Are fucking masters of comedy," he said, turning the key in its slot and igniting the cycle; John fumbled with his set before following suit. The engines roared into life and, with the flip of the kickstand, jetted off through the sand and back onto the road, leaving a cloud of dust behind them. 

 

~

 

"Hey, how long is it until we reach a town now?" Dave shouted over the roaring wind that rushed past his ears. John subtly nudged Karkat with his elbow, who then carefully pulled out the map and glanced up at the position of the sun. He made sure to keep the frail paper behind John's body, which served as a wall against the wind.

"About 20 minutes!" scratchily yelled the troll. Sand had made its way down his throat as they rode along and had long since given him an undying thirst. Dave nodded and sped up; John followed. The strong gale that surrounded them had picked up about an hour ago, and since then Karkat had kept a constant eye out for an approaching sandstorm. Though they couldn't do much about it if they came across one, since there was only one road and there would only be one road for a while. Grains of sand flung into Karkat's eyes, drying them out, and plastered onto his bared skin. Damn, was he uncomfortable. Dave appeared to be a-okay what with his sunglasses covering his eyes and his jacket covering all but his neck. John was… probably as uncomfortable as Karkat was. But he certainly didn't show it. He almost looked… excited. Karkat could feel from holding onto him that he was practically shaking in exhilaration. He was having fun. The troll smiled just a tiny bit into John's back, smiled just because the human was simply _stupid._ Stupidly… pitiful. Almost.

"Hey, uh, Karkat?" John raised his voice. "I think you might want to look at this." Karkat jerked his head to the side to observe their surroundings, but found nothing unusual.

"Look at what?" he asked.

"In front of us." The blue-eyed boy gestured in front of him with his elbow. The troll lifted a bit from his seat to see over John's head and saw exactly what he feared: a huge cloud of dust, sand, and dirt that he quickly renamed as "Fucking Hell." "Is that what I think it is?"

"What the fuck else could it be?" He fumbled around with his pack and pulled out a few long pieces of cloth and pressed for the three of them to halt immediately. Once the motorcycles were (unsafely) parked in the middle of the road, Karkat shoved a piece of cloth each to John and Dave. "Put those around your respiratory holes and prepare for hell. Last thing you want is for sand to clog up your goddamn system." He demonstrated, and tied a tight knot in the back of his head to keep the cloth on. 

"Are you sure it's safe to be driving through a storm?" asked John. "What if we drive off the road or something?"

"It's better than just sitting here like vulnerable little shitsponges," Karkat reasoned. The blue-eyed boy shuffled his feet nervously and his eyebrows knit together. The troll sighed. "What, you won't fucking drive?" John looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. "Goddammit, what are we supposed to do, then?"

"Vantas, can you drive a bike?" Dave joined in, taking notice of the obvious problem and the countdown to the sandstorm's impact. Karkat whipped towards him with a predictable scowl on his face.

"If I could, then we wouldn't be in this fucking situation, now would we!?" he shouted.

"Fuck, calm your shit," the blonde said. "John didn't know shit, either, I'll just teach you now."

"We don't have any fucking _time_ for that, we're about to get brutally sanded to death in less than 10 minutes!"

"Look, you just need to—"

"Do NOT fucking touch me, let alone try to put my hands on th—"

"Holy fuck, just let me—"

"Fu—"

"GUYS!" John suddenly bellowed, stopping the argument in its tracks. "I get it. I'll keep driving. It's okay."

"No, Egbert, if you're scared shitless then you're not doing _anyone_ any good," Karkat began.

"No. I'll do it. Don't give a shit. There were no shits for me to be scared out of." He chuckled nervously. "But, yeah. It's alright. Let's keep moving." Karkat scowled at the human, but inwardly he felt guilt threaten to rise to the surface. Dave retained his poker face and got back onto his motorcycle, and gave an encouraging nod of the head to his bro.

"That's how you do it, baby," he said. The remaining two climbed back onto their borrowed motorcycle and Karkat returned to his position of holding onto John's waist. The exhilarated shaking he felt before was now reduced into anxious trembles that unnerved him. The engine sounded and the bike lurched forward, and they were off into the storm.

 

Karkat squinted his eyes shut when they hit the front of the storm, for he had no glasses or anything to protect them from the harsh granules. He felt John tense up and the bike go faster, as if it were running on the boy's tension rather than gasoline. Dave rode close alongside them so to not lose them in the whirlwind, but even from about 5 feet away he could barely be seen. Their surroundings were dark, the sun blotted out by the thick clouds. It was frightening. John's eyes teared up from dryness and trepidation, even though his glasses blocked most of the sand. Then he felt a gentle stirring on his back, a comforting hand rubbing his shoulders up and down. He heard a whisper, a scratchy and unbelievably quiet one, but still a whisper.

 

"You can do this."

 

John revved the engine further and blasted through, leaving Dave to his own devices to catch up. He couldn't smile; his muscles were too tense, but he wanted to. He could do this. In the near distance he spotted a beam of light that almost resembled one from a seaside lighthouse. Except they were in a sea of sand rather than water. Karkat nodded against his back that that was where they wanted to be, as if he could read his mind. John gestured towards the light to Dave, who nodded as well and matched his speed. The wind sliced through them with grainy blades that implanted into every exposed crook, but John couldn't feel a thing. He could only feel the rush of adrenaline and the tight squeeze Karkat had around his waist that compelled him to go on. 

 

A troll sat in the lookout house, peering out at the violent sandy storm that rattled against the big windows. He kept his eyes on the road where the searchlight on the roof illuminated. Had to look out for anyone coming through, yeah? Just in case anyone needed access during a storm, but that rarely happened anyways because anyone with an inch-deep think pan would know to get indoors when a sandstorm hit. And yet when he looked closer through the window, he spotted two dark shapes rushing through the sand cloud at high-speed. Huh. He didn't remember too many people in Pangin having any motorized two-wheel devices, especially not people who would have a reason to be driving through a goddamn dust devil. Nonetheless, the tall troll hurriedly made his way down the stairs of the house, but not before painfully hitting his huge horns on the door. Fuck, that hurts.

He strapped on his goggles and sand mask before stepping outside, because even though the tall walls that surrounded his little village protected from most storms, you could never be too careful. He ran to the front gates and steadily worked on opening them, though it wasn't much trouble what with his strength. Only he and a few other trolls could open the thick stone gates by themselves. It was something to take pride in. Which he did. With one powerful shove, he flung the gates open just in time for the motorcyclists to arrive and screech to a halt. With another few pulls of the thick rope that hung from the doors, the troll closed them again. He turned to see three people he had never seen before: two humans and a troll. A troll with quite minuscule horns at that. Nonexistent in comparison to his own, which stretched out from the side of his head to the tips of his fingers when he held his arms out. He approached the three boys—who appeared no older than his own son—and greeted them.

"Hello, sonnies!" the troll man said cheerfully, bringing the other three to attention. The troll boy eyed him suspiciously and the blonde one made no facial expressions whatsoever, but the third one with blue eyes happily approached him and stuck out a hand to greet him.

"Hello! Thanks for letting us inside!" he said politely.

"It was no trouble, but what were you three doing outside during a sandstorm? It's incredibly dangerous, and I wouldn't want anyone coming to harm."

"Oh, well…," the blue-eyed boy began. "We actually came from Rezon. Well, I came from Kazge and Karkat came from Angles, or whatever it was and, oh right, Karkat is the troll over there and, erm." He stumbled over his words from the overwhelming adrenaline that coursed through his veins, scrambling his mind. He took a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm John Egbert, that's Karkat Vantas, and that's Dave Strider. We were passing through and hoping we could get some shelter here, at most until tomorrow. Do you have a place where we could stay?" The tall troll hesitated before responding as he observed the three boys and considered the situation they were in. Or maybe he didn't, since he was always willing to let people of all kinds take shelter in his humble little town.

"Of course, Mr. Egbert! Got no problem with letting a few passersby stick around for a while!" A sharp pain suddenly ran through John's heart from the man's words. "How about we go inside and you can tell me a bit more about yourselves."

"Yeah, thank you," the blue-eyed boy replied weakly; Dave and Karkat muttered words of gratitude as well. 

 

"So you're heading up into the mountains, eh?" said the troll man who revealed his name to be Kaloun Nitram. "Hmm. I believe I have one or two old friends of mine who live up there."

"That's nice," said John, sipping the milk that the troll served to him. "We're going up to see someone about something."

"Haha, why so vague?" Kaloun laughed. "Is it a super big secret you can't tell anyone about?" John vacantly stirred his finger around in the milk glass without answering. Karkat decided to speak up for the first time since meeting the large-horned troll.

"Yes, it's a gigantic fucking secret that only people who care enough to travel with him can actually know about," he snapped. "Not that it has any relevance to you, either way."

"Whoa, little buddy, no need to get all spiky on me!" said Kaloun. "Just curious, that's all." He turned his back to the three boys and spent a minute pointlessly fussing around with some of the bottles on the shelves. The blue-eyed boy absently rotated around on the stool he was sitting on and looked around at the empty pub. Everyone was probably safe at home because of the storm. "You say you come from Kazge, Mr. Egbert? Quite a long ways from here." Another sharp pain struck John in the heart.

"Yeah, it is," he said, trying to keep his voice even.

"Mmm. Reminds me of my own son."

"Son?"

"Yep. He's quite a far way from home, probably even further than you are from yours. Circus of Risas, I believe. His darned matesprit just drifted along and snatched him away from me without another moment's notice." He laughed good-naturedly. "At least he's having fun, though. That's what's important."

"Um, matesprit?" John questioned, but before Kaloun could answer Karkat hastily whispered the definition into his ear to save him from further embarrassment. "Oh! Right, yeah, okay. What's his name?"

"Tavros. Sweet little kid, I'll tell ya. His matesprit unsettles me a bit sometimes, but he's good to my little boy, so I don't say a word." John cast his eyes downward somberly, a heavy weight pressing on his mind.

"Did he say goodbye before he left?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"'Course he did! What kind of son would leave home without saying his proper goodbyes? And I'm sure he stopped to visit his mother on the way there, as well."

"Hey, but sometimes parents are cool with it, right? Kids gotta go when they gotta go, have some fucking freedom, yeah?" Dave added.

"Maybe _some_ parents, but certainly not myself," Kaloun said. "I would be crushed if my Tavros ever felt like he had to leave without my permission, no matter what the situation was." John sniffed through an unsuccessful stifling. Karkat turned to him with a hint of worry raiding his eyes.

"John?" The human boy sniffed again.

"Do you miss him, Mr. Nitram?"

"Oh, goodness, yes. It's only natural for a father to miss his son, after all, even if trolls are supposed to be naturally solitary beings. You get more attached when you see them hatch right in front of you, right?" The terminology confused John for exactly half a second before he returned to the more important part of the man's answer.

"Oh," he mumbled.

"John," Dave said as he put a hand on John's shoulder. "You feelin' alright?"

"I'm fine," the blue-eyed boy replied somewhat bitterly, jerking his shoulder away from the blonde's hand. Another hand appeared on his opposite shoulder and he jerked away from that one as well.

"Egbert, you are clearly not 'fine' at all. Tell us what the fuck's the matter with you," said Karkat. At that moment a troll popped into the pub with a friendly wave to Kaloun, and announced that the sandstorm was over and the gates were open. Simultaneously, John kicked away his seat and dashed out through the doors, practically pushing the troll over. "John, get the fuck back here!" Karkat yelled, rising from his seat. Dave was already out the door in a flash after his friend. The nubby-horned troll emerged and saw the two of them grappling near the motorcycles, with the blonde trying to wrestle a set of keys out of John's hand. "What the _fuck_ is going on!?"

"Egbert has gone fucking nuts, is what I can fucking tell you!" Dave shouted towards Karkat. "Flown the goddamn coop, lost two of the pancakes on his shortstack, whatever phrase you can think of, that's John right now."

"I'm _not_ nuts, dammit!" John yelled as he tried to shove the blonde away from him. "Just leave me the fuck alone, alright!?"

"Not until you tell us what the fuck is wrong with you, trying to hop on a goddamn bike and ride the fuck out of here in the opposite direction of where we're headed," Dave retorted. 

"Wait, _what!?_ " said Karkat. "You're trying to head back after all this fucking time?"

"I, just…!" John tried to raise his voice again but his fury and overwhelming desolation made his throat close up. Dave took the opportunity to lunge for the keys and retrieve them, and Karkat moved in and grabbed the boy's arm. "Let go of me, I have to—"

"You have to _what_ , John? What the fuck could possibly entail you to undo all the effort we— _I—_ have put into getting you this far?! Are you trying to get back _home_ , you douchenugget?" John shook with fear under the troll's wild glare, and shakily nodded. "Holy fuck, you imbecilic shitballoon. I doubt you'll get far without any fucking fuel, and when you suddenly run out of said fuel, you'll end up stuck in the middle of the goddamn desert and then slowly starve or die of dehydration, whatever fucking comes first. Why, suddenly, do you find that you are regretting this whole journey when you already have dragged two people with you and are finding this _now,_ of all the nooksucking times, when we are in the _middle of fucking_ ** _nowhere_**?! Do you even fucking _realize_ how _livid_ I am right now? Does your shallow-as-fuck think pan even have a _clue_ of what it's thinking right now? _Huh,_ John fucking Egbert? **_Does it?_** " 

"I… I…," John blubbered.

"No, shut the fuck up, I'm not done vociferating my rageshit all over your dumbfuck self. You are possibly the biggest _fuckstain_ on all of Skaia. You are _the_ fucking _douchenozzle_ of the _goddamn_ ** _century_**. You are a globefondling, nookwhiffing, sweetest almighty taintchafing fuck bulgefaced _fuckmaggot_ I have ever had the immense disdain to spend the majority of my time with and I am absolutely, positively NOT going to be subjected to another second of the sewage you're spewing from your mouth like a goddamn broken fire hydrant, so calm the ever-loving FUCK down before I—" 

"Dude," Dave said quietly.

"What the FUCK is it, Strider!?"

"John's crying." Karkat whipped his head around to face the blue-eyed boy and indeed saw salty tears spilling down his cheeks. He winced and sobbed under the troll's glare as if it were the most terrifying thing he'd seen in his life and helplessly left his aching wrist in the sharp grasp. His chest heaved and choked, his eyes were rimmed with red, snot was threatening to drip out of his nose, and it all shook Karkat with a force like no other.

"Uh, wait, shit," he stuttered, his anger breaking to damage control. "Egbert, wait, no, fuck, don't cry…?" John heaved again and broke down into more shaking sobs. It was absolutely and horrifyingly pathetic. "Agh, stop crying! Pathetic wigglerfuck, uh…!"

"Vantas, you are absolute shit at calming people down."

"Shut the fuck up, I don't see you making any moves to help me."

"I'm waiting until you get down on your knees and _beg_ me to."

"You've got to be fucking— Strider, stave off your goddamn superiority complex for another time when we aren't in the middle of a crisis! Pretty please? Is that a 'Yes, Karkat leader, sir, I'll obey your every order until shit has unhit the fan'? I heard a yes. Now shut up." He turned back to John again to see a weak smile just appear on his face underneath the tears. He let go of his wrist and instead chose to awkwardly flail his hands around with no better way of using them. "John, goddammit, please stop ejecting waterfalls of your salty water excrements all over yourself? I, did I, fuck, I fucked up somehow? I fucked something up. I'm a worthless piece of nookwhiffing shit, it's me. It's all my fault, I made you cry, FUCK! Shit, I'm just…," he stumbled over his words. "Dammit, I'm sorry oka—" Suddenly, the weeping boy tackled the flustered troll with full strength. Tackled him into a hug, that is. John sniffled all over Karkat's shoulder and clung onto his cape tightly, as if it was the only thing keeping him up. It was then that Dave's mask of cool chipped for a moment, and he awkwardly went over and hugged his bro from behind.

"Egderp, this is about your old man, isn't it?" the blonde asked. John nodded.

"What are you talking about Strider?" Karkat asked, confused. 

"Guess this never was brought up in conversation with you before. John here basically ran away from home." Another choking sob escaped the boy's throat. "Okay, okay, he left a letter and all, but his dad said he couldn't go, and he went anyways, and now he's feeling all guilty and shit." 

"Oh, fucking fantastic, now I feel like an even bigger piece of shit for not knowing. Thanks for keeping me in the loop. I really appreciate it."

"It was my fucking pleasure, my liege."

"Enough. John, look at me." He pulled the blue-eyed boy off his shoulder and Dave retreated from the awkward back-hug. John and Karkat locked eyes, both distressed in two different ways. "You aren't going back home after all this time. You left on this journey, you managed to drag me along, and you just drove through a fucking sandstorm like a superhero or some shit like that. It was," he shuffled his feet, "amazing. And second of all, you're not wimping out after doing a half-assed job. Would your father rather have you be gone for a long time and accomplish something astonishing, or have you be gone for a few days and have you come back home all shitty and wimpy?" John sniffed and mumbled the first choice in response. "My point exactly. You can do this, John. I said it before, I say it now, and I'll bet you a thousand fucking boondollars I'll say it in the future, too." He paused, and slackened the strong grip he didn't realize he had on John's arms. "… Do you, possibly, want to make a call home?" John's breath hitched for a moment, then he nodded wildly. "Alright, let's find you a phone, then." The three of them walk back into the pub where Kaloun was chatting to a couple of other trolls, having moved past the scene he witnessed when they had stormed outside. He looked a bit startled by John's upset state, but led them to a back room where the phone was located when Karkat asked.

"Do you know your dad's number?" Dave inquired. John nodded as he picked up the receiver and dialed the number. As it rang he unknowingly pulled both the blonde and the troll closer to him, but if they had any complaints they didn't voice them. The dial tone halted when the familiar voice on the other end spoke.

"Hello?"

"Dad!" John choked through heavy sobs, clutching the receiver to his ear. "Dad, i-it's me, John!" Karkat and Dave listened intently to John's side of the conversation, checking with every response he gave that he was emotionally okay. They stayed close by, in case the blue-eyed boy needed them, and secretly Karkat crossed his fingers behind his back in desperate hope that all would not be lost right there, right then.

 

"I'm just… really sorry, Dad. But… I have to do this."

"I know, son. And while I don't agree with the fact that you left without my permission, I can't simply say for you to come back now. And, John," Dad Egbert paused, "I'm proud of you. For being so independent and confident about your adventure. Incredibly proud."

"Well, I've had help," John admitted. "Dave's with me, and I met a troll who's been helping me the entire way, actually." He at last smiled over at his friends, new and old.

"Is that so?" the man said. "Is it possible that I may speak to him at this time?" A slight feeling of panic washed over the blue-eyed boy, but he smothered it while he called for Karkat to take the phone.

"Wait, your father wants to talk to me?" Karkat whispered, about as confused and nervous as John looked; he shrugged his shoulders and walked over to Dave. The troll lifted the receiver up to his ear and said, "Hello?"

"Hi, there," came the pleasant voice of John's dad. "I'm Mr. Egbert, John's father. And your name…?"

"Karkat," he said. "Karkat Vantas."

"And how old are you, Karkat?"

"7 and a half sw— 16 years old."

"Same age as John, then."

"Yeah."

"Have you been faring well so far? Meaning, on your travels?" 

"… Mostly, yes."

"And you'll be staying with him for the entire course of the journey?" Karkat hesitated for a split second over this thought, then mentally punched himself for doing so.

"Of course I will."

"That's good to hear," said the man. "I'm glad my son has found a friend who has been helping him get this far, and most likely even further. I would have been less easygoing if he were alone." Karkat remained silent, for lack of a response that would undoubtedly offend John's father. "Either way, thank you. I trust you know what you're doing."

"Sure," the troll lied. "Alright."

"Can you hand the phone back to John please?" Karkat did so and hurried away from the phone. Dave leaned into him and whispered into his ear.

"What did his old man want?"

"Fuck, I don't know, reassurance?" Karkat whispered back. "He seems alright with the fact his son is a fuckton of miles away from home without any adult supervision, but you never know." 

"Okay," John said into the receiver. "I understand. Yeah." The two other boys returned to listening intently to the half-conversation. "…Yeah, I promise. Mmhmm. Pangin. Kwarlodia, then probably further than that. Yep. I know, I know. Sorry. Yeah. Okay. Yes, I have money. No, I didn't steal any pastries from the kitchen. Okay. I… yeah. I love you, too, Dad. I'll call again soon. Yep. Alright. Bye." He set the phone back into its cradle and stood with his back turned to his friends for a few moments. Unsure of what else to do, Karkat and Dave simultaneously approached him.

"Egderp?" asked Dave.

"John?" went Karkat. The blue-eyed boy slowly turned around with lip quivering, and suddenly tackled them both into a strong hug. "Dammit, don't start crying again!"

"I'm not crying, dumbfuck," John muttered with a chuckle. "I'm relieved. Happy. Now shut up and let me hug you and my bro. I don't see him complaining."

"Striders never complain when their bro is feeling like shit," Dave said kindly. "Hug for all of fucking eternity, we have all the goddamn time on Skaia."

"Actually, no, we don't. John, if you're alright, say something so colossally, sponge-numbingly asinine so we know you're okay."

"Hehe, that's like the 7th time you've called me John since this whole thing started," he said, smiling.

"Excellent. That statement has successfully satisfied the stupid-o-meter. Now let go." John complied and stood back from Dave and Karkat, glancing between them. A small smile cracked on the former's face, and while the latter was scowling John could still see on the inside he was totally grinning like an idiot. 

"Thank you, guys," he whispered. "For, um, calling me out on my idiocy and helping me solve this. Really, thanks."

"Any fucking time," Karkat said, crossing his arms. "Now would you consider our sleeping options for tonight?"

"Well, that big-ass horn dude said we could crash at his place," Dave said. "I say we take him up on the offer."

"I concur with Strider, for once," the troll agreed. "And you?"

"Sounds good," John said easily. "I guess we should go out and tell Mr. Nitram that everything's okay, then."

"What the fuck else would we do?" asked Karkat sarcastically. "I'll tell you. Absolutely nothing." They exited through the door they came in through and approached the bar again. After a few minutes of discussion with Kaloun, all was settled and the three of them had a place to stay that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trivia: "Kaloun" is the Greek word for "summon," courtesy of Google Translate.  
> Thanks for reading! C:


	9. ~7~

 

That evening, Kaloun treated the three boys to a homemade dinner of beef stew, which wasn't exceptionally good but was graciously accepted all the same. By the time they were done eating, it was 7:00 and the sun was already setting. John decided he would take a walk around the small village before heading off to bed; he meant to take the walk alone, but Karkat  practically threw a fit about being left alone with Dave and ended up going with him. The latter coolly stayed behind in the "fuckin' air conditioning" to call up his older brother and inform him of his location, and to just relax a bit and perhaps take a couple of pictures of the area. He _was_ a "motherfuckin' badass photography extraordinaire," after all. 

 

John cupped his hand over his forehead to see better in the sun's glare as he walked down the single road with the troll (who had his hood over his head) by his side. He could have done well with a good pair of sunglasses, but apparently Dave failed to think of brining a second pair when he was packing. He looked around at the small houses and shops as he paced by and wondered if there was anything he could pick up to take with him when they left. 

"Hey, Karkat," he said as he looked over at the boy beside him. "Do you think there's anything we might need to pick up, since we're here?"

"What, like provisions?" said Karkat. He shrugged. "I mean, we have enough food to last us a week or so, and plenty of water bottles that can easily be refilled, but what the hell, let's squander more of our measly amount of cash for shit that we'll probably end up throwing out anyway." John knit his eyebrows.

"Are you being sarcastic again?" he asked. "Sometimes I can't really tell."

"I don't even know," the troll dismissed. "How's your wrist doing?"

"Oh!" John exclaimed, lifting up his wrist to show him. "Much better, actually. You did a really good job of wrapping it up." He chuckled a bit nervously.

"It was the least I could do. It was my fucking fault, after all, that you got injured in the first place," Karkat growled, crossing his arms. The blue-eyed boy frowned, and ducked his head in front of the troll to face him directly.

"Don't worry about that. Really. It was just an accident, right?"

"Of course it fucking was. I may be an asshole, and I probably am, but dammit if I'd… plunge my goddamn claws into someone's wrist who didn't really deserve it… fuck, I wouldn't do that." He looked away almost immediately after John's frown turned into a goofy buck-toothed smile. "What the fuck are you smiling at, bulgemuncher?"

"Hehehe, just that you're really a decent guy, under all the shit you spout like… what was the simile you used again?"

"A goddamn broken fire hydrant."

"Yeah, like that. It's kind of a stupid thing to say, to be honest."

"Fuck you."

"You're only saying that because you know I'm _right_ ," John teased; Karkat flipped him the middle finger in an indignant response. "Even so, I stand by what I say. You're pretty okay. A good friend." The troll rolled his eyes.

"'Pretty okay.' Holy shit, Egbert, I've never been so fucking complimented in all my life. You obviously have spent preposterously massive amounts of your precious time deciding which blandishments you would send my way, and by some lucky chance you came upon those two half-assed words to describe me. You are a master poet. You know what you also are? A fucking shitsponge."

"Geez, do you want me to call you attractive while I'm at it, just to satisfy your seemingly enormous ego?" While he was chuckling, Karkat's face turned bright red again and he hurriedly tried to smother it under his hood.

"Oh, ha ha ha. That's a fucking laugh," he growled, then sighed loudly. "I don't have a 'seemingly enormous ego.' On the fucking contrary."

"Then why are you ripping on me because I gave you a 'half-assed' compliment?" asked John, a pout forming on his lips. 

"I'm not fucking used to being flattered, alright?" Karkat shouted. "Enough of this bullshit. I'm heading back." He turned on his heels and started to walk away from the blue-eyed-boy, but a hand grabbed onto his own and pulled him back.

"No, please don't leave," stammered John. "I-I mean, um, stay? I still want to talk to you." The troll glared at him under his hood, but made no move to pull his hand free. "You said you're not used to being flattered?"

"Yes, that's what I fucking said, to repeat the absolutely obvious."

"Well, I, I'm sorry, I guess."

"Why are you sorry?"

"That you don't feel complimented, I don't know," said John. "That I can't make you feel better."

"I feel fucking fine, and it's none of your business how I feel, anyways," Karkat snapped. "And for the love of god, stop fucking pouting. It's irritating as fuck." John complied and wiped the sulky look of his face.

"Still, I worry," he said. "Because I… wouldn't want my friend to be feeling shitty about himself and feel he couldn't talk to me about it." The horrifyingly pitiful look on his face sent Karkat reeling backwards and recoiling from the hand-lock that John unknowingly kept with him. His heart throbbed painfully in his throat as he tried to swallow it back down.

"… Whatever. It's getting late. We're heading back now." Before John could stop him again, he turned around and started stomping off towards the house they were staying at. The blue-eyed boy stood silently for a moment as he looked after the troll. His pensive face broke into a small grin and he jogged to catch up with Karkat.

"Hey, you didn't deny that we were friends this time." Karkat halted his pace for a moment, hesitating to speak and not turning around to look at the human beside him. 

"You're an idiot."

 

When they arrived back at the house, it was about 8:30. A few hours later, they decided it was time to go to sleep; Kaloun brought the three of them up to the spare bedrooms he offered for their use.

"Coincidentally, I have three extra beds that you can use, but two of them are in the same room," he explained. "I trust that you boys can figure out the configurations by yourselves."

"Yeah, thanks, Mr. Nitram!" John said, and with a bidding goodnight, the troll man went back downstairs and John turned to his two friends. "So, what do you think we should do?"

"I think it's pretty goddamn simple," said Dave. "You and me share one room and Shouty gets his own."

"Wait, but shouldn't I and Karkat, uh…," John stammered. "Uh, what do you think, Karkat?" The troll shrugged.

"Doesn't matter to me where I sleep," he said blankly. "As long as I'm not in the same room as Strider."

"Yeah, 'cuz god only knows that he would kill me in my fucking sleep," the blonde quipped. 

"Go to hell, fuckstain."

"Okay, then, so I guess that's how it'll be arranged…?" interrupted John. "Um, alright."

"Something wrong, bro?" Dave asked, raising an eyebrow at the blue-eyed boy. "Uncomfortable about sleeping with the famed Strider? No need to be nervous, I won't make you do nothing you're not ready for."

"Wow, fuck off," John snapped exasperatedly. "Your sarcastic and stupid perverted ramblings is exactly _not_ helping right now." He sighed, and the other two boys stared at him, confused. "Whatever. Let's just go to bed." Karkat nodded and headed off with his bag to his own room while Dave and John took their own things into the remaining one. John promptly flopped down on a bed and curled up next to the pillows, silently thanking Kaloun again for granting them this heavenly pleasure.

"Dude, you brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or what?" he heard Dave ask. He merely let out a quiet "meh" in response. "Okay, then. Imma be right back." John "meh"'d again, and heard Dave's footsteps retreat back into the hall. He rolled over lazily to stare up at the ceiling, and he removed his glasses and tossed them onto the side table next to the bed. Pulling up the covers over his body, John nestled into the pillows and fell asleep.

 

When he woke up next, John's internal clock told him it was a bright and early 2:00AM. He turned over and saw from the clock on the wall that this was indeed true. He quietly groaned, and tried to regain the comfortable position he had while he was sleeping, but unfortunately his body had decided he was going to be awake right at that goddamn second for no reason whatsoever. An uncomfortable itching sensation rose in John's throat, only bothering him more. He fumbled for his glasses, reluctantly got out of bed, and stumbled down the stairs into the kitchen in search for some water to soothe his throat. Before he started looking for a drinking glass, John remembered that he did not, in fact, have night vision like Karkat, so he flipped a light switch on the wall that hopefully connected to the kitchen.

"Ow, fucking shit!"

Oh. Speaking of Karkat, he happened to be sitting at the table, or more like awkwardly leaning his head and elbows on the table while the rest of his body slouched off of the chair he was sitting in. The reason why he was there was absolutely beyond John. "Goddammit, don't just stand there like a gawking imbecile! Turn off the fucking lights!" He angrily buried his head in his arms to block out the bright light. John chuckled and walked over to the troll, pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. Karkat lifted up his head by a sliver to glare at the blue-eyed boy. "What could you possibly want at 2-fucking-AM?"

"Because I obviously came downstairs just to find you?" John quipped. "I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came down here to get a drink of water or something."

"Then get your fucking drink of water and leave me the fuck alone," Karkat grumbled. John nodded, grabbed a glass from a cabinet, and promptly filled it with water. He took a sip before sitting right back down again next to the troll.

"Why are you down here, sleeping?" he asked. "Isn't it uncomfortable?"

"I can sleep practically anywhere with no problem, thank you very much," Karkat snapped. "Or rather, I can fall asleep wherever, but I can't fucking stay asleep for the life of me. So I had the idea to come read a nice book downstairs to pass the time, and lo and behold, I ended up dozing off like a wiggler for a while, and then you showed up and interrupted my slumber. How easy was that?" He groaned loudly and collapsed back into his folded arms.

"A book? What kind of book?" asked John curiously. Karkat mumbled something that sounded like "romcom" as he slid a novel across the table to him. "Hehe, I can't read this, dude. It's all in Alternian."

"I didn't expect you to read it, you dunderfuck," said the troll. "Doesn't matter, anyways, being that the novel in front of you is a work of literature so vastly beyond your predicted reading level that even if it was in English you wouldn't understand a single word of it."

"Try me. What's it about?"

"Does this conversation really have to take place this early in the fucking morning?"

"Just trying my best to annoy the hell out of you, bro," John teased. He lifted up the book and examined the cover art for clues. "Looks like a sort of romance thingy."

"That's what I just said it was, yes."

"Pfft. Lame," the blue-eyed boy joked. "Action and adventure is where it's at. Though I prefer movies over books."

"Shut the fuck up you ignorant dolt," Karkat growled. "You're purposefully trying to rile me up just to pass the fucking time, aren't you? Douchefuck."

"Yes, I'm obviously doing that. I'm not actually interested in what your interests are."

"Quit being a sasshole."

"Sasshole?"

"Goddammit, it's your own fucking human slang, get a hint!" the troll groaned. He looked at John, only to find a blank stare, and sighed. "Sarcastic. Sass. Asshole. Sarcastic asshole. Sasshole. Get the picture?"

"Yup!" John said cheerfully. "Thanks for the clarification." Karkat rolled his eyes again.

"Whatever," he mumbled. "So I repeat myself. Turn off the fucking lights, and leave me the fuck alone. I'm tired." John complied with the first command, but certainly wasn't planning on complying to the second. After flipping the switch back down he sat down for a third time and edged his seat closer to the troll. Slowly, John reached out a hand to his back that was only covered by a black t-shirt. Karkat growled when he felt the boy's hand rubbing his back comfortingly and tried to move away, but he was only lured back by the reassuring feeling John was giving him. His eyelids slowly closed and his posture relaxed to the point where he was practically falling off the chair. When John heard the quiet snoring of Karkat's sleep, he chuckled and stood from his seat. Ever so carefully, he lifted the troll into his arms and rested his head on his shoulder. He blushed when Karkat latched onto him in his sleep, but for Karkat's sake he stayed silent as he made his way back upstairs. The sleeping troll was not so surprisingly light for his size, surprisingly lean for his build. Upon arriving in Karkat's room, John sat down on the single bed and gently released Karkat with a slight struggle, being that Karkat had somehow managed to catch his claw-like fingernails on John's shirt. Once he was all tucked in and showed no signs of waking up again, John grinned and went back to his own bed, where he almost instantly fell asleep once more. 

~

Within the span of a couple of hours after they all woke up, Dave, John, and Karkat ate a quick breakfast and were back on the road with a grateful goodbye to Kaloun, and the reassurance that if they happened to come across his son, they would say hello. Luckily for them, the desert sky was perfectly clear of any potential sandstorms. It was encouraging to their travel time, being that the next stop, Polchari, was all the way across the desert and then some. They would most likely have to sleep in the desert for a night before arriving. At least Karkat was always prepared for such a thing. The three of them sped along for a few hours with nothing particularly unusual occurring, until a small and dark figure appeared on the horizon, walking alongside the road.

"Hey, Dave!" John shouted; the blonde nodded for him to continue. "What's that?" Dave squinted his eyes at the figure.

"No clue. Karkles, you must have some sort of raptor vision: what is that?"

"No, Strider, I do not have any fucking 'raptor vision,'" Karkat snapped. "And it's probably a stray beast, anyways. Just ignore it." But as they drew closer, even John could see with his weaker vision that the figure wasn't an animal. It was a young boy. 

"Dave, it's a kid!" John yelled over the loud engines. "He's just walking through the desert alone!"

"So?" Karkat asked. "Keep moving, it's none of our business to needlessly involve ourselves in other asshole's lives."

"But…!" said John. "We can't just _leave_ him there!" Before Karkat could stop him, John waved to Dave to pull over next to the stranger, who at this point looked utterly terrified by their arrival. The troll tried to pull at the blue-eyed boy's jacket to keep him on the bike, but he quickly dismounted and walked over to the young boy. He wore what looked like an old blanket-turned-cloak over his entire body, only having a small space for his eyes to show. On his back he held a lumpy bag tied up with a single piece of rope. "Hey, kiddo. Are you alright?" The boy simply stared at him wildly, as if he had never seen another living being in his entire life. "Hello?"

"Egbert, get back on the fucking two-wheeled device. This is a waste of sunlight," came Karkat's voice. 

"Now, hold on, Shouty, don't get your fuckin' pants pulled up to your chest over this," Dave spoke, dismounting his own bike and walking over to the boy and John. He kneeled down to the boy's height and looked at him straight on through his dark sunglasses. The boy stared back in hesitant fear for a few moments before looking back at John. "He looks like a cool kid. Doesn't talk much. What's your name, little bro?" He lifted an ear to the kid's face to hear a response, and the other two boys looked on curiously. "Will? Will we what?… Oh, you mean, your name's Will. Will… Will Verant?" The blonde stood up again and gently patted the kid on the head. "A cool name for a cool kid. I'll call you WV."

"Uh… Dave?" John called, completely bewildered by his completely out-of-character friend.

"Let's take him with us," said Dave. "He's cool. I could use an apprentice."

"You've got to be fucking _kidding_ me," Karkat groaned as he executed a facepalm. "You have to be. If this is another part of your irony ploy, I swear—"

"No way, Karkles. This is totally 100% unironic to the extreme. My bro would be ashamed of how unironically I'm expressing my need to take this little kid with me."

"Okay, this is obviously another one of your retarded irony ploys, I can feel it in my fucking gut," Karkat grumbled.

"Well, Karkat," John said, looking from the kid to the troll, "I wouldn't feel right if we just left him out here. Come on, we might as well!" Karkat rolled his eyes another three times at the blue-eyed doofus in front of him in an attempt to avoid the despicably pathetic look he was giving him. 

"Oh, for the love of fuck," he grumbled. "Fine, the kid can come with us. But he's your two's responsibility. Not mine."

"Fuck, that ain't a problem with me," Dave smirked, and he held out a hand for Will to take. "Come on, WV. We'll take you wherever you need to go." Reluctantly, the boy took his hand, and smiled when the blonde lifted him onto the motorcycle to sit in front of him. "Hold on tight." John practically bounced back to the bike where Karkat was waiting impatiently and plopped back onto it.

"Thanks, Karkat," John whispered as he flipped up the kickstand.

"Whatever," Karkat mumbled, wrapping his arms around the human's waist. With that, the now four of them were off again onto the single desert road.

 

At around 3 PM, they stopped again for a late lunch to last until their final stop for the night. Apparently in the time they traveled, Dave gathered from Will that his home was "miles and miles away," and that he somehow ended up in the desert through "shenanigans." It frustrated Karkat and John that he didn't bother to get any more information, but Dave insisted that it "takes some fuckin' time to get a total stranger to open up, chill out." The pack that the boy had with him contained at least 20 cans of food, which unfortunately were not accompanied by a can opener, thus rendering them pretty useless as sustenance. They ended up sharing their provisions with him instead, which he promptly gobbled down like he would never see food or water again.

"God, the least you could do is have some fucking manners and thank us," Karkat grumbled; John playfully smacked him on the shoulder and told him to lay off, he's just a kid. Karkat then proceeded to hit him back and tell him to fuck off, age doesn't mean you get to be an asshole, to which John teased that maybe he should work on being a good role model that doesn't teach kids to be assholes like him.

 

The four travelers finally stopped for the night a few hours after the sun set, a few yards off the road in the exceedingly rare chance that another vehicle passed them by. Karkat set up another makeshift tent for himself and John, leaving Dave and Will to their own devices to figure out a sleeping configuration, being that they were the ones who joined after he had packed for the trip. Though, he insisted, even if he had known that they were going to tag along by some weird psychic seeing power, he probably wouldn't have bothered to pack more supplies, anyway. It wasn't _his_ responsibility to cater to every whim of every fucking stranger that happened to cross his path. The blonde and the kid decided to just sleep out in the open with a mere blanket to cover them. John happily sat down next to the tent before yawning and taking off his glasses. The troll seemed to have gone to sleep, but in reality his eyes were wide open. His back was turned to the blue-eyed boy.

"You know," John began, "you really are a good person, Karkat. Behind all the shouting and rageshitting and grumbling. I probably sound like a broken record, but I mean it." He looked over at Dave and Will, and chuckled when he saw the latter curled up next to the former. "What am I saying, you're asleep. You can't even hear me." _Yes, I can._ "But seriously. Before when I said that you're pretty okay, I really meant it. I mean, um, well…" _Well, what?_ "You're… gosh, what am I saying." _Yeah, what the fuck are saying? Get on with it._ "You're great, I guess. A great friend, and all." _Oh._ "And I guess I just have to say thanks for all that you've been doing for me. A total stranger that you met, what, 3 or 4 days ago? Well, I guess we aren't much strangers now, haha." _Normal people would think we're strangers, being that you probably don't know shit about me. Then again, you're pretty fucking far from normal. And… I guess that's sort of my fault you don't know a lot about me._ "But still, you can be an asshole," _Wow, I'm so fucking complimented._ "… but you can also be a good person. And a pretty cool leader, if you ask me." He chuckled again, and Karkat felt a warmth rise to his cheeks. _Lousy goddamn stupid laughter. Stupid. Stupid. Pitiful._ "Either way, after that silly long speech, good night, Karkat." John crawled around under the tent and settled facing Karkat's back, and soon his breathing slowed to a deep slumber.

"Good night, John."


	10. ~8~

 "Yo, how chill is this weather?" Dave raised his voice over the rushing wind. "Like, legit chill. Makes me feel less like killing my beautiful self from the heat."

"It really is!" John exclaimed. He cocked his head back a bit to look at Karkat out of the corner of his eye. "Didn't you say a while back that it would get cooler when we got into Palcurry?"

" _Polchari,_ " Karkat said. "And yes, I did."

"I think I can even see streams up ahead!" the blue-eyed boy pointed out. "Actual streams! Holy shit, did we just die and go to heaven or something, Karkat?"

"Yeah, maybe _I_ did…," he mumbled as he squeezed John's waist a bit tighter.

"Huh? I couldn't hear you, buddy!"

"I said, 'No, you just traveled out of a fucking desert and entered an area with different geography, dumbass,'" Karkat growled, keeping a small grin to himself.

"Alright!" John laughed. "How long until we reach civilization again?"

"Probably about an hour," Karkat replied. "Do you feel like flying off the fucking handle yet?"

"You mean, am I feeling okay? Yeah, I'm actually feeling pretty great! I'm excited," the blue-eyed boy said cheerfully. "One step closer to Kwarlodia, right?"

"Yeah." The troll's stomach squeezed uncomfortably within him when he tried to look out at the surrounding landscape. When his eyes simply dashed over the moving ground beneath him, his stomach did flips and he suddenly had the urge to vomit what little food he had ingested that day. He buried his head into John's back, being that there was nothing else to help him, and shut his eyes. John immediately noticed Karkat's unsettlement, but for the moment kept his eyes focused on the road. When he felt the troll squirm again, he raised his voice.

"Karkat? Are you okay?"

"I'm fucking fine, don't worry about me."

"Hehe, that's kind of a given for me, dude," said John. "But still, do you feel sick or something? We could stop now if—"

"Dammit, don't fucking stop now, you idiot. We're almost there; I'm not so pathetically incompetent that I can't handle another hour of travel."

"So you _are_ sick."

"Go die in a hole and never emerge to harass me again."

"Geez, relax! Unlike what you're used to, I actually give a shit if my buddy isn't feeling okay! I'm just trying to be considerate, that's all."

"You can keep your consideration to your own fucking self. Just drive." John rolled his eyes and slowed down the motorcycle to an almost stop, provoking Karkat to smack him on the shoulder multiple times. "Goddammit, what did I just fucking say!?" John stretched his neck to look at the troll behind him and smiled innocently. "Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, you blithering feculent shithole." John chuckled. "If you don't start speeding up and catching up to Strider again, I will push you off this fucking two-wheeled device and do it myself, leaving you here right smack in the middle of nowhere to fend for yourself."

"Why do you call it that, anyways?" asked John. "The motorcycle, I mean."

"Guess what this isn't the time for? Asking foolish questions like that. You know what else this isn't the time for? That's right, slowing down. Get your foot on the gas pedal or whatever the fuck you do to get this thing moving and _fucking. Move._ "

"Nah, I think it's a nice time just to enjoy a leisurely drive, don't you?"

"Egbert, I can barely even see Strider's bike at this point. He probably doesn't even notice that we're not riding next to him. How about we go ahead and fix that by fucking _driving_ and smacking the oblivious dipshit so hard that his retarded sunglasses fall off."

"Hmm… nope," John teased, but he did begin to speed up again. Very gradually, however. "What do you say to having a picnic right about now?"

"God, you are such an ignoramus it would be more likely for me to be the director of the Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory that manufactures piles of shit to be brutally thrusted into the faces of innocent troll grubs for no goddamned reason than for you to ever have a higher IQ than a candy bracelet and a garden shovel. I swear to god that I will flip all of my shits, copyright of the motherfucking Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factory, onto your sorry barfstained crotchpuppet excuse for a face if you do not get your head out of your ass and get moving. Now. I'm not saying it again." He paused for John's response that he expected would only infuriate him more, but instead got nothing. Then the blue-eyed boy turned his head slightly just so he could see the crabby troll, and he grinned again.

"You're adorable, aren't you?" he said simply, before revving the engine and blasting along the road to Dave and Will's bike in a matter of 20 seconds. Karkat clutched onto John's waist for dear life and his face slowly turned seven shades of red: he was grateful that no one was around at that moment to see him. Every thought in his mind scrambled into one big slurry of random exclamations and questions and overall "what the fuck"s over that single comment that John just _had_ to say. What did he mean by "adorable"? Was he looking _down_ on him or something? Did he _dare_ to look down on the great and awesome Karkat fucking Vantas? Or was he actually paying him a sincere compliment…? No, fuck no, he must have said it to taunt him and make fun of him, or some other similar bullshit to confuse his aching think pan. Goddammit, what was he supposed to say to something like that?

 

For the rest of the ride, the four of them stayed silent for the most part, other than Karkat's muttered ramblings to himself. They crossed into Polchari with ease, and finally parked their vehicles outside a small inn. Looking around, John was ecstatic to see actual streams and some waterfalls run through the quiet village. Off in the way distance he could faintly catch the silhouette of wide mountain ranges behind thick clouds. He couldn't help but grin in excitement and anticipation. Suddenly, he felt a slight pull on his arm and looked to see what it was.

"Come on, asshole, we're going inside," Karkat murmured, strangely avoiding eye contact with him.

"Sure! Let's go," said John as he pulled the troll with him into the inn. Dave and the young boy were already waiting at a nearby table when John and Karkat entered.

"'Sup, babes," Dave greeted. "How're you doing?"

"I'm doing alright, but I'm not so sure about Karkat," John replied brightly. Karkat smacked him on the arm before speaking up for himself.

"For the last time, I'm _fine._ I probably just got roadsick or whatever it's called," he snapped.

"Alright, alright, don't flip your shit, Vantas," said Dave.

"Well, would you look at this? Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. It's just sitting there on the goddamned stove, getting burned on one side," Karkat growled sarcastically, making wild gestures to accompany his weird analogy. John chuckled and took his hand again, and gradually led him over to the front desk to rent a room for the night. The receptionist greeted them politely and asked what she could help them with.

"Is it possible we could get one or two rooms, four beds…?" asked John. She giggled a bit in response before answering, embarrassing John and making his cheeks flush.

"Sorry, sir, unfortunately this is a quite small inn for this small village, so I'm afraid the best I could give you is a room with two queen-sized beds. Would that be alright?" John nervously turned to Karkat, who unconvincingly was displaying the "I don't give a fuck" facial expression, when he pretty much obviously gave a fuck, but not so obvious that John Egbert would have noticed.

"Erm, Karkat?"

"Yeah, whatever, we'll take what we can get," the troll said, more to the receptionist than to John. She nodded and promptly brought out two sets of keys for the same room and gave them general directions on how to get there. John thanked the woman and motioned to the other two boys from across the room to follow him and Karkat down a hallway to their lodgings for the night.

 

"So, what do you guys suppose the sleeping arrangements will be for tonight?" inquired John, when he knew almost full well what the answer was going to be. Dave stood up from the kneeling position he had grown accustomed to when dealing with the young boy and looked at John dead on.

"I'd say it's pretty damn obvious at this point," he said. "WV and I get one, you and Karkles get another. Simple."

"Um…," John began, but his sentence went uncompleted as he lost his train of thought.

"Since when were you the leader who makes all the decisions, Strider?" said Karkat, frowning. "That's right, since never, because I'm the fucking awesome leader here. Me." The blonde coolly crossed his arms and stared at the troll.

"Then what do you suppose we do, fucker?" he asked sarcastically. "If not John, then it's me or WV, and to be honest I don't think you could be trusted with WV." He smirked.

"Fuck you and the adult who raised you into the insufferable prick you have grown to be," Karkat snarled. "…But either way, I guess you're probably right for once. Like hell I'd ever want to come close to sharing a bed with you, and if I ever did come to such a misfortune, I wouldn't hesitate to allow my unconscious self to claw out your hideous face while you slept."

"Oh, no, not the fucking face!" Dave exclaimed mockingly. "Alright, then it's settled. You're with John, I'm with WV. Or do you need a chart to assist you on the topic?"

"Well, um…," John started, but once again his sentence was lost on the air, and his face turned slightly pink. 

"What-fucking-ever, Strider," Karkat snarled. He walked over to one of the beds and lazily flopped down on it, then crossed his arms indignantly. "So what do you supposed we do around this god-forsaken excuse for a civilization until night arrives?"

"Well, I dunno about you, Shouty, but I need a fucking shower," said Dave. "And I'm pretty sure the rest of us could, too. And otherwise, where d'you think I could get some gasoline up in this bitch?"

"How the fuck would I know? I've never been here before."

"Maybe we should go back out and ask the receptionist or something?" John finally spoke up. "I mean, when in doubt, ask somebody, right?" Dave nodded coolly and nudged Will back out the door with him, leaving John to coax the troll to follow him. "Karkat? We're going again."

"Hold on to your goddamn hoofbeasts, I'll be right there," Karkat mumbled tiredly. Ever so slowly he rose from his bed like a zombie rising from its grave, and followed the blue-eyed boy back outside. 

 

After receiving a recommendation for a mechanic's shop, the four of them were back on the road for a few minutes until they reached their destination. A small sign hung from the window of the store that read, "Zahhak Mechanics: Fuel, Repairs, and Prosthetics."

"Prosthetics, wow!" John said in awe. "That sounds really cool!"

"We're here for _fuel_ , John. Don't get all excited and lop your arm off or something just to get a robotic replacement," Karkat retorted.

"Wow, that's actually a pretty good idea! I should do that." Karkat's eyes widened and he snapped his head to look at the boy next to him.

"What the actual fuck?"

"Come on, how cool would that be? Just lose an arm, then get a new one back! Quick, find me a knife or something." The troll continued to stare in utter panic and fear for John's sanity, as if he had finally gone off the deep end of all deep ends from who fucking knows what.

"You have to be kidding."

"Why would I kid about something like this, Karkat?" said John reproachfully. But not a few moments after, his face broke into his signature goofy grin and he laughed his adorable, stupid laugh. "Man, I can't believe you would fall for that. Of _course_ I'm kidding, dude!" The troll opened his mouth to give a wildly insulting and irritated rant about how much of an imbecile John was, but he quickly closed it again and resigned to just flipping him off as the group went in. On the walls of the store hung various tools and parts, and scattered among benches and shelves were containers and pails of smaller trinkets. At the far end of the small room sat a muscular troll with what seemed to be only one horn at first, but upon closer inspection, the other one resembled a broken stump. 

"Hey, bro," Dave greeted the troll plainly. "Can I get some fuel to fill up my tanks?" The troll looked up from the robotic project in his hands and adjusted his strangely broken sunglasses. 

"May I ask what vehicles the fuel is for?" he inquired.

"Two motorcycles; they take standard gasoline," said the blonde. "I'm assuming you don't have a pump or nothing, just containers or some shit like that?" The troll stood, wiping the sweat off his brow.

"How crude," he muttered. "But yes, you are correct in that I only have containers filled with gasoline. Will you still take it?"

"'Course I will. I'll take as much as you can give, I got money and all." The shopkeeper nodded in response and turned around to rustle through a box that sat behind his work table.

"Would it be rude of me to ask where you four are going, what with all this fuel?"

"Mountains, yo. Got shit to do, places to be, and people to visit up there." 

"Mountains, you say?" he repeated as he set several bottles of gasoline very carefully on the table. Dave shoveled out a sum of money and tossed it next to the bottles in return. "By any chance, were you planning on stopping by Zatsai?" Dave raised an eyebrow, then turned around to look at Karkat. 

"Are we?" Karkat thought for a moment.

"Probably, since it's on the way. What does it matter though?" said Karkat, getting a feeling that he knew where this conversation was going.

"W-Well," the other troll began. "If you happen to be going that way, would it be too much trouble for a person such as myself to possibly tag along?"

"It most certainly would be too much fucking trouble, thank you very much," Karkat snapped, his mouth curling into a snarl. He had predicted something like this would happen. "Sorry, pal, we already have enough assholes who thought they could tag along with their own little side quests to distract us. The asshole capacity limit has been fucking reached long ago. So the answer to your question is no. Fuck off."

"Excuse me!" the other troll raised his voice angrily. "You think you could treat others of your kind with more respect, wouldn't you? Especially when they're providing you with things you need!"

"Nope, my respect is fucking earned by people who deserve it. And as far as I know, I've known you for all of three minutes and all I've gathered about you is that you're creepy and you sweat a whole fucking lot." Suddenly, the crabby troll felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned to see John behind him, desperately trying to keep a fight from breaking out.

"If I could just interrupt, that would be swell," said John. "Look, Mr.…?"

"Zahhak. Equius Zahhak."

"Equius, why do you want to come with us?" Equius crossed his arms and straightened his posture.

"My moirail lives in Zatsai. I haven't been able to see her in a while." 

"I see. Now, um, by any chance do you have your own motorcycle or something…?"

"I do. However, it is… out-of-order at the moment." He purposefully left out the fact that his motorcycle was not out of order, but rather in pieces from the last time he tried to fix it with his own two hands. Tried.

"And by out-of-order, I'm assuming… you can't fix it quickly."

"God, Egbert, why the fuck are you even bothering…," Karkat grumbled.

"Shh! Well, Equius, maybe you could… erm…," John glanced anxiously back at Dave, who had since migrated away from the situation with the gas bottles and was looking upon the scene as the uninvolved third-party. "Dave…"

"Dude. I can't help here. What, you're thinking of letting him ride on my bike with me and WV?" John nervously nodded. "Sorry, man, but fuck no. Too dangerous, even for a Strider."

"I understand," Equius interrupted, a bit crestfallen. "It's alright, there's no need for you to—" Suddenly, the front door of the shop swung open and practically smashed into the wall it was hinged on, revealing a tall and even more muscular troll man who appeared to be Equius' father. The four travelers froze in fear while the remaining troll waved mildly to the new person. "Hello, father, sir."

"Hmm," the troll man grunted as he closed the door again with another involuntary slam. "Son. Customers?"

"Yes, in a way," said Equius. "We were discussing arrangements for myself to accompany them to Zatsai, but unfortunately it was ruled impossible."

"Don't go crying to your goddamn dad, holy fuck," Karkat growled.

"Why impossible?"

"My motorcycle is… out of order."

"So? Fix it."

"It's quite unfixable." The father and son exchanged glances for a few moments as if they were telepathically communicating. His father sighed.

"Then use mine. You're visiting Nepeta, yes?" Equius nodded. "Go ahead, then. It's about time you pay a visit to her." The strong troll shot a glance to John, who grinned and nodded while trying to quell Karkat's increasing anger. He could feel the troll's shoulder tense up unpleasantly under his hand.

"Thank you, very much," Equius said, to both his father and to John. "I will start getting ready as soon as possible, in that case."

"We aren't leaving until tomorrow morning, so you have time," the blue-eyed boy said politely. "By the way, do you know where we could find a shower, or something? The receptionist at the inn we're staying at muttered something about caves and waterfalls, but…"

"Of course. I'll explain outside, if the four of you would come with me…?"

 

As it turned out, the small village used the mountain run-off as their source of water and thus source of showering and bathing. Often there were caves formed that had waterfalls publicly used as bathhouses of sorts. Equius was about to bring them to a popular one, but Karkat blatantly insisted that they get a fucking _private_ one that was _rarely_ used. After a 10 minute or so walk, they entered a small cave with a waterfall spilling into a pond within it. Equius agreed to wait outside while the rest of them stripped down and washed up. But before John removed his shirt, Karkat tugged at his sleeve so hard he almost ripped a bit of it off. "John."

"Look, as much as I love your stupid rage rants, I kind of don't feel like being subjected to one for being a decent and helpful person right now," John said seriously, momentarily unnerving the troll. "Okay?"

"That's not what I was about to do," Karkat retorted. "I was just going to say that it never ceases to amaze me how you manage to keep getting sidetracked like a wiggler with ADD—"

"It sounds a lot like a rage rant to me," the human interrupted.

"If you would just let me finish…!" said Karkat, sighing. "I was _going_ to say that even though your undying need to help other people only hinders our progress further, I fucking admire how you keep doing it, how you keep just _helping_ people and bringing them along and shit." The blue-eyed boy looked at him blankly for a few moments before a surprised and flushed look replaced it. "What, don't tell me you're offended after I gave you a decent compliment."

"No, that's not it! I'm just… surprised, I guess," John chuckled. "That you gave me one at all." Without thinking, he reached over and ruffled the troll's hair.

"W-Whatever," Karkat muttered. He stomped around the perimeter of the cave and reluctantly discarded his coat, while John looked on with curiosity. "What? I'm finding a _private_ place to clean myself. Like hell would I ever dare to reveal my stark naked self to a creepy nookstain like you."

"Hey! We're both guys, so what does it even matter?" John called back.

"We're of _different species,_ shitsponge. It's… different." The troll disappeared around the back of the cave to undress and bathe himself on the reverse side of the pond, where no prying eyes would see him. John shrugged to himself, discarded the rest of his clothes and took off his glasses, and waded into the pond where Dave and the young boy were already washing up. Without the dirty and shredded clothing, John discovered that the boy they picked up on the road had darkened skin, black hair, and grey eyes. He also seemed to be pretty talkative when it came to Dave. 

"So is Karkles all sorted out now?" Dave asked as John approached. "What the fuck was his problem, anyway?"

"Just because you can't _see me_ doesn't mean I can't _hear you_!" Karkat's voice shouted and echoed in the cave. John chuckled.

"Yeah, it's good," he said. "He's just a self-conscious jerkwad sometimes." He ventured towards the waterfall and, without warning, dunked his head under the rushing water. "F-Fuck, that's cold!"

"No shit, Sherlock," said Dave, smirking as Will grinned in amusement.

"And dude, are you seriously wearing your shades in the bath?" John laughed.

"What, the jackass is still wearing those things!? Ha! That's fucking hilarious," came Karkat's voice again.

"Fuck you, these glasses are the shit," said the blonde, walking over to John, punching him in the arm, and standing under the waterfall as well. At its deepest point, the water in the pond almost came up to their knees, allowing them to comfortably sit on the ground with a sufficient amount of water covering their bodies. "Anyway, we're really taking that Equius guy with us?"

"It's only for a little while," said John. "And how can you deny a guy a trip to see his moirail-best-friend person?"

"Easy: you just say fucking no," Karkat snapped.

"Dude, if you're going to engage in this conversation, why don't you just come over here?" asked John.

"Egderp, why are you so eager to have your little troll buddy join us on our naked adventures in bathing, anyways?" the blonde questioned, another smirk crossing his face. The blue-eyed boy whipped his head around with a heavy blush on his cheeks.

"I-I'm not! I mean, sure, I am, but not for any weird reasons, um, and, just…!" Dave raised an eyebrow. "Oh my god, put that eyebrow down, you're creeping me out." Dave chuckled. "Fuck off, dickprince."

"'Dickprince,' have you been taking lessons from Karkitty, John?"

"N—"

"FUCK!" Karkat's voice shouted for a split second before a loud spluttering sound echoed throughout the cave, followed by several wild splashing sounds.

"Shit! Karkat!" John exclaimed as he shot up out of the water and dashed around to the other side under the idea that the troll was somehow drowning in the water. But upon turning the corner, a hand pushed into his face and sent him flailing back into the water with another loud splash. "Agh, what the…?"

"For the love of fuck, what do I need to say to tell you to keep the fuck away from me!?" Karkat yelled scratchily. An overwhelming blush stained his cheeks as he inadvertently looked upon John's stark naked body. "H-Holy…"

"Sorry!" John stuttered. "I thought you were drowning, or something!" The troll beat his fist against his forehead.

"Do you _really_ think I'm that much of a simpleton that I can't handle cleaning myself in a goddamn pond? Your horrendous failure to use your think pan never ceases to astound me." He embarrassedly turned his back to the blue-eyed boy and sat down in the water, attempting to cover as much of his body as possible. "God, what kind of fucking _equipment_ is that, anyways!?"

"Sneaking a peek at Egbert, huh, Karkles?" came Dave's amused banter. "I fucking knew it. You probably staged that whole thing just so you could lay your peepers on that hot piece of Egbert ass." Two choruses of laughter sounded through the cave, assumedly from the blonde and his little "apprentice."

"I'm not even going to dignify that statement with a fucking response," Karkat snarled. "John, why the fuck are you still here?"

"I'm, uh, trying to recover from the intense embarrassment I'm experiencing right now," John mumbled.

"You and me both, dumbfuck."

"Um, if it helps, I can't really see you, or anything, without my glasses on. I mean, I can see basic shapes, but no details."

"No, shit? That's great, I'm totally not embarrassed out of my fucking think pan anymore," said the troll. "No, that does absolutely nothing to help anything because, and this is the plot twist to end all plot twists, I can see _you_ perfectly. Fucking crystal clear. For the split second that you appeared in my field of vision, your pale, naked ass dominated every inch of my seeing space."

"I think you're elaborating too much on this. You're talking both of us into one big embarrassed corner," John commented, daring to chuckle a bit.

"Just get the fuck back over to your side. Please."

"Right. Bye." John scrambled to his feet and splashed through the water once more to the side he came from, leaving Karkat to finish bathing in peace. He let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding and scooped some of the fresh water into his face and through his pitch black hair. He could hear John's voice arguing with Dave's as the latter teased him about wanting to sneak a peek at his troll buddy in the bath. Karkat sighed in annoyance and dipped his head into the water for a few seconds. Unfortunately, the cold water did nothing to distract him from the image now burned into his mind. While he wished he never, ever saw the blue-eyed boy's naked body flailing around and splashing water everywhere, he would never un-see John's thin waist, his lean chest and the way his shoulders pulled back into a muscular build, his shapely hips and his legs… Karkat plunged his head into the cold water again in futile attempts to wash the cherry red blush off his face. _Get a grip, Karkat, you bulgechafing nooksniffer. Stop thinking. Now,_ Karkat inwardly commanded. He had to think about how he was _not_ thinking about Egbert's ass. Think about how he was going to stage revenge on Strider for even suggesting that he purposefully slipped on the smooth stone floor and face planted in the icy-as-fuck water just to see that idiot's bare ass. Even if… he didn't exactly _regret_ seeing it. Though he could have done better by not experiencing all the first and secondhand mortification. _John is such a pathetic idiot_ , thought Karkat. 

_A disgustingly pathetic, ridiculous, pitiful idiot._


	11. ~9~

After a few more hours of idling around in the small town and picking up several more provisions and supplies, John, Karkat, Dave, and Will all headed back to the inn for the night. At this point, the young boy was already tuckered out in bed and the other three were gathered around the small coffee table with a set of cards in hand, in their comfortable and freshly cleaned pajamas.

"Two threes," Dave said blankly, placing two cards onto a pile in the center of the table.

"One four," said Karkat, following suit with one card.

"Two fives," John said.

"That is utter bullshit!" the troll yelled triumphantly, daring to grin smugly.

"What!? How'd you know, dude?" John exclaimed, taking the pile of cards in his hands in defeat.

"Bro, it's not all that hard," said the blonde. "Your poker face is shit."

"Ugh, you have sunglasses! That's an unfair advantage. Take 'em off for once."

"Rule number one: cool guys never take off their sunglasses. You know the deal." John sighed in frustration.

"Whatever. Your go." Another few rounds later, the stack of cards had grown to almost the entire deck, and it was Karkat's turn. He kept his mouth turned down in its usual scowl as he placed his final card down.

"… One eight."

"Bullshit," Dave said simply, smirking again. Immediately, Karkat violently shoveled the cards into his hands and chucked them all at the blonde's face in anger, while shouting several increasingly colorful expletives.

"That is no fucking fair, you douchefucking shithole," Karkat snarled. "It was my last fucking card!"

"And you fucking lied, the deck is yours," Dave quipped as he gathered up the cards again and chucked them back at the troll. "And dude, shut up, you're going to wake WV up."

"Fuck shutting up. Fuck the kid. Fuck you, Dave fucking Strider."

"Ouch, that burns."

"Okay, maybe we should stop the game now…?" John chuckled nervously as he pressed a hand to both of the sparring boy's chests and set them apart. "It's almost 11, anyways, so…" Both Dave and Karkat stared at him as if he just grew a second head. "Um, what's wrong?"

"Since when are you eager to go to sleep?" asked Karkat incredulously.

"Oh, well, um, I'm not normally, but we agreed to meet Equius at 8, so I guess I just want to get to bed somewhat early," John muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

"I think Egderp is broken, Karkles," the blonde said blankly. "We need to get him to the hospital. He's in terminal condition. He suddenly and spontaneously has lost the possession of his dick, and thus his dignity."

"Geez, dude, lay off!" John gathered up the cards and messily shoved them back into their box before tossing them back into his bag and standing up. "I'm tired, that's all. Can't a guy just go to sleep without being accused of spontaneously losing his dick by his best bro?"

"Never."

"Augh!" the blue-eyed boy groaned as he flopped down on the unoccupied bed. "This bed isn't very comfortable."

"News flash, idiot: we're not in a fucking five-star hotel. It's better than sleeping in a cave or on the road," said Karkat, standing up as well.

"Actually, that would be kinda cool," John remarked. "It's a clear night tonight. We could go stargazing or something."

"Whoa, that's some truly touching shit there," Dave commented. "Real romantic. If you're going to go to sleep, go the fuck to sleep."

"I'll do what I want, numbnuts," John laughed. He shifted up to one of the pillows and nestled himself under the blankets, then folded up his glasses and set them aside. "Good night."

"Yeah, 'night, bro." Suddenly, Karkat yawned widely and stretched his arms out. "Aw, is wittle Karkles sleepy, too?"

"How many times do I have to curse you out for you to stop being an asshole? That's right! Infinity times, since you will always be the biggest asshole this planet has to offer. It's a great thing to know that I've already hit rock bottom when meeting assholes. I'm tired, too, is there really anything more that needs to be said on the matter? No? I didn't think so."

"Wow, it looks like Shouty's lost his dick, too. Or whatever setup he's got going on down there. John, do you know?"

"Fuck off, I'm sleeping," came John's voice.

"Yeah, really, Strider, try to be a bit more fucking sensitive for the sleeping," Karkat said smugly.

"Why don't you join him? I'm sick of dealing with you two assholes," Dave said blankly. The blue-eyed boy chuckled good-naturedly at his friend's banter.

"Fine, I will. Beats dealing with you, bulgewhiffer." A few moments later, John felt Karkat's weight hit the bed next to him and the blankets move as the troll got under them. As he settled, Karkat accidentally brushed his thigh against John's, making him fidget uncomfortably.

"Man, now I gotta go to sleep, too," Dave mock-groaned as he jumped onto the bed next to the sleeping Will, miraculously not waking him. "G'night, fuckers." Then there was silence in the small inn room as everyone relaxed and readied for sleep.

 

Except for Karkat, however. Karkat was wide awake with a heated face as he gazed at the back of John Egbert, who was obliviously sleeping next to him without a care in the world. Goddammit, he had absolutely no problem with this, did he? Or did he? Oh, fuck it, he's asleep, anyway. Karkat just had to relax, take a few breaths, and… start hyperventilating because suddenly John had the smart idea to roll over in his fucking sleep, making it so his face was mere inches away from Karkat's. _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,_ Karkat thought. He tried to turn the other way, but if he moved any further he would fall off the mattress. There was no escape for him. The troll's expression unknowingly softened at the sight of the sleeping human. If he held his breath, he could practically hear their heartbeats pound in sync. He wondered if he could just… edge in, just a little bit, and reach his arm over… and fall asleep, not five minutes later.

~o~

When he woke up, Karkat made sure to abscond from the bed and scramble to get his things together. Throughout the entire night, Karkat had slept shamefully snuggled up to John Egbert, and he could only imagine what outrageous and embarrassed reaction would come from said Egbert waking up to his troll buddy clinging to him. Though there was a high possibility that he would brush it off as Karkat just being "adorable" for "unconsciously hugging a teddy bear" or something equally worthy of the ignorance award. According to the clock on the wall, it was around 7:30; a reasonable time to wake up for once. After everything was set, Karkat took a deep breath, stepped a bit closer to the beds, and shouted, "Wake the fuck up, you lazy nookstains, it's time to meet up with that sweaty asshole and get the fuck out of here!" Dave groaned and rolled over, covering his head with the pillow, while John and Will made no response. "I know you're awake, Strider. Get your head out of your ass and get dressed."

"Nngh, fuck off," Dave moaned. 

"You wish. I can't believe I'm saying this, but goddammit get your pretentious sunglasses on and resume your assholish way of living your miserable life." The blonde, with eyes closed, tiredly reached over to the side table for his shades and somehow put them on. He didn't, however, make any attempt to get out of bed, let alone become coherent. "Okay, fuck you." The troll gave up on Dave for that moment and moved towards the buck-toothed moron he slept with last night. Wait. Slept _next to._ Not with. Why was he thinking that now? "John bulgefucking Egbert, time to wake up." No response. Karkat pushed at his shoulder. "Wake _up._ " Still no response. "I will end you right now, John." He knuckled the blue-eyed boy in the ribs, coaxing a pained "ouch!" out of him. " _JOHN!_ "

"Geez, alright, I'm up, I'm up!" said John, now at least half-awake. "What time is it?"

"Almost 9."

" _What!? Seriously!?_ " the human exclaimed as he shot up from the pillow and almost knocked heads with the troll.

"No, I'm fucking kidding, it's 7:45," Karkat said anticlimactically. John groaned and flopped back down in annoyance. Karkat growled and shoved him again. "That does _not_ mean you have the luxury to sleep as long as you fucking please! Get. _Up!_ " 

"Karkles, do us all a favor and fucking can it," Dave grumbled from the other bed. "Even WV is complaining about your bullshit."

"Holy fucking hell in a pawbeast bag, if you all don't suddenly become active and fully functional within the next five minutes, I will shove my foot so far up your seedflaps that you'll be tasting shoe for weeks."

"I don't even know what that _is_ and I'm sorta disgusted," John mumbled, giggling a bit.

"As you fucking should be. Get up before the imagined disgust turns reality." With another tired groan and a chuckle, John rolled over and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He yawned and scratched the back of his neck. "Good. Egbert is now flying high as the smartest human of the day."

"I'm so honored," said John, standing up and walking over to his bag to get his day clothes. After a few more minutes of annoyed banter between Karkat and Dave, everyone was dressed and packed and they all headed out to meet with Equius.

 

A light and cool wind brushed through John's hair upon stepping outside. The sky was cloudy and the air was mild, two things he was immensely grateful for. Anything at this point was better than the desert. Equius informed him that as they scaled the mountains, the air would gradually get chillier; he made a mental note to stop by some sort of clothing store before they reached Kwarlodia to obtain a heavier jacket. He mounted the motorcycle and pulled on Dave's borrowed red gloves, then beckoned over to Karkat, who was standing nearby with a look on his face. Why was he looking so hesitant to hop on? He beckoned again, this time successful as the troll walked over and straddled over the space behind him. When his arms wrapped around his waist, John was strangely surprised how familiar the feeling was, having Karkat hold onto him and his head rest against his back. It was a nice, secure feeling. A squeezing sensation attacked John's stomach, but he swiftly ignored it as he turned the keys in the ignition and revved the engine. He looked to his right to find Dave and Will all ready to go on their bike, and to his left Equius was safely prepared on his father's bike with a blue helmet strapped on his head. With the go ahead from Karkat, the three bikes sped off on the road in the direction of the mountains, Equius' father waving as they crossed out of the town's limits. 

 

After only 2 or so hours of driving, the five travelers found that they were already pretty close to Zatsai; when they stopped for lunch, they were roughly 20 minutes away. It was a relief for John, since, even though he got a good 9 hours of sleep the previous night, he wasn't feeling very prepared to be traveling for extended periods of time on the motorbike. They rolled to a stop on the side of the road and ventured aways into the forest that had appeared in the time that they traveled away from the desert land. It was a nice change of scenery, for the most part. They sat down under a tree and unpacked a couple of food items that had been brought along: Karkat, John, and Dave supplied dried fruit and rolls, Equius very carefully poured cups of milk and set out a bit of cheese, and Will hesitantly contributed a can of (cold) baked beans, sliced open with the knife he carried with him.

"Hey, this is almost like that picnic I was suggesting yesterday, huh, Karkat?" John teased as he bit into a slice of fruit. The troll elbowed him in the side in annoyance.

"It's nice to sit down for once and eat without being rushed by Shouty," Dave added, earning him a violent roll to the face.

"How long have you been traveling for, either way?" Equius asked.

"Well, it depends," said John. "I mean, I don't know how long WV has been out on the road, but for me, it's about… 5 days, actually." He looked surprised by the amount of time that had passed. "But it would have been a lot longer if it weren't for these two." He gestured towards Dave and Karkat.

"Wow, here's me actually getting credit for getting shit done? I'm flattered," Karkat grumbled sarcastically.

"Come on, you say it all the time: I'd be useless without you," the blue-eyed boy chuckled, hooking an arm over the troll's shoulder and bringing him closer. "Best troll buddy."

"Wow, and here's me being replaced by a fuckin' troll," Dave joked, but John could pick up the slightest hint of disappointment in the blonde's voice. "I feel so loved."

"Dude, you are so loved I don't know how you can retain that poker face, no jokes here," John said kindly. "You'll always be my best bro, through and through."

"Like hell I'd even want to replace you, Strider," Karkat added, pressing a hand to John's side and attempting to pull himself away. "Sounds like a job I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Which happens to be you at the moment. Congratu-fucking-lations."

"Aw, what? You don't wanna be my best troll buddy, Karkat?" John frowned and stuck out his bottom lip childishly.

"I—" 

"Hold on!" Equius suddenly whispered as he held up a finger to silence the others. Karkat opened his mouth to retort, but John told him to be quiet and listen, because something must be up. They all looked in the direction that the muscular troll was looking, watching out for anything unusual or mysterious. Equius stared hard through his cracked sunglasses, listened for another rustling of leaves that clued him in not moments before. He could've sworn he caught the flash of a tail. Everything was brought to a dead, silent stop.

"What's the deal, sweaty?" Dave muttered, raising an eyebrow. "A squirrel?"

"No, don't be absurd," Equius muttered back, frowning. "I could've sworn that I saw… something or other."

"Whatever, drop the shit like it's burning and get back to stuffing yourself with our choice cuisine." The blonde shrugged as he took a sip of milk. After a few moments, the troll resigned and turned back around to face the group.

"So, you were saying something, Karkat?" John asked as he nudged the troll beside him. "Something about being my best troll buddy?"

"Egbert, fuck off," Karkat huffed, crossing his arms and looking away. "I admit that I'm your fucking friend, you got what you wanted."

"Haha, looks like Karkles is feeling a bit defensive," Dave teased. "Hey, you never know: maybe the little shit wants to take the other step up from friendship, if you get what I'm saying." Karkat snarled at the blonde and turned to John, expecting an outrageous reaction, but was met with a confused one.

"Uh, no, most of the time I don't get what you're saying, dude," said John. "Feel like explaining?"

"We—"

"MROW!"

"Fu—Fiddlesticks!" All of a sudden, a large object lobbed itself at Equius and sent him sprawling on the ground. The other four immediately sprung to their feet and readied themselves to either fight or run for their lives, but the unknown thing made no move towards them. Instead it pinned Equius down by the shoulders and started… giggling? "Nepeta, I do respectfully ask you to remove yourself from my person."

"Heeheehee!" the identified troll girl laughed. "It's just lovely to see you again, my meowrail!"

"I-It's nice to see you, too," greeted Equius, fidgeting a bit under Nepeta's grasp. "Erm, but if you please, let go of me."

"Okay!" The girl immediately jumped off of the muscular troll and gave him room to stand up on his own. She then turned towards the other four boys and grinned widely. "Hi there! Are you some of Equius' furrrends?" 

"Hardly," Karkat grumbled. "We just happen to be traveling with the dumbass until he met up with his moirail. I'm guessing that's you?"

"Wow, aren't you a bit of a grumpy-pants?" Nepeta remarked as she drew a bit closer to them. "But to answer your question, yes, we are the best meowrails you could evfur find!" She stuck out a hand for all of them to shake. "I'm Nepeta Leijon. Nice to meet you!" John was the first one to take the handshake.

"Nice to meet you, too, Nepeta!" he greeted kindly. "Um, I'm John Egbert, this is Karkat, Dave, and WV." He slowly took in the girl's appearance: an olive-colored jacket, a blue kitty hat with holes for her horns and her black hair sticking out of it awkwardly, big black and yellow eyes, and… was that a blue tail extending from her? When the handshake broke, John looked at his hand and instantly was taken aback. "Erm, what's that on your hands?" Nepeta curiously eyed her own hands and gasped animatedly.

"Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry, that's my blood!" She hurriedly took a corner of her jacket and rubbed at the spot on the blue-eyed boy's hand until it was gone, but his question remained unanswered. "I must have sliced in on a tree or something when I was climbing! I should've noticed it before."

"Wait, am I missing something here? I'm definitely missing something here," said John blankly, looking around at the group of people. "That was _green._ Her blood. Was _green._ "

"Well, yes, that's her blood color. It's natural of trolls," Equius said. "I have blue blood, for another example."

"Whoa, wait, trolls have different blood colors!? Is it like a rainbow or something?"

"Egderp, I have barely spoken to any trolls in my entire life and I know this," Dave snickered, running a hand through his hair. "Dude, please tell me you're not this stupid."

"Erm, maybe I should explain…," said Nepeta as he sat down with John and commenced her explanation.

 

 

"…Oh, okay, I think I get it," John mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck. "So, to recap, it's a genetic thing for trolls. Blood color used to be like a caste system, but it's long been eradicated," Nepeta nodded, "but there's still discrimination for lower blood colors, kind of like how humans sometimes discriminate races?" She nodded again. "And it goes dark red to tyrian purple, which used to be lowly commoner to royalty. And tyrian purple is still treated as royalty, but they don't always have much power."

"Yup! That's about it!" Nepeta confirmed.

"And when you blush, or cry, or something, it's the same color as your blood."

"Mmhmm!"

"So, wait, what about Karkat, then?" questioned John; the troll in question immediately whipped his head around and stared down the human. "When I've seen him blush it's brigmmmmfffff mmmmf mfffff—!" Karkat had suddenly dashed forward and clasped a firm hand over John's mouth, cutting off his ignorant blathering and squealing about the secret he had thankfully kept for the duration of the journey. 

He tried to ignore the strange looks and raised eyebrows he was getting from Dave, Nepeta, Equius, and Will as he leaned in close to John's ear and hissed, "We will talk about it _later_ , when I don't have these _assfucks_ around me to eavesdrop. _Got it!?_ " The blue-eyed boy nodded, and the troll released him from his grasp. Nepeta waited until John had stopped coughing to ask him where they were headed.

"Oh! Kwarlodia, which I'm guessing is further up the mountain, right?"

"Yep, just past Ajavir," the cat-like troll said.

"Oh, hey," Dave spoke. "That's where my bro is. So we're pretty close, cool."

"Alright, alright, so can we skip any more pointless comments and discoveries for now and at least make it into Zatsai by sundown?" Karkat asserted as he packed up leftover foodstuffs.

"Fine, we can go!" Nepeta said semi-exasperatedly. "But would you like to come to this purrrrfect bakery with me and Equius? I still wanna thank you guys for helping this dummy get here!" She playfully slapped Equius' shoulder for emphasis.

"H-Hey! I am certainly no dummy, Nepeta," the muscular troll said defensively.

"Uh, bakery?" asked John, his memories flashing back to home, and his dread of pastry overload.

"Yeah! But Miss Crocker is a reaaaaally great baker! It's said that once you have a slice of her cake, you'll never look at any other cakes the same way!"

"Well… alright. It's not easy to resist a description like that," the blue-eyed boy admitted. "Let's get going, then."

"About fucking time," Karkat grumbled.

~o~

"Hi, Miss Crocker!" Nepeta greeted cheerfully as she led the five boys into the warm bakery with her. A short woman, probably in her early twenties, turned around with an empty baking tray in her hands. She grinned kindly and nodded in the troll girl's direction.

"Hello, dearie! I do say you've brought a bunch of new customers in today!" the woman chuckled. "Who may I have the pleasure of meeting?"

"Well, this is my meowrail, Equius," Nepeta pointed, "and these are some of his furrrends that came along with him from Polchari!"

"Correction: _he_ came along with _us._ We are only staying here for one fucking night. Get it right," Karkat interrupted, folding his arms stubbornly.

"Wow, you sure are a sourpuss, Karkitty!" said Nepeta as she pouted.

"Oh my fucking god, that's priceless," Dave commented, smirking. "Karkitty. Congrats, Shouty, you've earned yourself another nickname."

"Fuck off, bulgelick," Karkat spat.

"Goodness, you two really need to watch your mouths!" Miss Crocker snapped. "You have a child with you: it's a bad example you're setting."

"Yeah, seriously, guys," John teased. "Lay off of each other for once."

"Oh, come on, Egderp. Like you don't flirtatiously bicker back and forth with your little troll bro when you think my back is turned. For shame, dude. For fucking shame." 

"I-I do not!" John exclaimed. "Geez, don't make jokes like that! People might think you're being serious!"

"And if they do…?" Dave raised an eyebrow.

"Erm," the woman interrupted as she gestured to a large table a few feet away from her display counter. "Perhaps we should all just relax? Maybe just sit down for a moment and solve our problems over a few Jane Crocker-style pastries. You all seem too tightly wound up for your own good." John sighed in defeat for a moment before nodding his head and sitting down in a chair. Soon, the other five followed suit, with Karkat and Dave sitting on either side of the blue-eyed boy. Jane walked around the display counter with a small stack of menus and handed them off to each of the travelers and waited for them to decide what they wanted. As much as John was sick of sweets, he couldn't help but let his mouth water as he read down the menu: strawberry danishes, hot fudge cakes, chocolate-vanilla eclairs, warm oatmeal raisin cookies. He glanced over at how Karkat was reacting to the menu, and was met with a completely unexpected yet delightful surprise. The troll's eyes were wide and his eyebrows were raised, for once not scowling and looking actually somewhat pleasant. John suppressed a giggle as he turned his eyes back to his own menu, hoping nobody noticed him staring at Karkat. After a few more minutes, everyone ordered their round of sweets, with John deciding on a slice of pumpkin pie and Karkat (notably) choosing a single kind of cupcake that John didn't pick up on. Another few minutes later, Jane came back out from behind the counter with a tray full of delicious foods and served them out to the respective customers, then bustled away with a cheerful, "Enjoy!"

"Whoa," John breathed, staring down his pumpkin pie as if it would run away if he didn't keep a close eye on it. "This looks really… great."

"Well, hurry up, Egbert, if you don't start chomping down on that superb pie then I'll flashstep over and eat it myself," Dave said through a mouthful of cheesecake. "This stuff's the shit. The Strider declares these delicious pastries to be better than sucking dick. It is said and done, someone get me one of those hammer things judges use to rule a sentence."

"Better than sucking dick, huh? That's setting the bar pretty high," John said sarcastically.

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. I know you'll come around someday," the blonde teased. "Now eat that shit." With a fork in hand, John slowly took a bite out of the pie in front of him, expecting something normal and sickeningly sweet like his father's cakes back at home. Instead, he was met with a flavorful sensation that practically exploded on his taste buds. He tried to retain a straight face, but predictably he utterly failed and began grinning like there was no tomorrow.

"Holy shit," he breathed in between gleeful giggles. "You weren't kidding, bro. This is great."

"Well, no fucking shit." John started laughing again and turned towards Karkat, full of curiosity of how he was reacting. The troll had the single cupcake cupped protectively in his hands, with only a single bite ruining the perfection of the pastry. A little smudge of blue icing was on the corner of his mouth.

"John to Karkat, paging in," the blue-eyed boy called, edging in front of Karkat's field of vision. "Have you been overloaded by the awesome taste sensation of that cupcake?"

"John…," Karkat began. "You have my permission to learn how to make these fucking cupcakes and make them every time you come across the ingredients."

"Hehehe! Is the great Karkat dumbstruck by a mere pastry?" Karkat slowly took another bite of the cake, failing to even give a snarky and insulting remark in return. 

"This is no mere pastry," he said, "this is a fucking work of culinary art."

"Hey, maybe Miss Crocker with give you and I both lessons in baking," John replied. "Well, I already know a bit about baking, but not this good." Karkat reluctantly set the cupcake down, this time its icing making more of a smudge on his lips. The blue-eyed boy chuckled again and raised a hand to Karkat's face.

"John, what the fuck are y—"

"Hold still, you have something…" John gently pressed a thumb to the smudge of icing and wiped it away, not noticing the shocked look he was getting from the troll, nor the raised eyebrows he was getting from the others around the table. He grinned innocently, licked the icing from his thumb, and backed away from Karkat's face. "There. Perfect." He turned back to his pumpkin pie and resumed eating, not a faint sign of a blush crossing his face. Karkat, however, was shuddering and desperately trying to ward off the ravaging redness that threatened to stain his cheeks and expose his mutant blood color to the two trolls across from him. He shut his eyes tight and blindly reached to take another bite of the cupcake in front of him.

_Holy fuck, you goddamn blood-pusher system, calm the_ ** _fuck_** _down,_ he thought, inwardly punching his heart for suddenly beating so fast and making his breathing heavy.

 

"Yo," Dave whispered into John's ear. "Try and keep it PG, Egbert; there're kids around here."

"What are you talking about? He had a smudge, so I did him a favor and wiped it off. So what?" Dave groaned silently and ground his fork into the cake plate.

"John, let's say, just for hypothetical's sake, that this attractive," the blonde hesitated, "girl, that you really liked, did that to you, then acted like it was nothing afterwards, like she was only doing it platonically. How would you feel?"

"Uh, well, I don't know…," John mumbled. "I guess kind of embarrassed that I had a smudge on my face, but grateful that the girl did it for me without making fun of me…?" He paused. "But how does that even relate to me and Karkat? We're bros, that's kinda what bros do, right?" Dave rolled his eyes through his shades at the blue-eyed boy.

"Dude, you're great and all, but you can seriously be pretty goddamn dense sometimes," he responded blankly.

"Hey, fuck off! We're both friends, we're both guys, it's totally platonic. Seriously."

"Whatever you say, Egderp," said Dave flippantly. "Whatever you say."

 

When everyone's plates were literally licked clean, Jane came back around and collected the dirty dishes and accepted the payment they had pooled together. John sat back in his chair and crossed his arms behind his head, but felt a slight tug on his sleeve from his right. He looked over to see Karkat frowning at him. "What's up?"

"We need to talk," Karkat stated, his eyebrows turning down. "Now."

"Wait, what's wrong?" the blue-eyed boy asked with panic seeping into his voice.

"It's nothing bad, you idiot, we just need to talk, alright?" Karkat insisted. They stared at each other for a few seconds before John submitted and stood up from the table with the troll. Dave raised a questioning look at him, but he waved it away.

"We're just going for a walk, that's all," he said nervously.

"…Alright. Don't get lost."

"Like I would," John chuckled, as he waved goodbye to Jane and the two other trolls and exited the bakery with Karkat following.

 

The two walked in silence down the block for a few minutes before speaking. The houses and other buildings were all cobblestone with little chimneys that matched the white stone streets that ran throughout the city. Zatsai was quite hilly, for that matter; John found himself a bit tired as he scaled a particularly steep incline. He inhaled a sweet scent of sugar and tea as he passed by a coffee shop that tempted him to go in and enjoy a nice hot cup. A cool wind whispered through the trees scattered throughout the town and brushed against his bared skin, making him shiver a bit and yank the zipper of his jacket a bit further. Finally, he dared to ask Karkat of his reasons.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" For once, Karkat had his hood down and let his black hair whisk in the wind, but his eyes were cast away from John.

"Didn't I tell you earlier that we would talk about my blood color when there weren't any assfucks around to eavesdrop?" he replied.

"Oh! Yeah, about that!" John exclaimed. "So, is this where I let you ramble on and shut up while I absorb your vast expanses of knowledge?" Karkat actually smirked at that.

"You're learning," he snorted. "But yes, just shut up for now and listen." With a nod of clearance from John, Karkat took a deep breath and began his explanation.

 

"So, as you should have memorized now, there's the obtuse and outdated system called the hemospectrum, where rustbloods are lower than dirt and tyrian bloods are higher than fucking heaven. Even though it's almost eradicated, trolls still have different colored blood, but none of it is the same color as human blood." He paused. "This is where you insert your predictably inane, 'But why do _you_ have the same color as human blood?'"

"Hehe," John chuckled. "But why _do_ you have the same color as human blood?"

"To be blunt, it's a fucking mutation that I've been fortunate enough to have hidden for the duration of my miserable lifetime. Though I guess I was playing off of your obvious ignorance of almost everything about trolls in these past few days, allowing me to be a bit more lax regarding it. And I… also guess that I didn't bother to bring it up before since you acted like it was normal. It was… nice, I guess."

"But it's just a little mutation, right?" asked John. "You shouldn't have to hide it or anything. I mean, Dave has—" He suddenly stopped himself short, realizing what he was saying, and how this situation seemed all the more familiar.

"Strider has…?" Karkat repeated curiously. John sighed heavily.

"Please don't tell anyone I told you this."

"Whatever's your or Strider's business is your or Strider's business. I'm not some sort of immature wiggler who goes around gossiping about his friends or not-friends as soon as he gets shit to dish on them."

"Hahaha, alright, I trust you," the blue-eyed boy said kindly. "So, um, Dave has red eyes. It's a mutation, too." He hesitated to go on. "That's why he always wears his sunglasses, because secretly, he's totally afraid of being called a freak. But he'll never admit it. I guess you two are similar in that way."

"Okay, do not compare me with that shitstain," Karkat retorted. "But still, huh. Never would've thought that the asshole actually is self-conscious about something."

"You wouldn't think from how he always inflates his ego," John chuckled. "But either way, it's not like your blood color is something that's easily seen. I mean, couldn't most people mistake it for being the regular red color in the spectrum?"

"Sure, if everyone was as big of an imbecilic nooksniffing fuck as you are. However, to answer your question, no. And as I get older, it's harder to hide, being that a troll's eyes turn from black to their blood color as they age."

"Wow, that's kinda cool!" said John. "So you'll soon have red and yellow eyes!"

"Not for a while, moron," the troll responded.

"You still haven't answered why it's such a bad thing."

"Because, douchetard, think about how some other trolls would react to me being a mutant as some other humans would react to Strider being a mutant. Even though the caste system is gone, there's still some obvious discrimination for those who are different. And I'd be better off living without some idiotic fuckstains getting up in my ass about my goddamn freakish blood," Karkat snapped as he involuntarily bared his teeth at the blue-eyed boy. But John didn't recoil. Instead, he stopped his gait, grabbed Karkat's hand, and held it close to his chest.

"I don't think your blood is freakish," he said quietly. "I like it." Karkat predictably blushed, only letting the human see more of the hideous cherry color. "Hehe, there you go again."

"Of course you would 'like' it, shitsponge. It's the same as your own."

"No, really. It," he paused, "makes me feel a bit closer to you, I guess. Makes me feel that you're less… alien, in comparison to me. That you aren't that much different, biologically speaking."

"Trust me, I'm _very fucking different,_ biologically speaking," Karkat insisted, rolling his eyes. "You may have been blind as a fucking bat at the time, but I unfortunately had the immense displeasure of having my eyes visually molested by the entirety of your gross and totally unattractive naked human body."

"Hey! I thought we weren't going to ever talk about that again," the blue-eyed boy reminded defensively, a matching blush appearing on his cheeks.

"You're right, except we're currently talking about that again like the insipid bunch of asswipes we are," the troll responded, slapping his spare palm to his forehead. "Shit, what am I even saying now."

"No idea. _I_ was trying to pay you a compliment," said John. "Anyways, it's true. I like your blood color. You shouldn't worry so much about hiding it. After Ajovar or whatever, it'll probably be just you and me again, right?" Karkat opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again. He felt John squeeze his hand again and pull him just a little bit closer; he dared to take a step into the blue-eyed boy.

"Right," Karkat repeated. At the short distance, the troll's mind zoomed back to the previous night, and how he had cuddled, _cuddled,_ with the sleeping John Egbert, so close that his heartbeat could be heard. His face turned red again and he looked away with a scowl on his face.

"Man, what's wrong now?" John questioned. "You're scowling again."

"Fuck you, I can make whatever fucking facial expressions I want," the troll growled half-heartedly. John laughed and released his hand, leaving him feeling slightly lonely and wanting for just a few more moments of contact.

"Should we start heading back now? Dave's probably bothering Miss Crocker out of boredom from waiting for us."

"Let the shitmouth wait. I feel like walking a bit more," said Karkat, turning to resume walking down the street and gesturing for John to come with him. "Well?" John smiled warmly and nodded.

"Sure, we can walk together, just for now."


	12. ~Side Story Two~

"So, did you two boys mention that you wanted to learn a little something about baking?" Jane asked as John and Karkat returned to the bakery. Nepeta and Equius had assumedly left, while Dave and his little apprentice had passed the two of them as they came in and said they were going to look for a place to stay that night. As such, John and Karkat were left alone with Jane to participate in a hard-core baking lesson.

"Sure, if you're willing to teach us!" John said cheerfully. "I already know a bit about baking, but it would be great to see how to make some of those cupcakes that Karkat liked." He nudged the troll teasingly, earning him a slight shove to the shoulder back.

"Oh? You mean the red velvets with the blueberry cream cheese icing?" she inquired, chuckling a bit. "Those are quite fun to bake. Easy, too! If you would come back with me, I'd be happy to show you."

"Karkat?" Karkat looked up at the blue-eyed boy. "Wanna make some?"

"Can we take them with us?"

"You can take a couple, as long as they're at least somewhat salvageable to sell," Jane teased. She led them through a doorway behind the counter into a warm kitchen and handed them a white apron each. Then, she pulled out a heavy recipe book, set it on a nearby table, and flipped it open to a bookmarked page. "Red and Blue Cupcakes, serves 24 to 36." She grinned toothily. "Alright, boys, first thing you'll want to do is get out some of the ingredients and measuring cups. If you gather the former, I'll collect the latter, alright?" John nodded enthusiastically and instantly made his way over to the row of refrigerators and cabinets on one wall, while Karkat examined the recipe closely.

"Alright, Karkat, what do I need?" John called from across the room.

"Cake flour, cocoa powder, salt— salt, why the fuck would you put salt in cupcakes?" 

"For flavor, keep reading!" the blue-eyed boy urged as he piled boxes of ingredients in his arms.

"Vegetable oil— seriously, what the fuck?— two eggs, buttermilk, baking soda, red food coloring, distilled white vineg—what!?"

"Dude, don't question it. Was that cupcake delicious or not?" said John as he waddled over and clumsily set down various bottles and boxes, then produced two eggs from the crook of his elbow.

"…It was delicious," Karkat admitted.

"Exactly," John said, grinning. "Now what, Miss Crocker?"

"Please, do call me Jane; I feel so old when people call me that!" Jane chuckled, setting down spoons and cups next to the ingredients, along with two muffin tins, baking cups, and a whisk. "Now, I'll go heat up the oven; you two need to line the muffin trays with the cups, and whisk together the cake flour, cocoa powder, and salt. May I trust you to do so?"

"Sure thing!" John reassured with a nod, and the woman nodded back and strolled away to the ovens. "Karkat, I'll let you handle the mixing for now. I'll prepare the trays." 

"I'm so fucking honored," Karkat grumbled sarcastically as he took a nearby bowl and set it in front of him. "But fine, whatever." John chuckled, grabbing a pack of paper cupcake cups and ripping open the plastic. He placed a cup in each of the indents of the tins while Karkat carefully measured out the amounts of ingredients before pouring them into the bowl, making sure that he would most certainly not screw this up. But once he took the whisk in his hand and took it to the mixture, a huge cloud of flour puffed up from the bowl into his face. "Aargh!" He coughed and waved his hands around dramatically to try and rid the air and himself of the white dust. Instead of helping, John started laughing at the troll's silly antics.

"Hahaha, you have flour in your hair, dude," he remarked, setting down the stack of paper cups and drawing closer to Karkat.

"I don't see your bulgewhiffing self trying to help me!" Karkat retorted. The blue-eyed boy laughed again and ran a hand through Karkat's hair, ruffling the locks and dusting out the particles of flour. At the same time, he used his other hand to brush off Karkat's apron. The troll put on a half-scowl but the redness in his face betrayed him, and he resorted to huffing and looking away.

"You kinda look cute like that," John remarked. "All pouty and mad, but I know that you're embarrassed about getting flour everywhere."

"Fuck off, nookbiter!" the troll snapped, slapping the boy's hands away and dipping the whisk back into the flour. "Go back to what you were doing before. Fucking distracting." John merely chuckled in response as he circled back around the table and resumed lining the trays. Once he was finished, he pulled out a separate bowl and began stirring the sugar, oil, eggs, food coloring and vanilla extract together; when Karkat was done with his task, he carefully blended the vinegar and baking soda, this time not spilling a single drop. Jane came to check up on the two boys now and then, but for the most part she stayed out front to tend to customers. 

"Alright, so what do we do now that everything's mixed?" the blue-eyed boy asked Karkat. Karkat read over the recipe carefully before responding.

"Alternate adding the flour mixture and the buttermilk to the batter," he answered simply. 

"Oh, okay! So I'll just bring the bowl over there," said John as he started to lift the large bowl of liquids, but Karkat quickly dashed in with one hand setting the bowl back down and the other pressing into John's chest.

"Time out for the idiot. The idiot needs to sit in the corner and think about what he's doing. That's you," said Karkat. "That's an accident just waiting to spill its gooey tendrils all over your obtuse-as-fuck self. I will bring the flour over, and I will pour it in. Does the idiot understand?"

"Wow, calm down, dude," John laughed. "I wasn't going to spill it! I was being careful."

"No arguing with me, my think pan hurts as it is," the troll grumbled. "Stay put." John rolled his eyes dramatically as Karkat slid his two bowls across the table to sit next to John's, and hefted the one full of flour into his hands. He subtly moved a bit closer to John, making it so that he was partially in front of the blue-eyed boy. "Take the buttermilk and pour when I tell you to, got it?"

" _Yes_ , Mr. Karkat Leader sir," John teased.

"Call me that again and I'll force you to address me as such for the rest of your fucking life." John mockingly stuck his tongue out at the troll as he picked up the measuring cup filled to the brim with buttermilk. Karkat cautiously deposited a small amount of flour into the batter bowl, then gestured for John to add his held ingredient before stirring it together. They stood there together, adding and stirring for what seemed like an eternal amount of time, until both their bowls were empty and John had all but matched his torso close to Karkat's body. It was probably unintentional, but all the same Karkat didn't mind (and, though he would never admit it even to himself, enjoyed) the contact. He hesitantly put his bowl aside and turned around to face John. He was smiling again. Idiot.

"Anything else, your Crabby Majesty?" he asked.

"Just adding the vinegar and baking soda, President Shitface." Now he was laughing again. God fucking dammit. The troll took the last bowl of ingredients, poured it in, and made an emphatic show of mixing it thoroughly. However, when he took out the stirring spoon with the intention of setting it down, a hand shot out and grabbed it out of his hand. He looked up, displeased. "John, what the wet bag of human horse shit to the face do you think you're doing."

"I'm licking the spoon, duh!" the blue-eyed boy said nonchalantly, his speech a bit warbled from the fact he had his tongue glued to the batter-coated spoon. "What?"

"Why in five blazing fucks would you ever do that?" Karkat asked incredulously. "That's raw cluckbeast eggs in there, you're going to get fucking sick."

"Pfft, relax, dude," said John as he took another lick of the spoon. "It's a way of making sure that the cupcakes won't taste bad. Here, just try some." He held the utensil close to Karkat's face, but the troll violently pulled away with a face of disgust.

"You realize just the core idea of doing such a thing repulses me in the most unpleasant way possible, but you're just being a douchebag, aren't you?" John tilted his head in mock innocence.

"Yes and no," he said in a sing-song voice. "Come on, everyone has to try it at least once. It's delicious!" Great, now he was adding fucking musical notes to the end of his sentences. Karkat eyed the mixing spoon warily, then looked up at the human boy's face. Lousy goddamn stupid buck teeth. Lousy goddamn stupid messy black hair. Lousy god fucking damn blue as fuck eyes looking down at him with a glint that just made him go insane in more ways than one. He noticed a red smudge of batter that somehow made its way onto his cheek. Karkat let a mischievous smirk flash across his face as his inner voice whispered:

_Payback._

Suddenly, he stepped closer to John, pushed the hand holding the spoon out of the way, leaned up on his toes and ran his tongue across the sugary smudge on his cheek, quickly lapping up the batter while holding John in place. He released him with a forcedly nonchalant expression, stoic in comparison to the jaw-drop John was displaying.

"You had a little smudge," Karkat stated, biting back sarcasm. "On your cheek." John's hand reflexively snapped up to where the troll licked him.

"O-Oh! U-uhm…," John stuttered as he set the spoon down on the table.

"I ended up tasting the batter anyways, so what fucking gives?" the troll taunted. "There. _Perfect._ "

John started to laugh nervously. "Hehehe, uh, yeah, was it good?"

"Sure, tasted fine," Karkat answered.

"Uh, wow, your tongue is kind of rough, actually. Like a cat's." Karkat glared at him blankly, caught off guard from the absurd comment.

"What the fuck?"

"It does, that's all! I was just making a comment, being that you seemed so eager to start making out with my cheek." Oh, fucking great. Now John thought he had the upper hand, and there he was just racking up points in his doltish prankster's gambit. Damn.

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to realize that your fucking cheek was obviously asking for it," Karkat snapped. "You know what, that's fucking enough. I don't have time for a nanosecond more of this shitbagging blather."

"I'm pretty sure you have plenty of time," said John.

" _E-fucking-nough._ What do we do now with these fucking cupcakes that probably will taste like shit?" The blue-eyed boy laughed good-naturedly as he glanced over the recipe once over.

"Put 'em in the oven for 18-20 minutes," he said. "In the meantime we can make the frosting."

"And that will require…?" John rambled off a short list of ingredients and Karkat soaked the information in. After popping the cupcakes into the oven, they gathered the various foods to blend together and make icing. At first they accidentally sent flecks of the mixture of cream cheese and butter flying everywhere upon trying to blend it, but eventually they got the hang of it and added the vanilla, blueberries, sugar, and finally, blue food coloring. Karkat practically had to hold John's hand while he was pouring droplets of the food coloring into the icing mix, because he was pretty sure that the blue-eyed boy had the intentions to dump the entire 3 oz. container into the icing and dye everyone's mouths blue. When the oven timer went off halfway through their shenanigans, Jane kindly took the cupcakes out for them and left them to cool on a rack. She chuckled a bit upon seeing Karkat and John get along so harmoniously, how well they suited each other and how they interacted. They could have easily been friends for years, she thought. And while the troll was feisty, Jane Crocker could easily see he had a soft spot for the human boy next to him. She could see that even without her glasses. "Hoo hoo hoo!" she giggled as she left them to their frosting of cupcakes.

 

"Yo, Egderp and Karkles, me and WV found an inn we could stay at," came Dave Strider's voice from the front of the bakery. "Are you two done with your baking lesson yet?" With permission from Jane, the blonde and Will ducked their heads into the kitchen, only to find John and Karkat with a cupcake in each hand and frosting clinging to their hair and clothes. "Uh. What the fuck are you two doing?"

"Enjoying freshly baked cupcakes and engaging in the most epic icing war in the history of the universe," John laughed. Karkat feigned growling as he lobbed a glob of frosting at the blue-eyed boy, hitting him right on his nose. "Hey! No fair, I wasn't ready!"

"Life's not fair, deal with it, grubfucker," Karkat cackled as he took another bite of the cupcake in his hand. "Take that piece of shit and eat it like you mean it." The human promptly scooped the glob of icing off his face and licked it off his fingers, as per the inward horror of the boy who just entered the scene.

"Holy shit, it's like I've entered an alternate universe. Did you two sneak crack into those cupcakes or something?" asked Dave incredulously. Karkat plucked one out of the tray and tossed it at the Strider, leaving it up to him to catch it.

"Just eat one. They are the least shitty cupcakes made by two morons like ourselves that will ever ransack your human taste buds," the troll said.

"So they _are_ full of crack," Dave concluded, holding up the miraculously unharmed cupcake to his face. "Interesting."

"Eat the goddamn cup pastry, you bucket of festering discharge." Dave smirked.

"There's the fucktard we know and love," he said simply, before taking a bite of the famed cupcake. He chewed for a moment, slowly taking in the taste. He then handed off the cupcake to the boy beside him, saying, "It's all clear, WV. It's not total shit." Will grinned widely as he sunk his teeth into the treat, and grinned even wider upon tasting it.

"Total shit, my fucking ass," Karkat said smugly. It was at this point that John took the opportunity to grab a fistful of leftover icing and fling it into the troll's face, catching him off guard again and sending him scrambling backwards. "Fuck you, John! I sincerely hope that a fucking meteor finds its way to your human bulge tonight and crashes into it with all its flaming glory!"

"Hahaha, take that, dude!"

"Now, I love that you boys are having a lovely time and all," came an authoritative female voice from the doorway, "but I'm going to have to ask you to clean up this spectacular mess you've made." John and Karkat looked around at the kitchen in dismay, finding messy bowls and dirty utensils and smears of icing on every surface they touched. Jane tossed in a mop and rag, and with a "good luck cleaning!" she disappeared from the doorway again. John remorsefully picked up the rag while Karkat stacked the bowls and brought them to the sink.

"Hey, Dave, my best bro," John began mischievously. "D'you think you could… you know… help us out a little?"

"No fucking way, Egderp," the blonde said blankly. "I know for a hard-earned fact that Miss Crocker meant 'you boys' as in 'you and Karkles.' Not me, I was so not involved in this that Judge Judy couldn't even find a slice of evidence indicating my guilt. No slices for you. Now get cleaning." John pouted out his lip in mock sadness. "No, put that fucking lip away." He turned his eyebrows up. "No, goddammit, stop." His eyes started to quiver. "I… oh, god fucking dammit, hand over the damn mop." At that, John grinned teasingly as he tossed over the mop and as Dave started cleaning. The blue-eyed boy wiped down the counters until they were spotless, put the remaining ingredients away where he found them, then finally brought over the last dirty utensils to Karkat (who was working on washing) and dumped them in the sink.

"Hey, do me a goddamn favor for once and clean those," Karkat said, gesturing to the spoons that were just dropped. John grinned kindly and took a second sponge in hand and washed them thoroughly, and when all was clean and tidy, he turned to the troll beside him. "What in the name of sweet globe tickling fuck do you want?"

"I just wanted to say," he began sweetly, "thanks. For doing this with me. For, um, making awesome cupcakes." He paused. "For being just you." _Not a homosexual, my fucking nook,_ Karkat thought inwardly, holding back another evil blush. 

"Who else could I fucking be, other than me?" he asked sarcastically. "But… I guess thanks, too, for trying not to be a complete dumbfuck. And for making more awesome cup pastries." The blue-eyed boy smiled even more, and quickly hooked an arm around Karkat in an awkward side hug.

"No problem, Karkat."


	13. ~10~

From that night to the next morning, time passed uneventfully and the four boys slept peacefully. Upon waking up they ran through their normal morning routines of showering and packing up, then visited Jane Crocker's bakery once more for a few croissants and bagels before departing for Ajavir. John could tell all morning that Dave was actually a bit nervous about seeing his brother Dirk again, even more so since the next city was only another hour's drive away. John had never met Dirk, but from Dave's exaggerated descriptions, he figured that he wasn't all that much different from Dave and his Bro. Though from what he could tell, Dirk was probably a bit more mature than his younger brother.

 

Thankfully, since it was a short drive, Karkat wasn't nearly as uptight and strict about time as he was a couple of days ago. By the time the four of them finished breakfast and mounted the motorcycles, it was almost 11. John flipped his hood over his head and zipped up his jacket, for the wind had started to turn cooler, and leaned back to look at Karkat. "Ready to go?" he asked. Karkat promptly wrapped his arms around the human's waist and nodded in response. John grinned, revved the engine, and sped off down the road with Dave and Will closely following.

~o~

"So, Mr. Mango Orange Swirl, do you have a response to what Senator Licorice Cherrybottom had to say for himself?"

"Goddammit, how many times do I have to fuckin' tell you, Pyrope, I'm not into your shitty legislature games."

"Hey! That is Neophyte Legislacerator Pyrope to you! And you're walking on thin ice, mister! Better watch yourself before you take a wrong step and be plunged into a freezing lake where you will _perish_!" A troll girl with small, sharp horns slammed the end of her walking stick into the floor. "Now then, where was I?" Dirk Strider sat by his desk near the center of the room, staring blankly from the troll girl in front of him to the mess of cotton fluff, shredded felt, and what looked like cranberry juice all over his desk. He sighed quietly and rubbed his fingers on his temples. "Right, then!" She picked up a black and red dragon-shaped doll (that Dirk knew by the term "scalemate") and showed it to Dirk. "Do you see the utterly guilty face on this pathetic civil servant? Because _I_ certainly can't!" She cackled. "Tell me, Dirk, what do you see on the Senator's delicious face?"

"I see… two red buttons," Dirk began. "An unexpressive black snout. Your hand clutching his nonexistent neck."

"Not _everyone_ is as unemotional as _you_ are," the troll groaned loudly. "You know what I smell, emanating from Cherrybottom's face?"

"No, please do tell."

"I smell _de_ ** _ceit_**!" she shouted as she threw the stuffed doll to the ground and planted her sharp heel into its stomach. She leaned down and stared it down. "Admit it now, Senator. You murdered Professor Vanillasnout and _framed_ it on Mr. Mango Orange Swirl, _didn't you!?_ " 

"You know, if you actually started attacking a suspect during an accusation, you could get your sorry legislative ass sued."

"Quiet! I can smell him cracking!"

"I think that's your own mind, splitting apart at the seams and slowly falling into the abyss of insanity. Or maybe you've already hit rock bottom," said Dirk, folding his hands and propping his chin up on them. The troll girl remained silent, staring sightlessly at the doll and occasionally prodding him with her stick. "Is he talking yet?"

"Oh, yes, I can hear his desperate squeals pleading for life and freedom from suffering," she drawled maliciously. "If only I could let him go on his merry way, oh if only I would just sent Mr. Mango Orange Swirl into the slammer, oh, if only, if only, if _only!_ " Suddenly, she snatched up the scalemate and trapped it in her red and teal painted claws, its snout pressing against her nose. "If only you hadn't committed this gory crime, hmm, Cherrybottom?" She pulled out a ready-made noose from her back pocket and hooked it around the doll's neck, laughing triumphantly as she yanked the knot tightly and dangled it in front of Dirk's face. "The defendant has been proven guilty of all charges. The jury has spoken."

"What jury, dare I ask?" Dirk asked plainly.

"The one that all killed themselves in glee after witnessing such a beautifully played out court case," the troll said, giggling. "You are innocent for now, Dirk. Until I catch a whiff of another crime on another day, to which I will lick the scent off your poker face and take delight in solving yet another gruesome case." She stuck her tongue out and edged close into Dirk.

"Nice rhyming you got going on there," the blonde said nonchalantly.

"Indeed," the troll giggled. "I will thank you for participating in this rule of justice today. You were quite cooperative, for the most part."

"Is this where you clean this scalemate shit and cranberry juice off my desk, because it would just be great if you could do that." The girl started cackling loudly again.

"What? I, Neophyte Legislacerator Terezi Pyrope, have much more grueling and time-consuming tasks that I need to get done immediately, unlike you, Mr. Mechanic Whiz. It's _your_ desk, anyways."

"Man, that's just downright wrong. What if I left a bunch of scrap pieces and puddles of motor oil or something all over your desk and told you to clean it up?"

"Then you would be arrested and sent to prison. Simple as that," Terezi smirked. "Since I am the law, and you are the perpetrator. It is a universal constant." Dirk opened his mouth to rebut, but suddenly there was a knock on his front door downstairs. Terezi cocked her head and grinned. "Now who could that be?"

"Beats me."

"Could it be your matesprit? Were you expecting him and failed to inform me?"

"First of all, the politically correct term for him is my romantic partner or, colloquially, my boyfriend, rather than your cultural terms for something that is completely different. Second of all, I wasn't expecting him, and even if I was it's not my obligation to report every individual feature of my life to you." Terezi rolled her unseeing eyes dramatically before straightening up and strutting over to the study door.

" _Jeez_ , you're _such_ a _buzzkill_ , sometimes, Dirk," she said, opening the door. "I wonder if this mysterious visitor is any more fun." No sooner than she stepped into the hall, Dirk flashstepped out the door and down the stairs, and now his hand was on the front door's knob. Terezi came running down the stairs, laughing and banging her cane on the steps in amusement. "Ahahahaha! Good hustle, Dirk!"

"Thank you very much, Godzilla," said the blonde, as he turned the knob.

 

The one and only Dave Strider, flanked by a troll, a black-haired kid with glasses, and a young boy wearing a filthy coat, stood in the doorway in all their uninvited glory. Dave raised a hand in greeting. "'Sup, bro." Dirk blinked.

"'Sup," Dirk greeted, subtly nudging the curious Terezi behind him. "There a reason why you're here?" His brother shrugged.

"Nah," he said nonchalantly. "Got an opportunity to go traveling, ended up here, yeah? What else needs to be said?"

"Perhaps why you left in the first place?" Dirk questioned. He leaned out of the door to look at the others behind Dave and the two motorcycles parked in his driveway. "Who these three are? Why you have Bro's motorcycle, presumably without his consent?"

"Oh, these," the younger blonde gestured behind him, "are my bros. Well, sort of. Nubby McShouts over there is more of an idiot who happened to tag along rather than a bro."

"Like fuck _I_ tagged along, you raving douchebag," the troll growled.

"Anyways, this is John, this is WV, and that's Karkat, A-K-A Shouty, Karkles, Nubsters—"

"No words can describe how much I platonically despise you, Strider," Karkat snarled.

"I'm sure you'll find some," Dave said, smirking. "Either way, by the law of the name Strider, you are under mandate to treat us to the utmost of Strider hospitality." Dirk smirked back and shook his head lightly.

"Still trying to play the role of irritating younger brother, I see," he replied.

"Hey, fuck you. Let us inside."

"It took you all of five minutes to resort to sexual humor. Impressive."

"Goddammit, Dirk!"

"Hey, you can't simply defy the law like that, _Dirk Strider_!" came Terezi's shrill voice from inside the house. "Either way, from what I can hear, your younger brother sounds like a cooler kid that _you_!" Dave raised an eyebrow as he stood on his toes to try and look over his brother's shoulder, only to be blocked every time.

"Who's that? Your whore or something?"

"Well, I _never_!" Terezi shouted in mock anger.

"Yes, she is obviously my whore and we were very deep into our newest sex video that also involved copious amounts of puppets. Now, if you please, get the fuck out and let us resume our sexy fun times," Dirk deadpanned, making Dave almost visibly shiver.

"Whoa, okay, fuck, no," he blabbered as he shoved his arms out in front of him. "Fuck, no, dude, too fucking far. That's disgusting." Dirk shrugged.

"Maybe to someone as immature as you, yes." Suddenly, Terezi shoved her way into the doorway with a sharp-toothed grin spread wide on her face as she took a big sniff of the air.

"Ah, that's better," she laughed. "I can smell you all much better. Cherries, licorice, and blueberries. Oh?" She sniffed again. "Another troll, as well. How interesting!"

"Dude, your whore is fuckin' nuts," Dave said blankly, stepping back a bit from the troll girl who was now leaning in too close for comfort. "You can't see things by smelling them, what the hell."

"I sure can, smartass!" Terezi barked. "When you suffer the unfortunate event of being born _blind_ , your body naturally develops ways to compensate! Now, if I can only _lick_ you, then I would be able to 'see' you perfectly!" She lolled her tongue out at the younger blonde with a smug grin on her face. "Would you like to test your theory?"

"Uh, no," said Dave. "Dirk, where the hell did you pick this chick up?" The older blonde let out a small sigh.

"She lives nearby. As soon as she hears I'm back from Kwarlodia, there she is on my doorstep in all her law-abiding glory."

"Wait, did you say Kwarlodia?" came John's voice at last as John peeked around Dave's head. "Karkat and I are headed there, actually." Dirk turned to look at the blue-eyed boy.

"Is that so? I was actually planning on heading back tomorrow. Got someone up there to visit."

"Oh, us, too!" John chuckled. "Do you know a girl named Aradia?" The older blonde folded his arms for a moment as he thought.

"Troll?" John nodded. "Yeah, I know her almost _too_ well. My boyfriend's best friend."

"Wow, what a coincidence!" exclaimed John. "D'you think we could come with you tomorrow, then? So we could meet up with her?"

"Sure, but what for?" Dirk inquired. "There must be a reason why you're looking for her in particular."

"Well, um…," the blue-eyed boy began as he started to fidget. But as if to save him, Dave broke back into the conversation.

"So, now that it's settled that you're obviously takin' care of John and Karkles and all, would it kill you to just let me and WV in, hm?"

"Yes, it most certainly will," Dirk responded sarcastically. "Fine, come in. Not my responsibility if Terezi latches onto you." He stepped out of the doorway and the four boys entered, with Dave being closely followed by the grinning troll girl. Dirk led them into the living room and instructed them to leave their bags next to the couch on the far wall, then in an instant disappeared back upstairs. John and Karkat sat down on the orange sofa, while Terezi started pulling Dave (and, consequently, Will) along through the house, talking animatedly about something that sounded like "chalk" and "court orders." John heard another door shut, indicating that he and the troll beside him were now alone. He turned to see said troll with arms crossed and hood still over his head. 

"Hey, you," John said quietly, smiling.

"My name is not 'you.' Try again, shitstain." John rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Hey, Karkat."

"What?"

"You've been pretty quiet throughout this entire thing."

"Your point?"

"Well, I dunno, it's unusual," the human boy said as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. "For you to be quiet, that is." Karkat nodded and waved his hand for him to go on. "Come on, you must have another rant in store. I can feel the tension."

"The only tension you're feeling is the fragile balance of your minuscule think pan between inanity and insanity. Which side will it tilt to? When will it tilt, and what will be the drastic effects? How will it fuck up my life further? All these questions, and I surely do not give a third of a flying fuck what the answers are." Karkat paused. "Was that enough to satisfy your weird human insult fetish?"

"Oh, man, I knew it," John laughed. "Well done, bro. That totally has satisfied my weird human insult fetish. Because that's obviously a thing that exists. _Not._ "

"God, your sense of humor is such shit, I'm experiencing secondhand embarrassment just by listening to it," Karkat groaned, leaning his head into his hands. 

"Like yours is much better. You still haven't answered my question, though."

"For your information, I don't actually have the overwhelming urge to intervene with every fucking situation that I happen to come across. This happens to be a time when that is in play. You seemed to have that all wrapped around your fucking pinky, so who am I to fuck everything up with more worthless comments?" He sighed heavily and grabbed the pillow next to him, and hugged it tightly. John's face slightly fell and his eyebrows knit together. He leaned in a bit closer to Karkat, trying to get a look at the troll's face. 

"Karkat?" he whispered. "Are you okay?"

"Goddammit, just fuck off, John," Karkat grumbled.

"Sorry, but that's just not gonna happen," the blue-eyed boy said, chuckling. "Now you're all self-deprecatory, it's weird."

"You're acting weird as well," the troll said blankly. "That word had six fucking syllables; I'm sincerely surprised that the pathetic husk you call a body is not heaving up all its contents in response to this dramatic twist." John simply chuckled again.

"Hahaha. But seriously, what's up?" 

"Why do you even fucking care?"

"Because I… I worry, that's all! Is that so bad, for me to worry about my troll buddy?" Karkat frowned into the pillow as he glared at John.

"We have been over this. But obviously you don't remember, because you are dumb. That is all." John gave him another puzzled look and he sighed. "Think, idiot. How I'm not used to being given a shit about, let alone worried about? That one conversation back in Pangin after your clusterfuck of emotional temper tantrums?"

"Oh!" John exclaimed. "Yeah, I remember now."

"Good, now take extra care as you brand the fucking memory into your think pan so I don't have to repeat myself for another thousand fucking times," said Karkat. "Either way, moving on from this topic because this topic is outdated and stupid. What master plans do you have in mind to degrade and bore me for the rest of the day?" The blue-eyed boy looked at him with hesitation before retreating to leaning back on the couch. 

"Well, I don't know," he said airily. "I wonder if Dirk has any movies we could watch. And some popcorn to eat."

"… Anything _other_ than that?"

"Sure, let's go shopping, Karkat. For some alluring eyeshadow and glitter lip gloss."

"Fuck you. Fuck your sarcasm."

"Hahaha. But no, I'm serious about the shopping thing. I think I need to get a heavier jacket for Kwarlodia, since I'm already cold as it is." Karkat leaned back on the couch as well and stared at the ceiling in thought. He folded his arms and closed his eyes.

"As asinine as going shopping sounds like, for practicality's sake you _will_ need a heavier jacket or sweater of sorts."

"What about you? Aren't you cold?" Karkat's eyes snapped open again and he shot a weak glare at John.

"What did I just fucking say about the worrying thing?" he snapped half-heartedly; John snorted. "But to answer your question, I already brought something for the colder weather. Because, unlike you, I am at least half-competent when it comes to packing accordingly to where the fuck you're going."

"Dude, whatever. Now I'm just getting tired of your shit."

"Oh, so first you're egging me on to cut you a new one with my scathing 'rage rants' as you call them to satisfy your fucking fetish that may or may not exist, and now you're telling me you're sick of it? God fucking dammit, way to send mixed signals." John suddenly sat straight up and glanced sideways at the troll beside him. Karkat stared back. "What?"

"Kidding," he said simply, sticking out his tongue and winking at Karkat, making him blush. Luckily for him, John failed to notice; or if he did, he didn't say anything. "But either way, we should probably ask Dirk about a clothing store. Or that other troll that ran off with Dave and the little kid."

"Then go do that, bulgebite. Maybe let me have a little time to myself for once." John stood up immediately, but once his brain registered what the troll had said he turned around and pulled Karkat's hand. 

"No way, dude. You're totally coming with me on this shopping excursion. No excuses." On the outside, Karkat groaned in annoyance, but on the inside, a small voice whispered in the back of his head, _Spending time alone with this pathetic doofus? At a clothing store, where he would be undoubtedly undressing as he tried on various pieces of clothing? Hell fucking yes,_ but Karkat promptly told the voice to go fuck itself in a dark corner and never emerge to invade his… inner personal space. Or whatever the fuck it's called. Not like it fucking matters, anyway. Karkat rose to his feet without argument and followed the pleased John back through the house to where they heard Terezi, Dave, and Will ran off to. John approached a closed door, through which he thought he heard Dave's voice, and slowly turned the knob and went inside.

 

To his surprise and slight horror, he just barely missed walking right smack into Dirk Strider, who was standing with his back to the door, with arms crossed. John back up a little and glanced at Karkat in surprise, mouthing, "I didn't see him come back downstairs, did you?"

"I would say that you probably didn't notice because you're an oblivious fuckstick, but I didn't see him either, so whatever," Karkat mouthed back, frowning. 

"Huh?" whispered John. "I'm not that fluent of a lip-reader."

"Oh, hey, it's John and Karkles here to save us," came Dave's voice from inside the room. Suddenly, Dirk turned around to face the two boys, his lips turned down by a millimeter.

"So it is," Dirk stated. "I see you two love-drunk bros have decided to join the sober. Though you've stepped into the realm of insanity by mistake, I suppose."

"Love-drunk?" John repeated, scratching the back of his neck. "Hahaha, good one, Dirk. You really got me."

"Were they making out on the couch?" came Dave's voice again, loud and clear. "I fucking knew it. I can't leave those two alone for two seconds and they're in each other's pants. That's gotta be some sort of record."

" _Hahahahaha, great joke, Dave_!" John said loudly as a heat rose to his face. "Really funny! Karkat, isn't that funny?" He stared sideways at the troll with a fake smile plastered to his red face in expectation for an answer. Karkat swallowed the thick lump that had risen in his throat before speaking.

"Yeah, real fucking hilarious, Strider," he snapped. "Why don't you come a bit closer to my eager fist and say something equally hilarious, I'd fucking love to hear it."

"By Strider, I assume you're talking to my brother," Dirk interjected, stepping forward and leaning down to Karkat's size.

"Well, if the shoe fits," Karkat growled. Dirk cracked a smirk and straightened up again.

"Very funny," he replied. Suddenly, he whipped around again to face the inside of the room. "Just because I'm conversing with other people doesn't mean you're suddenly off the fucking hook, Terezi." John heard a somewhat familiar cackle. "Sure, laugh while you can. Think you could outsmart Dirk Strider and get away with this poor excuse for even ironic art? Think again."

"What happened?" John asked, as he ducked under the older blonde's arm to see into the room. His eyes widened as he looked upon the many colorful chalk drawings scribbled on all four walls, and the gigantic chess board drawn on the floor with what looked like cans as "chess pieces," and Terezi, Dave, and WIll at the center of it all, coated in a thin layer of rainbow chalk dust. "Oh. I see." He felt Karkat wedge himself between him and Dirk and his body warmth press close to his. He bit his lip as the troll stared in silence.

"What the _fuck_ is this shit!?" he exclaimed.

"My thoughts exactly, Karkles," Dirk said.

"It's exactly what it probably _looks_ like, Karkles!" Terezi piped up, laughing wildly.

"It's fucking art, is what it is, Karkles," Dave replied.

"Karkles…," came Will's rarely heard voice.

"AARGH! That _fucking_ nickname!" Karkat screeched as he shoved his way into the room and stomped a foot down angrily. "For the fucking last time, if you do not stop fucking calling me that, I will personally make sure that your head is decapitated and incinerated after I rip it off your goddamn neck!"

"Easy there, troll boy," Dirk said coolly. "Egbert, control your boyfriend."

"Haha, man, stop with the jokes, you're making my stomach hurt!" John retorted, but stepped to be beside Karkat nonetheless. "Either way, this is a pretty big mess, Dave."

"Well, no shit," said Dave. "But the point is that… TZ, what's the point again?"

"That it's in the name of all law, justice, and tastiness, coolkid," Terezi drawled as she waved a piece of red chalk around.

"Yes, that one. You all just don't appreciate the true blue irony in this fucking masterpiece. Check it." He stood up from the floor and gestured over to the wall to his left. "Got some ugly as fuck dudes playing basketball," he pointed to the opposite wall, "and some… fruit trees and shit," finally, he pointed at the floor, "and an epic game of chess between me and WV. The little shit's winning, even though I went first."

"Ironic masterpiece, my ass," Dirk retorted. "If you want to express yourself in such a nonconstructive way, at least do it on your own property." Dave shrugged nonchalantly.

"Hey, bro, don't start lecturin' _me_. It's TZ that started all this," he said, pointing at Terezi.

"No waaaay! Way to rat out on your confidante, David!"

"That's exactly not my fuckin' name."

"Hey, uh, Dirk?" John said nervously as he nudged his shoulder. The older blonde looked down at him with an eyebrow raised; it must be a Strider thing to do that, John thought. "Uh, the reason why we actually came in here is to ask you about something."

"And that would be?"

"Where do you think we'd find a clothing store around here? Because, since we're heading up further, I need a warmer coat or something for the cold weather." Dirk mulled over the questions, his eyes that were hidden by pointy sunglasses darting around in thought.

"There's one that's about a ten minute walk from here. I'll scribble down some directions to it if you give me a minute."

"Yeah, that'd be great," John thanked. Dirk was about to pull out a piece of paper and pen, when suddenly Terezi sprung up from her spot on the floor and strode over to where John was standing with a curious grin on her face.

"Oh? What would be great, Blueberry Smoothie-pants?" she inquired. "A favor?"

"Uh… yeah, sort of," said John as he backed away a bit from the troll who obviously didn't know what personal space was. "He's just giving directions to a clothing store. I need a coat."

"Is that so?" She turned her head to face Dirk. "Which one, Mr. Mango Orange Swirl?"

"Mine, obviously," Dirk said blankly. "Why would I give business to my competitors when I can just as easily lure my bro's friends into buying shit from me?"

"Dirk, you own a clothing store? That's really cool!" John remarked.

"Well, why don't _I_ just bring them there?" Terezi suggested in her usual sharp voice. " _That_ way they would _never_ get lost!"

"Okay, two things," Dirk began, holding up two fingers for emphasis. "One, you have to clean this chalky shit up like you mean it, lest I never put up with one of your fucking courtroom roleplays ever again, and kick your ass out onto the street as soon as I see it." Terezi laughed mildly at the older blonde's threat. "And you're fully aware that I can and will do it. Second, and this will probably come as a shock to you, being that it's so incredibly subtle and not impairing to your daily lifestyle, you happen to be _fucking blind._ "

"I _can't_ _see_ how that relates to this situation, Dirkie!" the troll girl laughed loudly as she waved around her walking stick in a dangerous manner. "I know the way perfectly fine. And _besides_ , you can't control me! I'm just an innocent little girl who innocently tries to get to the bottom of every gruesome murder and actually has the selflessness and compassion to let someone like _you_ come along!" She cackled again, and Dirk let out an unemotional sigh.

"You have a point there," he admitted.

"No, but it's alright, Teresa," John interrupted. "We can go by ourselves. Really."

"I don't know who you're talking to," Terezi replied. "I see no 'Teresa' around here. Then again, I can't see **_anything_** _around here!_ But if you were trying to talk to _me_ , _Terezi Pyrope,_ then I politely deny your request. I will accompany you."

"But—" the blue-eyed boy tried to say, but his words were caught in his throat and he closed his mouth. Terezi grinned widely as she gestured out the door with her cane and strutted out. John and Karkat were about to follow when Dave called back for them. "Yo, lemme and WV come with you, too. Sounds like a fuckin' blast." He approached the doorway with Will in tow, but suddenly Dirk appeared between him and John, blocking the younger blonde from leaving. "What's the big, man?"

"You're staying and cleaning this up," Dirk said quietly, "and that's all there really is to say on the matter."

"Aw, what? Not cool," Dave argued. "You're letting _Terezi_ go. _She's_ off the hook!"

"It's amusing how characteristically childish you sound now," the older blonde smirked. "You act like she's your sister."

"Yeah, and you're acting like you're Bro. Get the fuck outta my way." Dave made a move to flash past his older brother, but Dirk was too quick for him and halted him with a hand to his chest. "Goddammit!"

"Nope; sorry, little bro," Dirk replied. "Bro may not be here, but I am. And I'm your older brother. Strider hospitality goes both ways, you know." Dave's mouth twitched down in response and he shifted his weight. The two Striders stared at each other through shaded lenses for a few moments, as if they were communicating with an unspoken language. Finally, Dave groaned.

"Fine. Get me a fuckin' sponge or something," said Dave. He looked down at the younger boy beside him with a slight grimace. "Sorry, WV. We gotta clean this shit up."

"Good boy," Dirk said mockingly as he lifted a hand up to ruffle Dave's hair. "I'll put in a good word for you to Bro for when you get home. So you don't walk into a sea of smuppets." The younger blonde irately blocked Dirk's hand and turned his back to him.

"God, quit actin' like some fatherly figure. It's sickening," Dave groaned. He blindly flipped a hand up and cocked his head back a bit towards John. "See you, Egderp. Don't get arrested for too many public displays of affection, 'kay?" John's face flushed a bit, but in order to maintain whatever image he was trying to uphold, he grinned innocently and waved back.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, bro," he said simply. "Come on, Karkles, let's go." Suddenly, as if just coming out of a trance, Karkat bared his teeth and growled at John threateningly.

"Don't even," he snarled. "I will rip your throat out. I will fucking do it." John chuckled. He waved goodbye one more time to Dirk and Dave before walking back through the house with Karkat in tow and heading out the front door, where Terezi was idling outside on the front steps. Karkat made a move to head down the stairs but he felt a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. "What is it now?"

"You were doing the quiet thing again," John commented. "Before." Karkat looked at the blue-eyed boy for a few seconds as if in surprise, but the surprise disappeared when he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"I'm fine, idiot," Karkat grumbled. "Do you have your shit together? Are there any other unrelenting problems or comments you need to express, or can we get a move on?" John looked at him helplessly, and instantly his face started to turn red. But he bit it back down, for Terezi's presence and her affinity for "smelling" colors was a dangerous situation to be in. _Quit giving me such a pitiful look, jackass_ , Karkat thought viciously. He grabbed the human boy's hand and dragged him down the stairs to greet Terezi and then head off down the street towards Dirk's clothing store.

~o~

Throughout the entire walk there, Terezi's loud and sharp voice grated on John's brain, irritating him more and more each time she opened her mouth. He tried to stifle the displeasure that washed over him when she spoke, but he involuntarily put on a slight frown and rolled his eyes sometimes. _Why_ did she have to come with them? Couldn't they just as easily have gotten written directions and gone by themselves? Sure, the more the merrier and all, but really, sometimes two guys who are also buddies need some time alone. Right? And speaking of the two guys who are also buddies, she's just wedging herself in between them and talking up Karkat while totally ignoring John. Not that John minded, but still. Rude. He was planning on having another long walk-and-talk session with his troll friend, like they had in Zatsai. That was really nice. It was nice, just being around Karkat. Alone with his totally platonic bro-friend. What were those two talking about, anyways? Okay, he could hear some of Karkat's flaming rants. At least he was back to normal, in a way. How come Terzi or whatever her name was got him back to normal and not John? Hmph. Why was it so hard to listen to the conversation when she was so fucking loud? Oh, wait… great, they were speaking in Alternian. Way to just shove him out of the loop, that's really polite. Stupid trolls and their stupid troll language. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

When the three of them finally entered the clothing store (which was marked by an orange neon sign that said, "Strider Vestments"), a lanky blonde boy greeted them from behind the store counter. For an unknown reason, he was wearing some sort of white and red face paint that looked eerily like a marionette's. John warily approached the counter and asked where the outerwear was. The shopkeeper simply grinned, showing a single gold tooth among the rows of stark white, and pointed to the far left. Leave it up to Dave's brother to hire someone creepy. John thanked the employee and quickly sidled away from him and back to Karkat and Terezi.  "So, the coats and sweaters and such are that way. Should we go?"

"Yeah, that's what we're here for, isn't it?" said Karkat. John nodded silently and started walking in the direction of the outerwear, but stopped again when he didn't hear two sets of footsteps behind him. He turned around to see the two trolls dawdling and talking in Alternian again.

"Uh, guys?" John said impatiently. "I'm going." They looked at him with indefinite expressions that the blue-eyed boy guessed to be confusion or guilt. He frowned. "Well?" Slowly they started walking again and caught up to John, who was growing more and more irritated by the second. It was like they were _trying_ to exclude him. As they walked through the rows of coats, John kept glancing back at the two talking. Karkat had his arms crossed and a normal scowl on his face like he was utterly disgusted by the conversation, while Terezi had an animated and slightly creepy grin on her face. She leaned in close to Karkat when she spoke and made little motions like touching his shoulder and brushing her hand against his. John may have been oblivious, but he had learned from the one romantic comedy that he watched only for its leading actor, who he had quite the crush on, that Terezi was blatantly flirting with his troll buddy. _Hmph._ John returned his attention to the rack of coats in front of him and idly picked through a few of them, looking for size and color. After about 10 or so minutes of searching, John had three sweaters picked out and was ready to try them on. However, in a fit of need for attention from the two trolls, he held the clothes up and asked for their opinion.

" _I_ can't see them, how do you expect _me_ to give you an opinion?" Terezi laughed. "But they _do_ smell nice. More blueberries and vanilla." John subtly rolled his eyes, thankful that Terezi couldn't see it, and turned to Karkat for what he inwardly deemed to be the more important opinion.

"What do you think, Karkat?" he asked.

"Fashion is stupid and practicality is all that matters. They look fine; go try them on so we can get the fuck out of here." John hesitated before nodded blankly. He looked around the store for the men's dressing room, and upon finding a sign for one, he gestured to it to Karkat.

"Here, come with me. So I can get your super professional opinion," John joked half-heartedly.

"I _can't_ , nookfuck. Separate changing rooms for separate species. We'll wait here," the troll said as he leaned back unsafely against a shelf. The blue-eyed boy nodded again, and used all of his self-control not to stomp away angrily from the two trolls as he headed towards the dressing room.

 

Karkat sighed, and Terezi started to snicker wildly. "What the fuck are you laughing at?" he asked in Alternian.

"Oh, nothing," Terezi replied in the same language.

"That is such obvious bullshit that subtleness just jumped off a cliff in despair," Karkat snapped. "I command you to tell me with whatever fucking power I have."

"Which is exactly _none_ ," Terezi teased. "But really, tell me. What quadrant are you in with him?" All of a sudden, a ravaging blush threatened to pool into Karkat's face, making him strain himself in order to keep it down. But he figured he was so red at that moment that Terezi probably would have smelled his blood color from halfway across Skaia. Luckily, though, she didn't say anything about it if she noticed.

"W-What the fuck are you blabbering about, you moronic dipshit?"

"Oh, come _on._ Weren't you the one that just said that subtleness has jumped off a cliff in despair?" she snickered. "It's so _obvious_."

"Again, I call bullshit. Ridiculous bullshit made up by 2-sweep-old nookstains, for 2-sweep-old nookstains, that only 2-sweep-old nookstains would actually give so many fucks about to believe."

"See, Karkles, deceit has a, dare I say, _subtle_ scent. It's very hard to notice at first, but as the lies pile on, it starts to _reek_ and my _blood_ starts to _boil_ with anticipation. You know what I mean?"

"No, nor do I fucking care," Karkat grumbled. "I have no idea how this pertains to the conversation, being that myself and that blithering human are not involved in any quadrants whatsoever."

"Ah, but there's the _catch!_ " Terezi barked triumphantly. "Throughout this en _tire_ excursion, you have been talking to me. But your eyes, oh no, your eyes were on _him_ , the entire time."

"How would you know that? _You can't fucking see._ "

"I didn't know. But your response tells me that you obviously were looking." Terezi cackled again, and Karkat's lips curled down into a snarl.

"Fuck," he muttered.

"And from our conversation, I've gathered you are quite well-versed in the realm of romance. Is this true?" Karkat frowned and nodded confidently. "Then why, I ask, are you so _ignorant_ about the _blatant romance_ that's going on _right in front of your eyes!?_ A _blind_ girl can see it better than you!" The troll boy growled and plugged a finger into one of his ears in annoyance.

"Holy fuck, lower your goddamn voice," he snapped. "It's piercing through my think pan like a fucking spear."

"You don't deny it, do you, Karkles?" she smirked. "The judge waits for your reply."

"You're getting off on this, aren't you?" Karkat accused. "What with your apparent fetish for courtroom roleplay. Sickening bulgelick."

"Your _reply_ , Mr. Vantas," Terezi pressed. "And might I remind you that your only witness, _me_ , can smell lies."

"What does it even fucking matter, anyways? I'm changing the subject, because it doesn't fucking matter and it was none of your business in the first place. Poof! Subject changed."

"Ugh, lame! I would be rolling my eyes right now," the troll girl groaned. "Well, if the subject's changed, I guess you don't want to know _anything_ about what I've noticed about Blueberry Smoothie-pants."

"Yes, exactly, you're learning. I do not give two halves of a flying assfuck," said Karkat.

"So, you mean a whole flying assfuck?" 

"Yes. Ex-fucking-actly." They stood in silence for a few moments, shifting their weight from one side to another and occasionally rubbing the fabric of a coat between their fingers. However, Karkat's curiosity soon overtook him and he spoke again. "…What have you noticed?" Terezi grinned mischievously and slowly turned her unseeing gaze towards Karkat. 

"I knew it," she said knowingly. "Weeeeeeell, deceit, as I said before, has a very subtle scent. Other certain emotions do as well. Including…," she paused for dramatic effect, "jealousy." Karkat raised an eyebrow in slight puzzlement, then furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" he questioned. "Sounds like another load of bullshit."

"You would say so," Terezi chuckled. "But the stink of envy was so heavy in the air that I was practically suffocating. I wonder _why_ , though…" Karkat cast his eyes downward as he contemplated the thought. He was about to respond when John reappeared in front of them with a single plastic bag in hand that was labeled with the name of the store. He wore a blank expression as he looked at Terezi and Karkat.

"Hehe," he began. "I took the liberty of buying the coat by myself. We can head back to Dirk's place now." He paused, and awkwardly shuffled his feet. "Are you two ready?" Karkat immediately straightened up and walked over to John, with Terezi following not shortly thereafter. The three of them started walking, with John in front and Karkat and Terezi flanking him from behind, but as soon as Karkat caught John glimpsing back at them, his chest tightened and he quickened his pace to match the human boy's. John looked down at the troll that just appeared at his side, a bit surprised, but grinned softly all the same.

"So which one did you end up buying?" Karkat asked, tugging at the bag with a clawed finger. John quickly nodded and pulled out the coat to show the troll. It was covered in a plaid blue pattern with warm fleece lining, and it had a hood lined by faux fur. "Put it on." John hesitated, but once Karkat took the plastic bag from him to hold, he stripped off his current jacket and replaced it with the new one. Karkat stuffed the old one into the bag and handed it back to him. "Is it warm?"

"Very," John remarked, rubbing a bit of fleece fabric between his thumb and forefinger. "Hehe!"

"What are you 'hehe'ing about now, you stupid douchenozzle?" Karkat growled.

"Nothing, geez!" John said defensively. "Just laughing, that's all." The troll boy snorted.

"Whatever you say, _bro_ ," he said sarcastically. As they headed out the front door and waved goodbye to the shopkeeper (who had not lost his creepy smile the entire time), John playfully nudged him in the side with his elbow. "What? Am I not allowed to use your own platonic vernacular in order to relate to you better or whatever being your friend entails?"

"Um… what?" said John, grinning innocently. "What are you even saying now, dude?"

"How the fuck should I know?" Karkat grumbled. "More than half the time I'm just spouting shit li—"

"Like a goddamn broken fire hydrant," John completed as he glanced down at Karkat with just a hint of flirtatiousness glinting in his eyes. Karkat knew it was unintentional, but goddammit, if it wasn't blood pusher-pounding as hell, he would eat his metaphorical hat. He rolled his eyes to hide another threatening blush.

"Like a goddamn broken fire hydrant," he repeated.


	14. ~11~

When the three of them arrived back at Dirk's house, a warm aroma of dinner filled up every room. Terezi stuck her nose in the air and started heavily salivating, disgusting both John and Karkat to the extreme. She pranced off in the direction of the kitchen while John, inevitably followed by Karkat, headed back to the room he last saw Dave in. When he opened the door he found that the room was almost spotless, save for the last area on the floor that Dave and Will were furiously scrubbing at. The blonde looked up upon hearing the door swing open.

"Nice of you to stop by," Dave greeted sarcastically. "How did the date go?"

"I dunno, how did the cleaning go?" John replied in an equally sarcastic tone. 

"Why don't you tell me, asshole," Dave replied as he stood and gestured across the room. "This is probably the cleanest this fucking room has ever been."

"I think you missed a spot," Karkat taunted. "On the floor, under your foot." Dave instantly lifted his foot to look underneath it, but found nothing but empty floor. He frowned.

"What're you playin' at, Karkles?" he asked. "Trying to make me look like an idiot?"

"I don't need to try since you already do it so spectacularly," the troll smirked. "It's like you have being an idiot down to a science. Where's your lab coat, Dr. Bulgelicker?"

"Yeah, well fuck you, too," the blonde dismissed as he threw the chalky rag in his hand over his shoulder; the young boy beside him followed suit. "I wonder if dinner's ready yet. I heard that Dirk was makin' chicken soup or some shit."

"Sounds delicious," said John. "Let's go, then." Dave nodded and walked out the door with Will holding his hand, and John and Karkat followed soon after. They turned left and headed back into the living room, then turned down another hallway that led to the kitchen. John could hear Terezi's voice screech through the air and the quiet sound of a bubbling pot from outside the door. Dave nudged the door open with his shoulder and the four of them all went inside. Dirk was standing at the stove with a metal spoon in his hand and a not-so-surprising apron tied around his waist; Terezi was actively gabbing his ear off and occasionally licked at the air as if it were the chicken soup itself. "Hey, Dirk," John greeted.

"'Sup, Egbert," Dirk replied. He did a quick up-and-down on John, observing the new clothing. "Nice pick."

"Thanks. When's dinner?"

"Oh, I was supposed to make some for you?" Dirk deadpanned, but his stoic face was soon overtaken by a witty smirk. "In a minute, if you all would sit down at the table and let me serve this up." John nodded and plopped down at the round table a few steps away, and the other three boys behind him followed. "That means you, too, Terezi." The older blonde said blankly as he removed the pot in front of him from the stove and blocked Terezi's hungry advances with an arm.

" _Geez_! You should take it as a compliment, Dirk!" Terezi groaned. "It's one of the best smells that I've sniffed _all day_!"

"I'm flattered, but really, get your ass into a seat and be patient for once." The troll girl sighed in a mocking way and shuffled over to the dinner table. She took the available seat next to Dave, leaving the last seat next to Karkat for Dave's brother. Dirk set out napkins, glasses and utensils at lightening speed, and with an equal pace served up the chicken soup and dangerously slid them across the table surface to each hungry mouth. As soon as he sat down, he waved his hands in a flourish and pronounced, "Eat up."

 

About 20 minutes later, everyone's stomachs were full of hot soup and warm bread, and their bowls were practically licked clean of all food. John (and consequently, Karkat) thanked Dirk for the meal as Dirk took their dishes away and plopped them heavily into the sink. The blue-eyed boy rubbed his stomach lazily and leaned back into the chair, a bit sleepy from fullness. Terezi had gotten back to chattering aimlessly to Dave and Will, thankfully leaving Karkat alone. Speaking of Karkat, he was absently twiddling his thumbs and occasionally glancing at John.

"So what do you suppose we do for the rest of the night, bulgewhiff?" he spoke. John shrugged.

"Hm. Well, we could always do what I suggested earlier, before we went to the clothing store."

"Please do enlighten me, since I have better fucking things to do than memorize every tidbit of ignorant chitchat that escapes your lips."

"Really?" John commented sarcastically as he leaned his elbows on the table and turned his head to aim a smile at the troll. "Do tell."

Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Very fucking funny. Just tell me."

"I suggested that we could watch a movie or something. See what Dirk might have." Karkat rolled his eyes again.

"No. That's an exceedingly stupid and utterly boring idea."

"What, you have something better in mind?" said John, narrowing his eyes teasingly. "Well?" The troll opened his mouth to speak, but upon finding no words and no thoughts to express, he shut his mouth again and rolled his eyes for a third time. "Dude, are your eyes bowling balls or something? They just keep rolling around and around."

" _Fine_ , we'll watch a goddamn movie," Karkat grumbled. "But _I_ get to pick from whatever Strider has. The older Strider."

"Aw, what?" John exclaimed. "You're probably gonna pick a stupid romcom or something."

"Where the fuck did you get that idea from, doucheass?"

"From the like ten romance books you keep reading at night," John chuckled. Karkat growled in annoyance as he got up from the table and headed over to Dirk, who was standing at the sink washing dishes. The blue-eyed boy laughed and got up as well, and made his way into the living room where the television was. He waited semi-patiently for about ten minutes, watching Dave, Will, and Terezi go up and down the stairs, Dirk walk past a few times and drop off several blankets and pillows for him and Karkat to use for the night, and finally Karkat come down the hall with at least three DVD boxes in one hand and a large bowl of popcorn in the other. He set down the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of the sofa, walked over to the television set, and, after a few moments of struggle to get the thing to turn on, popped a disc into the player. "So, what're we watching?" John asked as Karkat flopped down next to him. The troll shrugged.

"Some human movies that Strider suggested," Karkat murmured. "This one's called 'Spirited Away,' or something like that."

"Pfft, sounds lame," John teased.

"Fuck you, it actually looked kind of interesting, alright?" the troll snapped. He grabbed the bowl of popcorn and set it in his lap; John made a move to reach for a handful, but Karkat simply shifted closer to the blue-eyed boy and placed the bowl between them for easier access. "Hehe, thanks." Karkat mumbled something incoherent and munched on a fistful of popcorn. The title screen showed up, along with the first few frames of the film, and Karkat felt the boy beside him settle a bit into his position. They were awfully close, weren't they? Not that it really mattered to Karkat. It was actually kind of nice. Could he get away with moving a bit closer? Karkat glanced sideways at the blue-eyed boy, whose focus was on the television screen. Maybe he could. He had to just give it a bit of time.

 

About halfway through the movie, John felt a chill on his arms. He made a move to get up and retrieve his new coat from where he hung it in the kitchen, but Karkat looked so comfortable nestled in the couch with his eyes glued to the screen, so he settled for nudging the troll and asking his to pass over a blanket. Karkat nodded without looking at him and handed him a blanket, which he promptly unfolded and wrapped around his body. He blindly reached for a bite of popcorn, but was met with a cold and rough sensation. Looking over, he found that he accidentally touched hands with the troll beside him, and upon shifting his gaze a bit higher he found that said troll was looking at him as well. "Hehe, oops," he chuckled nervously as he quickly snatched his hand back. Karkat continued to stare frozen for a few moments before returning his gaze to the screen. "So, I guess you're enjoying the movie?"

"Immensely," Karkat muttered. "Your inferior human think pan is obviously missing the much deeper meaning to the dynamic between Chihiro and Haku and Yubaba. Yubaba must have some sort of caliginous flirtation going on that is underneath her dominant nature. And Haku shares the same disdain, though he is obviously squashing his feelings for the sake of Chihiro and the flushed feelings he has for her. Chihiro unknowingly auspistices between the two, but slowly is developing pity for Haku. It's so fucking obvious that even a wiggler could see it." He glanced over at John again, only to be met by a blank look that hinted at utter confusion. "You didn't understand a single fucking word that I said, did you."

"No, I understood maybe 10% of what you said," said John, chuckling. "But most of it was just romance jargon." Karkat groaned in annoyance.

"You know, it would do you good to learn at least a little bit about the science of troll romance."

"Nope. Science sucks," the blue-eyed boy teased. "Just like this movie."

"Eat shit, bulgewhiff. This is actually one of the better human movies that I have had the pleasure of watching."

"Hehehe," John chuckled. "But tell me, O' Great Master Karkat, why would I need to have such knowledge bestowed upon my obviously inferior human brain?" Karkat actually smirked at that, and that smirk was just enough to send a pleasant shock through John's system.

"Since you accepted your role as the inferior being, I will answer ," the troll half-chuckled. "You might find it useful one day." John grinned, and ever so slightly leaned in closer to Karkat.

"Oh yeah? How so?" he inquired. Karkat fidgeted under John's gaze, his face turning cherry red again. His lips curled into a forced scowl again and he turned his vision back to the television screen.

"You never fucking know," he muttered quietly. "Just watch the movie." John chuckled again, nodding, and refocused his attention on the movie. He had to admit it was kind of interesting, even if it wasn't all that action-y. At least Karkat was enjoying it. He absently wondered what time it was; he glanced down at the time display on the DVD player and read "8:27." It was still early, then. But boy, did he feel sleepy. Maybe it was the movie making him tired. Or the warm blanket. Or the stomach full of chicken soup and popcorn. Or, perhaps, it was just being next to Karkat and relaxing for an extended period of time. His eyes slowly drifted shut and he folded his arms, and his breathing slowed as he fell unconscious.

 

Karkat flinched when he suddenly felt John's head leaning limply on his shoulder and had to use all his self-restraint to keep himself from instantly shoving the human boy off of him. As he studied John's body language, he came to the almost obvious conclusion that he was asleep. Ugh, what a doofus. He gently tried to nudge John away, but he only succeeded in making him settle even closer. Karkat sighed and set the empty bowl of popcorn on the table to keep it from falling off the couch with a clatter. He then grabbed John's shoulders and shifted him upright so that his head lolled back a bit. Karkat made sure to keep still for the rest of the movie, which was all of an emotional few minutes, and when it was over he quietly reached for the remote and turned off the DVD player. The troll glanced at the blue-eyed boy with a soft smile daring to form on his lips. He stood up and went over to his pack, and after a quick look around to make sure there weren't any creeping onlookers, he switched his clothes out for his pajamas. Quietly, he went back to John and sat down next to him again. He edged into his warm body and looked at his sleeping face. Did all humans sleep with their mouths half-open? It looks ridiculous. Yet… delightfully pitiful. Karkat stretched his neck to lean into John's face, so dreadfully close but still too far. The troll delicately rose a single hand up to John's hair, and brushed a lock of it out of his eyes. A thought flashed through his mind on how easy it would be for him to take advantage of the human at that moment, but he shoved it away and settled for nudging him in the ribs, as he always did to wake him up.

"John," he whispered. "Wake up."

"Nn?" John mumbled, his eyelids flickering in half-conscious awareness.

"You fell asleep," said Karkat. "Movie's over. Get into your night clothes before you fall back asleep." John shook his head, but with another nudge to the ribs he straightened up and yawned.

"Was the ending good?" he asked sleepily.

"It was fucking beautiful. Chihiro saved her parents and went home, and Haku is free from Yubaba. A waste of a potential caliginous relationship, but whatever." John chuckled as he leaned his elbows on his knees and started to nod back to sleep. "No, you're not falling asleep yet. Go get into your pajamas or whatever you call them."

"Hehe, okay, _Dad_ ," said John, dazedly getting up and leaving the blanket behind. "Should I just get dressed here, or d'you want me to change in the bathroom or something?" Karkat rolled his eyes and blushed a bit.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Not like I want to eye your ugly bare ass in a thousand fucking sweeps." John simply nodded as he opened his bag and retrieved a set of clothes. Karkat appeared to occupy himself with the two remaining movies, reading over the summaries and considering what to watch next. Once or twice he accidentally (or, so it seemed) shifted his gaze to look at the undressing human, but he quickly looked away red-faced not a split-second later. "Are you done yet?" he grumbled.

"Yeah, I'm done," John confirmed, now dressed in a yellow t-shirt and loose blue shorts. He practically skipped back over to the couch and leaped onto it, making Karkat yelp in surprise. "So what're we watching next?"

"Uh…," Karkat stammered, caught with a loss for words. "Some other movie by the same director."

"Is it action and/or adventure?" asked John. "If not, I'm probably gonna fall asleep again."

"You have no taste for quality cinema, do you?" the troll groaned. "Look, it's either this or this. I'm letting you choose, see? How considerate am I." He tossed the two cases into John's lap and John inspected them. Within a mere minute he placed one case back on the coffee table and gave the other one back to Karkat. "This one? Princess Mononoke?"

"I'm pretty sure you totally botched how that's supposed to sound, dude," the blue-eyed boy teased. "But yeah. It sounded sorta cool, so pop it in." Karkat grumbled something like, "what am I, your fucking maid?" as he got up from the couch and put the disc into the player. Quickly, he dove back to the sofa and settled into position, bringing his knees around his chest. John chuckled lightly as he wrapped the blanket around himself again.

 

About ten minutes later, it was Karkat who felt a chill brush against his arms. He almost reached over to grab himself a blanket, but suddenly his mind stopped him with an urgent reminder that John was next to him with a perfectly big and warm one to share. He was about to reject the thought, but as his hand retreated from the pile of linens beside him, he reconsidered.

"John," he began.

"Yeah?"

"Give me some of that blanket." The blue-eyed boy looked at him blankly. "Are you deaf? I said fork over some of the fucking blanket that you have wrapped around you." _This is never going to work,_ Karkat thought.

"Oh," John mumbled. "Sure. I mean, that's what friends do, right?" Karkat inwardly flinched at the word "friend," but waved it away when he saw the boy next to him open a section of blanket for him to occupy. He closed his eyes, appearing as calm as he could, and moved in close to John, taking the corner of the blanket held in his hand and enclosing it around himself. It really was warm. He felt John stiffen a bit next to him, but he ignored it and soon felt him relax again. At this point, neither of them were very focused on the movie, no matter how much John pretended that his eyes were cemented to the screen. It almost made Karkat chuckle at how serious he was being. After a good number of minutes later, Karkat's eyes started to feel droopy, probably caused by the warm sensation that covered his body. In the back of his mind, he wondered what the fuck happened that would make him so vulnerable and open to the kind of contact he was experiencing. What happened that would make him look so _weak_. Why he would ever think that what he was doing would ever turn out in his favor.

 

He told his mind to jump off a fucking bridge, as he innocuously leaned his head on John's shoulder and closed his eyes once more. 

 

As soon as he felt a weight on his shoulder, John looked down at Karkat with an unexplained thrill rushing through his veins. It looked like he had fallen asleep. Geez, what a hypocrite! Didn't he say that _John_ had no taste for quality cinema when _he_ fell asleep? And this movie was actually pretty interesting! Ashitaka was pretty badass, he had to admit. He idly wondered if he should wake Karkat up. He looked so… what was the word he was looking for? Comfortable? Content? Cute? Wait, no, what was he thinking. He wasn't thinking Karkat was cute. Not that Karkat wasn't cute, though. He was adorable sometimes. But he definitely wasn't thinking that he was adorable _any_ time. Wait. A red blush stained the blue-eyed boy's cheeks and he felt the urge to fidget around, but for the sleeping troll's sake he sat stock-still. John tried to focus his attention to the movie, but he constantly found himself looking back and forth from the troll to the screen and back again. Wow, it was really hot, wasn't it? Maybe he should get out of the blanket or something. Right. He was going to do that immediately. He was going to get up from the couch at that moment and turn off the television, because no one was really watching it anyways, and he was going to grab another blanket and pillow and find a nice spot on the carpet to sleep for the night. He was going to leave Karkat be. 

 

He was going to grab the remote off the coffee table and quietly press the power button, and watch the screen turn black. He wasn't going to care if the DVD player was off or not; it wasn't his problem. He was going to lay against the back of the couch and try to relax, because his heart was beating faster than what was probably healthy for someone who was just sitting around. He was going to dare to take another look at the sleeping troll beside him, and find that he simply couldn't take his eyes away, as if Karkat was the most interesting thing in the world at that moment. 

 

John watched how Karkat's chest rose and fell with each breath he took, how calm his face looked when it wasn't contorted into a scowl. He awkwardly pulled his side of the blanket over his body as he tucked his legs under him, all without moving the shoulder Karkat's head rested on. He tried to close his stark blue eyes and fall asleep, but a sick feeling in his chest kept him from doing so. He sat up again and involuntarily leaned down near Karkat's head. Ever so gently and with incredible nervousness, he rubbed a thumb against the troll's temple and pressed his nose into his black hair, making sure to keep his breathing controlled so not to wake him. After a few moments, he retreated with a faint smile on his face, and settled against the sofa to fall asleep for the rest of the night.

 

Dave Strider carefully tread down the wooden steps, practically showing off his ninja-like stealth. He turned around the corner to head down the hall into the kitchen, but only two seconds after his mind registered what his eyes glimpsed at in the living room, and he stepped backwards to double take on it. A small smirk played on his lips as he examined John and Karkat, all cuddled together on the couch, fast asleep, sharing a goddamn blanket. How they weren't already dating was entirely beyond the blonde-haired boy. He quickly dashed back up the stairs and, a moment later, brought Dirk and Terezi back down with him.

" _Dave,_ what could be _up_ at this hour?" Terezi questioned loudly, only to be hurriedly "shushed" by Dave. "What is it?" she whispered.

"It's only 11, you wimp," he teased. "Either way, check it. Wait, no, you can't actually see, but lemme describe it for you."

"John and Karkat are snuggling," Dirk stated bluntly. "On the sofa. Asleep."

"Whaaat!" the troll girl exclaimed. "Let me smell, let me smell!" She shoved her way from behind the two brothers and walked into the living room with little abandon, and took a big sniff of the air. "Mmmm. Blueberry Smoothie-pants and Karkles form a quite harmonious smell."

"TZ, be quiet!" Dave said as he dashed into the room and pulled Terezi back out. "Don't wanna wake them up, now do we? Have some fuckin' respect."

"Oh, like you didn't just _wake me up_ to come 'see' this!?" the troll girl snapped, but her mischievous smile deceived her tone.

"You wouldn't want to?" Dirk questioned. "Look at 'em. Fuckin' adorable."

"Yo, bro," Dave muttered; the older blonde turned to face his younger sibling. "I need you to do something for me. Or maybe more for them."

"And that would entail?"

"Make sure Egbert gets some quality time with English. I have the best bitching feeling that he could learn a lot from him." Dirk smirked slightly and gave Dave a subtle nod.

"Sure thing," he confirmed. "You're staying behind with Terezi and the kid?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll hold down the fort for you, bro," Dave agreed, mildly waving his hand. "As long as you got plenty of sources of entertainment for our disposal." Dave's older brother chuckled, turned on his heels and made his way halfway up the stairs before stopping again.

"I'll make sure the closets are well supplied with smuppets. Just in case you and Terezi ever decide to get a bit frisky. Though please reassure me that the kid will be safe."

"Holy fucking god, Dirk, just shut the _fuck_ up," Dave stuttered.

"Huh?" Terezi piped up. "What'd he say? I was busy inhaling this delicious scent coming from the living room."

"Well—"

"He didn't say _shit_ , TZ," the younger blonde interrupted as he placed a hand on Terezi's shoulder. "Not a fucking thing. We're going back up the stairs to bed, yeah?" He shot a scowl (blank look that hinted at displeasure) at Dirk, who was now audibly chuckling as he went the rest of the way up the stairs and back into his bedroom. "Yeah, good night to you, too, asshole."

"What'd he say, though?" the troll girl inquired as the two went into the bedroom they were sharing. Dave closed the door behind him with a soft "clack."

"I'll tell you later, when it's not 11 at night. Time for bed, chop chop." Terezi simply rolled her unseeing eyes dramatically, and she inelegantly flopped back into bed. Dave followed suit as he got under the covers where Will was snoozing, and with a whispered, "G'night," they were both asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ridiculous fluff: the chapter.


	15. ~12~

"Psst. Hey, Karkles," a gruff voice whispered, startling Karkat into a vague awareness. He lethargically tried to shoo away the voice’s owner, but his hand caught on something in the process. "Wake up, you fluffy fucker."

"Who the fuck're you?" the troll grumbled sleepily. "Get… th' fuck outta my face, sh'maggot…"

"Honestly, I'm not surprised that you still manage to utter ridiculous insults in your sleep," the voice continued, unaffected. "But seriously, wake up and get out from under that blanket. It'll be in your best interest, if my assumptions are correct."

"And that 'ssumption would be?" Karkat growled.

"I think what you're trying to ask is why that would be in your best interest. And the answer is you're all homosexually curled up next to the not-a-homosexual John Egbert."

"Fuck that, no homo…sessuality… that doesn't make any fuckin' sense. It's utter bullshit." The voice hesitated before responding.

"I know. Still. Get up, you lazy ass."Without warning, someone's freezing cold arms (holy _fuck_ , that was cold) slid under his armpits and he felt himself being yanked unceremoniously off the couch.

"Agh, let go of me you goddamn nookwhiff!" He jerked away from his captor, screaming bloody murder in the process. But as he whipped his head around to take a look at the demon who woke him from his slumber (it was so fucking comfortable, fuck you, bulgelicker, you ruined it!), a cold hand was clamped over his mouth. "Fuck you, Dirk Strider!" he screamed, voice muffled behind the other’s hand.

"I already have someone for that, but thanks for the offer," Dirk replied sarcastically. "Now be quiet for once, if you please. Certain people do happen to be sleeping, even if I'm trying to wake two of them up." Karkat wrenched his head away from the blonde's hand and looked out the window; he found that it was still dark out.

"How fucking early are you waking us up, exactly?" the troll snapped.

"Roughly 4:00 in the morning," said Dirk. "I felt like getting a head start on the day. Though at this rate we're not going to leave the house until at least 6." Karkat groaned, then sighed.

"In case your imbecilic human think pan failed to remember this, it's only a two hour drive from here to Kwarlodia. Second of all, in case your enormously over-inflated ego blinded you from ever fucking noticing this exceedingly simple and understandable fact, certain people actually want to get a little more than 5 hours of goddamn sleep. Thirdly, and this is the plot twist to end all plot twists, I was actually getting a decent night's sleep until you and your fucking ice hands came in and forcedly dragged me into the realm of consciousness. And, after your lackadaisical rape and annihilation of all common fucking decency, you _still_ had the audacity to slap a hand over my mouth and tell me to shut the fuck up? How would you feel if you were all warm and calm for once in your worthless, miserable life one second feel like you've been struck across the ass with an immensely unpleasant icicle whip the next!?" He paused, took a deep breath, then continued. "I rest my fucking case. Congratulations, Mr. Assmouth Bulgeface: you have unleashed the wrath of Karkat fucking Vantas, in all its flaming and irritated glory. Would you like a goddamn cookie to go with my silver platter of fuck you?" The troll was hoping for an equally irritated reply that would give him free will to pull out all the stops on Dirk's sorry ass (as if he didn't give himself enough of that already), but only was rewarded with a mere snort in amusement.

"If I were a liar, I would say how I wonder how Egbert could possibly find something in you," he said, smirking. "Luckily for you, I find lying to be irritating."

"Thanks for the memo, I'll make sure to note it down in my planner next time I feel like pissing you off," Karkat retorted. "Great, now I'm too fucking high on rage adrenaline to even think about falling back asleep."

"Excellent. Then help me wake up Egbert so we can get on the road already." Dirk made a move to shake John's shoulder, but the troll quickly shoved the blonde's arm away. "Is there a problem?"

"I can't believe you're even fucking asking me this," Karkat groaned. "You're not bringing John into this realm of utter bullshittery. Have you even considered how he would feel about leaving without saying goodbye to his so-called best bro? Have you even thought about how fucking tired he probably is from driving almost nonstop for 5 fucking days?" He was inwardly taken aback at the sheer amount of time he had actually been traveling with the blue-eyed boy. It had been an entire week since they'd met. It surprised him and, if he were to be completely honest with himself, almost pleased him, but he didn't dare let it show. "Have some sense, you bulgesniffing idiot."

"Whoa. I knew you had feelings for the adorkableness that is John Egbert, but I never would have imagined you would be so transparent about it. Color me amazed."

"What are you even talking about now?" Karkat grumbled, trying with all his might to hold back a blush. Damn fucking Striders and their insistence on putting their noses into other people’s shitty business. "It's too early in the morning for this conversation to even be happening. I'm changing the subject. Wow, would you look at that, the subject is now completely different!"

"Suit yourself," Dirk shrugged. "So tell me again, why am I barred from waking Egbert up?"

"Because you're an asshole, that's why," Karkat retorted sharply. "It's too early; he needs sleep, and since you took it upon yourself to wrest me away from _mine_ , I'm making sure that at least _someone_ get some. He'll be woken up at a _reasonable_ time, when _everyone else_ is awake and the goddamn sun is actually _up,_ so John can say goodbye to his stupid 'bro' and be fully rested, and we will be on our merry fucking way at a _reasonable-as-fuck time._ Are we clear, or do I have to repeat myself another three thousand times for your inferior mind to comprehend it properly??"

"I… guess these burns are pretty sick?" the blonde mocked. "But I also guess you're executing them so clumsily that they're failing to affect me with even an iota of the burns that I was attended to receive."

"Alright, so you didn't understand, let me begin repeating myself another three thousand fucking times for your listening pleasure—"

"I understood, I understood, calm your vocal chords, Shoutsters," Dirk quelled. "Then what do you suppose we do for the next 3 or so hours?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe go the fuck back to sleep!?"

"You said it yourself: that's not possible with all the adrenaline coursing through your veins."

"Well, I sure as fuck can try," Karkat snapped indignantly as he flopped back onto the couch next to the miraculously still asleep John. "Good night to you, fuckstain."

"Hm," Dirk murmured blankly. "Alright. I'll just go out and spread these pictures of you and Egbert snuggling it up like it's nobody's business."

"I do not give two flaming bags of shit, because you're right: it is nobody's fucking business, especially not yours. So fuck off, asshat."

"Ooh. Major burn." Karkat gave an irritated snort in response, shifting his body around the sleeping boy and curling up within the expanse of blanket he had occupied not a few minutes before. "You two do look quite rad together, if I do say so myself."

"Take that compliment and shove it back up your waste chute, where I presume you originally pulled it from," the troll muttered, a reddish hue darkening his features despite his efforts to suppress it.

"Heh. Enjoy it while it lasts, Karkat," came Dirk's voice as he quietly walked away; as to where, Karkat did not see, for he had closed his eyes and prepared himself for sleep once more. 

~o~

John tossed and turned under the warm blanket, trying to readjust his position, blindly fighting off consciousness, and losing. He dazedly opened his eyes and looked around; he was alone on the couch, which perplexed him for a moment. He could have sworn he fell asleep next to Karkat the previous night. Oh, gosh, why was he turning red at the thought? Stupid blood, stupid face. He wondered where the little troll had gone. What was that smell? He sniffed the air, and took delight in the tasty smell of maple syrup and pancakes that overwhelmed his senses. John immediately became upright, slapped on his glasses, and stumbled drowsily in the general direction of the kitchen.

 

The blue-eyed boy leaned lazily in the doorway as he spotted Dirk by the stove, holding what looked like a bowl of batter in his hands, and Karkat sitting at the table with arms crossed. The troll spotted him as well, and gave him a mild wave. John waved back. "G'morning," he yawned, dragging his feet across the floor and plopping down in a chair next to Karkat's. "What time is it?"

"Almost 8," Dirk replied. "Once we finish breakfast, we'll head out."

"Oh, cool!" John said brightly. "I'm so excited. After a week of traveling, we'll finally get a lead!"

"A lead on what?" the blonde asked curiously. John blushed and fidgeted awkwardly in his seat. "Alright, I understand, you don't want to tell me. That's cool."

"Thanks," John replied shyly. "So, Karkat…"

"How may I be of service, Master Nookbite?" the troll responded in a predictably snarky tone. John chuckled.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Come on, dude, don't be so childish."

"You're calling _me_ childish?" Karkat growled. "Excuse me, but _I_ wasn't the one who was complaining about how boring the movies were last night like a weepy dipshit."

"Can we not turn this into an argument for once?"

"If that was your fucking question, then I guess you already have your answer."

"Aargh!" John exclaimed in exasperation. "Karkat, it's too early for this."

"Would you have liked it better if I had let Strider wake you up at 4 fucking AM like he had done to me?" The blue-eyed boy let out a sigh and pressed his fingers into his temples. "What's got you in such an asshole mood?"

"Look who's talking now," John murmured. "Forget the question. Dirk when're we eating?"

"Give me three minutes; they're almost done."

"No, you're not just gonna drop this shit like that," Karkat said in irritation. "What was your fucking question?"

"I said forget it."

"No, you'll tell me," Karkat persisted, leaning forward so that his scowling face was inches from John’s. "Tell. Me. Now." 

John rolled his eyes and quirked his lips up into a playful smirk. Flushed and taken aback, Karkat retreated a bit. "What in ten thousand blazing circles of hell are you smirking at me for!?"

"Do you want to know the question or not? Straight answer."

" _Yes. Just fucking ask._ "

"Alright," John grinned. "So, um… is it true… that… we fell asleep next to each other under the blanket last night? Because, that's kind of the last thing I remember." Karkat's cheeks turned a light shade of red as he processed the question, but he willed it away as fast as it had come.

"Yes, that's right," he replied nonchalantly. "Is there a problem?"

"No, not at all! I-I mean…," John stumbled over his words. "Agh, I don't know."

"Breakfast is served. Eat up," Dirk interrupted as he set down two large stacks of pancakes, along with utensils, in front of John and Karkat. He then disappeared through the doorway, but not without giving a subtle nod to the troll. Karkat itched to flip him off right then, but he held back so as not to lose whatever cover he thought he had.

"Uh, yeah, let's eat," said John as he enthusiastically brandished his fork and knife. "Yep, this looks really good!" Karkat stared at the human next to him with suspicion as he took devoured the pancakes and swallowed them messily. An all but disgusted Karkat couldn’t tear his eyes away from this unsightly spectacle. He couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape as the blue-eyed boy glanced at him with his mouth stuffed with food like a squirrel's stuffed with acorns. "Wha? Wha're y' laughin' at?" he asked with his voice muffled.

"You look like a complete idiot," Karkat remarked. "You have syrup all over your stupid face." John's eyebrows quirked as if to say "Oh?" as he grabbed a handful of napkins and wiped his mouth clean. He swallowed the tasty pancakes and gestured to himself. "Yeah, much better."

"Mmm," John moaned. "I have to hand it to him: Dirk can cook."

"As much as I unromantically despise the bastard, I agree," said Karkat as he ate a bit more breakfast. "I packed our shit before you woke up."

"Thanks, I'll be extra sure to screw your neatly organized arrangement up to the max as I dig around for an extraordinarily specific set of clothes," John teased.

"Do that and I'll throw all of it out the fucking window."

"Hehe, you better not!" They quickly finished up their food and dumped their dishes into the sink, and made their way back to the living room. John got dressed (and thankfully was careful not to mess up his bag too badly), and just as the two were ready to heft their packs over their shoulders, Dirk came down the stairs with his own bag and two other people in tow. "Oh, hey Dave! Why aren't you and Will ready to go?"

"Because we're not comin' with you," Dave responded blankly. "Didn't you get the memo?"

"Huh? Why not?" the blue-eyed boy said in surprise and slight sadness. Dave shrugged.

"I came here to visit my bro. And I did. And now I met TZ, and, I dunno, might as well stay a while, since Dirk's gonna be gone. Be his housekeeper and other stupid shit. No worries, though, I'll take WV in custody and call you every night, babe, like the perfect housewife I am. Lovey-dovey conversations that last for hours on end and phone sex every night. We will fight over who hangs up the phone first and end up not hanging up until at least thirty minutes later. Promise."

"Pfft, because I'm so worried about that," John joked. "But no, I guess I'll miss you, bro."

"I'll miss you, too, asshole," admitted Dave. "You, uh, wanna hug or something?" John nodded, dropped his bag, and grabbed the blonde in a tight hug. "Whoa, there, I said hug, not crush my fucking ribcage into powdery fairy dust."

"Deal with it, jerkwad," the blue-eyed boy mumbled into the other's shoulder. After a few seconds, he released him, and did a coolkid fist bump by request. "Can we still use your brother's bike?"

"Yeah, he doesn't care," Dave said airily. "But I guess you'll have to hand it off to Dirk once you leave Kwarlodia. Since neither you nor I really know where you're going next."

"That's fine," said John. "Right, Karkat?" 

"I don't really give a shit," the troll confirmed. John nodded to Dave (who nodded back) and waved him goodbye as he picked up his bag again and opened the front door. Dirk went out first, giving a brotherly punch to Dave’s arm on the way, and with a final goodbye, John and Karkat were gone as well.

 

As John mounted the motorcycle outside, he could feel his hands shake and his teeth chatter in excitement. He played it off to Dirk and Karkat as just being a bit cold, but with the warm coat he had on, he wasn't fooling anybody. He absently twirled the keys around his index finger as he felt Karkat's weight shift onto the seat behind him, and almost relaxed once the troll's arms found their way around his waist. He liked the feeling: it was warm, secure, reassuring. He was going to miss it when they were on their own without the bike. John shook the thoughts out of his head, deeming them ridiculous, and started up the engine. Hearing a similar revving beside him—Dirk's bike— he flipped up the kickstand and, with a single, energetic whoop that startled Karkat, he was speeding down the road and feeling the wind rush against his face. 

~o~

"Alright, now up at the 3-way fork, we're making a right," came Dirk's voice from John's left, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the engines, but still managing to maintain that patented Strider calm. "The right-right, if that wasn't clear." John nodded. Since Dirk had the roads from Ajavir to Kwarlodia memorized, Karkat had been encouraged to take a break for the day and let him direct their way. "After that, we make a left, another left, and a spin around the side of the mountain. After that, we'll be at Jake's house."

"Your friend?" John asked.

"Romantic partner," Dirk said quietly, almost too quiet for John to hear. "But also a friend."

"Oh!" said John in slight surprise. "I didn't realize. Sorry!"

"Don't worry about it," the blonde said. "If anything, Aradia will most likely be there as well. Since the two of them are like platonic soulbros for life."

"Great," the blue-eyed boy replied. "And it'll be nice to meet Jake, too!" Dirk smirked.

"I'm sure you'll be able to have a nice long talk with him," he muttered slyly, more to himself than to John. A few minutes and one sickeningly steep climb later, they reached a plateau and slowly came to a stop in front of a quaint wooden cabin. John hopped off the motorcycle so quickly that his foot accidentally caught on the side and almost tipped it over, had Karkat not been there to stabilize it.

"Holy fuck, hold your goddamn hoofbeasts, John!" Karkat yelled in annoyance as he awkwardly flailed around to keep the bike upright as he dismounted it.

"I can't help it!" John exclaimed. "It's exciting. And nerve-wracking. As much fun as traveling and meeting new people was, I really do want to fulfill this prophecy. And finally, hopefully, we can get a hint as to how I could do it!" Karkat couldn't stop himself from noting how attractive the blue-eyed boy looked when he was so enthusiastic. His mouth twitched and moved animatedly, his eyes lit up and his whole body shook with delight, it almost made Karkat… before the thought was finished, he inwardly punched himself and ordered himself to attention. 

"Yeah, I guess it is," he said blankly, unintentionally letting a smile appear on his lips. John grinned and chuckled, gently took his hand, and walked towards the (im)patiently waiting Dirk who was standing by the front door with a knowing smirk on his face. "What the fuck are you looking at, fuckface?"

"Just a couple of dorky bros," the blonde said smugly. "Now stand off to the side a bit."

"Why's that?" asked John. But Dirk simply waved him away and he stepped back with Karkat. Dirk cleared his throat, and raised a hand to knock on the door. As soon as Dirk's fist made contact with the wood, a tall, tan-skinned man came bursting out of the house with full gusto and instantly trapped the Strider into a powerful bear hug.

"Dirk, m'boy!" he shouted cheerfully. "I daresay, it's been so too long since I last laid my peepers on you! How long has it been? A month?"

"Four days, Jake."

"Four days, four weeks, it's all the same hullabaloo!" the man named Jake laughed. "Still, much, much too long, love! How have things been rolling for you?"

"Pretty swell."

"Oh?" Suddenly, Jake noticed the presence of the two other boys beside the door. "My, looks like we have guests!" He let go of the blonde and stuck out a hand each to John and Karkat. "Who may I have the pleasure of meeting?"

"John Egbert!" the blue-eyed boy greeted, shaking Jake's hand; Karkat simply stared at the outstretched hand as if it were infected with the plague. John nudged him with his elbow. "C'mon, Karkat, be nice."

"Who the fuck do you think I am!?" he screeched angrily. "Your fucking woofbeast? I don't remember giving _you_ permission to act like the goddamn head of the pack!"

"Hahaha, feisty one, aren't ya?" Jake chuckled as he withdrew the hand he held out to the troll and used it to ruffle his hair, and quickly retreated before Karkat could claw at him. "Great to meet you both! Friends of Dirk's are you?"

"In a way…," John laughed. "To be honest, we're actually looking for somebody else. Dirk said you knew a girl named Aradia?"

"Oh! Yes, do I know that little skink!" Jake turned around and called into the house. "Aradia! Looks like you have guests as well!" Not a few moments later, a woman with huge, curling horns emerged from the doorway with a curious smile. "Two boys, John and, erm, Karkat, was it?"

"Yeah! I was expecting them, actually," Aradia said kindly. "Though a bit earlier, I guess."

"Hey, nookwhiff, you try getting from Mastiaga to Kwarlodia with a useless and easily distractible moron on your hands!" Karkat suddenly barked. The troll woman gave him an awkward blank stare for a moment, trying to make something out of his hostile language.

"Erm… Alright?" She shook her head slightly, then turned to John. "Either way, you're John, right?"

"That's me."

"Cool! Sollux told me all about your situation. Come inside, I have plenty of things to tell you!" The blue-eyed boy nodded energetically, and took Aradia's offer as he went through the doorway with Karkat in tow. "You don't mind just taking a walk, do you, Jake? It'll be nice, since Dirk is back in town."

"Not at all, my friend! Dirk and I will be on our merry way, for as long as needed! Perhaps stop by the store and pick up some fixins for dinner!" He gently wrapped his arm around the blonde's waist and gave a wave to Aradia. "Don't have too much fun without us!"

"I could say the same to you, Jake," the troll woman said. They both laughed and, with their signature double-pistols-and-a-wink aimed towards each other, went off in their respective directions. As soon as the cabin door closed, Dirk started chuckling. "What? What in blazes are you snickering at, Dirk?"

"You," he said, showing off a rare smile to his lover. "You are such a dork."

"Well, I never! Let's just get on this walk, shall we? Aradia has important matters to attend to, of which I don't have the slightest specifics." The blonde smirked and nudged him in the ribcage.

"Like we don't have important matters as well?" he said flirtatiously, as they started walking away from the house to find another place of privacy.

 

The wooden cabin was small, but quite cozy in John's opinion. The air was quite warm and smelled of pine and mineral dust, and from what he presumed to be the basement came a scent of wax and stone. He noted to ask about it later. But for that moment, he was completely absorbed in talking to someone who understood his quest. He and Karkat stood in the hallway, unsure of where to go, but once Aradia appeared again she invited them into the living room. They all sat down in various chairs around the coffee table, and took off their coats out of politeness. "Alright, so since it's been a while, we'll have a quick recap to get things straight. Is that okay with you?" John grinned and nodded. "Okay! So, one night, about a week ago, you had a dream. Where were you in the dream?"

"In some sort of tower. A golden one."

"Mmm. And you saw a frog at one point?"

"Yeah. I got out of this weird dream bed and looked out the window. Then I looked at the sky, and in this cloud was almost… a picture of me holding this frog."

"Do you remember what the frog looked like?"

"Sort of. It had this weird spacey patterned skin. Covered in stars. And it was glowing."

"Interesting. What happened right after that?"

"The picture turned fuzzy, and everything went black. After that, I woke up."

"And from it, you brought that this was a prophecy, a quest, of sorts."

"…Pretty much, yep," John said humbly. "It sounds stupid, I know."

"No, it doesn't sound stupid at all!" Aradia replied cheerfully. "On the contrary! It's very interesting, and I actually have a couple of things in mind pertaining to this frog." She stood up from her chair and walked over to a tall, dusty bookshelf. With ease, she hefted three sizable books into her arms and plopped them on the coffee table with a startling thud. She flipped one open to a page she had bookmarked with a piece of paper. "Have you heard of the Genesis Frog fable?"

"Partly, yes. But only from a bartender and a drunk, so maybe your story would have a bit more insight." Aradia chuckled lightly. 

"Then I'll read it aloud now," she said. "Might as well get yourselves comfortable."

 

"The Genesis Frog, known to some as the Speaker of the Vast Croak, is our universe. He is passive, He is an artist, He is us all. The Speaker cannot be seen; only heard, only believed. However, it is said that He will birth a child, a new Speaker, through a witch, through a forest, to be found by a Hero, every five millennia.

 

"Though, He is omniscient, He will not be found by anyone who claims to be Hero. Many will dream of Him and His beauty, but only one will see Him in their arms in the towers of either Prospit or Derse, fabled cities of fantasy and nightmare."

"Hey, that's me!" John exclaimed; Karkat promptly shushed him loudly. "Karkat, I didn't know you would be so interested in this."

"Do you ever shut up? Listen!"

 

"He will be hidden well, as to test the Hero's strength and perseverance. Many wonder where His child will be found; of which, the islands of Kippane are assumed by popularity, where the stars fall every night and large ships cannot pass through. Though, no one knows, but those who love and cherish Him eagerly await for His Vast Croak, and the Hero that finds His child, to bring about a new world, universe, eternity." 

 

Aradia looked at the two boys, who had unwittingly leaned in while they listened. She smiled. "And there you have it!"

"Wow. That would have been a hell of a lot more useful if I got it in the first place!" said John. "Kippane Islands. So that's our destination!" He started to rise from his seat, but quickly did the troll beside him place a hand on his shoulder and sit him back down.

"Hold the fuck up, bulgestain," Karkat reprimanded. "I have some questions for you, Aradia."

"Ask away!"

"Now, I know where Kippane Islands are. Off the coast of Cristiad, right?" The troll woman nodded. "What I don't get is how the fuck we're supposed to get there, if 'large ships cannot pass through.' It's in the middle of a gigantic fucking lake, why couldn't ships pass through?"

"I believe that by 'cannot,' the myth meant, 'do not,'" Aradia hypothesized. "The Kippane Islands are historically regarded as a sacred religious zone. Meaning, commercially, boats do not travel there, because there are no hotels nor many people there to use them."

"Then how the fuck do we get there? Swimming!?"

"No!" Aradia giggled. "As far as I know, there are canoes and other rowboats for rental that you can take there. And they provide quick lessons, as well, if you've never gone boating before!"

"Well, isn't that convenient," Karkat grumbled. "Alright, so let's say that all goes well. Next question. The myth said something about a witch and a forest. Got any insight on that?"

"In some versions of the myth, an omniscient witch assists in the birthing of the new Genesis Frog." She paused. "And I guess the forest is a description of the geography."

"Uh-huh. Fine. Final question: what happens next?"

"I guess you'll find out," the troll woman said simply. "And if it isn't there… well, if anything, didn't Sollux give you another referral to his kismesis?"

"He did. All the way in Reingill," Karkat growled.

"Then in the case it isn't in Kippane, you should go there. I admit that Eridan would know much more religious content on the subject than myself," Aradia said meekly. "In the meantime, how about you stick around for the day? We have plenty of festivities planned!"

"What kind of festivities?" John asked curiously.

"It so happens that tonight is a funeral!" Aradia said, now suddenly fired up. A sparkle appeared in her eyes at the thought; John and Karkat stared at her incredulously, unsure of what to say.

"Uh… a funeral?"

"Yes!"

"As in, somebody died?"

"Yep, that's right!"

"Um…," John stumbled over his words. "Isn't that kinda sad?"

"Not really!" Aradia reassured. But in a second, she had a realization. "Oh! No, they didn't die recently! A long, long time ago. It's a celebration of our past and our ancestor's lives! It's a very fun festival!"

"Oh, I see!" John lied. "Okay, that totally makes sense. Celebrating dead people. Yup."

"That's right!" Aradia laughed. "We enjoy food, play music, dance… and at the stroke of midnight, to end the evening, we each light a lantern and toss it off the mountain to float along in the wind, to represent someone in our past, who we loved, who died. It's a really beautiful experience!" She paused. "Confused?"

"No, I get it, sort of. Sounds like a lot of fun!" John grinned over at the troll next to him, who was staring at his feet. "What d'you think, Karkat?" Karkat looked up with a surprised expression.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, doesn't matter to me."

"Great!" the troll woman said happily, as she stood from her chair and pointed towards the basement door. "I'll be downstairs if you need me. Feel free to wander around, peruse some books, or anything you feel like!"

"Thanks," John replied softly, "for everything." Aradia smiled, and with a wave, disappeared around the corner and down the basement steps.

~o~

Early in the evening, John, Karkat, Jake, and Dirk assisted Aradia in bringing out stacks of boxes and baskets through the small village of Kwarlodia and up a hill that led to a breathtaking outlook: the pinnacles were painted purple and blue, the sky had just started to turn orange, clouds of steam whirled around into spirals and hoops. John set down his load of supplies and stood dumbfounded near the edge. He never thought about how beautiful the world around him was; it was always shrouded by smog. His jaw fell open slightly as he continued staring in his stupor. Karkat tugged on his sleeve. "Hey, shitbag, pay attention for once in your attention-deficient life."

"Nn?" John failed to turn away. The troll tugged on his sleeve again, this time with more force.

"John Egbert, listen to me."

"I am, I am…"

"No, _listen_ to me."

"What is it?" Karkat groaned loudly, finally calling on John's gaze to himself. "Well?"

"We still have a shitload of stuff to set out to this moronic celebration that we never asked to be a part of in the first place."

"Hey, relax," John shushed, as he pat Karkat's shoulder mildly. The troll snarled and shrugged it away. "It's going to be a lot of fun. I just know it."

"From that creepy necrophilic woman's description? Like fuck it's going to be fun."

"That's harsh. And gross."

"Welcome to the world of Karkat fucking Vantas, brought to you by You're-a-Dumbass Productions."

"Hehe."

"What are you even looking at, anyways?" John gestured grandly towards the panorama in front of him.

"This," he whispered. "It's, you know, amazing, right?" Karkat snorted and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he turned to face the outlook.

"Hmph. Yeah, I guess so." Subtly, Karkat stepped a bit closer to the blue-eyed boy. "Pretty fucking beautiful."

"Beautiful just doesn't even describe it properly. I… don't know what does."

"Hm. Romantic, is what I'm thinking."

"Huh?" John's face flushed a bit as he broke his eyes away from the scene again. "What are you talking about, Karkat?"

"Something of your think pan's low caliber repeatedly fails to understand," the troll murmured. John laughed nervously as he reached another hand around Karkat's shoulder and rubbed it a bit. Karkat flinched, but allowed him to continue his little massage.

"We should probably get back to work, shouldn't we?" 

"Oh, so now _you're_ the one being the responsible leader and telling _me_ to get my head out of my ass? Nice fucking try, shitkitten."

"Uh, what?" Karkat's face inevitably turned dark upon hearing the human's confused utterances, and he growled in response. "I know your insults can get ridiculous, but really, dude? Shitkitten? It's like you're trying to come up with a pet name for me or something."

"J-Just shut the fuck up and get back to work. This was your idea in the first place, might as well actually fulfill it."

John smirked, and saluted him mockingly. "Sure, O Honorable and Responsible Leader Karkat fucking Vantas." 

Karkat mimicked the smirk and all, replied with, "Nice to see you finally coming around, Lord of All Things Stupid and Infuriating, John motherfucking Egbert."

 

The evening continued on as the hill filled up with people, both human and troll, sitting on picnic blankets and playing music to their heart's content. John and Karkat set up camp at the peak, with a blanket and basket of goods kindheartedly supplied by Aradia. Not a few moments after they finished laying the blanket out, Dirk and Jake settled in a space next to them. 

"Appears to me that you two have acclimated quite kindly!" Jake chuckled. "I do hope that the culture around here hasn't rocked you too hard!"

"Nah, it's kinda cool!" John replied. "Say, what's that on your back?" Jake blinked in slight confusion, but quickly recovered as he removed a black pack from over his shoulder. 

"This?" he asked. John nodded. "This, my friend, is my blue beauty." He kneeled down on the ground and opened the pack to reveal an aqua blue guitar with a green and orange pattern lining the edges. He lifted it up in great pride. "She's been with me as long as I've been here."

"I wish you would stop calling it 'she,'" Dirk sighed, plopping down on the space next to him. "It makes me so insecure to see you show so much love to a supposedly female inanimate object." 

"Oh, dear!" Jake exclaimed, flustered. "Dirk, I-I would never mean to make you insecure, no, I swear I wouldn't, and oh…! Gosh frig it, Strider!" Dirk chuckled as he hooked an arm around the man's neck and pulled him into a noogie.

"Kidding, Jake," he said sweetly. Jake opened his mouth in protest, but no sooner did the blonde cut him off by pulling him into a kiss. At first, he struggled against Dirk's strong grip, but at the same time he practically melted into his arms and his lips. John grinned meekly and fidgeted a bit as he watched the two men kiss, and when they broke apart he laughed.

"Haha, you two really are boyfriends, then, hehe," he stuttered awkwardly. Dirk grinned in the way that Striders always did (which was subtly) while he kept an arm around Jake.

"Of course. Got a problem?"

"No, not at all! It's just, haha, you two look, uh, good together, I guess?" John's face turned bright red as he continued to fidget and laugh nervously. "Uh, yeah."

"Hmhmhm," Dirk chuckled slyly. "Thanks for the compliment."

"Much appreciated, good chap!" Jake added.

"John, you're making _me_ feel embarrassed just by _looking_ at your blithering self," Karkat grumbled; John elbowed him.

"Shut up!" he yelped. "Either way, when does everything start? Like, all the eating and lantern lighting?"

"You can eat whenever you want to!" said Jake, lifting up his basket for emphasis. "And I'll probably get around to jamming when Strider here loosens up and grabs his blasted instrument," He winked at the blonde beside him. Dirk shrugged coolly. "Oh, come on, bro, you've got to show off the hellish talent you possess!"

"Fine, fine. Be right back." With a chaste kiss, Dirk stood from Jake's side and hopped down the hill, soon to return. John grabbed his and Karkat's food basket and began to open it, but was stopped by a tan hand over his own. 

"Now, John, maybe you'd like to wait a bit?" Jake said awkwardly. "I mean, I need to discuss something of high importance with you. I am fully aware of how odd this sounds, but… erm, yes."

"Okay?" John eyed him warily. "What is it?"

"Well, I actually think you'd prefer it if your troll pal wasn't around to overhear." Karkat's ears suddenly perked up, and he snarled in response.

"What could you possibly have to say to him that is so important that I can't fucking hear?"

"It just is, alright!?" Jake suddenly exclaimed, a red tinge around his cheeks. "Now, if you please, respect that?" The troll rolled his eyes in irritation, and with a groan stood up from the blanket and stomped off, muttering swears and insults to himself. "We'll call you back when it's done!" the tan-skinned man called after him, but received a mere middle finger in response. "Well, I never. What you could see in that boy is entirely beyond me."

"Uh, what?" John asked blankly. His heart gave a strong beat against his ribcage, making his chest ache. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, nothing at all!" Jake edged a bit closer to the blue-eyed boy and absently fiddled with the corner of his jacket. "Erm, yeah." The two sat in dead silence for an increasingly uncomfortable amount of time, until Jake finally spoke again. "Oh! And again, thank you for the compliment about myself and Dirk. It is really appreciated."

"No problem." John frowned a bit, knit his eyebrows in thought. "Say, Jake?" Jake suddenly perked up and grinned widely at him.

"Yes, lad?"

"How… how do I put this? How… is your relationship with Dirk?" The blue-eyed boy frowned in embarrassment.

"O-Oh. Quite… interesting, being that it's Dirk we're talking about here," Jake chuckled.

"Is it nice?" Jake's smile softened, and dreamily stared off into space.

"Oh, definitely. Hell yes, if I may say."

"Did you… you know, ever get yelled at for being… you know, gay?" The man raised an eyebrow in confusion, considered the question for all of two seconds before laughing so loudly that it startled John into letting out a small squeak.

"God, no! What alternate reality do you live in where things like that happen?" Jake patted John on the back a bit too hard. "No way. Sure, there are always those select few that still cling onto their silly traditions, but even then, how could you be utterly against it when you share a world with a kind that honestly couldn't give less than a shit about sexuality and the like? Trolls do not differentiate between gender, you know. The only reason why there's much of an outward difference is the influence of humans and their gender appearances. On the biological level, however, there's barely a single gosh darn dif—"

" _Okay,_ too much info!" John suddenly interrupted with his hands over his ears in disgust. "Blargh, don't want to know about troll biology, nope, nope, I'm cool without that right now!"

"Hahaha, I can make heads or tails of that!" said Jake. "But back on topic, no discrimination here nor there. Besides, what does it really matter anyways? Love is love." He glanced over at John, and found a hopeful smile sneak onto the boy's face. "Does that change things for you?"

"Why would it?" John replied casually. "I'm not a homosexual." 

"That's what I thought as well," the tan-skinned man remarked. "Yet what I've learned is that terms like that never describe anything properly. Just love who you love, and don't restrict yourself to some tomfool idea that you shouldn't be the way you are." He gave John another reassuring pat on the back. "Whoops! Looks like Dirk is coming back up. How about you catch up to your cheeky boy and bring him around?"

"Sure, yeah." He was off-put by the abrupt ending of the conversation, but reacted and went traipsing down the hill in search of Karkat. At the same time, Dirk Strider sat down next to his beloved partner and chucked a black case onto the blanket. Jake welcomed him with a kiss to the cheek.

"You totally planned that, you sneaky bastard," he muttered.

"Planned what?" Dirk feigned obliviousness.

"After _that_ little sequence during… earlier? How I needed to spend some 'quality time' with the Egbert boy?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Ugh, you puppet master, pulling all of these damned strings! I swear, it's like you're trying to play matchmaker and are getting your own super homo boyfriend involved just to improve the chances!"

"I see your mouth moving, but all I can hear are your tender moans," Dirk whispered into the man's ear, a smirk playing at his lips. 

"N-Not here, man! This is not the time, nor the place!"

"Or maybe it is. You just enjoy the thrill and adventure of having the famous Dirk Strider lust after your hard-to-get ass."

"Look, if you two feel like slobbering your disgusting genitalia all over the fucking blanket, then I politely ask that you move it as far away from me as is possible. Perhaps across the goddamn universe, but even that would probably not be enough space." The two men looked up to see Karkat, followed by John, approach the blankets, with the former running his mouth. "If anything, just get a fucking room and leave others who happen not to be in committed relationships to wallow in their self-hate in _peace_. No one wants to see you two flirt like lovesick nookshits."

"Who says? Maybe you could learn something about sweet-talking, Karkitten," Dirk drawled, slinging an arm around Jake's shoulder. "How about it?"

"Gah!" Karkat shouted, just barely missing Dirk's hand as he stomped past them and angrily flopped down on his blanket, facing the opposite direction. "Sickening, grubfucking…" He continued to mutter under his breath as John joined him on the ground and cracked open the basket Aradia had previously given them. It was filled to the brim with sandwiches, fruit, snacks, drinks, and various other supplies to last the night. John stared at it with wide eyes.

"Wow! This is, well, really nice of Aradia to give us so much!"

"It's a thing with her," Jake said from behind them. "She just loves having people enjoy themselves. And to her, it just barely compensates for all your help." The blue-eyed boy looked over his shoulder and gave a thumbs-up in acknowledgement before turning back around. He took out two plates and laid them with a sandwich and sides each, then held one out to Karkat.

"Hey, Mr. Grumpypants. Want some?" The troll glanced at him, a scowl on his face but no harshness in his eyes to back it up, and snatched the plate away with hardly a thank you. John chuckled as he started to dig in as well. 

 

As they continued to eat, the sky turned from light yellow, blazing orange, deep red, to night, and soon candles were lit on the blankets and torches, ground into the dirt, burned with life. Karkat took it upon himself to pop open a warm thermos and sniff the contents: hot chocolate. He poured some out for himself and John, and finally was convinced to turn around and face Jake and Dirk. The latter of the two had revealed his instrument of choice to be a beautiful saxophone, which he began to play in beautiful harmony with Jake's guitar and singing accompaniment. John and Karkat sipped their warm drinks with eyes closed, soaking in the atmosphere like a sponge to water. Soon, people gathered around, snapping their fingers and stomping their feet in rhythm, Aradia twirled in her long burgundy skirt, laughing and dancing in time. The couple soon stood, entwined their arms as Dirk trilled his saxophone and Jake stood by and allowed him the solo. When Jake joined back in, the music slowed into a sleepy jazz tune, stirring an aura of romance into the air. The way those two looked each other in the eyes, even though Dirk's couldn't be seen, the way their instruments told their story through swelling notes and low strums, it was a musical experience far superior to anything Karkat or John had ever seen. Suddenly, Karkat shot up from the blanket in a burst of blind energy, and stuck out a hand towards the blue-eyed boy. "Hm? Something wrong?"

"Remember how you, like a complete dumbass, tried to convince me to dance to that shitty music all the way back in Rezon?" Karkat said. "Well, guess fucking what. You win. Let's dance."

"Wait, what?" John responded incredulously, reluctantly taking Karkat's hand and standing up. The troll squeezed it tightly, but dared not hurt him in the slightest with his claws. "Was that hot chocolate spiked with alcohol or something?"

"Am I not fucking allowed to be a little spontaneous sometimes? Or is that only reserved for you and your stupid bone bulge?" Without another warning, Karkat yanked the blue-eyed boy off the blanket and onto the grass, near a glowing torch. The music was perfect. The ambiance was perfect. The timing was perfect. For once in his life, everything for Karkat was perfect. If only John would stop being so fucking reluctant and realize what was coming to him. "Didn't you want to have some fun, John?" Suddenly, John smirked mischievously, barely clueing Karkat in before he grabbed the troll's other hand in his and brought him closer. Karkat blushed bright red, but hoped it wouldn't be noticeable in the dim light.

"This may surprise you, but I realize I can't really dance for shit," John chuckled.

"Now, this may astound your measly think pan into oblivion, so hold on tight. I can actually dance, if you would follow my lead." John grinned without comment; Karkat took a deep breath, relaxed his hands into John's, and slowly started to swing his hips to the rhythm of the music. He swayed his hands back and forth, indicating John to follow, and shifted his weight from his left to his right. When the saxophone burst out, the troll allowed John to twirl him with one hand and catch him in his arms; he only held for a split second, though, before almost hurriedly returning to their previous position. What game was he trying to play? He's attracted to only females except he's so obviously attracted to this troll he's holding hands and dancing with who identifies as a male? Was he simply too damn ignorant to realize such a thing? In denial? In acceptance? Karkat allowed these thoughts to flood his consciousness momentarily before returning to the moment. After a few more minutes, Jake and Dirk ended the song, and applause erupted into the air. As John looked around, he realized that the audience wasn't only clapping for the musicians: they were clapping for he and Karkat as well. His face flushed as he broke away from Karkat's hands and sat back down on the blanket, only contributing to the troll's confusion further. His behavior hurt, but Karkat casually shook his head in what appeared to be annoyance and took his place next to the blue-eyed boy. The crowd dispersed back to their camps, Jake and Dirk replaced their instruments into their cases, and Aradia happily flopped down on the blanket next to them. "John."

"Mm."

"That was… enjoyable."

"…"

"What? What the fuck do you want me to say? I had fun, is that so wrong?"

John chuckled. "Nope. I… had a lot of fun, too."

"Hmph," said Karkat. "I guess this entire thing it's too crappy." He paused. "What time is it? Isn't that lantern thing supposed to happen at midnight or some shit?" John shrugged in response. The troll hesitantly turned to face Dirk, Jake, and Aradia, and asked them the same question.

"You're right, it's just about time to start preparing them!" Aradia exclaimed as she checked her watch. "I better start handing them out!" She stood up, as did Jake and Dirk, and went off to open the many boxes that the boys had carried up earlier in the day. Once opened, she revealed hundreds of paper lanterns, and the villagers gathered around to collect one for each of them. Karkat went over and grabbed two for himself and John, being that the blue-eyed boy was all but incapacitated. To catch his attention, he dangled the things in front of his face. "Come on, idiot. The woman says we're about to set them off."

"Alright!" John replied as he stood up and took a lantern from Karkat's hand. "So, we light it, toss it off, and… what? What's important about it?"

"God, were you not listening?" Karkat said in exasperation. "Wait, don't answer that, I already know that your skull is too dense for anything to ever get past its chitinous walls. To answer your question, they said something about the lantern representing somebody who died in your past. Someone who you loved or something. Speaking in familial terms, I'm guessing."

"Oh! Oh…," mumbled John. "Okay. It looks like everyone's moving towards here, the peak. Grab the matches?" Karkat obliged, and after walking only a few steps to the top of the hill, they lit their lanterns carefully and quickly blew out the matches. They heard a voice, probably Aradia's, count down excitedly from 3.

 

"Three…"

"Two…"

"One…"

 

"Let them free!" 

 

All at once, hundreds of paper lanterns flew into the sky, floating on the breeze that carried them over the edge and out towards the empty space between hilltops. They glowed like the fire contained in them, and as they drew further and further away, they became glittering specks that resembled stars. The entire time, Karkat's eyes followed his lantern, and even when it could barely be seen, he still imagined where it was and stared after it. A prickling sensation warmed up in the back of his eyes, but he washed it away with a cold, blank expression. John looked down at him, his deep blue eyes filled with curiosity. "Can I ask you a question, Karkat?"

"You just did," Karkat snorted.

"We are not going through this again."

"Or will we?" the troll teased. "What's the question?"

"If you don't mind me asking…," John began, "who did your lantern represent?" Karkat frowned, picked at his claw-like nails. "You don't have to answer. I was just wondering."

"My dad," Karkat muttered.

"Oh, man," said John, sadness creeping into his voice. "I'm sorry."

"Don't give a shit. It was a long time ago. Don't ask me about it." He paused, considering. "What about you?"

"I guess my Nanna. She died when I was a baby, but whatever," he said solemnly. "This entire festival is kinda sad, isn't it?"

"Oh my fuck, you are fast. I hope you got some mad boonbucks to pay off all those speeding tickets."

"Bluh. I'm serious. But I guess it's also kinda happy."

"Hmm."

"Because we're not just being sad that they're gone, almost… we're being happy that they lived. And honoring their lives, I guess."

"Mm." They stood in silence for uncounted moments, staring into the night, the now unseen lanterns, the shadows of the mountains only illuminated by the half moon.

"I think I know what you meant by calling this scenery romantic," said John.

"That's a first. The first of all firsts, and probably the only first ever to be."

"It _is_ romantic. In… a lot of ways." John glanced at the troll beside him with a soft smile tugging at his lips, and was met with a blank yet equally soft stare. "Hehe. Maybe one day I'll take my wife up here." Normally, such a comment would bring about a pained and angered string of sarcastic comments and insults from the troll, yet he felt, at that moment, for once: it wasn't worth it. Karkat inched closer to the blue-eyed boy, and ever so slightly, rested his head on the boy's arm, just below the shoulder. "Wha— Karkat! Don't fall asleep on me!"

"Doesn't this indicate something to you?" Karkat replied with a heavy sigh. "I'm tired."

"Then, let's go see if Aradia and Jake would let us stay at their pl—"

"No." Karkat suddenly walked away from John, only to collapse on the picnic blanket moments later. "I feel like sleeping outside tonight. Like fuck it's cold. That basket has a blanket." With reluctance, John started to chuckle and shake his head as he walked over to the troll and kneeled next to him.

"You're acting all weird tonight," he commented. "Not talking nearly as much, let alone cursing."

"See, this is where your insult fetish comes back to being relevant to this particular situation. Except I don't ever want it to be relevant ever again. So fuck off. And by fuck off I mean lie down on the goddamn blanket with me and get another one out of the basket right this fucking instant." John chuckled again as he complied, and soon Karkat felt his warmth next to him, along with a blanket covering his body. How lucky was he to be flushed for such an oblivious moron. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but feel a bit guilty by playing at John's emotions like this, but suddenly his conscious mind interrupted with a big fuck you and reminder that John Egbert was probably the biggest homosexual not-a-homosexual that Skaia ever produced. Really, what's stopping him from getting over it? Whatever "it" was. Lousy goddamn stupid human terms for stupid things.

 

Karkat lay on his back, staring up at the starry sky as he listened to the voices of villagers fade away. At one point he thought he heard Dirk, Jake, and Aradia having a sort of conversation near them, which he eavesdropped on a bit and caught a few words: "obviously," "red," "John," "admits." He would have spoken up, but the comfortableness of the ground and warmth of John by his side lulled him to sleep, as did the cool wind and the silence of night finish him off. His breathing slowed, his eyes refused to open, his body naturally curled up into a shape that would fit perfectly next to John's form, if only he had the guts to move closer. Karkat Vantas was asleep, and he couldn't remember one time in his life when he was more content.


	16. ~13~

A light and brisk gale ruffled through Karkat's hair and brushed over his eyelids, coaxing them open to face the morning sky. Overcast. Grass tickled his grey skin; he scratched at it in annoyance. He made a move to turn on his side, but ended up colliding with a warm, heavy weight beside him. John. The troll propped himself up on his elbow and glanced over John's sleeping figure. His mouth was open again while he slept, striking a pitiful chord within Karkat's heart. He smiled quietly and, after making sure no one else was around, he leaned in and gently nudged John's shoulder. A fatigued moan escaped his lips that made Karkat shiver more than the cold wind did. "John. Wake up." The blue-eyed boy yawned widely, stretched his arms out behind him.

"Hey, Karkat," he mumbled. "Why're we outside?"

"Because we've been magically transported to a fantasy land where you're…." Karkat quickly stifled his speech, coughed, then continued. "Never mind. We agreed on sleeping outside after the party ended, when it was past midnight."

"Oh, haha, that's right," said John. He lifted himself up into a sitting position and scratched the back of his neck. "Did you have a good time last night?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Don't you remember that fragment of a discussion we had right before you knocked out?"

"Nah, not really," John replied indolently. "But I remember one thing. You were smiling at one point." The troll snorted.

"Bullshit. Feel like waking up and getting your ass on the road? We've got a long day of walking ahead of us."

"Fuck! That's right, we don't get to use the bikes anymore." Karkat wished the disappointment in John's voice was for the fact that he couldn't have his arms wrapped around his waist for hours on end anymore. "How long is it until our next stop of civilization? And then Kippane?"

"I left the map in my bag, which just so happens to be in that woman's house we were at yesterday. But, offhand, I know it's not all that far. I think Cristiad is next, and right after than it's Kippane. You may dance the most jubilant little jig now if you are so compelled to."

"Only if you do one with me. In a leprechaun costume. A bright green one."

"Fuck no."

"What if I buy it for you? Specially handmade?"

"The answer is still, and I quote, 'Fuck no.'"

"Hehehe. Okay, I think I'm ready to be awake now."

"Great. Then get up." John wriggled around a bit as if to follow directions, but ended up merely settling in again under the blanket warmed by his and Karkat's body heat.

"… Or maybe not. The ground is probably the most comfortable thing in the world right now." Karkat smirked as he lay down again as well, tugging his part of the blanket up to his chin.

"Fine, whatever. For once, I'm in no rush to get anywhere," he said lightly. "Looks like rain today." John opened his eyes again and looked up at the sky.

"Yep. Good thing I brought an umbrella."

"Whoa shit, you actually brought something useful and practically functional on your trip? Color me astonished. Absolutely fucking stunned. You have scaled the echeladder by one rung, from wriggling lumpsquirt to idiosyncratic crotchkisser."

"The longer I get to know you, the more I realize how utterly ridiculous some of your metaphors and insults can be. No kidding. From what I can remember, you once called me an assmaggot. What exactly is an _assmaggot_?"

"I'll get you a mirror and you'll find out. It's pretty disgusting and looks a lot like a human, but not quite."

"So you're referring to yourself this time?" John teased. A moment of blank silence passed over them, caused by Karkat's lack of an instantaneous response. "Dude, I'm kidding."

"I know, bulgebite."

"You're one of the least disgusting people I know. I swear. You're… you."

"Thanks for the well thought out compliment. This is where I say an equally well thought out compliment to you, if I had one at this time. Which I don't, actually, because a proper well thought out compliment is, surprisingly, _well thought out._ " Suddenly, John started laughing and reaching over to pet a hand over his head. Karkat flinched as he made contact, but didn't move out of range. "Don't touch the goddamn horns."

"I know," he chuckled. "Looks like you're pretty awake, if you have the energy to rageshit all over the place."

"You don't even know, moron. This entire hill could become Mount Rageshit if you infuriate me enough."

"I bet you could fill an ocean with the amount of rageshitting you do."

"Damn straight. Are you ready to get up off your lazy ass and get moving?"

"Yeah, sure." The blue-eyed boy suddenly flung the blanket off himself and Karkat, exposing them to the frigid wind, and got up to pack the rest of the picnic supplies back into the basket. Karkat rubbed his arms to try and heat them up; he had forgotten to bring his sweater the previous night and was going to have to suffer for it until they were back at Aradia's house. As he picked up the basket, John noticed the troll's shivers and leaned in close to him. "Karkat? Are you cold?"

"I'm fine," Karkat grumbled. "Just forgot my sweater."

"Oh!" He put the basket on the ground and unzipped his jacket. "By all means, then." Karkat gave him a blank stare. "Uh, take my jacket. Until we get back to the house and get our stuff."

"What?"

"Dude, are you going deaf?" John chuckled, as he slipped the coat off his arms and offered it to Karkat. "Should I get Aradia to translate for you?"

"No, you idiot," Karkat snarled. "All I'm asking for is some goddamn clarification. Why the hell are you offering me your fucking coat? You and your pink sack of flesh that you call a body probably need it more than I do." John chuckled again, and without warning swooped around to Karkat's back and began pulling the coat onto him. "What, fuck! Get away from me!"

"Like that'll do anything," John teased, wrestling with the troll. "Come on, five minutes! Accept a little kindness for once, numbnuts." Karkat continued to grab folds of the jacket and wrest them away, growling at the boy who was repeatedly forcing the thing on him. After a few more moments of struggle, Karkat snatched the coat away from him indignantly.

" _Fine_ , I'll put the goddamn coat on. But if you die of hypothermia it's exactly not my fault."

"Pfft. Whatever, dude." He picked up the basket once more, and the two made their way down the hill and across the road to Aradia's house. John politely knocked at the door; no response. He knocked again, to no avail. As he reached for a third time, Karkat interrupted with a loud, slamming fist to the door that made the entire house shake. Almost instantly after, the door was yanked open to reveal a very tan and very shirtless Jake English. "Oh! Ja—"

"What the devilfucking dickens is going on out here?" he exclaimed. His green eyes focused on the two boys in front of him, who were looking quite uncomfortable, and quickly a blush spread across his face. "Oh, gosh fuck it, it's cold! Erm, sorry, boys, I didn't mean to just show up at the door without a stitch on—"

"Jake, what's going on?" came a drawling voice from inside the house, and its owner soon appeared in the doorway in the form of an equally shirtless Dirk Strider (who strangely managed to have his sunglasses on) hugging Jake's waist from behind. "Oh, these two again."

"Well, ex _cuse_ us for thinking that we could actually retrieve our personal possessions before getting the fuck out of here!" Karkat snapped. "Not like that woman told us we could keep our stuff here. And it's not like this is _her_ fucking house, where _you assholes_ can't tell us what to do! Oh _no_!"

"Karkles, spare me the drama: it's too early for this."

"It's probably around 9 o'clock, you shit." Dirk smirked lazily as his hands drifted up the tan-skinned man's chest, making him shudder in delight. "God fuck, don't start your sexual foreplay right in the goddamn doorway!"

"Y-Yeah, really, Dirk!" Jake protested. "I love you, I really do, but there's no need to go around making children feel uncomfortable with your errant displays of endearment to me!"

"Hmm." The blonde man nuzzled his head into Jake's neck. "How cute."

"I'm _not_ cute. And _ouch,_ your damned glasses hurt, man!"

"That's not who I was referring to, even though it applies to you as well." Dirk's unseen eyes flickered to the irate troll standing in front of him. "I'm talking about the vertically challenged one." Karkat let out a vociferous growl and stuck both his middle fingers up at him. "That's right, you, Egbert's cutie boyfriend." A lump rose in the troll's throat and red threatened to fill his face, thus rendering him speechless as he tried to suppress it. In the meantime, John took over.

"Uh, dude, I think you're getting this all wrong," he said quickly. "We're friends."

"And that's why Karkles down there is all snuggly in your jacket?" Dirk teased.

"He was cold!" John stressed. "What am I supposed to do, let him suffer?"

"Look, can we just fucking get our shit and get out of here so we can leave you to whatever disconcerting activities you were participating in before our interruption?" Karkat broke in, his face barely hiding his embarrassment. "God damn, keep your nookwhiffing noses out of our fucking business and we will do the same." Dirk chuckled before sighing simply and pulling himself and Jake out of the doorway. Karkat immediately went in, but right before John followed, the blonde-haired man leaned back into the doorway and blocked his way. "Dirk, let me through," John stated. 

"Why? Can't he get the stuff by himself?" 

"Dirk…," Jake muttered. "Honest to god, this isn't a very bright idea."

"Shush, English, I got this," Dirk said as he pressed a single finger to his boyfriend's lips. "John."

"What?" John's voice had an edge of hardness to it, meant to intimidate his opponent. Dirk remained unfazed.

"Do you have something against homosexuals?"

"Huh? No way!" John replied. "No, not at all. I'm perfectly okay with it, because, uh, yeah."

"Do you have something against trolls? Or their system of romance?"

" _No_! I mean, yeah, the system is confusing and kind of silly, but I kind of understand the basics! And what do I have against trolls? Absolutely fucking nothing. Are we done here?" His eyebrows curved down, his eyes twitched in irritation. What was Dirk trying to get at? Trying to piss him off?

"Of course you don't," Dirk confirmed. "Then I ask you this: what's so wrong with someone, a male human, being romantically involved with a troll?"

"Nothing! People can love whoever they want! I don't really care!" A sly grin cracked the blonde's visage; John swallowed nervously.  "Why are you even asking me all these questions!?"

"Get out of my fucking way, you sardonic half-baked shitballoon," Karkat's voice suddenly barked as Karkat himself came storming back out of the house, loaded with his and John's bags and wearing a black sweater under his hooded cape. He dropped John's bag at his feet, tossed the blue coat at him to catch, and whipped around to face Jake and Dirk. "You doucheasses might find it interesting that your goddamn voices carry all of 10 feet into the house. Quit harassing John like waste chute probing hatefuckers." The two men stared down at the troll, with Jake's face hinting at shock and offense and Dirk's face a cool and collected mask. Karkat stared back, his eyes so expressive that they could practically read the words "back the fuck off now or I swear I will rip you both new ones" scrolling across his corneas. "John, we're leaving. Now."

"No objections there," the blue-eyed boy mumbled. He picked up his bag and hefted it over his shoulder, and Karkat began stomping off in the direction of the village limits. John started to follow, turning his back to Dirk and Jake, but looked at them one last time with a sad expression. "Tell Aradia thanks again for me. And, I guess, thanks for letting us use the bike for the rest of the time, Dirk. Just… thanks. And bye." He gave a weak wave, which Dirk and Jake returned, and went running after Karkat without another moment's notice. As soon as the two travelers were out of earshot, Jake huffed loudly and slapped the blonde's arm.

"That was exactly not how you go about sensitive topics, man!" Dirk practically laughed at that as he shut the door behind them, finally closing off the cold wind.

"Oh, that was _exactly_ how you go about it," he replied airily. "He has it so bad for the little troll boy."

"Well, duh! But now he's probably going to go and toss those feelings into the wind and never take the fucking initiative!"

"Oh, on the contrary," Dirk purred. "Trust me. Mr. Egbert is far on his way. Mission accomplished." Jake rolled his eyes emphatically and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I _still_ have not half a hint at why you are so compelled to meddle around all the time!"

"I'm sure you can figure it out."

~o~

The trek down the steep mountain was arduous in the extreme: John could barely keep his flat-soled sneakers anchored to the ground. It didn't help much that Karkat clutched his arm the entire way for his stability, unsettling his stomach. The two of them stayed dead silent for the two hours or so it took for them to finally reach level ground, and when they did, Karkat made the decision for them to actually eat some food, seeing that they blatantly had skipped breakfast. As he pulled out some food he saved from the previous night, he examined the aged map he carried with him. "How far are we from the next place?" John asked.

"Cristiad is where we're going. We have about a straight fucking 10 hour's walk ahead of us." John groaned in discontent. "Yeah, it sucks, shut up and deal with it. Cristiad is on the coast of Meteor Lake, which is where the Kippane Islands are supposed to be." He paused in consideration. "It's about 11:30 now. We'll walk until sometime after sundown, then stop for the night and get there in the morning. Sound like a plan?"

"Yeah, whatever," John said moodily.

"What's got you all fucking upset?" Karkat asked. "Don't tell me you're going to throw a goddamn temper tantrum over this shit. I realize that we've had it pretty damn easy with the two-wheeled devices, but now we're on our own again and we're continuing on with this fucking journey, so suck it up an—"

"It's _not that!_ " the blue-eyed boy interjected. Karkat frowned at him, and he sighed. "I'm _sorry_. I'm just pissed at stupid Dirk and Jake! Or more like just Dirk, since Jake didn't really say much."

"What do you mean?" 

"Didn't you hear?" John grumbled. "Dirk was asking all of these weird questions! He thought I was against trolls or being gay or whatever! I have no clue where he got _that_ idea from!"

"He's Strider's brother, of course he's a fucking douchebag. Disregard it."

"And, it's… aargh, he was just making me feel all awkward and weird!" John ran his hands through his black hair in frustration. "It's like…! Why does he, and a bunch of other people, for that matter, think that you and me are a couple!?" The troll's heart thumped erratically against his chest, but his face remained sculpted into a scowl. "We're _friends_! Aren't we?" Karkat begrudgingly nodded. "Seriously! I just… I dunno, it makes my heart and stomach feel weird! It must be just one big prank on us. Little do they know that _I'm_ the master prankster, and they will never one-up me!" 

"So you're obviously so opposed to the mere idea of it," Karkat muttered to himself, scowling harshly.

"Huh? What did you say?"

" _Nothing_ ," the troll growled as he tossed the remaining bits of the sandwich he was eating into the brush that surrounded them. "Are you ready to go or what?" John's animated face fell a little as he gazed upon the boy in front of him. "Don't give me such a pitiful look, shitface."

"Is something wrong? Now _you're_ the one who's in a shitty mood."

" _Nothing_ is wrong, John. I'm sick of everybody's bullshit, as is fucking usual." He picked up his bag again and began walking down the dirt path that led to the very bottom of the mountain range. "And didn't I tell you before to stop asking me if I'm okay? It's safe to assume that I'm always pretty fucking okay, in that I'm never fucking okay and that is that. Don't even try to make sense of it. Just accept it and move on." John's face contorted into confusion and helplessness that plucked Karkat's heartstrings, but he merely huffed in annoyance and continued walking without looking back. Soon he heard the blue-eyed boy's footsteps hurriedly catch up to him and come alongside him in near perfect synchronization. He dared to look at him, and upon seeing the crushingly pitiful and beautiful face of John Egbert, he blushed and looked away instantly without the other boy even noticing. _Lousy, goddamn, fucking, idiotic, too adorable, John motherfucking Egbert._

 

Soon, the land around the two travelers morphed from mountainous forest to a grassy plain, flat as far as the eye could see. Though the sun was at its highest point in the day, the clouds gathered into thick bunches and the air grew humid and smelled of water. No shelter was around; they were going to get wet. When the sky finally opened up and poured gallons of heavy rain onto them, John panicked and quickly got out the big blue umbrella he had smartly packed. Karkat, however, failed to even pause his gait and simply covered his head with his hood. Yet suddenly, the drops of rains stopped drumming against his head, though he could see the downpour in front of him. He looked up to see John's umbrella over him, and looked to his left to see John himself smiling softly with the umbrella in his hand. "It's big enough for two of us," he said. Karkat rolled his eyes despite his appreciation of the blue-eyed boy's kindness. They continued on in extended silence, listening to the pattering of water against the umbrella's surface and the soft blades of grass. As the ground started to become flooded and muddy, Karkat made a point of taking off his shoes and rolling up his pant cuffs, and instructed John to do so as well. Otherwise, he said, they would get stuck and lost in the mud, never to be found again. They would bathe off later. John sloshed messily through the water puddles and wet soil, chuckling now and then in amusement. He tried to coax the troll into joining him, and when he refused he jokingly lobbed a clump of mud at him. Luckily for the both of them, Karkat dodged the glob and just barely saved himself from toppling over in the process. John laughed heartily when Karkat issued to him a colorfully worded lecture on how he was a blithering shit-throwing pink monkey and didn't deserve the brain he was given. The blue-eyed boy grinned, happy that all felt well again, and ruffled a hand through Karkat's dampened hair. He was happy to be walking in the rain with him. He was happy that, in a way, Karkat was happy, too. He and Karkat felt so _right_ together as they were. And though he didn't even consciously acknowledge it, that feeling overjoyed him more than anything else.

 

The rain lasted for a few hours before the clouds eased away into early evening sunshine. John and Karkat's legs were caked with dried mud, but they honestly couldn't have cared less. John shook out the umbrella and carried it at his side. "Are we stopping soon?" he asked.

"Yeah. I see a small lake up ahead." He pulled out his map again and examined it. "And it looks like we're only an hour's traveling away from Cristiad, after all. Call me fucking stupid for thinking it would take 10 goddamn hours."

"You're fucking stupid for thinking it would take 10 goddamn hours," John repeated teasingly. Karkat dared to smirk as he elbowed John's ribs. "Hey, owch!"

"You deserve it," he chuckled. His mood had lightened considerably since the morning, which was good news for the both of them. "Is any of the food in your bag left untouched by soaking water?

"Hehe, I think so," said John. "What about you? Are your books okay?"

"I wouldn't have brought them if I ever thought they were going to be in any danger." Karkat nudged his bag in John's direction for emphasis. "Waterproof."

"Right." After several minutes, they reached the shore of the large pond and set their bags down on a relatively dry patch of ground. Immediately, John stripped himself of his shirt and walked into the pond, to Karkat's slight shock. But as he made a move to remove his pants, he turned around and looked at the troll. "Oh, wait. I should probably keep my pants on for the time being, huh?" He blushed, scratching the back of his neck.

"Yeah, whatever," Karkat replied, trying not to stare at John's bare chest. "I'll wash our shit as much as I can."

"No, wait…!" John began. Karkat raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "Well, maybe you should wash up, uh, first? So you don't end up getting mud on the clothes, or something…?" The troll narrowed his eyes as it slowly dawned upon him what the blue-eyed boy could subconsciously be propositioning. He wanted to see him, didn't he? Well, who was he to deny him? He aimed a half-smirk at John, which made his cheeks flush even darker, and waded into the water. Karkat carefully pulled off his coat, folded it up and placed it on his bag, and his sweater and undershirt, which he carelessly tossed into the grass. As he approached John, he was amused by how obvious John's staring was. Karkat nonchalantly stretched his arms behind his head, closed his eyes, blindly stepped a bit closer to the mesmerized human. "Uh, Karkat?"

"What, John?"

"What… _are_ those?" Karkat's yellow eyes opened again to see John pointing at his sides. He looked down, and saw nothing different from what he was used to. 

"What about them?"

"They look… insect-y."

"Oh, right, you're completely ignorant on every aspect of trolls ever known to human," said Karkat. "Fine, I will explain this in as simple terms as possible. Trolls are born as grubs, with six legs, and when they grow the extra set fuses into our sides. Make sense?" John slowly nodded and chuckled a bit.

"They look weird."

"Oh, like those pink nubs on your chest don't look any more strange?"

"Dude, they look _way_ more normal than those." John paused to stare a bit more, his face still red. "…Can I feel them?"

"What!?" Karkat exclaimed as he wildly stepped back and splashed water everywhere. "What fucking universe do you live in where I would let you molest my fucking grub legs!? I'm not asking _you_ if I could feel up your goddamn _nipples_ , which I am actually halfway educated of their purpose!"

"Geez, sorry! I was just curious how they felt, that's all!" Karkat rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms over his grey chest.

"Maybe some other time," he said vaguely. _Under different circumstances,_ he added in his head. "Get yourself washed up before it's too dark for you to see shit anymore." The blue-eyed boy nodded and laughed nervously as he bent down in the water and rinsed his legs of dirt and bits of grass. Karkat did the same, but accidentally knocked heads with John as he went down. "Fuck, watch it!"

"Hey, _you're_ the one who bumped into me." They continued in silence, with the light brush of wind and quiet sloshing of water being the only sound that filled the air. When Karkat was done, he retrieved his and John's clothes and sat down in the pond to clean them. He heard John sit down as well, and saw his hands pulling some of the clothes away from him. "I'll help," he said kindly. Karkat grunted as he scrubbed at the shirt in his hands and scooped more water onto it. "Hehe…"

"Do you have to laugh like an obtuse fuck all the goddamn time?"

"Do you have to turn everything into a long-winded rage-rant?" Another increasingly alarmingly common smirk rose to Karkat's lips.

"Touché. What are you laughing about this time, then?"

"You…." Karkat eyed him with surprise. "Hehehe. I mean how… I dunno, how cute you look when you have water dripping from your hair and you don't have that cape covering you."

"Hmph."

"No, seriously! From one bro to another. I swear."

"Hmph."

"Dude!"

"My name is Karkat fucking Vantas, not 'dude,' 'bro,' or 'man.'"

"Ma—br—Karkat!" 

"That's Karkat _fucking Vantas_ to you." John rolled his eyes and laughed, splashing a little water in Karkat's direction. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again as he spaced out, staring at the evening sky. Clouds still loomed overhead, but they glowed a fading orange as the sun behind them set for the night. The two of them finished washing their clothes and, after squeezing as much water as they could out of them, placed them back into their respective bags. John flopped back onto the grass, now drained of water to reveal now dry dirt, and watched the sky turn from orange to violet, the clouds shift from the north to south with the wind's current. He looked to his left to find Karkat, now wearing his sweater again, reading a hefty book he must have brought along. "Whatcha reading?"

"Romance, what the fuck else would I read?"

"Hmm, maybe something interesting?"

"Fuck you, this book is the definition of the shit."

"It's the definition of shit? I could believe that."

" _The_ shit, nookfucker. It's endlessly compelling and intelligently written for the academically inclined. Meaning, everything amazing about it, which is practically everything, would go right over your idiotic skull."

"Well, let's test that theory." John sat up and propped is elbows on his knees. "Read me some."

"Fuck that, I'm not wasting my breath," Karkat muttered.

"You'd probably waste more by arguing with me about it." Damn. He had a point.

"Fine, we'll see exactly how you spectacularly flounder around in utter confusion of a word I will say. And look, I'll even translate it into English and give you a short summary to assist in your destined-to-fail comprehension."

"Bring it on," John smirked. Karkat ran through a quick synopsis of the plot thus far, which he fairly understood to an extent. Then, he opened his mouth to read the pages aloud to the blue-eyed boy.

 

"Granted, the past few sweeps of his concupiscent flings had been less than successful, and he honestly could not remember the last truly pitiful or hateful relationship he’d had.

 

"Like the one you have with Evan, you nookwhiff? His inner voice sounded like his late kismesis Tony, sort of a despicable cross between a wise guy and a sitcom dad.

 

"Oh no. Matt shook his head violently, tossing the covers back to get up. He tried to pretend his unsheathed state was the result of needing to take a piss, but he wasn’t fooling himself and hey, he wasn’t fooling his bone bulge.

 

"Peering into his bathroom mirror he got close enough for his curved horns to touch. The drinking was taking its toll on his grey complexion. He’d seen it happen to his father, knew the signs. Was he aging badly? Would he ever find someone who looked at him with anything more than mere platonic pity? Or platonic contempt? Or casual need for single-night flings? He wanted what Evan had, what he talked about from the bottom of a pitcher of beer. He wanted to pity someone enough to grieve for them." 

 

Karkat stopped speaking to look over at John. He was met with a head tilted to one side and furrowed eyebrows, but slight interest all the same. "Well? Did you understand a single fucking word?"

"Yeah, I understood the _words_ …," said John. "But I'm guessing that is a troll book. With… troll biology that happily remains ambiguous to me." He paused. "And, I mean… the Matt guy has a thing for this Evan guy? But he kind of… doesn't really want to realize it?"

"I'm impressed, you did actually understand the most basic concept of the passage. A gold star for you for trying," Karkat responded sarcastically. "But, yes. That is the basic idea. And this imbecile, Matt, just needs to wise the fuck up and realize how flushed he is for Evan, who would _obviously_ return his pity without a doubt."

"Pity's something like the troll equivalent of love, right?"

"Something like it, if it helps for you to understand."

"Okay. So, basically, these two… guys, love or pity each other, but one doesn't want to admit it, and that kinda screws up the entire relationship?"

"Basically what you just said, but yes."

"Sounds… kinda sad." _You have no idea,_ Karkat thought solemnly.

"You want me to read more?"

"Haha, hell no. I practically fell asleep the first time around!" John teased as he lay back down in the grass. The troll scowled, but he couldn't help but let a half chuckle escape. "But you can keep reading if you want. Even though it's dark out."

"Nocturnal eyes, dumbshit," Karkat reminded.

"Hm." John removed his glasses and placed them on his stomach. His eyes half-lidded, he stared up at the partly cloudy sky and watched the stars twinkle in and out of the void. "I hope it doesn't start raining again while we're asleep." Karkat looked up at the sky, as if to predict the weather for the night.

"It probably won't. But here's an idea from the genius, for the idiot. I'm the genius, and you're the idiot, if that wasn't clear." John smirked at him. "If you're scared of getting some rain on you, then dig your umbrella into the dirt and open it. So it covers most of your body, see."

"Hm," said John again. He folded his arms behind his head and sighed wistfully. "Nah. I like looking at the stars. They're pretty."

"So they are," Karkat replied, returning to his book. "Are you going to sleep or what?"

"Maybe," the blue-eyed boy mumbled. "When are you going to sleep?"

Karkat sighed heavily, "John, does it even fucking matter?"

"I was just wondering! Since it's been a long day and all." He became silent for a few moments. "Okay, so this is gonna sound really weird, and stupid—"

"I can't imagine that it's on any higher level of stupidity than the many other stupid things you've said, but I've become accustomed to be surprised. Continue."

"Well… could you sleep next to me? Or, uh, something?" John turned his scarlet face away from the troll and inwardly beat his fists against his temples. This was a stupid idea, he thought. He was stupid for saying it. He was stupid for even thinking about it. Stupid stupid stupi— "Fine, whatever." He blinked in surprise and turned his head back around to see Karkat putting his book away and shifting over to his side. His muscles clenched as he felt the troll's warm body settle next to him, yet they relaxed again a few seconds later. "Happy?" asked Karkat with barely a hint of grouchiness in his voice. John rolled over to face him, a warm smile on his face. 

"Yup," he whispered. "Thanks."

"My fucking pleasure, John."


	17. ~14~

When the two travelers woke again, the sun had already risen, its sparkling light reflecting off the surface of the pond they had slept next to. Karkat was the first to sit up and gather their things together, and with a quick nudge to the ribs, John was awake and ready to get going. To their luck, the sky was clear of all clouds and thus provided them the reassurance that no rain was headed their way. It took them all of twenty minutes to see the city of Cristiad peeking over the horizon. Tops of spired towers, colored fuchsia, grey and black, rose first: next came walls with tall, gaping stained glass windows, then the rest of a fantastic and grandiloquent castle that dominated the view. John stopped to stare at the huge structure, captivated by its size and beauty. "Wow."

"Wow, what?" Karkat asked. "It's just a stupid castle, owned and ruled by narcissistic pricks who still try and grasp at the traditional value of a royal family."

"What's the name of it?" The troll paused to think.

"Most people call it Cristiad Castle, but its official name is the Palace of Pisces or something," he replied lamely. "The current empress is referred to as Her Imperial Condescension. As someone might guess, it's a pretty matriarchal society over there."

"Sounds cool!" They continued walking, and soon enough they crossed into the city and were surrounded by dozens of small cottages and the smell of breakfast in the air. Townsfolk bustled around on the sidewalks, occasionally bumping into John and Karkat and hurrying away when the latter of the two snapped at them. As they continued walking, it got gradually busier and busier, and all at once they found themselves in the middle of the town square, with the grand castle looming overhead intimidatingly. John's mouth watered at the sight of a bakery's showcase filled with freshly made goods; he dragged Karkat over to the store enthusiastically and got out his wallet to pay for some breakfast. "Don't spend too much, you imbecile, we have to spare some shit to pay for the boat fare." The blue-eyed boy waved an idle hand at him and mumbled that he had enough. No sooner did he pay for two buttery croissants were they promptly devoured and licked clean from the two boys' fingers.

"So, where're the docks?" John asked.

"Don't be so fucking eager, now," Karkat warned. "I'm telling you now, we're not leaving today. It's going to take a long fucking while to get there, so I want you to be well-rested." John opened his mouth in protest, but the troll rambled on. "We're taking it easy today. Do you understand?"

"But—"

"No buts of any kind here. You will agree with me and promptly shut the fuck up. I _know_ you're excited. I sympathize completely. But it still stands that taking a fucking canoe there is going to be exhausting and will take a long, long time." He stared John down for a few moments, squinting in determination. Finally, John sighed in defeat.

"Fine. In that case, can we look around a bit?" 

"Great idea. Spend our measly amount of boondollars on shit that will only weigh us down."

"Well, what do _you_ want to do, then?"

"It was. A fucking joke. It's a good idea, and an easy way to waste time." They started walking again, glancing at the store windows that displayed mannequins clothed in expensive dresses and jewelry, pawn shops whose shelves were lined with trinkets and toys, greeneries bright with colorful flowers and miniature trees in pots. Occasionally, as they walked, shopkeepers would emerge and offer up some mildly intriguing deals that attracted John's eye; he would have ended up buying an entire store if Karkat were not with him to keep a firm leash around his neck. But when a beggar or two approached them, Karkat seemed more than satisfied to pay a boondollar or two. It amused John to find how Karkat could be a gigantic hypocrite and yet a sweet guy at the same time. When they rounded a corner and were face with a full-on (if far away) view of the grand palace, in all its gleaming glory. Now that they were closer, John could spot the repetition of an H-like symbol marked in gold all over the roofs and gateways. He stared in awe with his mouth agape. "Maybe we could even visit the palace," he commented. 

Karkat snorted loudly. "If that were even possible, I wouldn't touch that gaudy monstrosity with a twenty-foot pole. Hemo-royalty is utter bullshit from the middle ages and the Condesce herself is probably the biggest bitch there is. And her two daughters, Princesses Meenah and Feferi, probably aren't much better."

"Hey, shh!" John exclaimed. "You could be heard by someone!"

"Like they aren't all thinking it anyways," the troll replied laxly. "Rustbloods and other lower hemospectrum trolls _despise_ royalty by blood color, since back when it was actually important, they were all treated like shit. Like slaves. And…," he actually took care to continue quietly, " _mutants,_ like me, were _lucky_ if someone pitied them enough to make them slaves." He growled in discontent. "And I would bet my ass that the goddamn empress is thinking about making it that way again. Fucking royalty. I despise them all. Platonically."

"Wow, you have a big grudge against them, don't you?" John remarked. "Why is that?"

"That's another conversation for a time that isn't now," Karkat grumbled. "Enough. We're moving on from this topic." John frowned in slight frustration, but shook it away and continued walking next to the troll. They easily wasted another hour ducking into shops and boutiques, occasionally, after some argument one way or another, purchasing extra food or other things of interest. John happily walked away with a particularly exquisite set of playing cards, while Karkat carefully placed a mock-illuminated copy of a favorite book of his into his bag. He had absolutely no regrets regarding it; he insisted that he would give almost anything for a book that struck his eye. John chuckled at that, finding it an endearing trait how the troll practically obsessed over books. Then again, he couldn't talk, being a devout lover of all things action and adventure.

 

The elegant fuchsia clock tower in the center of the square struck twelve with a short melody of that number of bongs, clueing the two travelers to find themselves a place to eat. Karkat originally said they were to eat from the food they already had to preserve their dwindling funds, yet after another round of teasing arguing from the blue-eyed boy, he gave in and found a bustling (and cheaply priced) restaurant to eat at. Once seated in the corner of the pub near a big window that looked out on the marketplace, John relaxed into his chair and let out a tired sigh. "It's really crowded around here."

"Well, no shit. It's a small city with an overpopulation problem. Mainly because there's just this huge fucking palace that is shared by exactly three people and everyone else can stuff ten people into a 200-square-foot cottage."

"Hm." John leaned his elbows on the table as he glanced over the small menu a waitress gave him.

"I mean, it's not like the palace doesn't have over three hundred rooms that are each bigger than some of the houses these people live in," Karkat continued. "It's just utter batshit. All of it. And these fucking morons do absolutely _nothing_ to rectify this. Why is that? Because even though the hemospectrum is supposed to be flushed down the load gaper, the goddamn royals and all of those close to them have hoarded all this power and money that naturally puts them on a place higher than everyone else. And the fact that they have _fins_ on the sides of their faces apparently makes them _better_ as w—"

"Wait, what!?" John interrupted. "Trolls have _fins?_ "

"Oh, right, I keep forgetting I'm talking to an idiot," grumbled Karkat. "But yes. For some reason, when trolls have a certain blood color, something in their DNA codes for them to have gills and fins as well. Which means they can live in water and on land, when they feel like it."

"Whoa. I thought trolls were weird from the start, but… that's just freaky!" He paused. "But, Karkat."

"What?"

"You still haven't explained to me exactly why you hate royalty so much. It's not like they did anything bad recently, right?" The troll scowled darkly and pulled his hood over his head. "Hey, don't hide away from me now, du— Karkat."

"I told you before it's not a conversation I want to have right now, so just fucking drop it," he snarled. At that moment, a waitress approached their table nervously and asked for their order. John quickly asked for a burger with fries, while Karkat ordered a plate of pasta. Once the waitress was gone again, Karkat continued his rant. "It's not important right now and probably never will be. Maybe catch me on a good day, if that even exists, and I might tell you."

"Aww, now you've got me all curious. Come on, just tell me."

"No! Alright!? It's a fucking sensitive topic and I don't want to discuss it right when we're about to eat." John gave him a saddened look that felt like a slap in the face. "No, goddammit, don't look at me like that, you… fuck!"

"Like what?" Like he didn't know. 

"Like… that! Your fucking eyebrows curved up and your goddamn lip practically _twitching_ …"

"I don't know what you're talking about," John chuckled innocently. "I'm just curious, and a bit sad, I guess."

"Fuck, don't be sad, that's not what I meant to do," the troll stumbled over his words. "Just… just forget it, okay? It's not something that's worth being upset about now." He pulled down his hood again, only to find that John's gaze was aimed right past him. He looked over his shoulder, and saw nothing of great importance. "What are you looking at?"

"That girl." John pointed, and the troll looked back again after a bit of hesitation. He followed John's finger to a girl dressed in a plain fuchsia (was _everything_ in that fucking town pink?) cloak that covered her face and body. Two curved and blunt horns poked through the holes in the hood that Karkat never needed, being that his horns barely rose above his hair. Just a normal troll, what was the big deal? "And?" asked Karkat.

"It looks like that older guy is bothering her." For a third time, Karkat glanced over, and saw that this was indeed true: the girl was animatedly talking to a brutish troll that, by the way he dressed, was probably a servant to the empress. The girl, from what he could see of her body language, was pretty annoyed.

"John," he said, "it's not our fucking problem. There's a reason for everything, sensible or not, and the last goddamn thing I want right now is to be clawed in the bulge for intervening because we got the wrong idea." John shook his head and stood from the table despite Karkat's particularly loud protests.

"I'm going to talk to them. Just to see what's going on, okay?"

"No, not okay. Must you insist on poking your ugly pink nose into everybody's fucking business?"

John chuckled. "I guess so. Be right back." With a quick hand ruffled through the troll's hair, John made his way over to the other table and confronted the heavyset troll. Karkat tried to convince himself that he did not give a shit, but as he watched John with increasing alarm he knew that he was failing miserably. He pushed back his chair with a screech and stomped over to the blue-eyed boy, hiding any signs of genuine concern from his face as he grabbed John's shoulder. "John, enou—"

"Shush, I got this," John muttered, shrugging his shoulder to get Karkat's hand off of it. "Look, dude, just leave her alone, okay? She obviously wants nothing to do with you."

"Excuse me, human," the bulky troll said condescendingly. "This is none of your business. It's my job to take this girl back where she belongs."

"And where would that be?" John challenged. "What gives you the right to harass her like this?"

"You don't know a damn thing, boy. Get out of here before I have to force you."

"John, lay off," Karkat warned.

"You know what? Fuck that. I'm not standing down when I know something is wro—" All of a sudden, the large troll shoved a heavy hand into John's chest, not only knocking him off balance but sending him flying into Karkat and crashing to the floor with Karkat taking the grunt of the fall. Several other customers looked on with fear and averted their eyes to stay out of trouble. Karkat growled and shoved John off of him. "Ow, ow, ow," John groaned.

"Goddammit, John, what did I tell you?" Karkat stumbled as he stood, clutching his side in easily apparent pain. "Fuck, I probably broke a fucking rib with your fat ass flying into me."

"Shhhhhit, ouch," the blue-eyed boy groaned again. Karkat rolled his eyes, scolding himself for pitying him, and helped John off the floor with the hand that wasn't clutching his side. He hissed in pain as he bent over and carried John's weight on his arm. When they were both upright, they found the troll girl standing next to them, clutching her clawed fingers together nervously. "Uh—"

"You know what, girl? Fuck off," snapped Karkat. "You've already gotten us in enough fucking trouble with your bulgelicking friend over there, so just leave us alone and take care of it your own goddamn self."

"Hey!" the girl suddenly yelled authoritatively, startling the two boys. "I was just going to say thank you for helping me!"

"Yeah, well, you're very fucking welcome."

"Even though it really wasn't much of your business, and I didn't need any help, actually!"

"Wow, what a shitty notion of gratitude. You could've just left it at that and walked away, but _no_ , now you're making us feel like _scum_ for bothering to give two fucks about another person's wellbeing! And not even a goddamn _apology_ for getting us injured. You really are a selfish and stuck-up nookfucking tool, aren't you?" Karkat growled. "Maybe you should learn something about _manners_ , bitch."

"Karkat, come on, lay off," John mumbled.

"Don't tell _me_ to lay off now, douchehammer. And I—"

"No, seriously, I think it would be a good idea."

"And why the fuck would that be?"

"Because…," John leaned in close to Karkat's ear and cupped a hand around his mouth, "she has fins."

"Why the fuck would I care abo—" Karkat began, but his voice was suddenly cut off by the realization of what that fact meant. The bulky troll from before neared the girl and placed two protective hands on her shoulders.

"Princess Feferi, what should I do about these two?" Their eyes widened as the troll girl nudged her hood back a bit so they could see her soft face better, though not enough that she would be noticed by the average onlooker. An innocent smile crossed her lips, and John swore he saw her fins flap a bit.

"I want you to apologize," Feferi said to the man. "They're just dummies who aren't from around here!"

"Apologize!?" the man repeated incredulously. Feferi nodded. Then, with a semi-respectful nod to John and Karkat, he grumbled something that vaguely resembled a "sorry."

"Good," she said, satisfied. "Now, you two. You're not from around here are you?"

Before Karkat could speak, John replied, "No, we're not. Um, sorry for bothering you."

"Oh, don't worry about it!" said Feferi cheerfully. "Maybe we should sit down at your table again or something, since it looks like your food is here."

 

 

"Oh! So you're heading towards Kippane?" Feferi exclaimed; John simply nodded, for his mouth was full of food. "How exciting! You know what they say about those islands, right?" John nodded again. "Exactly! I wish that _I_ could drop by there sometimes!"

The blue-eyed boy hurriedly swallowed before responding, "You mean you can't?"

"Not at all!" said Feferi, a bit somber. "In fact, I'm really stretching the limits just by being in the square!"

"Yes, you are, princess," the bulky troll, introduced as one of Feferi's guards, reminded. "Which brings me to the suggestion that we head back to the palace immediately."

"Oh, shoosh, you! I'm interested in what these two have to say!" She smiled kindly at John and Karkat. "And you know, there's an extra special event going on tonight!"

"Yeah? Like what?" asked John curiously.

"It's a full moon tonight," she began, "but that's not all. It's been predicted that there's going to be a meteor shower starting around midnight! And the absolute _best_ view, besides from the palace's viewing balcony, is right out on the lake!" Suddenly, she frowned. "But, unfortunately, very few people have the opportunity to make the trip!" A matching frown appeared on John's face.

"Why's that?"

"Mainly because they can't cover the cost of renting a boat that would hold everyone in their families! Canoes for up to three, that's only 50 boonies, but a sailboat for ten? Sheesh! I wish I could give them some of my money! Or _do_ something to make them feel better!"

"50 boondollars… Karkat, do we have that much?" The troll beside him took out his wallet and silently counted out the notes inside. He then asked for John's wallet, and did the same. 

"Surprisingly, we have about 250 left. Enough to cover the fare and a night's stay, but not much else. That frog better fucking be there," Karkat muttered.

"But, we won't need the inn!" John interrupted. "Didn't you hear? There's a _meteor shower_ tonight! We have to go!"

"John, you do—"

"Excuse me, but it's rude to be muttering under your breath in front of other people!" Feferi broke in, suddenly bringing the two boys to attention. "If money's a big problem, I could help!" She began to fish out something (presumably a purse of sorts) from her pocket, but the guard beside her held her hand from doing so.

"Princess, that's highly inappropriate," said the guard. "Don't be giving away your money to commoners like them."

"Fuck you, shitbag," Karkat groused quietly, so no one other than John could hear him.

"It's the least I can do!" the princess argued. "Who knows, maybe they could find _it_!" The guard's face twisted as if thought was a process too difficult for him to partake in, and he slowly let go of Feferi's hand.

"Do as you wish, princess."

"No, wait, that's crazy!" John protested. "No, we're fine, we don't need money or anything!"

"I insist!" Feferi tossed a fuchsia purse, set in what appeared to be _gold_ , decorated with what were undoubtedly precious gems, onto the table as if it were any old wallet. The guard visibly stiffened and looked around to make sure that no onlookers were eying the purse with greedy hunger. John stared at the beautiful object as the troll princess opened it and began plucking out dollars. He thought he saw a couple of thousands poking out.

"No, really, keep it!"

Feferi shook her head and held out what could be no less than five hundred boondollars to him. "Take it, really!"

John shook his head back. "No!"

The guard glared at him intimidatingly. "If the princess insists you take something, take it! She's offering it out of the kindness of her collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system!"

"Wow, that's a ridiculously overcomplicated phrase for heart! But still, it's fine!"

"Will _everyone_ just shut the fuck up!?" came Karkat's loud and raspy voice from beside John, bringing all arguments to a screeching halt. "Look, _princess_ , John here obviously appreciates your 'kindness'," he said with physical air quotes, "but he and I obviously don't fucking need your money, nor your sympathy. You're rich as fuck, you are obviously so far above us that we can't even reach the ground you walk on, _we get it._ Some of us _work_ for our goddamn money, so stop tossing it around like it's _nothing_ , you got that? _Princess?_ " Suddenly, Karkat shot up from the table and tossed a sum of money onto it to pay for his and John's lunches. Then, he grabbed the blue-eyed boy by the shoulder and yanked him out of his chair. "Come on, John. We're finished here." Grabbing him by the arm, not a word of farewell was exchanged between the two parties as Karkat dragged him out of the busy restaurant. Feferi's guard made a move to chase after them with the intention of beating them into a pulp, but Feferi herself placed a calming hand to his arm. "It's not their fault," she said sadly, as she put away her purse and the money she brought out. "We should go back to the castle." With hesitance, the guard nodded brusquely, and with a silent wave to a passing waitress, they left the restaurant as well.

 

"Karkat, what the fuck has gotten into you!?" John tried to pull his arm out of Karkat's strong grip, but failed to follow through in fear of being clawed. "What was that all about?"

"It's _none of your fucking_ ** _business_** , John!" Karkat shouted.

"Uh, wrong! It's definitely my business! She was just trying to be nice, and then you go and shout at her! And she's _royalty_!"

"You think I give a shit about social status!?" Karkat screeched to a halt so suddenly that John almost crashed into him. He whipped around, his eyes burning with fire. "I don't give people special treatment just because they're supposed to be of a higher status than I am. I don't respect people who don't deserve it, and I especially don't respect people who shroud their narcissism and condescending natures with false feelings of 'I didn't fuck someone's life up today' and so-called acts of selflessness. She and _every other royal_ look down on us, John. Especially people like me, who don't feel the fucking need to wear their blood color on their sleeve like it's something to be proud over!" He let go of John's arm and curled his knuckles into infuriated fists. "Social hierarchy based on something that can't be controlled is such bullshit that it couldn't even be _compared_ to what comes out of a bull's waste chute at the end of the day. There's not supposed to be a goddamn hemospectrum anymore! Except for _these_ asshole-rian purple bloods that still desperately cling to what once was. It sickens me to the point where I should be admitted to the emergency room posthaste from being _exposed_ to all this shit!" He panted, out of breath from his exceedingly long rant. "We don't need her pity money. She says she wants to _help_ those less fortunate, but really she wants to _coddle_ them like _pets._ And it's not like she would _actually_ give up all her riches for the lower bloods, oh no! She just _says_ that so she can feel good about herself, as she slinks away into her bed at night thinking that she's not a _complete grubfucking bulgelicking douchewaffle._ " The troll turned his back to John. "If you were in my situation, you would understand."

"I'm trying to!" strained John. "I just don't get where this is all coming from! Yeah, you can be an asshole about the stupidest things, but I've never seen you blow up over someone being nice to you before." Karkat scowled.

"It's a long, long story," he growled. "Maybe when we finally find this fucking frog, I'll feel compelled enough to spill my guts out like my abdomen has been slashed open." Still facing away from the blue-eyed boy, he unclenched his fists and slumped forward. "Subject changed. You wanted to head out tonight, right? See the meteor shower or whatever the fuck it was?"

"Uh… yeah. I did. But you said no, s—"

"We'll do it. We can find an inn now, sleep until night, then head out. Okay?" John's eyes brightened with excitement, and he shuffled his feet to be in Karkat's field of vision.

"Really?" 

"Yeah, whatever. It doesn't really matter." The troll squinted his eyes, then pointed across the way. "There's an inn. And I'm saying this now, we're going there to _sleep_ , not to sit around playing card games and whining about how boring it is like wriggling shitsponges." The blue-eyed boy chuckled good-naturedly as he placed a warm hand on the top of Karkat's head. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," he laughed. 

 

 

"What the fuck do you mean, two beds is 250 boonies!?" Karkat demanded, slamming a hand onto the front desk, making it shake. "That's fucking ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's the price," the receptionist replied coolly. "Rooms are short around this time of year."

"Is this entire town run by hoofbeastfucks?" Karkat ran his clawed hands through his hair in frustration. "This is stupid! Beyond stupid! It's cheaper to rent a fucking boat and sleep out on the lake!"

The receptionist shrugged. "If that's your choice, sir."

Before Karkat could reply with a biting retort, John placed his hands on his shoulders and soothingly rubbed his thumbs in circles. He neared the desk with a grin and asked, "How much is it for one bed?"

"Only 100 boondollars, sir," the inn worker responded, a bit kinder to John than they were to Karkat.

"Then we'll take that." Karkat stared at the boy beside him with great incredulity, but kept his mouth shut until the room key was safely in their hands and the fee was paid. "Something wrong?"

"One bed? Are you sure you're alright with that?"

"Yeah! We're both guys and all, and it's not like we haven't slept together before," said John nonchalantly. "I mean, if you're not okay with it, I could sleep on the floor or something."

Karkat shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Don't go sleeping on the goddamn floor like you tried to do at Strider's place a week ago."

"Wow, that was a week ago?" John remarked as he opened the bedroom door that was marked with the corresponding number on the key in his hand. "Time flies." The two boys dropped their bags in the corner of the small room and flopped down onto the bed next to each other, already a bit tired from the day's events. Until John sat up again, snapping his fingers. "Oh, right! I should probably call my dad. And maybe Dave, just to see how he's doing." He stood and did a three-sixty around the room. "Is there a phone in here?"

"Not for 100 boonbucks, there isn't," said Karkat. "But I think I saw one back out in the foyer by the door." The blue-eyed boy nodded and headed for the door. "Take your wallet just in case the goddamn receptionist charges for that, too." John twiddled the wallet in the air between his two fingers to show Karkat, and with a quick wave goodbye, he was gone.

 

Karkat leaned into the bed, curling his claws into the thick blankets that lay beneath him. Looked up at the ceiling, looked out the single window covered by a translucent curtain. Yep, that was a really interesting piece of sky he saw. He wasn't thinking about sleeping next to John when he came back. Not at all. He was quite used to it and felt no emotional attachment or want whenever the blue-eyed boy slept with him, nor when he explicitly _asked_ to sleep with him by his side. Karkat was— oh, fuck it, he was totally thinking about that, and the scent of John's body, the warmth of his chest, the way his lips moved when he talked with such animation, how he so wanted to grab that idiot by the collar, push him into a wall, and kiss him absolutely senseless. God, he had it bad. The troll let out a low whine as he rolled over and pressed his face into the cheap fleece, inwardly punching himself for daring to be aroused by the thought of kissing John, by the thoughts that were now flooding his consciousness and making him emit a purring sound in imaginative delight. " _Fuck_ ," he muttered under his breath. Karkat slowly edged himself into a sitting position and glared at the door as if it were judging him. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and trudged over to it with a shuddering hand raised to the lock. John would be gone long enough, wouldn't he? Ever-so-slowly, he clicked the knob and made sure the lock was firmly in place.

 

"Alright, bye, Dad!" John said cheerfully as he hung the public phone up in its cradle. Immediately, he took it back into his hands and began dialing the number he found stuck into his back pocket in familiarly crude handwriting: how Dave ever managed to do such a thing, he would never even want to know. The dial tone rung four times, and halfway through the fifth he heard a mockingly sultry voice say, "'Sup, babe. Are you ready to start?"

"Yes, that's obviously why I'm calling you in the early afternoon. For phone sex. Obviously."

"Great, what are you wearing?" John chuckled, and heard a cackling sound echo in the background. "Goddammit, Terezi, shut up, you're ruining this beautiful moment."

"Oh, do tell, Dave," came Terezi's sharp, piercing voice, not at all muted by the fact she wasn't speaking directly into the phone.

"Agreed. How is this shameful excuse for a prank 'beautiful'?" John added.

"This shit's no prank, bro. This is hardcore recorded evidence that John whatever-your-middle-name-is Egbert, is indeed, the biggest homo to walk the planet. Responding positively to your best bro's sexual advances, mmhmm, that's the shit right there."

"Very funny." John felt an uncomfortable squeezing feeling in his stomach, but remained unsure of its meaning. "How're things in Ajavir?"

"Pretty fucktastical, if you ask me," Dave replied lazily. "Me, TZ n' WV are having all sorts of shitfuckery going on. Playing chess, writing songs and shit. Oh, and TZ and I have been banging every night. Sorry to cheat on you, dude. It had to happen."

" _DAVE!_ " Terezi screeched, making John jerk back from the phone and clench his jaw from the pain in his ears. When he returned to the phone he heard several large thumps and crackles on Dave's end, accompanied by a mixture of shouting and laughter. "I will testify that your so-called 'bro' is bullshitting through his teeth!"

"Look who's talking," Dave countered. "You're bullshitting about my bullshitting about bullshit. That's like, bullshitception right there."

"Ughhhh!" Terezi groaned. "What _idiot_ would I have to be to _fall_ for someone like you?"

"A pretty damn big one, 'cuz look at that, you fell for me like John fell out of his baby carriage and bumped his head way back when."

"Wait, hold up, you guys are a thing?" the blue-eyed boy said incredulously. "Since when?"

"Since the first time I laid eyes on this crazy chick. Even if she couldn't see me," Dave drawled, chuckling. Another thump. "Ow, fuck!"

"It's not _cool_ to make fun of the _blind,_ you attractive asshole!"

"I didn't see you complaining about my hot asshole last night," said the blonde. "John, I gotta tell you, trolls have this freaky setup—"

"O _kay_ , don't want to hear it!" John suddenly interrupted, his face bright red. "I did _not_ need to know _any_ of that, thanks!"

"Sure you did, even if you didn't realize it." Dave smirked. "So, what's up with you and Vantas? Are you two fucking yet?"

"God, no!"

"Sounds like a 'god, yes' to me."

"Dave!" the blue-eyed boy exclaimed in exasperation. "Look, we're _friends_ , okay? That's all."

"Keep telling yourself that," Dave teased. "But seriously, I really think it's about time we had a little talk about you and Karkles. Terezi, get out of here."

"What!? No way!"

"Come on, this is bro-to-bro stuff. Don't you got something like that in troll society? Moorale feelings jams?"

Terezi groaned. "Yeah, we do. Fine, whatever." John heard the female troll stomp away from the phone and shut a door, presumably leaving Dave entirely alone in whatever room he was in at that moment.

"Well? What is it?"

"Alright, serious talk time. Getting right into this shit. No puppets or crazy troll girls gonna stop us now. Not even a little. Get yourself nice and com—"

"If this is a setup for fake phone sex, I'm hanging up now."

"God damn, are you sexually frustrated. No, it's not that, though I'm always open to the suggestion. But no, I'm serious. What's up with you and Vantas?"

"What's up, nothing! Why do you and Dirk and Jake and practically everyone else I meet keep thinking we're a thing!? I'm not gay!"

"Dude, even the best of straight bros don't snuggle up under a blanket and watch cheesy cartoon flicks while sharing a bowl of popcorn. Nor do they easily fall asleep in the same goddamn bed." Dave heard John try to interrupt, but he continued on. "Listen to me, Egbert. You don't think all of that has had an effect on your little troll buddy?"

"I… don't know what you're talking about."

"Man, I've seen the way he looks at you. He's got that angry little fire in his eyes, but fuck, it looks like he could just grab you by the collar, push you into a wall, and kiss you fucking senseless. And from the looks of it, you're no different." John's face flushed deeper. Kissing Karkat? Whoa, that was, erm. Ow, now his stomach hurt even more. "What're you planning on doing after this phone call?"

"Well… we're in a hotel right now. We were gonna go to sleep until tonight so we could, uh, head out to the Kippane Islands. By canoe."

"In the same bed?" It sounded much more like a statement than a question.

"Wh-What does it matter!?" John stammered.

"Bingo. It matters a whole shitton, Egderp, especially if you're getting a little hot under the collar over it." Suddenly, there was a knocking on Dave's end of the line. "Shit, I bet that's WV looking for something. Look, John, just unlatch that industrial-sized padlock you have on your muted senses and take what I've been saying into a minuscule amount of consideration. Pretty please, for your best blonde bro? Check it, I've got the alliteration coming out. Watch out, I could burst into a rap soon." He paused. "You bastard, I can hear you rolling your eyes."

"Ugh, fine! Whatever, I'll think about it," John grumbled.

"Cool. Talk to you later, babe. Tell me if you find that frog, mmkay?"

"Yeah. Whatever, bye." Before Dave could respond, the blue-eyed boy slammed the phone into its receiver in deep annoyance. God, that Strider could be so aggravating! All of those Striders. They all think they're such hot shit, when they're just… stupid jerks. He rubbed his temples with his index fingers. He needed to calm down. Dave was just being a dick. Yeah. Trying to pull a shitty prank on him. Yeah, duh, why would he think otherwise. Stupid him for thinking Dave would ever really be serious. Stupid Dave for thinking he could trick him. Hahahaha. 

 

John grinned smugly and walked away from the phone in an almost-march, out of the lobby and down the hall where he remembered the room was. He approached the door marked 415, and turned the knob to enter.

Or, at least, he tried to turn the knob, only to find it was locked. "Karkat?" he raised his voice. "Karkat, open the door!" He knocked several times on the wood, jiggling the knob. "Why'd you lock me out? Is there something wrong?" He pressed an ear to the door, but heard nothing. He knocked again, this time more urgently, and raised his voice to a shout. "Karkat!?"

"Goddammit, you moronic doucheshit, our room is over here." John turned his head to the sound of the troll's oh-so-familiar voice to find its owner poking his head out of the adjacent door. "What, 20 minutes and you forget what room we're staying in? Thank god no one was in there, or I would have been experiencing too much secondhand embarrassment to bother saving your pathetic ass." John grinned meekly and scratched the back of his neck.

"Hehe, sorry," he mumbled, his face turning pink around the edges. Karkat rolled his eyes and stepped out of the doorway to let the blue-eyed boy in.

"You're lucky I like you, John." All of a sudden, John's heart pounded against his ribcage with such power that he felt like it was going to pop a hole through his chest. He clutched his shirt momentarily, earning a classically irritated glare that hinted at worry from the troll beside him. "What the fuck's the matter with you?"

"Nothing, nothing," he brushed off. "We should probably get to sleep now, right?" Karkat narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but as he closed the door behind them he let out an exhausted sigh. 

"Yeah, whatever," the troll grumbled, as he pulled his cloak and sweater over his head, revealing a bright red undershirt. "Don't laugh, my idiotic mother thought it would be a good idea to make me wear my blood color all the fucking time." John immediately chuckled nonetheless as he removed his coat and tossed it to the side. "Goddammit, I—"

"I'm not laughing because of that, Karkat," he said airily, approaching the troll and sitting on the bed. "I'm laughing because, ironically, red suits you."

"Fuck irony. You talked to Strider, didn't you?"

"Ugh, yeah. He was being a total… what's the name you called him? A douchefucking shithole?"

"I may have called him that at one point, sure."

"Hehehe. But yeah, that's what he was being."

"Glad you're finally coming to your senses on the matter." Karkat walked around to the opposite side of the bed and dropped onto it heavily, making John jump a bit. "Ready to get your ass to sleep?" The troll folded back the blankets a bit and slipped under them, and closed his eyes. John chuckled nervously and nodded, but made no move to follow suit. "John." He nodded again, still immobile. "John, by getting your ass to sleep, I mean actually get the fuck under the covers and go the fuck to sleep."

"Yeah, I will."

"Any time now. Not like we have a limited time to sleep or anything."

"I am! I will. I promise." Karkat opened his eyes again and saw the blue-eyed boy staring at him. He turned light red but sat up against the pillow behind him and glared back all the same. "What?"

"What did Strider say to you?" he snarled. "This time, can we skip all the dodgy side-stepping of the question and get straight to the point so it's over and done with?" John opened his mouth, then closed it again. Should he tell Karkat? Do it, and probably make the entire conversation agonizingly awkward and end up sleeping on the floor in shame. Don't do it, and… well, he hadn't considered what could come of that.

"Really, it's nothing," he muttered. "Just some stupid shit. I don't feel like talking about it." Surprisingly, Karkat nodded and settled back down in the blankets. That was it? Over and done with?

"I get it. You have your secrets, I have mine. Great, conversation over. Can we go to sleep now?" With a reluctant grin, the blue-eyed boy shuffled over on the bed and worked his way next to Karkat, almost touching him due to the rather small size of the mattress (or, he would have liked to use that excuse). He grinned at the troll next to him, who gave a mild roll of the eyes back. "Good night, John."

"Don't you mean good afternoon?" John smirked. Good, now Karkat was smirking, too.

"Fuck time formalities. I'll wake you up at around 8 to eat something before we head out."

"How do you know you'll be awake by then?" Karkat shrugged.

"I guess we'll find out." As Karkat drifted off to sleep, one thought nagged at him from the back of his mind: he dreadfully hoped that once John woke again, he wouldn't notice the stained-red material shamefully shoved into the bathroom trashcan.


	18. ~15~

"John."

As soon as he heard his name in that familiar gruff voice, John jerked awake and sat up in bed. He clumsily groped around for his glasses; he felt a rough hand hold his outstretched arms still. "Hold still." He blinked a couple of times as Karkat rose the glasses to his face and put them on for him, awkwardly fitting the legs around his ears. Once the troll retreated, John chuckled and subtly adjusted them to be more comfortable.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Think of it as a returned favor since you actually managed to wake up before I started knuckling your ribs. Well done for not being a lazy ass for once." They simultaneously tried to get out of bed, but ended up knocking heads and falling over each other onto the bed. "Goddammit, John, why didn't you get out on your side?" Karkat grumbled.

"I thought you were getting out on _your_ side!" John replied. "Sorry!" The troll on top of him snorted as he planted a hand on either of his sides and pushed himself up. He felt his heart pound a bit upon seeing Karkat's body hover over him for all of a split second, but contributed it to mere anxiety over heading out to the islands within the hour. The two boys tried again to get out of bed, this time succeeding, and hurriedly got their things together. Karkat quietly counted out the rest of their cash and nibbled on a two-day-old sandwich that John passed him. Neither of the two felt very hungry at all, if for very different reasons. After a few minutes of attempted chewing, they reached the mutual decision that eating was futile and tossed the remains back into their bags. Once their coats were on and their bags slung around their shoulders, Karkat glanced back at John with a hint of a smile crossing his face. "Are you ready to find this goddamn frog already?" John returned the smile one hundred-fold, as he held out two arms towards Karkat. The hint of a smile was replaced by a confused glare. "What are you doing?"

"Uh…," John mumbled with an embarrassed grin. "I guess asking for a hug?" Though Karkat rolled his eyes, the slowly widening smile on his face was loyal to his true opinion about hugging the blue-eyed boy. He shuffled two steps into him, and, once John's arms were around him first, leaned onto his chest. "Aw, come on, Karkat, no one wants a one-sided hug!" The troll chuckled, then immediately squeezed John's waist. "Urk…!"

"There, are you happy now?" He looked up at the taller boy, who was grinning more than he thought was possible. A strange sensation pulled at his lips and cheeks, startling him into slight puzzlement. What was going on? 

Oh. Wait. He was smiling. Karkat tried to pull a grimace before John noticed, but it was far too late. The pitiful bucktoothed moron was laughing. "Hey, that's the first time I've actually seen you smile!"

"Fuck you, I've smiled before."

"Mocking smirks don't count! Neither do those weird half-smiles that look like you want to smile but are too much of a shouty crab to actually let it happen. I don't see why you would want to hide it, though." John leaned down a few inches to meet Karkat's eyes. "You have a great smile. Even if it's full of those crazy sharp teeth. Hehe. Doesn't your tongue get stabbed whenever you try to talk?" For a small moment, Karkat thought that the boy in front of him was actually making a romantic pass at him. Until he started making stupid remarks. Stupid, pathetic, John. It was getting redundant to use those three in the same sentence. They were practically interchangeable for Karkat. He snorted and (painstakingly) broke away from the hug.

"For someone who talks as much as I do? I'm a fucking pro at not making a fool of myself by biting my own tongue when pronouncing your English consonants, thank you very much. I'd like to see you try and say one word in Alternian. It will end in failure and I will laugh. Laugh and cackle into the sun, eternally spinning." John chuckled and shook his head.

"I still have no idea where you come up with the shit you say right on the spot. There has to be some sort of award for that. The Biggest Rageshitting Asshole award, that is."

"Oh, real fucking clever of you. Little do you know that I draft my insults and rants far in advance and memorize them specifically for the purposes of screwing with you."

"Seriously?" Then it was Karkat's turn to chuckle and shake his head.

"God, are you ignorant. No, dumbshit, why would I purposefully make myself look like more of a tool by doing such a thing?" Before John could respond, Karkat cut him off. "Don't answer that. Now, are you properly medicated with your daily dose of rageshit or do we need to go further?"

"I think I've grown an addiction to it," John teased, aiming a wink down at the troll. "But yeah, let's go! I can't wait any longer!" 

"Good, because I'm pretty sick of this journey as is," Karkat muttered, as he turned around and opened the door. He didn't see John's face plummet into an upset frown.

"You are?"

"Again with the ignorance. _No_ , John! I'm not sick of it. I'm not sick of you, either, surprising as that may be. I can tolerate your massive existence in my life enough." Karkat stepped out into the hallway with his back still turned, and John followed, closing the door behind them. "If I elaborate, will you flip the fuck out like a wriggling douchefucker?"

"Hmm." They walked down the hallway and into the lobby in silence, and dropped the set of keys off at the front desk. John braced himself for the cold wind that rushed against his body as he and Karkat started down the sidewalk, following signs for the harbor. He shoved his hands into his pockets and burrowed as much of his head into his coat collar as possible. Back in his hometown of Kazge, the temperature never fell below a comfortable level; judging from his own experience, Angols, Karkat's home, was even warmer. He glanced over at the troll to find him walking stoically without his arms even crossed over his chest. Was he not cold? "Karkat?"

"What?"

"Aren't you cold?"

"No."

"You sound like you're gritting your teeth."

"Am not."

"Just a sweater isn't enough, Karkat."

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not!"

"Shut up." A strong gale smacked them square in the face, making John shudder and Karkat's cloak whip backwards.

"Geez, is this going to lighten up?"

"Yes. On the lake. It gets strangely calm, I've heard."

"Mm. Well, that's good. Are you sure you're not cold?"

"Of course I fucking am." John paused with a slight nod, but then did a double-take on the troll.

"Wait, did you mean that by yes, you're sure, or that you were doing the sarcasm thing and you are actually cold?"

"I'm not fucking cold, f-fuckstain." Karkat held back a shiver as he rose a hand to point at the now visible harbor. "Down there. I have the money ready." John grinned and shook his hands out in nervousness, but shoved them back into his pockets a second later. The two travelers made their way down to the quiet harbor, empty save for a couple of boatsmen and more financially fortunate villagers. Karkat approached a tall troll standing by the canoes and engaged in a conversation foreign to John, but he assumed that it ended well when Karkat handed over the money and gestured for him to follow down the path to the beach. Several boats floated in the smooth and rippling water, tied to metal poles sticking out of the dirty sand. John stared up at the night sky, eyeing the twinkling stars unobscured by passing clouds. Karkat was right: the wind was already dying down. The two of them watched as the boatsman demonstrated the rowing methods and safety matters (or rather, he explained in Alternian and Karkat quietly muttered translations to a confused John), and a few minutes later they boarded the canoe, set their luggage around the bottom to preserve balance. Karkat insisted on taking both oars first; John let him do so without much argument. With a final warning to not steal the boat, the boatsman pulled the canoe free and waved them off the shore.

 

John watched silently as the man, the boats, the shore, the land disappeared from sight. When it was gone, he stared out at the horizon, across the quietly rolling waves of the enormous lake. He wondered how long it would be until they saw the islands. Were they going in the right direction? Did Karkat even know where he was going? John shook out his hands in nervousness and scratched the back of his neck as he sat forward to address the troll across from him, who was leaning back and forth with the pull of the oars in his hands. But before the words even came to his lips, Karkat interrupted, "Don't doubt me so much, it's immensely discouraging."

"Hehe, sorry," John said. "I guess I'm just… excited. And nervous. And kinda scared, in a way."

Karkat sighed. "Anxious. Is the word you're looking for."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I know the feeling. I'm right fucking there with you."

"Really? You're anxious too?"

"More worried than anything. Wondering if the frog is even fucking there. If we wasted a shitload of valuable money for nothing." He shrugged. "Just me being a pessimistic assfuck. Don't think much of it."

John cast his eyes downward and considered the thought. "Well… even if it isn't there, we can still go to Reingill and all. And, there's that meteor shower tonight that Princess Feferi told us about, right? So that'll be cool to see!" 

"Right. You're right."

"Say, are you getting tired? Can I row for a bit?"

"No. You don't know where the fuck you're going."

"Well, then you can navigate!" John suddenly grabbed for the oars in Karkat's hands, making the entire boat wobble under his shifting weight. Karkat yelped in surprised and accidentally jostled the boat further, which in turn made him shout even louder.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ " he screeched, clutching to the side of the canoe with one hand and firmly holding John in place above him with the other. "Stay. Fucking. Still. You. Bulgesniffing. Grubfuck." John nodded silently, shame apparent in his face, as Karkat carefully placed the oars on the floor of the boat and steadied himself. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, and slowly released John. "Don't go for the oars. We can just take a break."

"But…!" the blue-eyed boy protested as he cautiously sat back down. "That means it's just going to take more time to get there!"

"Goddammit, be patient for once! I _know_ you're all antsy and anxious to get your ass on that island and go frog-hunting. But the fact is that you have to _wait._ Since you don't know how to navigate and I'm not about to try and give you directions. So just relax and watch the stars or some shit."

"Come on, Karkat!" John groaned.

"I said no. Do you have any idea what that means, or do I have to shove you off the boat for you to understand?" He pressed a finger to his temple and sighed. "Look, I know how you feel. But can you just trust me to do something right for once? Pretty please?" The boy across from him pouted indignantly, but as pathetic and cute as that was Karkat remained firm. "I can't believe I have to scold you like I'm your mother. You're sixteen, shouldn't you have this shit down?" John rolled his eyes and continued to stare at the troll in silence. Karkat frowned, slightly disconcerted by John's lack of speech. "Are you going to say anything, or just sit there and pout like an irritating little wriggler?"

"Hmph." Karkat groaned back at him, and leaned his head on his hands.

"God, you annoy the fuck out of me sometimes."

"Not all the time?" He looked up to see the blue-eyed boy smirking. _Fucking smirking._  

"If that's an invitation to deliver more reassuring statements that you're not a useless sack of flesh that somehow has the ability to spout somewhat understandable English, I impolitely decline the fuck out of your offer. You heard what I said." Chuckling. Oh, the idiot found that amusing? Sometimes Karkat wondered if John even realized how mixed the signals he sent were. Was human romance always that complicated?

"Hehehehe. Can we end this ridiculous argument with you handing over the oars to me? Please, Karkat? I'm trying to be nice, Karkat, and you're being unfair."

"That reminds me, why have you been using my name so much when addressing me lately? Usually you use your dorky human vernacular like 'bro,' 'dude,' or 'man.'" John's eyebrows rose in slight surprise as a meek smile crossed his face. He rubbed his hands together out of nervous habit.

"Uh, well, you said the other day that you didn't want to be called that, so I guess I sort of just stopped?" Karkat's eyebrows quirked up as well, in curiosity and interest. That was new. John was actually listening to trivial things like that? Paying attention to his own speech patterns, just for Karkat? Huh.

"Huh," Karkat repeated from his inner thoughts.

"Huh, what?"

"Huh, nothing. Just huh. A huh of intrigue and some satisfaction, I guess? That you actually give a shit about what I say sometimes?"

John laughed and ruffled Karkat's hair playfully.

"I've always given a shit, Karkat," he replied. "No doubt about that."

"Hm." Karkat hesitated before speaking again. "And I _guess_ I can bear to admit that deep down, I was always pretty okay with you."

"Just okay?" teased John. The troll turned bright red and looked away, unconsciously scratching at his pants leg.

"If you're going to fish for compliments, you'll have better luck looking in the water. Since, you know, we're on a fucking lake."

"Really? I honestly couldn't tell. We're also totally not in a boat. Obviously."

"Okay, stop. Your playing off of my sarcasm in this situation is only making you look like more of an idiot."

"Give me the oars and I'll stop."

"In no way are you getting these oars. They are mine." Karkat hefted one each into his hands and replaced them in the water. "Look at me, here I am rowing again and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it! Whoop-dee-fucking-doo!"

"Wow, Karkat. You think that's gonna stop me?" Before he could make a move, the troll whipped one of the oars out of the water and pointed it at him, indicating to stay back. John rolled his eyes again. "At least give me _one_ oar. Like that one you're pointing at me right now."

With a loud groan, Karkat finally submitted, "Fine, take the goddamn thing. Hell if I know why you'd want to row." As John placed the oar in the water, he grinned.

"Because it's fun!" he said. "Which way, Captain Vantas?"

Karkat smirked at that. "Just row, I'll direct. We're going straight for now."

"Sure thing."

 

The two boys rowed in silence for a stretch of time, until the moon rose to full height and illuminated the entire lake. Its light shimmered off the glass-like surface of the water, only disturbed by the passing canoe. As far as they could tell, no other people were out on the water with them. Which wasn't minded at all: as a matter of fact, it gave Karkat quite the perfect setting for certain romantic advances he had in mind. He just had to wait for the exact right time, when John was caught off guard. When John would be most honest. The troll turned his almost luminescent yellow and black eyes on the boy in front of him, his features softened with the emotion he held for the oblivious human. He could almost reach a hand out, hold onto John's knee and bring him to attention, open his mouth with the intent to pour his guts out for the world to see.

 

"John, I need to—"

 

And that was when a burst of light shot across the sky, startling both of the boys into jerking their gaze upwards. 

John focused on the night sky, as if to bring back the burst of light. Then, like in response, another light streaked in the blackness. John gasped excitedly and quickly glanced at Karkat. "It's starting! The meteor shower!" Karkat nodded helplessly as they continued to stare up at the sky in wonder and mesmerization. One by one, more balls of light appeared, twirling among the stars and leaving trails of light cascading behind them. As some descended to unseen places on the horizon, twice as many replaced them in high arcs and speedy rays. John and Karkat had long since stopped rowing, captivated by the fantastic celestial show that went on right in front of them. John's jaw fell open in amazement, the shooting stars reflecting on his glasses and illuminating his entire face. Karkat's gaze switched from the sky to John regularly, his attention grabbed equally by both. Both equally beautiful, both equally pulling at his heartstrings. The blue-eyed appeared utterly dumbfounded by the meteor shower, all his focus set on it and it alone.

 

Yet little did Karkat know that John was looking at him as well. Unconsciously timing it so they would never catch the other staring, John diverted towards the troll beside him, remarking how entirely amazing he looked. Amazed. Amazed is what he meant, he inwardly insisted with a light blush. But Karkat _did_ look amazing. The light of the falling stars made his skin glow, shimmered in his pitch black hair and added white streaks to it. He almost looked like a child, how the light softened his features and passed over the bags under his eyes. Or perhaps, that's just what his face looked like when it wasn't scrunched up into a scowl or a smirk. Suddenly, a special thought dawned upon him, reminding him of the importance of shooting stars. He nudged Karkat with his elbow, and whispered, "Hey. Make a wish."

"Why would I?"

"It's a human thing. You make a wish on a falling star."

"Which one? There are literally a hundred fucking stars falling from the sky."

"Any one! Just do it before they're all gone." He closed his eyes, let his hands fall out of his lap, and concentrated on a single wish. Karkat looked at him strangely, but then closed his eyes and thought of a wish as well. Slowly, he blindly reached for John's hand and held it tightly in his, entwining their fingers. Another rare smile rose to his face as they both opened their eyes again and turned to each other. "Hey! My wish _already_ came true!"

"And that would be?"

"Well, normally I wouldn't tell you, since it's bad luck to tell someone your wish, but since it came true, I guess…" He chuckled when Karkat motioned for him to get on with what he was saying. "Okay, yeah, so I wished for you to smile. And you did!" The troll's cheeks filled with red instantaneously, making him whip his head in the other direction in a weak attempt to hide it. "Aw, man, I knew it was bad luck! Now you're frowning, probably."

"Bet you I'm not, idiot."

"Prove it, then!" With reluctance, the troll glanced back around with the ghost of a smile on his face, and saw John instantly flash his white buck teeth back at him. "Haha! You _are_ smiling! It's magic, see?"

"Yeah, sure, magic. In that case, magic should be the perfect thing for what I want to accomplish."

"Oh?" John leaned in, his curiosity peaking. "What would that be?"

"I can't tell you," said Karkat, his smile forming into a taunting smirk. "It's bad luck."

"Aw, foiled by my own cultural rules thrown back at me!"

"That was coming from a mile away, you dumbass. It was ridiculous how obvious that was coming."

"Hehehe, fine, you win this time, Karkat." The blue-eyed boy ruffled Karkat's hair again and gazed up at the remains of the meteor shower. "Looks like it's almost over."

"So it does." He didn't mention how they were still holding hands. He was perfectly okay with holding hands with John in a canoe in the middle of a lake after a beautiful and romantic meteor shower. 

"Come to think of it, weren't you going to say something before this started?" asked John. "Something about you needing something?" Alright, Karkat wasn't okay with that. No, he wasn't at all okay. His heart jacked up its rate to double time, pounding in his ears and making his face turn red again. He swallowed.

"Yeah, I did."

"Well, what is it?" _This is it_ , Karkat thought, involuntarily squeezing John's hand tighter. _This is the time and place. I'm going for it. Gonna fucking do this._

"I…," he began, swallowing again. "I, need…" He let out a shuddering breath as he felt John squeeze his hand in return, his blue gaze on him. "… I need, to, tell you something."

"Yeah?" John said, voice unwavering. Did he… really not notice the large amounts of tension between them. Was he really not getting an inkling of what Karkat was about to say? Karkat sighed sadly, as he quickly reconsidered. _It's… not the right time. I'm not going for it. Not gonna fucking do this. No._

"I… need a fucking break from rowing. Can I trust you to take over for a half hour or something?" Something fell from John's expression, but the troll couldn't put a finger on what. He inwardly whined a bit when his hand was released.

"Yeah, sure, Karkat! Why didn't you just ask? I'm perfectly fine with that!" He quickly took Karkat's oar with his own and set them in the water, ready to go. "Sit back and let me row. Read one of your dumb romance novels or something."

"I would, if I had any dumb romance novels on me. But, sadly, I only have the highest quality of romance novels that the numerous bookstores I've visited have to offer."

"Pffft. Lame. Just make sure you don't drop one in the water."

"Only if you promise not to drop an oar into the water, because rowing with just one oar is a lot fucking harder than with two." John nodded with a chuckle, and with that, they were off again on their journey to the islands.

 

Over the next few hours, John and Karkat repeatedly switched off rowing responsibilities, sometimes sharing them and sometimes leaving one on their own until they started getting tired again. Finally, when it was John's turn again and Karkat was deeply involved with the book in his lap, the blue-eyed boy spotted a greenish mound rise over the horizon. His heart jumped into his throat as he called the troll to attention. "Karkat, Karkat, Karkat!"

"What the fuck is it?" Karkat muttered.

"I think I see Kippane!" Karkat looked up to see John pointed in front of him, then quickly did a map check to confirm John's claim.

"Yep, that's it," he said. "I guess this is it, huh?"

"It sure is!" John exclaimed. "Man, I'm just… wow. Really pumped. Excited. Everything! I can't really describe it. Wow, where do we even start? Look for clues? Ask locals, if there are any? I don't know!"

"Holy shitsicles, calm down! We'll see what we can do, alright? But the important thing is. To stay. _Calm._ We are not getting capsized when the islands are in our sight."

"Okay, okay!" John said shakily. "Yep, got it. Calm. Cool. I can do that." 

"John."

"Yep?"

"You are not calm at all."

"No, I'm honestly not and I really don't care."

"Fair point. Just make sure not to send us overboard in a fit of overexcited muscle spasms." The blue-eyed boy rapidly nodded as his rowing pace picked up, splashing the wooden oars through the water and propelling them closer and closer to the islands. As they neared, he spotted a couple of houses interrupt the lush greenery. So someone _must_ live there. Several minuscule patches of land started to appear around the boat, making John go slower in order to wind around the little scattered islands, much like a car rolling over a speed bump. It was incredibly frustrating and only made John more and more anxious. Soon enough, Karkat packed away his book and pulled out the map from his coat, and cross-referenced the geography surrounding them to the printed details. "It looks like we're coming in on the south side of the main island. Which is a good thing, since it also looks like there's a beach where we can dock this thing up ahead."

"I'm literally shaking, Karkat."

"I realize that, but the currents might get more rough as we close in. Be careful, unless you want me to take over."

"Actually…," John began, pausing with the oars held limp. "Maybe you should take over." 

"What? Are you serious?" The blue-eyed boy grinned as he lifted the oars and offered them to Karkat. Karkat frowned with hesitation, but took them anyway and started rowing. "Is this a thing that happens? You suddenly get drastically more sensible when you're nervous as fuck?"

"Hahahaha, maybe. I've never been this nervous before!"

"Hn. Me neither." He paused, looking around tiredly at the lake and the fast-approaching islands. "Call me a goddamn poet, but I've never seen something more fucking beautiful than this. Honestly."

"You are the master poet. It's you," John laughed. "But, yeah, I guess it is. Um. Yeah." Quietly, the canoe moved effortlessly through the dark water, incredibly close to the main island but never close enough until John felt the loamy sand slip beneath his worn-out shoes and smelled the scent of sweet flora and trees. Karkat carefully tied the canoe to a relatively large rock, and tugged on the rope for security. The two travelers gazed upon the extensive jungle-like forest in front of them in amazement and anxiety, not knowing of what they would find and what it would lead to. Everything was a mystery, and they should have been terrified out of their skin. But, strangely, they weren't. They were together. They wouldn't be alone. 

 

Karkat easily took the lead, clutching onto the map in his hand as if it were the last thing he had. His other hand, however, was occupied by John latching onto him like a child to their mother. The troll sighed, feeling put upon but content with whatever contact he could get with the blue-eyed boy. Would he say anything? Absolutely not. Better not risk anything. John probably thought he was holding his hand so they wouldn't get separated. Yeah, that was obviously it. He could barely see in the night, even if there was a full moon out that made the land look almost like daylight. The two journeyed through, following the strangely clear path that wound through trees and shrubs and loose vines. Upon reaching a clearing, Karkat called for them to take a break and try to eat something, since they didn't eat anything back in Cristiad. As he chewed on his already half-eaten sandwich, he wondered what time it was. He couldn't see the moon from the angle he was at. From how long it took, Karkat assumed it was around 1 AM. If anyone actually lived on that goddamn island, he wouldn't even _want_ to meet someone crazy enough to be awake at such a ridiculous hour, especially voluntarily. And yet, as the two continued on, they arrived at a house filled with artificial light and light puffs of smoke escaping from the chimney. "Should we knock?" asked John.

"No, John. We should obviously break the door down or climb in through the windows and announce our grand surprise entrance right before being shot by whoever's in there. Yes, you idiot, we should knock," Karkat grumbled. The blue-eyed boy raised a hand to the door, but instantly it disappeared and gave way to a slender troll with bizarrely enormous horns, curling in on themselves like those of a ram's. The only thing covering her body was a green and black robe, sheer and flowing, seemingly for a religious ritual of sorts.

"Who are you?" she demanded, maroon-colored eyes squinted at them in suspicion. "What are you doing outside of my house at 2 in the morning?" Oh, so it was even later than Karkat had thought. _And this nutjob is still awake, and we've managed to piss her off already. Things are off to a fantastic start,_ Karkat growled in his mind resentfully. It was then that he noticed John was absolutely tongue-tied, leaving them vulnerable to more verbal attacks that seemed to be brushing against the woman's dark lips. It was up to him to speak up.

"We took a boat here, lady."

"Boat? You rowed here."

"To put it literally, yes. Once we reached this goddamn island, we started walking and at last found ourselves unluckily on your doorstep.  And now we're leaving. See you." He grabbed John's arm and started to pull him along, but another hand clasped onto his hood and held them both back.

"Wait," the woman said. "Why are you here?"

"Here at your fucking house? God only knows."

"On the _island_ , you brat."

"Oh, so I'm a brat, now? Here I was on my best behavior, trying to show some courtesy to a person I probably just woke up in the dead of night, but now that's going to burning hell. Get ready for my fiery downp—"

"Karkat, don't start!" John finally spoke up, cutting the troll off with an arm around the shoulder. It was a gutsy move, being how Karkat was, but miraculously it worked all the same. "Uh, hi."

"Answer my question. Why are you here?" the woman repeated. However, this time around her expression seemed to have softened ever so slightly.

"Erm, well… hopefully this doesn't make me sound crazy, but… we're looking for the Genesis Frog." A heavy silence crashed over the three heads as the troll woman stared at the blue-eyed boy, not a hint of amusement nor concern nor disbelief showing in her face. But suddenly, she started cackling loud enough to make Karkat flinch in surprise, and stepped out of the doorway with the apparent intention to let the two boys inside. 

"You know how many times I've heard someone say that?" she laughed. "If I had a boonie for each time, I'd be richer than Her Imperious Bitchness. Get inside, let's hear what else you have to say." John looked at her worriedly, still feeling Karkat's hand linger on his arm. She flashed her large and sharp teeth at him in a grin and continued, "As big as my horns are, boy, I'm not a witch trying to trick you into becoming my meal. If I do say, humans taste disgusting." John visibly shivered and fright seeped into his eyes, but Karkat nudged his ribs and brought on his attention.

"Hey. Reality check. She's kidding." The blue-eyed boy looked back at the woman to find her nodding in agreement and gesturing for them to enter. "Come on, if we end up in a life-or-death situation, you can blame it on me."

 

The door was closed safely behind John and Karkat, and they were instantly wrapped in warm wafts of thickly scented air. It was easily apparent that the woman had indeed been participating in a meditation session of sorts, what with all the candles and incense burning on every available surface. The heated space automatically made John sleepy, but once he took off his coat and set his bag on the floor he cooled down and became more awake. The troll woman introduced herself as Ambatt; a strange name, but who was John to judge? All troll names seemed strange to him. Ambatt pulled out two chairs for them, while simply seating herself on a red cushion on the floor. The arrangement felt awkward, being that the woman was then shorter in relative height, but John tried his best to disregard it. "So, you two are looking for the Genesis Frog…," Ambatt began, "I'm assuming you caught wind from someone that Kippane is the place to look? That's what it says in all of those fables in the West?"

"W-Well, yes. We were told about these islands, how the frog is hidden or something, and there're forests, and a… witch. Or something. That helps the 'hero' find the frog."

"Hmhmhm," the woman mused. She plucked a stick of incense out of a pot and waved it around between her fingers, dragging wisps of scented smoke across the air. It made Karkat cough in discomfort.

"Would you stop waving that fucking thing around? Are you trying to give us lung cancer?" he hacked out.

"My apologies, I didn't know that Western lungs were so sensitive," she teased. "Yet I don't see your human friend having a problem with it."

"His name is John," Karkat corrected. "John. Not 'human friend.'"

"It's alright, Karkat," said John, giving a weak smile to the troll next to him. "But, uh, Miss Ambatt?"

"Before you ask, John, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm not a witch. I may be one batshit crazy old troll woman who smokes and meditates in her spare time, which is all the time, but I'm not a witch in the mythological sense. However," she leaned in as much as she could from a foot below the two boys, "I will tell you I firmly believe in the Genesis Frog. Why else would I choose to reside in the place that everyone claims to be the sacred land?"

"So, this is where the Genesis Frog can be found?" the blue-eyed boy asked hopefully. "We're in the right place, right?"

"Oh, if only," Ambatt drawled in a foggy voice. "No, boy. I hate being the one to break it to you, but for many sweeps I've lived here. Seen my children go and leave me behind. Meditated and prayed every night. But there are no frogs here. None. Nada." For a split moment, both John and Karkat's hearts screeched to a breaking halt.

 

"But wouldn't that just be a thing? A challenge for the hero?" John questioned, now desperate. "I had a dream about this frog! In this golden tower, and I saw the vision in the clouds! I'm not lying, and I'm not crazy!"

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Ambatt suddenly snapped. "Look, kid, you think I haven't heard the crazy thing before? I know you're not crazy or lying." She paused in thought. "A golden tower? You mean Prospit."

"Maybe, I think." His head was getting dizzy, making it hard for him to think, let alone speak straight. Karkat eyed him nervously and edged a hand to his side in case he fell over.

"I am intrigued. Tell me more."

"That's kind of all there is to it. Golden tower, clouds in sky, vision in clouds, dream gone."

"Mmm. Have not heard that before, out of the hundreds of people I get demanded me to tell them where they could find the frog." She chuckled quietly, blowing the cinders off the stick in her hand. "Then again, if I knew, I would only tell who I thought could really find it." Another chuckle. "But again, if I did know, and felt I had the right to make such a decision, then that would make me a witch, now wouldn't it?"

"Then how do we know you're not lying to us now?" Karkat interrupted with a snarl. "You could just be fucking with our think pans because you get your kicks out of seeing people's dreams crushed."

"You think I don't know anything about crushed dreams?" Ambatt snarled back. "Fate and I, we're worst enemies. But time and I, oh ho, you could never find a woman with more time on her hands." She took a deep breath of the heavily scented air, and released it. Was it really healthy for Karkat and John to be in there with her? "The point of this all is, I speak only the truth. There's a time you reach when there's nothing to get out of lying. There are no frogs here. If the Genesis Frog was here, He sure damn well must know that I would have found him eventually. And if I didn't, then He must be quite the sadistic bastard." All of a sudden, John shot up from his seat and turned on his heels, stomping back to the door and blindly grabbing for his things. Karkat, in shock, got up as well and started to chase after him.

"John!" he shouted, just as the blue-eyed boy slammed the door with such strength that the house shook. Karkat snatched up his own possessions and shot a dirty look at Ambatt, complete with scornful eyes and curled lips. "Fuck you." Ambatt shrugged mildly, without apology present on her features.

"Would it hurt less if I had lied and told you to go frog-hunting? You'd be here for the rest of your lives trying." A slight grin quirked at her red lips. "But. That's not to discourage you two from continuing on. If your friend hadn't stormed out, he would've heard me say this." Karkat raised an eyebrow, his scowl loosening. "The city of Reingill. And somewhere past that, a land of Frost. Remember that, if you will." She waved the troll off with a lazy hand. "Now go chase your boy. He's probably ten steps away waiting for you." Karkat gave her a curt nod, exited the overwhelmingly warm house and shut the door behind him.

 

To Karkat's relief, John had indeed not run more than 10 steps away from the house before collapsing onto the ground in a helpless pile. He had his knees hugged to his chest and his coat haphazardly drawn around his back. As Karkat approached, he clenched himself into a tighter ball. The troll sighed, as he knelt down beside John and said his name. "John." An angry sniffle in response. "Are you just going to sit here and mope without even so much as talking about it?"

"What the fuck is there to talk about?" John replied bitterly. "Nothing. Nothing at all. That's all there is. Nothing."

"John, there's only room for one depressing and negative asshole in this relationship, and it's not you. Look, we both sort of expected this."

"So fucking what? I still had my hopes up, that this would be our final destination, that we would be able to complete this journey, but no. Obviously not, because 'fate' decided to kick me in the ass another time for the fun of watching my hopes get crushed."

"Goddammit, no! Not all hope is lost, you depressing bulgehumper. Alright? If you had stayed to listen longer, you'd have heard that the woman suggested we go to Reingill as well. And some land of Frost or something? But still, Reingill. It's going to take at least another 3 days to get there, but… John. Not all hope is lost. We can still find that frog. That woman thinks we can, to some ludicrous degree. And I don't think you're crazy. If anything, I'm the crazy and idiotic one for going along with you. Alright? Just… fuck, stop crying and sounding like me when you talk." He hesitated, unsure of what to say next. "If you haven't noticed, I pretty much fail at this calming people down thing."

"Hehe," John chuckled weakly, sniffling a bit more. "You're not all that bad at it."

"Wow, that's all you took from my extensive and hopeful speech? Way to go at that comprehension shit."

"No, I… I get it. I know. Reingill. Yeah."

"Yeah. Reingill. Exactly. We can go there, see what we can find. Sollux gave us a reference to a troll named Eridan. Probably a religious noble, knowing how Reingill is like. Big clusterfuck of religious dunderheads." A small whine of discontentment came from the blue-eyed boy. "Okay, no, I said that wrong. But they'll know what we're getting at. There's no doubt, that we'll find the frog. Okay? And then we'll enter this whole new universe, or whatever finding it entails. Okay?" The troll reluctantly wrapped an arm around John's back, pulling him into his shoulder. In return, John leaned his head on Karkat, drops of clear tears falling from his eyes.

"God, I'm such a wimp," he mumbled."

"Yes. You're absolutely pathetic."

"Way to make me feel better." He laughed, nudging in Karkat's side.

"It's a compliment from me, don't expect anything more." Yep, that almost-confession flew right over John's head. Didn't even skim the ends of the cowlicks that his black hair always seemed to be clumped in. Not even the breeze of the almost-confession brushed against his head. Sigh. "You're tired. We're heading back to the beach, and we'll sleep next to the boat or something."

"Mmm…"

"Come on, get up. There is absolutely no way that I'm letting you go and become a worthless pile of woe-is-me fuckall." At that moment, John fell backwards and flopped onto his back, then pulled Karkat down with him. "Agh, what are you doing!?"

"Eh. Looking at the stars."

"Oh, so now you're getting all philosophical and serene on me? Human emotions are confusing."

"Hehe, tell me about it. Even I can't figure them out sometimes."

"Damn right. It's tiresome to the point where I could bury my head in the ground and sleep for an eternity and still be tired as fuck of your irrational and emotional swings. Either way, get up. We can't sleep out here in front of that woman's house. God only knows what she would do to us."

"Don't mention her, please? I'm still upset."

"No, you aren't."

"Fine, I'm not."

"And the pendulum swings back to the side of sarcasm, thus proving my point further."

"Blaaaah. Whatever. I don't care." Karkat stood and hefted the blue-eyed boy up with him, allowing him to continue leaning on his shoulder as they ventured back into the forest. The only sound as they walked was the quiet shuffle of ground underneath their feet and very slight rustling of overhead leaves. Throughout the walk back John's presence was not removed from Karkat, always a hand on his shoulder or an arm on his. He was quite tired and probably didn't know what he was doing, Karkat reasoned. Or wait, he always acted like that. Probably doesn't even think _twice_ about it. Rrgh. The two boys reached the beach and collapsed next to the boat that thankfully was still there. With another short conversation and settling next to each other, using their lumpy bags as makeshift pillows, they were fast asleep for the rest of the night.

~o~

Rest of the night being until roughly 7 AM, when the sun rose over the horizon and struck its bright beams against John and Karkat's closed eyelids and coaxing them awake. Karkat groaned, sitting up and pulling his hood over his head in an attempt to block the sunlight. John sat up a moment after, rubbing his hands through his hair. "We're leaving now?" he asked.

"Yeah, might as well. It's a long day of rowing back."

"Where do we go next?"

"On the way to Reingill?" Karkat took out his map and lethargically glazed his eyes over it. "According to this, there's a city in the middle of the lake that you can take a boat to, and from there take another boat to the eastern side."

"Oh, shit!" John exclaimed. "I just realized. We have, like, no money. 150 boonbucks? How're we supposed to pay for anything? We're almost out of food, too! An—"

"Holy fuck, calm down," the troll warned. "It's too early for you to be flipping your shit all over the place. We'll figure something out. Let me handle it, as your leader."

"Right, my leader. Should I be swooning at your chivalry?" Karkat smirked, snorting unattractively. "Hehehe."

"I'm surprised you aren't unconscious from the amount of swooning you should be experiencing. Are you ready to go?" The two stood simultaneously, bringing their bags with them and tossing them dangerously onto the canoe. Upon boarding, they each took an oar in hand and were off, without so much as a wave goodbye to the Kippane Islands and the dreams associated with it. 

 


End file.
